Sibling issues

Peas

I am 23 now and my younger brother is 22. I have not been talking to him for quite a few years except for the times when we would argue over certain things like how much of a dick he is. I totally cannot stand his selfish and manipulative character but my parents always give in to his demands.

I have tried talking about how I feel with them but my mum wants me to be more mature since I'm the older guy and should be more understanding, while my dad just don't care.

His favourite pastime recently is to play music loud enough to be heard in my room opposite him, I don't mind if the music is good but then he would sing along and it is wrecking my nerves. Complaining to him actually made the situation worst. I think he is doing it intentionally because he's started to practice his guitar in the living room while I'm having dinner.

I am thinking of punching him in his face but I did it once and got choke-holded by that bastard so I guess that I will have to rule it out.

Any advice guys? Yes I know I'm 23

Dance Commander

Move out.

Peas

I don't think I can afford to do it yet, living in Singapore. And even if I did my brother would definately score a free room. Also I don't like to see my parents (mainly my mum) being pushed around by him.

Edit: Ah man what was I thinking making this thread. Deleting in 5 minutes.

Shogun

http://www.soundprooffoam.com/soundproofing.html?gclid=CJDnzIix7JMCFRKpxgodiTzpLg&lcode=AA58.

Temporary solution. When my older brother was in highschool he was in a band and would practice both the drums and guitar in his room. Just out of curiosity has this person ever been in a physical conflict? I never condone violence, especially within the family setting, but if he's always used to getting his way and never experienced one a good ass kicking can be a very humbling experience.

Peas

Well I got mine handed to me I suppose

Szechuanosaurus

Maybe talk to him? I mean, besides the whole your both in your twenties and still live with your parents and oh my god I can't imagine the tension that is going to involve just move out holy shit; if you're going to stay there, then you need to minimise the tension any way possible, not talking to someone you live with for several years is just building unnecessary tension (and is pretty rude besides). Make friends with him, go out drinking, share your porno mags, go feed ducks in the park do whatever it is you kids do, but do it together.

If you aren't going to attempt to build a friendly living relationship with him, then you might as well just move out. And yes, this applies to him as well, but you're the one asking what to do about it so you don't get to play the "we'll maybe he's the one who needs to be nicer" card; you want to solve the situation? You solve it, don't complain that the other protagonist isn't making an effort.

Dance Commander

If you can't afford to, I'd make it a goal then. If you want advice about how to deal with this conditioned that you have to stay there, then I'll do my best.
This stuff with your brother is childish, but you guys aren't children. You should be able to work this out on your own, without resorting to having your parents mediate. I would just think of your brother as an infinitely standoffish roommate, and since you two clearly don't get along, it seems like the best thing to do would be move out.
Do your parents really let your brother push them around like that, or are you bearing the brunt of his bullshit while you're there? Maybe you moving out would be a catalyst for them to talk some sense into him or kick him out into the real world where passive-aggressive bullshit like this doesn't fly.

Also, I glazed over the whole 'not talking to him' thing. That's also really childish, Szech is right when he says you two need to talk if you want to work this out.

OremLK

Him playing music, guitar, and singing loudly is somewhat inconsiderate, but that doesn't give him a "selfish and manipulative character". Unless you've got some better reasons for feeling this way about him, I'd say you're being at least as childish as he is. In any case, at your ages, both of you are to the point where you need to move out and get your own lives.

PirateJon

Peas wrote: »

Well I got mine handed to me I suppose

Fix that. Learn to fight. Take some boxing, some muay-thai, some brazilian jujitsu, some judo. It's hard, but rewarding. You'll be active, meet new people, be out of the house, you'll get in better shape. You'll love it.

Then when you get home and he's there trying to annoy you, you can use the confidence you earned through hard training to know that while you could beat his ass, you'll just shake your head at how you used to let this trivial bullshit get to you. then shrug and just keep on living your new improved life.

living well is the best revenge. Being mildly amused and dismissive of those that try to harass you is a close second.

Peas

Well I don't really trust him because he can't keep his mouth shut after losing.Games, fights, arguments. He would like to tell my friends, parents about that certain fight I had, when I got beaten up, when I embarassed myself etc. Being in the same school at that time doesn't help. So I distanced myself from him.

But you guys are right. This is so freaking childish. I will do something to solve this.

CooterTKE

just start hiding his stuff. Honestly he is not going to change anytime soon so your best bet is to just ignore him since you cannot move out. My wifes brothers are the same way, but I am lucky enough that I do not have to talk to them.

Plutonium

My brother and I used to fight all the time when I was living at home, probably because of personality conflicts or whatever. Your brother sounded just like how mine was three or four years ago - super manipulative and selfish. Though to be fair, my brother was like 14 at the time. Maybe if they're still a dick at 22, that shit could be ingrained for life.

Surprisingly, the thing that made him not a dickhead anymore when we started playing WoW together. The concept of an MMO actually improving an interpersonal relationship is completely wonky, but I think having a common interest and doing things together is what made him not want to piss me off for fun anymore, because he wouldn't just be pissing off me, he'd be pissing off his healer :P. We have completely different interests and I've moved out a while ago, but we still talk on ventrilo most days, even though we're not really playing WoW anymore.

I would suggest that you two try to find something that you can do together cooperatively. Perhaps if you have an interest in music as well, you could try your hand at playing with him.

The Cat

You sure as hell don't sound 23. Willing to torture yourself by staying in the house in order to deny him your old room? That's ridiculous. Suck it up and learn some patience or move out. If the worst problem he has is being obnoxiously loud and selfish, you're actually rather lucky.

Rye

I have older and younger brothers, so I've been on both sides of that fence in my younger years.

This sort of behavior seems to stem from a lack of respect. He doesn't see you as having more "authority" or power over him, so he's lashing out to walk over you to make up for lost time.

Even if he can "beat you up" that doesn't mean he can treat you that way. Being the older brother means being the smarter and more mature one. What you need to do is demonstrate that you're still his older brother. Introduce him to a new hobby or activity that you can share, invite him to a party if you're into that, or offer to drive him to the mall/favorite shop.

Likewise his parents need to show them that they are still his parents. If he's still living at the house when he's 22, they're giving him no incentive to move out. Make him (and you) pay a small amount of rent in addition to chores to keep the house running smoothly. If you don't have jobs, get them. When you start to see that either way you have to pay some rent, moving out will become more and more realistic. If he refuses, tell him to gtfo of the house.

You don't need to learn how to fight or do childish things back to him. That won't stop the behavior. Establishing fear is only a temporary fix to the "lack of respect" issue. My little bro was a pissant punk for a long while, but my parents made him get a job and had to buy medication for his medical conditions (ADD). After my parents started being more like parents, he started becoming more like a younger brother and less like dennis the menace. At the same time, I started playing MtG and DnD with him. So, if both sides engage him properly, he will probably shape up.

[Plutonium is right]

ceres

Okay, well, I can safely say that your brother is nothing like as bad as my sister, just from what I've heard, and my mom always gives in to her too. I'm 27, she's 24, and living at home with my parents. I hate hearing how awfully she's treating my mom, like she's just entitled to the place and everything in it, but there's nothing I can do. My mom's a big girl and hopefully will eventually get sick enough of it to kick her out. In the mean time, I'm not living there anymore, so at least I don't have to deal with it.

Save up your money and leave. Don't wreck his shit, it won't help anything. Just do your best to be out of the house when possible, and collecting your pennies to get your own place.

Brocrates

This is the same kind of situation as if you lived with a shitty roommate. Which I have done, and let me tell you the only solution to this is to stand up for your self and confront the issue head on. Or just learn to live with it in misery.

korriander

Do talk to him, preferably on neutral territory, I.E. not at home or one of your regular haunts. Walking would be good, no more eye contact than necessary, lowers the confrontational aspect. Whatever you do, don't be vindictive, don't keep holding a grudge, please try to make a compromise or find equal ground.

Not speaking to your brother for six years over a hundred little misunderstanding is less than awesome.