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How NOT to Screw this Up (Girl)
Penguin_Otaku
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This summer is my first way from home. Staying at the university apartments and continuing my internship here as well. Its been good times and my roommate and myself have enjoyed it all.
One day we were going to the pool and this girl waves, smiles, and said, "Hey." I don't remember seeing this girl before, but I waved back and greeted her as well. Turns out I sat a few people from this girl for an entire semester, but never noticed her enough to "remember" her. So after that I said, "Oh. I don't remember you. At all."
We smiled at each other and I went on swimming with friends. So my friends at this point are giving me a "wtf" look and I don't notice it. She continues to talk to some guy she was... well, talking to I guess about politics or something. I didn't wanna be rude and interrupt/join in without being invited. So as she was leaving I was all, "Jennifer. Whats your last name? I'll look you up on facebook." She tells me and I tell her I'll add her later and stuff. We say bye and I turn to my friends who are staring at me and shaking their heads.
Oh. Well, apparently her body language was saying she wanted to talk to me. She initiated conversation with me and I, stupidly, just kinda blew her off.
Added her later that night, exchanged some messages which ended up with us exchanging numbers. Turns out she remembers me from a lot of sporting events and said I was a memorable person. My roommate was surprised considering how much I'd buried myself with the pool incident.
The next day my roomy and me go swim, she sees us out there and comes to talk. Apparently she grew up not far from me and stuff so we have small-town things in common. Over the weekend its just me at the pool and I invite her to come with, she does. We talk a lot more, again.
So anyway. Since my infamous incident, we've talked a lot on a personal level. She's a really cool girl. Into sports in a legitimate way, into the same area of studies that I am in. Just a really, classy, genuine girl. Cute, funny, sweet.
Last night my roommate and myself went to talk to her after we got back from a baseball game. He left at some point "lost his wallet *cough*." So we ended up talking about stuff until around 2.
She told me earlier she wanted some help with some Photoshop stuff, I said she could use it on my computer and I could help or whatever she needed. So she called me earlier and asked if she could come over to use it. Well, she used it for like 15 minutes or so and just hang out. Watched me play Zelda for a bit, and then I turned on the TV and we watched the Top Chef finale (her choice, definitely.) My roommate had fallen asleep early tonight, so it was just us. I sat on the chair and she was on the couch, but we were still having a good time talking and stuff. At some point it kinda hit me.. "Oh. Wasn't she here for photoshop stuff...?"
I'd be perfectly fine with just being her friend, but at the same time I don't want to rule myself out and be the good friend. I know how important it is to have THAT friend, or someone close you can just talk to and stuff and I have no problem being that. I just feel that its a lot more intimate and heart felt when there's a relationship (dating or.. however you want to put it) with it. Its a good feeling, definitely. One I miss.
My last relationship stopped on a sour note, so I'm not as proactive as I may usually be because of the way it all ended. Thats probably for the better anyhow, though.
I grant that maybe she just wanted to come over and hang out or just talk, but is it so far fetched of me to think there might be something that COULD happen if I take it as it comes?
TL;DR: Cute girl and myself talk a lot. She's a sincere person which is the only way I can really describe her. She likes my company it seems, but I don't know if its friendly or if she's leaving it open.
Basically I'm curious on what to do to keep my chances up. This is a weird situation for me. I don't feel odd around her or that I have to impress her somehow. I'm just not sure how to handle this and I apologize if this seems needless. Just would like your guys' perspective of it all.
Thanks
One day we were going to the pool and this girl waves, smiles, and said, "Hey." I don't remember seeing this girl before, but I waved back and greeted her as well. Turns out I sat a few people from this girl for an entire semester, but never noticed her enough to "remember" her. So after that I said, "Oh. I don't remember you. At all."
We smiled at each other and I went on swimming with friends. So my friends at this point are giving me a "wtf" look and I don't notice it. She continues to talk to some guy she was... well, talking to I guess about politics or something. I didn't wanna be rude and interrupt/join in without being invited. So as she was leaving I was all, "Jennifer. Whats your last name? I'll look you up on facebook." She tells me and I tell her I'll add her later and stuff. We say bye and I turn to my friends who are staring at me and shaking their heads.
Oh. Well, apparently her body language was saying she wanted to talk to me. She initiated conversation with me and I, stupidly, just kinda blew her off.
Added her later that night, exchanged some messages which ended up with us exchanging numbers. Turns out she remembers me from a lot of sporting events and said I was a memorable person. My roommate was surprised considering how much I'd buried myself with the pool incident.
The next day my roomy and me go swim, she sees us out there and comes to talk. Apparently she grew up not far from me and stuff so we have small-town things in common. Over the weekend its just me at the pool and I invite her to come with, she does. We talk a lot more, again.
So anyway. Since my infamous incident, we've talked a lot on a personal level. She's a really cool girl. Into sports in a legitimate way, into the same area of studies that I am in. Just a really, classy, genuine girl. Cute, funny, sweet.
Last night my roommate and myself went to talk to her after we got back from a baseball game. He left at some point "lost his wallet *cough*." So we ended up talking about stuff until around 2.
She told me earlier she wanted some help with some Photoshop stuff, I said she could use it on my computer and I could help or whatever she needed. So she called me earlier and asked if she could come over to use it. Well, she used it for like 15 minutes or so and just hang out. Watched me play Zelda for a bit, and then I turned on the TV and we watched the Top Chef finale (her choice, definitely.) My roommate had fallen asleep early tonight, so it was just us. I sat on the chair and she was on the couch, but we were still having a good time talking and stuff. At some point it kinda hit me.. "Oh. Wasn't she here for photoshop stuff...?"
I'd be perfectly fine with just being her friend, but at the same time I don't want to rule myself out and be the good friend. I know how important it is to have THAT friend, or someone close you can just talk to and stuff and I have no problem being that. I just feel that its a lot more intimate and heart felt when there's a relationship (dating or.. however you want to put it) with it. Its a good feeling, definitely. One I miss.
My last relationship stopped on a sour note, so I'm not as proactive as I may usually be because of the way it all ended. Thats probably for the better anyhow, though.
I grant that maybe she just wanted to come over and hang out or just talk, but is it so far fetched of me to think there might be something that COULD happen if I take it as it comes?
TL;DR: Cute girl and myself talk a lot. She's a sincere person which is the only way I can really describe her. She likes my company it seems, but I don't know if its friendly or if she's leaving it open.
Basically I'm curious on what to do to keep my chances up. This is a weird situation for me. I don't feel odd around her or that I have to impress her somehow. I'm just not sure how to handle this and I apologize if this seems needless. Just would like your guys' perspective of it all.
Thanks
Penguin_Otaku on
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It's a virtual certainty that she has already decided whether she would be willing to date you or not. The longer you try to "keep your chances up" without making a move or just flat out saying it, the more likely you are to squander any opportunity you may have.
Truth. Also,
If she's already sitting on the couch, join her! If you're the first into the room, ffs dont pick the only place to sit where she cant sit next to you! Especially in your situation where you're a little gunshy (it seems) then leave open some opportunity for her to be a bit more forward.
But yeah... it sounds like she's probably interested, so if you're also interested then follow DrFrylock's advice and give it a shot.
Just suck it up and ask her out if you like her! If she says yes, horray! If she says no, who cares, 'cause there'll be another opportunity with someone else who will probably 10 times more fabulous. Go with your gut and quit worrying about it so much.
I agree, it's crazy, and can also be a hard habit to break.
I feel fairly certain that she's interested in you Penguin, just call her up and ask if she'd like to go to dinner(or actually say the word date to eliminate all ambiguity). I don't think you've lost your chance or anything. You over-thought the first meeting at the pool. You did after all, ask for contact information and got in touch with her that night.
Don't take too long, seems like she's giving you all the signals. Ask her out already.
I remember posting something to this extent around February about another girl. Perhaps I just missed the window, but I brought up one time to her saying that, "Hey. Around Valentine's Day I had a thing for you. You're a really cool girl and I like you. I was just afraid to say anything." She was sweet about it and was just like, "Aww. Thank you." Now, this was after the fact.. (like in April or so), but nevertheless.
I noticed that I haven't had any physical contact with her. No hugs, high-fives, or anything. I don't want to seem overbearing and put that on her too soon, but.. like everyone is saying I don't wanna miss my chance. More importantly I don't wanna soil a potentially cool friendship, either.
The only way it is awkward after asking a girl out and she says no, is if you built it up to be more than it should've been in the first place. A date is a fun activity so you can get to know more about that person. That's it. Don't build it up to be anything beyond that, and if she says no, then no big deal.
We were at the pool earlier (we being me, her, and my roommate) and having a good time. Some other guy she knew came by and started talking to her so my friend and my just kinda separated and tossed a volleyball around for a while. As she was talking to this guy my roommate (who is.. pretty dadgum smart at giving me advice on this stuff) tells me to just act like it doesn't bother me, which it really didn't because we're not together or anything.
Her and other guy get in hot tub and we're playing our version of water polo and I could tell she kept looking over at us. Well, I felt like she was looking at me. So we eventually get in the hot tub with them, and sat near her, but she continued to get closer to me.
After we left I called her if she was going to get a drink from Sonic before she came over to watch the game, and she asked me to go with her. Of course I did and my roommate had to go take care of some things at work while we were gone, so we ended up watching the NBA Finals game together. Talking throughout it and enjoying the game.
I don't know. We just talk a lot on a personal level and I like it a lot. I just don't know what I am to her at all and I don't want her to think that I'm just friends with her because I want to date her. So thats a big reason as to why I'm hesitant to ask her to go do anything, a date specifically. I mean, we've spent time alone together and stuff... I just. I don't know. I just don't feel like I'm the type of guy she'd be interested in.
So, I know I need to do something. The question I need answered though is, what?
OUT ON A
DATE
https://medium.com/@alascii
If you wait two things could very likely happen, she will assume you arent interested and move on, or you will find she never was interested way to late and you will crush on her for so long that you will ultimately hurt yourself and probably the friendship. Either way you end up upset at the missed chance or that you invested so much emotion into someone who didnt feel the same way. If you do it now she either say yes and you both are happy, or she says no, and you tell her its cool and you get to still be friends because you havent known each other long enough for it to make things awkward.
HER
OUT!
Hmm, there seems to be a common train of thought among the last few posts, let me re-read them....oh yes
ASK
HER
OUT.
Jesus commands it!
This, this is very important.
A person can only follow vague signals for so long before they think "Well fuck this, I'll meet someone else".
I don't know man, are you sure you are even ready for this. I mean at this point it seems like she could be rubbing your dick and you would still be like "Well I mean, does this mean she like likes me, or just likes me?"
You want someone to give you an answer that does not entail you actually having to man up and do something here. Thats not going to happen, because there is no solution where you don't have to do anything but be a fly on the wall and things will happen. How many couples have you met who tell there story about how they got together like this:
Girl: "Well we were hanging out a lot and I was trying to send him signals but he never made any moves. Then the magical dating fairy came along and farted on us and we started going out, we have been together ever since! Thank god for the magic dating fairy and her mystical farts because if she hadn't come along I am afraid he would have never grown a pair and asked me out."
She won't wait around forever, make a move.
At this point I think you're just scared, and that's going to be a problem. Eventually there's going to be a guy who isn't so scared who will come along and push you out of the picture. Or she will just end up pursuing someone else. I mean, how fucking hard is it? You're in college, this should be old hat. Sounds like you're in junior high by the way you're flat out ignoring this girl and not making a move.
Let her make the decision about who she's interested in.
Seriously mang, I can understand getting confused on mixed signals, but there ain't no mixing here.
this literature is confusing! what is it, kant, neitzche? No mang, why is everybody wanting to Hop on Pop??
This is absolutely true. Makes move before she gives up on you.
Seriously...comes over to your house to get help with something that she certainly could have done on her own without your help? Check. Hangs out with you and enjoys your company so much that she forgets what time it is? Check. Invites you alone to go get food while your friends are sitting right there? Check. Uses another guy to test how jealous and nervous you get when she talks to him? Check. Moves as close as possible to you without being rude while in a hot tub? Check.
She is sending every signal she could possibly send to get you to ask her out. Do it, IMMEDIATELY, before said cute girl moves on to somebody who will notice her attentions and do what you are not doing. Which is asking her out.
...
...
...
...Why are you still here, pick the phone up and dial her number, then ask her out on a date.
P.S. The reason why your friends are giving you weird looks in these situations is she has probably asked them why you haven't asked her out yet.
You're like some kind of angel.
Were you the one that said you were going to punch my now-ex in the face if I didn't ask her out in a PM?
No wait what I meant to say is hurry up and frigging ask her out. You have literally nothing to lose. She's gone to a lot of trouble to make it clear she enjoys being around you, and if by some perverse fluke she isn't interested in dating you, she's not going to suddenly hate you for wanting to date her. Doooo iiiiiit.
A. She is in college.
B. She is social and seems to easily make friends.
C. She likes sports.
D. She knows how to let a guy know that she's interested.
E. She is attractive.
That's a lot of multiplying. You need to move fast. Like right now. I think you said you've been in a relationship before, but you're obviously off your game so I'll start at the beginning. First figure out something that you'd like to do with her. It needs to be something away from the house, preferably somewhere that you don't go often. Dinner at a nice restaurant will work fine. So would a picnic in a park. If you have little cash, go to a museum or something. Hell, with this chick you could probably take her to a rec league sports game. Take some hotdogs with you if you're broke. Just make sure that when you ask, you have a specific thing to do at a specific date, so that she can say yes and you can get on with it already.
Make sure that you specify that it's a date. Something like "Let's go do something Friday. How about I take you on a date? We can go (whatever it is you came up with previously)." Honestly, it doesn't matter too much how you say it at this point as long as you specify that it is a romantic meeting.
So, right after you ask, you're in the danger zone. OMG OMG OMG what if she says no? She obviously likes you as a friend, so if she's going to say no, either she will be really smooth about turning you down and it will be relatively painless, or she will be thinking OMG OMG OMG I want to be this guy's friend but I totally am not interested in him! What do I say?
In case of the latter, you'll be able to see it on her face, and a couple of seconds into it you can say "If you're not interested in me that way, that's cool, I'd still like to be friends." Which isn't as bad as it sounds, because you'll then have some woman who's trying to get other women to hook up with you. Nice.
Normally I'd say this can be nice and helpful but not required, but in this case with his prior cluelessness around her, I'd recommend it as well.
Also, Otaku, you don't have to wait until your plans for the date are actually concrete. Have a day and time set(or two) and maybe a vague idea of dinner and something, but I think you could wait on your final decision of other activity(if any) until the day of, in order not to wait on actually asking her out.
okay, here's the plan. first thing in the morning, you call her and ask her to lunch. If you fuck this up I swear to god heads will roll
heads will fucking roll
Okay, wait until she is done hanging out with said other guy and ask her out. If you assume that you've missed your window... *sigh* let me go about this a different way...
There is no window. No, let me rephrase that statement: There is no window. She was going after you for at least a week, over many other random guys that she could have taken interest in. I guarantee you that her hanging out with another guy tonight is one of 3 things. First, her and this other guy are just friends and she doesn't want to neglect her friend all the time. Second, she is using this hangout session with the other guy to make you jealous and push you into asking her out. Third, she is looking for other dating possibilities that were ranked lower than you in the dating pool.
I said there is no window because it's true. She took interest in you over this other guy, so obviously she wanted to date you more than him. If you call her up and ask her out she will be much more excited than if this guy asked her out, because she chose you first.
Also, can you pull your head out of whatever orifice it is currently stuck in please? I really do not know how you missed every telltale sign that a female can possibly send at you short of dry humping your leg.
The more you man up and do it, the easier it gets. It takes practice, but rejection is not the end of the world. If you never even ask the girl out for fear of being rejected, guess what? It still doesn't get you the girl.
Have you done it?
I swear to god you better have asked her out.