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A great many things - Individually wrapped
DirtyDirtyVagrant
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
The things that I actually came to ask are neither great nor numerous. Okay I guess they're kind of numerous.
At any rate, they are individually wrapped. The first is a problem with a friend.
Question the second.
Question the third - more like advice
The fourth
Fifth
At any rate, they are individually wrapped. The first is a problem with a friend.
Some of you may know, and some of you may not, but I've been posting here for a while about a lot of things because my life has been radically fucked up till now and I don't really have anywhere else to turn. One of my more significant posts detailed my feelings that I was the wrong gender.
More recently I've come to the realization that I am quite gay. I say realization, but really I just kind of settled for it because I don't want to do anything surgical or anything like that.
So I have this female friend. Pretty much the only person I talk to during weekdays because I can't go out and socialize because I'm not happy with myself or the way I look, but that's a different matter. I will admit that I was talking to this person too much, but I didn't expect her to suddenly be like "I dont care. I have plans this weekend and you're not going to ruin them by talking to me." Which is essentially what she said.
And then when I told her to fucking lick me, she told me I was a kid and a drama queen and mocked me for being angry. But that's not even the part that pisses me off.
Then she had the boner-inducing fucking audacity to tell me I needed her. Because who else was going to teach me about the things I wanted to know? (Things from number 2)
Three days later she tries to pass it off like she's trying to teach me some kind of profound life lesson, talking about how talking to myself can be therapeutic and that I need to "not take things so seriously."
I will add that this is the same woman who, when I thought I was straight, sent me a 14 page letter that would have been less creepy if it had just said "I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad..." for the entirety.
Is this person right? Am I too easily offended? Or am I correct in being pissed off/weirded out?
More recently I've come to the realization that I am quite gay. I say realization, but really I just kind of settled for it because I don't want to do anything surgical or anything like that.
So I have this female friend. Pretty much the only person I talk to during weekdays because I can't go out and socialize because I'm not happy with myself or the way I look, but that's a different matter. I will admit that I was talking to this person too much, but I didn't expect her to suddenly be like "I dont care. I have plans this weekend and you're not going to ruin them by talking to me." Which is essentially what she said.
And then when I told her to fucking lick me, she told me I was a kid and a drama queen and mocked me for being angry. But that's not even the part that pisses me off.
Then she had the boner-inducing fucking audacity to tell me I needed her. Because who else was going to teach me about the things I wanted to know? (Things from number 2)
Three days later she tries to pass it off like she's trying to teach me some kind of profound life lesson, talking about how talking to myself can be therapeutic and that I need to "not take things so seriously."
I will add that this is the same woman who, when I thought I was straight, sent me a 14 page letter that would have been less creepy if it had just said "I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad I want you so bad..." for the entirety.
Is this person right? Am I too easily offended? Or am I correct in being pissed off/weirded out?
Question the second.
Being gay is weird enough. But being gay with no idea who to turn to or what I'm doing or what I'm in for is enough to drive me crazy.
Because I identify as a woman, the way I look is going to change considerably. Some might call it 'pretty' but that's really not how I see it. I don't plan on acting effeminately. Who I am now is at least close to who I'm going to be. But I do plan on looking it. I want to grow my hair out some, (which will be asked about later), I kind of wonder if when I'm thinner I might not dress in women's clothing (And by that I mean jeans and shit. Not like underwear or dresses or what have you). I'm copying and pasting this paragraph for use later.
I feel like I'm gay even by gay standards for writing this, but I want a good hug like all the time. I want to sit inside and drink hot tea and read, nestled up beside my guy. I want to be snuggled and said sweet things to. I don't really care much about sex. It's great and all, and I'd certainly like as much quality and quantity as possible, but it's barely a factor in the grand scheme of things. What is important is that if I have sex, I want to feel desired. But I guess that's true for everyone, isn't it?
So I have all these feminine, womanly things floating around in my head and at the same time, I like beer. And death metal sometimes. And looking at boobs. And science fiction. And video games. And D&D (whoo 4th ed) and I play power chords on my guitar sometimes.
The problem, as it were, is that I have no idea really who the hell I am at my entirety, who I'm compatible with, or where I should start looking. Or even if I should look. A friend told me to check personals so while I was on craigslist for some other stuff I decided to peek in the men seeking men section...
Holy SHIT men are whores. What is going on at craigslist? Am I gonna have to wade through this crap to find the guy I want? What should I do, PA?
Because I identify as a woman, the way I look is going to change considerably. Some might call it 'pretty' but that's really not how I see it. I don't plan on acting effeminately. Who I am now is at least close to who I'm going to be. But I do plan on looking it. I want to grow my hair out some, (which will be asked about later), I kind of wonder if when I'm thinner I might not dress in women's clothing (And by that I mean jeans and shit. Not like underwear or dresses or what have you). I'm copying and pasting this paragraph for use later.
I feel like I'm gay even by gay standards for writing this, but I want a good hug like all the time. I want to sit inside and drink hot tea and read, nestled up beside my guy. I want to be snuggled and said sweet things to. I don't really care much about sex. It's great and all, and I'd certainly like as much quality and quantity as possible, but it's barely a factor in the grand scheme of things. What is important is that if I have sex, I want to feel desired. But I guess that's true for everyone, isn't it?
So I have all these feminine, womanly things floating around in my head and at the same time, I like beer. And death metal sometimes. And looking at boobs. And science fiction. And video games. And D&D (whoo 4th ed) and I play power chords on my guitar sometimes.
The problem, as it were, is that I have no idea really who the hell I am at my entirety, who I'm compatible with, or where I should start looking. Or even if I should look. A friend told me to check personals so while I was on craigslist for some other stuff I decided to peek in the men seeking men section...
Holy SHIT men are whores. What is going on at craigslist? Am I gonna have to wade through this crap to find the guy I want? What should I do, PA?
Question the third - more like advice
So I said that I wanted to be a mad scientist, but really I was just trying to get an idea of what I was in for. 20-25 years of college plus a quarter of a million dollars in debt is...not really what I'm looking for.
I took a moment to think about what I really wanted and what I was really good at. The following three things stuck out.
Working for myself. A 'non-professional' work environment. Cooking. Add the three up and you get catering I think. And I can picture myself being very happy as someone who makes money cooking for other people on my terms. It seems like considerably lower risk than opening a restaurant, too, which is great. Problem is, where do I start? I can develop recipes and such myself. I study culinary textbooks, I read the words of people like Alton Brown, and I constantly seem to be locked in this battle of cooking with my dad. Spaghetti is generally the main event, but more recently he stepped it up with some kind of enchilada soup and the best roast chicken I've ever had. Call it a healthy rivalry.
The first step is what? Thinking about my demographic? Who am I cooking for? What am I charging them? The business end first or the food first? What kind of equipment do I need and what kind of equipment should I leave to my customers, if any? Do I prepare here and cook there? Or prep/cook and then ship? Or both on location? I tried to find a book about this at three separate bookstores today without a shred of luck.
I took a moment to think about what I really wanted and what I was really good at. The following three things stuck out.
Working for myself. A 'non-professional' work environment. Cooking. Add the three up and you get catering I think. And I can picture myself being very happy as someone who makes money cooking for other people on my terms. It seems like considerably lower risk than opening a restaurant, too, which is great. Problem is, where do I start? I can develop recipes and such myself. I study culinary textbooks, I read the words of people like Alton Brown, and I constantly seem to be locked in this battle of cooking with my dad. Spaghetti is generally the main event, but more recently he stepped it up with some kind of enchilada soup and the best roast chicken I've ever had. Call it a healthy rivalry.
The first step is what? Thinking about my demographic? Who am I cooking for? What am I charging them? The business end first or the food first? What kind of equipment do I need and what kind of equipment should I leave to my customers, if any? Do I prepare here and cook there? Or prep/cook and then ship? Or both on location? I tried to find a book about this at three separate bookstores today without a shred of luck.
The fourth
Is Canada right for me? How can I find out? And if it is, how do I get there?
Fifth
Because I identify as a woman, the way I look is going to change considerably. Some might call it 'pretty' but that's really not how I see it. I don't plan on acting effeminately. Who I am now is at least close to who I'm going to be. But I do plan on looking it. I want to grow my hair out some, and I think when I'm thinner I might dress in women's clothing. (And by that I mean jeans and shit. And even then only sometimes. Not like underwear or dresses or what have you). Who should I ask about this kind of thing? Like at a store, when I'm trying to pick things out.
And how do I grow my hair without looking grungy? Should I just let it grow out some and trim the ends or whatever? What about the back of my neck? If that hair grows at the same rate as the hair on the top of my head, I'm going to have some kind of mullet type thing going on.
Then there's hair removal. I'm not a hairy guy at all. I've seen ten year old girls with more hair on their arms (and their legs) than I have. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to get rid of it sometimes. In terms of hassle versus pain versus cost versus effect, what should I be doing?
And how do I grow my hair without looking grungy? Should I just let it grow out some and trim the ends or whatever? What about the back of my neck? If that hair grows at the same rate as the hair on the top of my head, I'm going to have some kind of mullet type thing going on.
Then there's hair removal. I'm not a hairy guy at all. I've seen ten year old girls with more hair on their arms (and their legs) than I have. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to get rid of it sometimes. In terms of hassle versus pain versus cost versus effect, what should I be doing?
DirtyDirtyVagrant on
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1) You really could be too easily angered, it is possible and you would need to look at prior events in your life to see if this seems likely. Do keep in mind that she may have had more going on at that time than you would have been able to know about (concurrent conversations, recent fight with someone, disappointment over something, etc) that would have affected her overall mood. If she's the type that doesn't like to admit fault (assuming she was aware of her acting out against you for unrelated issues) then she may not. Of course, this is all assuming alternative reasons... you may have simply gotten on her nerves. Furthermore, if she did want you badly, she may now be upset and angry over the fact that you are admitting that you are gay and have no interest in her (the "you're a really good... friend" problem usually heard from girls towards guys that they don't like "that way").
2) There are plenty of straight girls that like beer, boobs, metal, D&D, etc. One thing I pick up from this post is that you are very strongly dividing concepts into the two gender camps in order to further backup your realization of your gender identification. There's no good reason to do this. Sexuality should not mandate what you can and cannot be interested in. Girls play house and Boys play war is an old American nuclear family theory that probably does more harm than good.
3) Find an online website/forum for caterers and you should be able to get plenty of advice.
4) ::shrug:: I know it is hard to get a work visa for Canada based on what some friends of mine... but mileage may vary.
5) Conditioner is key. Shampoo only once a week (or every other week), but make sure to use plenty of conditioner each day. Shampoo has the negative quality of ripping out useful oils and that isn't good for maintaining 'pretty' (i.e. shiny, silky, smooth, etc) hair. As for growing it out... just let it grow out and then go get it styled. Not to stereotype too much here, but I'm sure you can find some helpful folks at a salon or plenty of websites dedicated to answering this question (maybe WikiHow?).
Murphy's Paradox: The more you plan, the more that can go wrong. The less you plan, the less likely your plan will succeed.
wanting to be wanted and held and shit is, well, normal human behaviour. You aren't weird for it. Also, I'm a girla nd I like beers boobs metal and nerdy shit like d&d
craiglist is a sex list. Try someplace set up for dating, like okcupid or plentyoffish (which, well, also gets lots of sex ads, but not as bad as craigslist which is random std heaven)
don't overbrush your hair, brushing activates the oils in it. I mean, once or twice a day is fine, 12 times a day is a bit much. Second the conditioner motion, a leave in conditioner may do ya good too (I'm lazy and use an old spray bottle with a little conditioner and lots of water spritzed very lightly post-shower). You can shampoo two or three times a week without it being overmuch as long as you have a good conditioner to use afterward
Honestly, I would suggest that you get yourself healthier before you start looking for a relationship. Okay, so you're a woman who wants to have longer hair and dress in woman's clothing but also likes "beer. And death metal sometimes. And looking at boobs. And science fiction. And video games. And D&D (whoo 4th ed) and I play power chords on my guitar sometimes." Which, you know, is cool. I'm a woman with short hair who likes to dress in all sorts of clothing, and I also like beer, science fiction, looking at boobs, D&D, and videogames. None of the preferences you listed are intrinsic to gender, but they are intrinsic to you.
Therefore, if I were you, I'd grow my hair out (getting regular trims will prevent that mullet look, and you might want to bring a picture of what you'd like it to look like for your stylist to go off), buy some cute fitted t-shirts and jeans, drink some beer, and play some videogames. Find a D&D group and go play; yeah, you're not thrilled with your looks yet, but you're not Cheese Puff Man either, and you seem fairly polite, so people aren't going to immediate reject you.
Your female friend sounds like she's tired of being your only source of social stimulation; she went about telling you very bitchily, but you do need more friends to take the pressure off both of you. What craigslist is actually really helpful for is the platonic ads - put up a post looking for friends, not boyfriends, specifying that you're transexual, and you should be able to find some hanging-out buddies. (You'll have to wade through some creepy responses, but, oh well.)
Oh, and for shopping, pick a sales clerk and ask them. If they treat you badly, call their corporate office and complain, but I don't think you should have too many problems. You seem polite, and pretty much any sales clerk will be relieved that you're not yelling at them or making them miserable, no matter how "weird" your request may be.
I don't even know where to begin looking for someone like that. A man who knows I'm a man but will love me as a woman anyway? Do people like that even exist?
At this point I am a cheesepuff man looking guy. Probably because up until a number of months ago I was cheese puff man. I went to halo parties with a bag of cheetos and a mountain dew liter in my back pocket. And I subjugated my friend's controller with orange dust as I humiliated my enemies. And that's probably why those guys dont call me anymore.
Already working on it. I think I actually found the motivation I needed to work out and eat healthier in all this. It's really kind of exciting.
That makes sense I guess. I really hadn't thought about it that way. It wasn't really so much the male female thing as it was 'cute quiet type' vs 'loud college headbanger type'. Now that I think about it.
If you just up and start your own catering business, it'll probably fail. I say that not to discourage you, but because most small businesses fail. If you don't want to be one of the "most," you are going to need to find that thing that sets you apart. It could be the food, the service, the ice sculptures, whatever.
Either way, you are probably going to want to start by working for someone else, so look around for caterers that are hiring, especially smaller ones as you are going to be closer to the people who are doing what you want to do, IE the owner. You might need to take some cooking classes, or business classes, or both. Being in the biz (and keeping an observant eye on what works and what doesn't) will help you figure out what you need to do to do it yourself.
As for growing it out, I agree with what's been said - it may be very helpful to just go to a salon and tell them what you want to do, and they can give you advice on how best to cut it as it's growing out.
Hair removal - if you're fair skinned, you may be a good candidate for laser hair removal. If not, you can look into electrolysis or waxing. There's always shaving of course, the other stuff can get expensive - though they last longer. A good laser clinic will evaluate you and let you know what your best options are.
Canada - no idea if it's right for you. What is about Canada that appeals to you? What do you hope will be different/better than where you are now? (From your post I suspect some of it may be that we appear to be more gay-friendly, but I'm just speculating.) If you can elaborate on that a bit, I may be able to help with this.
As for this:
Yep, people for whom love is gender-blind do exist. It's not just bisexuality (though that probably helps), it's an acceptance and respect of who you are most comfortable as, no matter what your exterior form is. I'm not familiar with what is out there for options, but you might want to see if you can find some sites that have/cater to bisexual options and go from there.
I'd rather not post in segments like I am, but I'm in a bit of a rush. (So much of one that I've spent the last two days offline) I am fair skinned. I'm just about milk white, and if I get any kind of good sun exposure I get vicious burns. Complete with blisters and scabbing. If it matters, and I suspect it wont, I have a lot of freckles.
Canada seems nice to me because it appears more friendly, but I also have online type friends who live up there and they say it's great. Also Canada has bears. And bears rule. (I'm not sure what else to say)
Also, you sound like a good candidate for the laser hair treatments. I'm not a professional, however your complexion/burn time is something they look for.
Well, you're not Cheese Puff Man now, are you? Keep yourself clean and be pleasant to people and you'll be fine.
As to the first bit: you want a man who knows you're a woman and that your body doesn't quite match your gender identity. And yeah, there's guys out there. As for meeting them, just work on meeting people and be as honest as you can be (within reason, of course) about who you are. It may be harder, but not impossible, especially if you end up wanting to transition with hormones and/or surgery.
I think what might help you most is talking to a trans-friendly counselor (that's transexual-friendly, as in, one that'll help you sort out your own feelings about your gender and get you comfy being a woman, if that's what you want).
I'm trying to find someone to talk to about things on a more professional level. I got this number from my stepmom and it looks like I should be able to figure something out there.
She's giving me a 30 day time limit to tell my dad though. Because 'she doesn't wanna keep a secret from her husband'