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Depression and the medication thereof
H/A Alt
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I'm posting this under an alt, obviously. While the people in my life that browse these forums likely suspect my condition, I'd rather they not find out any details about it here.
I've known for a long time that I suffer from depression, however I'd never considered medicating it. I always thought that it was something I had to work through myself, that pills were for people who didn't have the willpower to struggle through it. I realize now how stupid that line of thinking is. I know that I've been in an endless cycle for a very long time, and I recognize now that I need help to get out of it. My doctor has recommended medication, and has given me a couple of weeks to think about it (she didn't mention what kind, and I forgot to ask before leaving).
Some of my symptoms include:
- frequently on the verge of tears for no reason. a near-constant feeling of hopelessness. I've had some suicidal thoughts, thinking everything would be easier if I could just "start over". I don't believe I'd actually kill myself, but then again 10 years ago I didn't ever have thoughts like this.
- extreme lethargy and tiredness. just showering takes a supreme act of will.
- lack of enjoyment in anything. example: I can sit there and watch the funniest movie in the world, everyone around me will be laughing, and I'll just be blank. This is a constant kind of occurrence.
- lack of ability to concentrate on anything. it took me half an hour to type this much, and that's an accomplishment.
- obsession with mistakes I've made in the past. I know that other people don't hold these things against me, but that doesn't stop me from constantly thinking about them and using them to make myself feel worthless.
My biggest concern is that I won't feel like myself if I start on the meds - but I don't even know what "myself" should feel like anymore.
So my H/A question is this: If you (or someone you're close to) has been on medication for depression, can you please share with me your experiences? Did the medication help - and how much? Did it screw things up for you even more? Can meds really make that much of a difference?
I know that I can't take any of your experiences and apply them directly to what is going to happen to me - however I'm really nervous about this, and I think hearing some personal stories might help.
I've known for a long time that I suffer from depression, however I'd never considered medicating it. I always thought that it was something I had to work through myself, that pills were for people who didn't have the willpower to struggle through it. I realize now how stupid that line of thinking is. I know that I've been in an endless cycle for a very long time, and I recognize now that I need help to get out of it. My doctor has recommended medication, and has given me a couple of weeks to think about it (she didn't mention what kind, and I forgot to ask before leaving).
Some of my symptoms include:
- frequently on the verge of tears for no reason. a near-constant feeling of hopelessness. I've had some suicidal thoughts, thinking everything would be easier if I could just "start over". I don't believe I'd actually kill myself, but then again 10 years ago I didn't ever have thoughts like this.
- extreme lethargy and tiredness. just showering takes a supreme act of will.
- lack of enjoyment in anything. example: I can sit there and watch the funniest movie in the world, everyone around me will be laughing, and I'll just be blank. This is a constant kind of occurrence.
- lack of ability to concentrate on anything. it took me half an hour to type this much, and that's an accomplishment.
- obsession with mistakes I've made in the past. I know that other people don't hold these things against me, but that doesn't stop me from constantly thinking about them and using them to make myself feel worthless.
My biggest concern is that I won't feel like myself if I start on the meds - but I don't even know what "myself" should feel like anymore.
So my H/A question is this: If you (or someone you're close to) has been on medication for depression, can you please share with me your experiences? Did the medication help - and how much? Did it screw things up for you even more? Can meds really make that much of a difference?
I know that I can't take any of your experiences and apply them directly to what is going to happen to me - however I'm really nervous about this, and I think hearing some personal stories might help.
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If the meds are working for you, you'll feel more like yourself. Going on medication for me was like walking out of a mental fog.
Now, if the meds aren't working for you, you might not feel like yourself. That's just a sign you might want to switch meds.
Depression sabotages your motivation, your energy, your ability to make positive change in your life. Medication bootstraps your ability to make those changes, it helps you break those cycles. Eventually, you might learn how to live without the medication if you set your mind to it.
It took me three tries to find a med that worked.
Celexa did absolutely nothing. I might as well have been taking an empty pill.
Zoloft cleared up my depression but gave me a splitting headache.
Effexor was what I eventually settled on. It made me have difficulty having an orgasm for the first week, but that wasn't a big deal - it just meant I lasted longer in bed.
It takes most people several tries to find a med that works. The first couple meds might fail for you - they might not work, you might get one of those scary side effects that you read about, they might make your stomach upset, whatever - but just stick with it and keep trying meds until you find one that works that you can tolerate. It doesn't have to be perfect, just tolerable. Don't be afraid to tell your doctor, "This isn't working for me. I want to try something else." Just don't go cold turkey off of any antidepressant - some of them can cause withdrawal symptoms.
Once you find one that works, it's like getting a tune-up for your brain. It won't fix your problems, but it'll make it easier for you to fix your own problems.
Also look into therapy and try to get some exercise. Antidepressants work best in tandem with psychotherapy... and 30 minutes of cardio exercise per day is as effective as both antidepressants and therapy at treating moderate depression.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
- My type of depression was responsive pretty much only to straight SSRIs
- Prozac - SSRI - worked okay for a while, but made me gain some weight. I don't remember any side effects going on, but coming off I had some pretty nasty "zaps" - couldn't sit still, felt like my limbs were being electrocuted, that sort of thing. It was nice because I have a pretty extreme pendulum left to my own.. All the Prozac really did was chop off the outer limits where I'd see the ridiculous highs and lows.
- Cymbalta - SSRI/Norepinephrine hybrid drug - This one worked for a while.. I felt a little ill the first few weeks, but that tapered off. I would go through weeks of feeling really good and balanced, but it didn't really curb the depression much. After a few months, I felt even more messed up than before.
- Lexapro - SSRI - Practically a miracle for a while. That was the closest I've ever felt to just normal. Then I came down with a skin condition my doctors told me at first might be linked to it (it wasn't) and I had to go off for a while. The skin condition turned out to be a system-wide problem and completely unrelated.
- Welbutrin - Norepinephrine - This just made me really angry and irritable. All the time. I was on it for three weeks before I said "screw this".
The main thing I've found with all these different medications is that none of them ever changed the person I was at the core... just... toned down the extremes a bit (except for the ones that exacerbated the extremes, of course... you made need to try a few different things before you find the right med, and your psychiatrist will see you through it). I was scared of the same things before I started. They won't - can't - change who you are.
They can't change the furniture, only the lighting.
Please PM me if you have any questions or want to talk.
Good luck with it I hope it helps you.
I got the "zaps" going off of Effexor. It lasted about two weeks.
It's called SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome. It's not dangerous, just annoying.
Lexapro is a very popular drug right now because it's quite effective and tends to have fewer side effects for most people than other SSRIs. Most doctors will start their patients on Lexapro unless there's some specific reason not to. It's also one of the newer SSRIs. However, it's chemically related to Celexa - I won't go into the details here unless somebody asks because it's kind of academic - so if Celexa doesn't work for somebody, neither will Lexapro.
:^:
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
I'll echoe celes and say if you need anyone to talk to about this you can pm me. I've had depression all my life. I can't say I know what your going through, since I happen to think everyone experiences depression differently. To use an appropriate(at least for this forum) metaphor, I can't know what game you're playing, but I know the system all to well.
So, i finally went to my GP for help. She was cross with me, cos i'd waited months to get help, and said if I'd gone sooner, I'd have got better quicker. She prescribed SSRIs, Sertraline, and I took it for about 18 months. Except that, i decided I was better after 6, and just stopped taking them. That was sooooooooooooo stupid of me. I crashed (emotionally) and ran away from home ( for 40 minutes) til I realised how stupid i was. I came home to find my whole family crying and scared. It took a while to forgive myself for that one.
I went back on Sertraline, and after another 10 months, felt well enough for my GP to start a planned reduction of them. That took a few months.
Whilst on Sertraline, I was a bit sleepy, but slowly got myself back, felt more in control of myself and my life.
That's about 8 1/2 years ago now. I've had the occasional wobble since then, but, thanks to an incredibly supportive husband and children, and good friends, I got through the wobbles.
I never expected to have depression, it just crept up on me, but i'm glad now, as i understand how it makes people feel, and i've been able to be much more supportive of people I know who are depressed, that I could have been before. What I hate is how we don't talk about it. I remember reading some UK research about 15 years ago, that said 1 in 5 women with children under 5 are depressed! That's dreadful, not just for the woman, but for her children, too. It shouldn't be hidden, or be something to be ashamed of, it can happen to anyone, but you can get better.
Soapbox put away now.
For paintings in progress, check out canvas and paints
"The power of the weirdness compels me."
The way I look at it, my Prozac enables me to better cope with things. Before medication, any little problem would set off a huge bout of depression. With Prozac, I can function normally, be happy (Seriously, it is so great to finally feel happy. You have that to look forward to!) and succeed. There is nothing wrong with getting some medication. You will never regret it!
Definitely stressing the "Change the lighting but not the furniture" part. You don't lose yourself. In fact, you will find that you become more like yourself. If that makes any sense.
Having cyclical depression I tried two and the last one works fine, and now after being slowly weened off I feel good.
Zoloft - did something my psychiatrist called a "paradoxical effect" It helped depression but gave me anxiety and panic attacks like whoa. I had trouble walking into crowded rooms, I did have a little anxiety before but never like that...gave me a new respect for people who have panic attacks.
Lexapro - did have heightened anxiety at first but it went away after a month. good stuff.
If you're a guy, (dunno about women), while on serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, like the ones listed, the only real noticeable side-effect after my body got used to the drug was how difficult is was to climax during sex. In fact most depressive drugs today seem to be a cure for pre-mature ejaculation :P.
I recommend coupling drugs with therapy though. drugs alone will just make you feel different about the day while therapy will help train your thoughts for the long term.
Zoloft: Worked okay for the depression but killed my appetite horribly and made me feel nauseous. Blech.
Lexapro: Actually gave me panic attacks, as it made my heart race and my body apparently took that for "okay, time to freak out."
Wellbutrin: My personal favorite: felt like me but me-on-a-good-day. Lots of energy, but calm and productive energy, not fight-or-flight reaction.
Good for you for taking those first steps toward getting better! Two bits of advice: First, get a good therapist, because after being depressed for so long, you've got a lot of thought patterns to change. Second, absolutely don't stop taking them just because you feel better; that's a good way to crash and end up feeling horrible. You have to wean yourself off under a doctor's supervision.
I forgot to add, I've had CBT group therapy - actually supposedly to help manage CFS, but it was quite amazing, forced me to look at my negative thought patterns, and taught me ways of a) managing them, and b) getting rid of them. It also helped me manage myself better, pace myself, and to give me a break instead of pressurising myself. I just wish I'd had some therapy for my depression when I was depressed, rather than several years later, cos it would have really helped me then.
For paintings in progress, check out canvas and paints
"The power of the weirdness compels me."