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Feedback on my comic - Calamities of Nature

tpirotpiro Registered User regular
edited June 2008 in Artist's Corner
Hey guys, I was wondering if you could give me a little feedback on my comic, called Calamities of Nature. I have a couple example pages posted below. I've shared my comic with a few webcomic forums in the past, but I figured the crowd here might give me some unique feedback and insight to help me with my artwork (i.e., I know you guys will be honest). Thanks.

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tpiro on

Posts

  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    The biggest problem I see is that the characters have two mouth styles: open and closed. It's like CAD, except it has jokes and poses, and you aren't a self-absorbed prick.*

    Other than that, there's no part of it I would call terrible. Someone who is better at finding errors and suggesting fixes will be along shortly. :P
    And drawn backgrounds, and improvements over time, and variation, and website design skills, and

    MKR on
  • SakebombSakebomb Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    First comic made me LOL.

    Sakebomb on
  • bombardierbombardier Moderator mod
    edited May 2008
    There is nothing wrong with listening to Michael Jackson.

    bombardier on
  • GrifterGrifter BermudaModerator mod
    edited May 2008
    bombardier wrote: »
    There is nothing wrong with listening to Michael Jackson.

    But everything is wrong with listening to R. Kelly.

    Grifter on
  • tpirotpiro Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    MKR wrote: »
    The biggest problem I see is that the characters have two mouth styles: open and closed. It's like CAD, except it has jokes and poses, and you aren't a self-absorbed prick.

    As long as I'm not a self-absorbed prick, I've succeeded. Thanks. :P

    tpiro on
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  • jibjibjibjib Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Here's a very small and subtle change I think would help you: don't make your cross-hatch lines at right angles to each other.

    jibjib on
  • tpirotpiro Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    jibjib wrote: »
    Here's a very small and subtle change I think would help you: don't make your cross-hatch lines at right angles to each other.

    That's interesting. I haven't heard that one before. Is it too distracting to the eye?

    tpiro on
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  • jibjibjibjib Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Yeah, it tends to be. I've heard about it several times as a general rule of cross-hatching. right angles tend to make the space into a "checkerboard" instead of implying shadow.

    jibjib on
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited May 2008
    P'shaw! I love Michael Jackson (before he died) and posit that Thriller and Bad are two of the top albums of all time in the world. EVAR.

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    My only advice is to draw a different mouth for every frame. I believe it will make your comics feel more alive. I like the art style and the fact that you do not make videogame jokes already makes you awesome.

    Aldo on
  • desperaterobotsdesperaterobots perth, ausRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    First comic clever good. Second comic probably America specific; I don't think the R Kelly thing got much press in Australia anyway.

    desperaterobots on
  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Yeah, I'm no professional, but your comics are really good. And the first one did make me laugh. Keep up the good work :^:

    urahonky on
  • tpirotpiro Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Aldo wrote: »
    My only advice is to draw a different mouth for every frame. I believe it will make your comics feel more alive. I like the art style and the fact that you do not make videogame jokes already makes you awesome.

    Thanks. I really need to work on this.

    Not making video game jokes comes easy for me, since I play them so little (what are you doing reading penny arcade!!! you ask)

    tpiro on
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  • KendeathwalkerKendeathwalker Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    First one made me laugh, second one is good to, Everyone already touched on it with drawing the different mouths, most of the facial expressions are exactly the same. It could help sell the humor if you brought a little more expression into the faces.

    Kendeathwalker on
  • SakebombSakebomb Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Wow man, you really hate WalMart

    Sakebomb on
  • winter_combat_knightwinter_combat_knight Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Your drawings are really good. Very consistant.

    Oh and it is ok to listen to Michael Jacksons songs... pre 1993. :)

    winter_combat_knight on
  • MustangMustang Arbiter of Unpopular Opinions Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    As long as you don't do the moonwalk or grab your balls it's ok to like mike.
    Characters need more expressions like MKR said, the jokes are almost there they just need a little tweaking
    eg.
    Panel 2
    C1: How dare you accuse me of being a homophobe, i've never been so insulted.
    C2: Homophone!? Two words that sound the same...geddit?
    Panel 3
    C1: Ohhh, so what's a homophobe then?
    C2: Someone who fears and hates homosexuals.
    Panel 4
    C1: (happily apiphinised) Like that time I beat the living piss out of those two queers?
    C2: (sullenly) yes....like that time.


    EDIT: Then again even PA's jokes suck some times....you can't hit home runs ALL the time. Just reading trough your website...I really quite like the comic, comparing you to Tim Buckley is like comparing silver bullion to cat shit......your silver bullion by the way.......PA is gold bullion....so you still have work to do.....so don't get cockey. ;)

    Mustang on
  • tpirotpiro Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Sakebomb wrote: »
    Wow man, you really hate WalMart

    Hey, they're an easy target. An really, who LIKES walmart?
    Mustang wrote: »
    As long as you don't do the moonwalk or grab your balls it's ok to like mike.
    Characters need more expressions like MKR said, the jokes are almost there they just need a little tweaking
    eg.
    Panel 2
    C1: How dare you accuse me of being a homophobe, i've never been so insulted.
    C2: Homophone!? Two words that sound the same...geddit?
    Panel 3
    C1: Ohhh, so what's a homophobe then?
    C2: Someone who fears and hates homosexuals.
    Panel 4
    C1: (happily apiphinised) Like that time I beat the living piss out of those two queers?
    C2: (sullenly) yes....like that time.


    EDIT: Then again even PA's jokes suck some times....you can't hit home runs ALL the time. Just reading trough your website...I really quite like the comic, comparing you to Tim Buckley is like comparing silver bullion to cat shit......your silver bullion by the way.......PA is gold bullion....so you still have work to do.....so don't get cockey. ;)

    Thanks for the suggestions. I agree about tightening up my writing. I think your panel 2 edit is much better. It reads faster and more naturally. Your punchline is still funny, but not really my type of humor. I wouldn't say I'm really that subtle, but "...I beat the living piss out of those two queers..." is a little over the top for me.

    And by the way, thanks everyone for their suggestions. I'm really glad I posted to this forum because this feedback is great.

    tpiro on
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  • Captain ElevenCaptain Eleven The last card is a kronk Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I really like those comics you posted. My only suggestions are ones that were already posted... draw some more varied facial expressions, and maybe some little tweaks to the writing. Keep up the good work! :^:

    Captain Eleven on
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  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The humor is too placid for me, but I think the dialogue is solid. Something I feel I should give you a pat on the back for are the backgrounds, they're great, its nice to see more than a doodle comic. :^:

    Endless_Serpents on
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