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Do I tell her?
Revolutionary
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Well, I started going to dancing classes recently and it's gone ok. I'm friends with like 9 girls right now and I've helped two couples hook up. There is only one girl I like (a lot) and, for the fourth time in a row the girl I like is taken.
This girl, we'll call her Jane, seems very...mild about her relationship. She actually set her myspace to 'single' for about a week because she didn't want to 'freak out' her boyfriend. It was 'in a relationship' when I first added her. Even if she did dump the other guy for me, there would be the trust issue.
Everyone keeps pressuring me to tell them who I like. But I'm worried if I tell them, they'll think I'm a criminal trying to break up a relationship for my own ends. Then I can't be friends with those people any more because I tried to break up someone in their group.
But I'm just so sick of hiding how I feel from these people. I've never told a girl I liked her, and it's starting to get to me. As in, a lot. I feel so incredibly caged. Seriously, I'm waiting for someone to suggest I'm gay.
I wouldn't mind too much if she were single and didn't like me, as long as I told her.
Jane is 15 and I am 16.
This girl, we'll call her Jane, seems very...mild about her relationship. She actually set her myspace to 'single' for about a week because she didn't want to 'freak out' her boyfriend. It was 'in a relationship' when I first added her. Even if she did dump the other guy for me, there would be the trust issue.
Everyone keeps pressuring me to tell them who I like. But I'm worried if I tell them, they'll think I'm a criminal trying to break up a relationship for my own ends. Then I can't be friends with those people any more because I tried to break up someone in their group.
But I'm just so sick of hiding how I feel from these people. I've never told a girl I liked her, and it's starting to get to me. As in, a lot. I feel so incredibly caged. Seriously, I'm waiting for someone to suggest I'm gay.
I wouldn't mind too much if she were single and didn't like me, as long as I told her.
Jane is 15 and I am 16.
Revolutionary on
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Just say you don't like anyone.
wait: zomg, I live in Melbourne.
You're young, and letting this get to your head a bit too much than necessary, if it's bugging you that much just get it off your chest and honestly will regret not telling them more than if you were to.
I broke up with my ex for another guy, and no one hates my new boyfriend "for coming between my ex and I." It's a childish mentality for people to have.
She has to do what makes her happy, and hopefully people in your group can see that whatever she decides. It would be completely different if you were purposefully trying to break them up through the use of lies or something...
Keep em' comin.
Instead, flirt with her, hit on her, try to spend time alone with her, whatever. If she's saying she's single on myspace it's not like you're going to be wrecking anyone's home. If you're feeling caged, BREAK OUT!
That's what I'm saying. Don't "say you like her" until you are already a lot further than that - it's a chump move. Just show it.
Uh-oh I accidentally deleted my signature. Uh-oh!!
move on. Anything you do will be compounded by the fact that your in High School. This is a bunch of drama and pain that you do not need. She is not "the one." She's a girl you have a crush on... put it in a box on a shelf and move on.
No girl is "the one" that does not mean you can't fall in love with a girl and want to get to know her more intimately. Just because he's 16 does not mean any relationship will automatically fail.
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As said before: don't tell her outright that you love/like her, just ask her out or something. Walking up to people and going "I haff a horreeeeble seeecret! I loveth thee~" never works in real life, first you get to know each other better, which you do by dating/spending time together/etcetera.
Not bitter at all. Just realistic.
I think the fact that she has a boyfriend might be a good indicator of success chance, no? Everyone has mixed feelings about their relationship from time to time, and it's not any kind of indicator of the strength of that relationship. If you want to be "that guy" go for it... but don't be surprised when it blows up in your face.
Yeah, by all means... date the girl who has a boyfriend. That's a really nifty idea. Look, if she wasn't in a relationship, I'd say take your chances... but since she IS in one... what good could possibly come of this?
OP: don't be that guy, you have to be really sure that her current relationship means nothing to her, otherwise you'll just be a jerk.
They are 15 and 16 years old, this isn't some girl in her late 20s with an in-tact 6 year relationship.
Engage in conversation, find an opening to be all like
"You do that too, lets do that together"
And see what she does.
Then its just staying out of the friend zone.
1. Get comfortable being honest about and verbally expressing your feelings. It will save you a lot of problems when time goes on, not just when trying to woo women, but in all manner of situations.
2. Communication is a two-step exercise. The first step is for you, the communicator, to clearly express how you honestly feel. The second part is for the listener to understand what it being expressed. It seems to me like this second-step is your hang-up. You're clearly comfortable communicating this situation to strangers on the internet, but you don't trust your friends to understand how you feel.
They're your friends for a reason, I assume. Trust them. If you can't, make friends with someone you do trust.
3. There's nothing shameful in being attracted to someone that you should not/could not pursue. You have control over what you do in life, but not how you feel.
4. Always be wary of any girl who left her last boyfriend for her current boyfriend, as it's only a matter of time before she leaves her current boyfriend for the next one.
But I guess you're right, I shouldn't be 'that guy.' She seems pretty intent on being friends. I think I'll go with that and just see what happens. I don't need her as my girlfriend here and now.
Thanks guys, I'm still checking the topic if you have anything else to say.