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Miscommunication
tehfalconer
moonrocksin my noseRegistered User regular
moonrocksin my noseRegistered User regular
So a guy walks into a bar and miscommunicates with a girl... there's no punchline, but it leads to a problem.
So here goes, I'll give a quick summary to my situation. I'm in grad school and the girl in question is in the year ahead of me, but one year younger than me. We've talked before, passed each other in the halls, but we haven't really hung out together besides the random chats during frat parties. This past weekend, she emails me that she's going out to a bar with friends to celebrate that she just finished a big exam and wants me to stop by. So I want to be nice and I decide to stop by for a while. She's pretty much drunk by the time I get there and confesses to have a crush on me and kind of pressures me into telling her what I think about her. I suspected the crush, but didn't expect her to be this forward and I was kind of surprised by it, so I couldn't think things through and said I thought she was cute and that I'd think about going out with her. Before that point, I hadn't seriously thought of asking this girl out. I had just considered her a friend. But when a cute girl is asking me out, I kind of tend to re-evaluate things.
Here's the thing. I think she really is cute, we can carry a conversation, and she's really nice and sweet. But I'm not sure yet if I want to be in a relationship. There are a couple of intangibles for me that give me doubts (I'm a 1st gen American with strong ties to my ethnicity while she isn't the same background, slightly different religions, possible post-breakup drama/awkwardness at school). So I called her up and wanted to meet with her in person and discuss this. My goal was to meet with her and tell her we can hang out, but I don't think I want to be more than just friends because I doubt it would work in the long run. Somehow, the phone conversation turned into me saying nothing like that and just agreeing to meet up during the weekend for dinner and hanging out, her calling it a "date," and offering to pay since she originally asked me out when we were at the bar.
So... I'm kind of debating what to do now. I don't really want to corner her and bring this up while passing her by in the hallways at school. Should I try and get her to meet me for lunch before the weekend and try and speak my peace? Should I just wait for the weekend to talk about this (then I'd feel bad about her offering to pay for dinner)? Or should I just shut up and go with the flow?
So here goes, I'll give a quick summary to my situation. I'm in grad school and the girl in question is in the year ahead of me, but one year younger than me. We've talked before, passed each other in the halls, but we haven't really hung out together besides the random chats during frat parties. This past weekend, she emails me that she's going out to a bar with friends to celebrate that she just finished a big exam and wants me to stop by. So I want to be nice and I decide to stop by for a while. She's pretty much drunk by the time I get there and confesses to have a crush on me and kind of pressures me into telling her what I think about her. I suspected the crush, but didn't expect her to be this forward and I was kind of surprised by it, so I couldn't think things through and said I thought she was cute and that I'd think about going out with her. Before that point, I hadn't seriously thought of asking this girl out. I had just considered her a friend. But when a cute girl is asking me out, I kind of tend to re-evaluate things.
Here's the thing. I think she really is cute, we can carry a conversation, and she's really nice and sweet. But I'm not sure yet if I want to be in a relationship. There are a couple of intangibles for me that give me doubts (I'm a 1st gen American with strong ties to my ethnicity while she isn't the same background, slightly different religions, possible post-breakup drama/awkwardness at school). So I called her up and wanted to meet with her in person and discuss this. My goal was to meet with her and tell her we can hang out, but I don't think I want to be more than just friends because I doubt it would work in the long run. Somehow, the phone conversation turned into me saying nothing like that and just agreeing to meet up during the weekend for dinner and hanging out, her calling it a "date," and offering to pay since she originally asked me out when we were at the bar.
So... I'm kind of debating what to do now. I don't really want to corner her and bring this up while passing her by in the hallways at school. Should I try and get her to meet me for lunch before the weekend and try and speak my peace? Should I just wait for the weekend to talk about this (then I'd feel bad about her offering to pay for dinner)? Or should I just shut up and go with the flow?
... you will be the falcon, and I shall remain... The Falconer!
tehfalconer on
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If it doesn't work out after that date, and things don't "click," just tell her, nicely, that you don't think things will work out, and break it off with her (make sure to communicate that you still wish to be friends, though [if you want to be friends, that is]).
P.S. I'd pay for the dinner, or at least my half.
Just roll with it. You feel that it might not work out, but aside from the cost of a dinner, you'll be out absolutely nothing if it doesn't. If it does work out, then all of a sudden you have a person you enjoy spending time with and who is into you.
There is really no downside to this. Just see how it ends up. If the feeling of 'this isn't going to work out' persists, call it off. But at least give it a try.
A date isn't a marriage. Go on the date, if things don't click, they don't click. Big deal. Tell her you like her as a friend but don't think things would work out for anything more. If things do click, well, obviously you may want to reevaluate your doubts.
Don't let this hinder you from a relationship. I'm of mixed cultures/ethnicities, and I'm not saying your insulting me directly, but... (sorry, I'm bad with wording my thoughts) something like differing phenotypes or cultures shouldn't stop you from having a relationship with someone.
I'm sure you have friends of many different backgrounds, so why not relationships?
You live in America, it's 2008, so just think about it.
Sorry if I came off as pushy or condescending, I didn't mean to.
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