Okay this hardly qualifies as a girl thread, but be warned.
Girl in question and I have been pretty tight past few months, we always have a good time together, and I've asked her out a few times, and we went on a few dates, but every time I talk about a relationship she just says that she "doesn't want to be in one right now". And it "isn't me, she just doesn't want to be in a relationship". After saying these things she's still totally fine being around me, even being close to me. I really do not understand her reasons, I've asked her, and she doesn't seem to either. I'm leaving for college in a month in a half or so, so even if we did have something it wouldn't last long. The real question here is, how can I ask her if she wants to "have some fun" in the meantime without being incredibly crass and kind of weird.
tl;dr How do you ask someone to be special friends without a relationship
NOT SATISFIED??? STILL WANT TO HELP??? I have a circuitry related question here:
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But if you're going to ask, you should make it clear that it would just be temporary, not leading to a standard relationship. If she's really just anti-relationship, not anti-sex-with-you, she might be interested.
But I wouldn't hold my breath.
Really my question is sort of the dirty version of a Ms. Manners query. I just need to know some semantics.
There is the remote possibility that she could form a romantic attachment to you from having sex with you, but it seems far more likely that it'll make the friendship weird, and if that happens she might not feel comfortable with having you around her future boyfriends.
In my experience these kinds of "relationships" happen by chance, notsomuch through the regular "asking her out" or in this case "asking her to be my special friend" tactics. Given that one of you actually wanted more than just that, this is also a tricky area. She might feel that any sort of fun would lead to you getting attached, which she has already said isn't what she wants. Even if you can separate your feelings, she can't be assured of that given the fact you've expressed interest before.
I think you'd have to let it happen if it were going to happen naturally. Then again, these kinds of things sorta already would have happened so I don't find it very likely.
Edit: Do you need me to emphasize that more? I could make it bigger I guess.
Yeah, exactly.
And it usually starts with the sex and gets the friendship part added later than the other way around. Not always, but usually.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
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Not necessarily. Most people just don't hear about the FWB that don't turn into a dramabomb, because they're not distinguishable from regular friendships from the outside.
In this case, however, like people have said - you already have feelings for her, you both know it, so trying to have a casual relationship just seems like a bad idea. Get up to college and do your thing there.
1) omg i am so hot for you, but lengthy exposure will kill us all and plus possibly the world.
2) i'm cute and you're cute, and making out is more fun than this POS movie we picked up.
3) You just got dumped and need to feel sexy? I can do that. I can do that nine times.
4) No that's cool, hey, we both live different lives- I still think you're awesome. I really, honestly just want things to work out for you. While we're waiting though...
5) (secret crush) + (secret crush) + mutual commitment terror = naughty times no strings + some strings.
6) I love your body, but when you actually speak, it annoys the crap out of me.
My own, less common favourite (paraphrased, I'd never say exactly the same thing twice):
'One night. I exist, like this, for one night. Tomorrow, everything will be different. I will be different, you will be different. Everything that happens here is here; there is no outside. Out there, life goes on, out there, the world waits. But for you, for me, in here, there is only right now. And right now, you- you are so very beautiful to me.'
But that's me. Things don't get weird after because I don't get weird after. If you're worried about approaching this thing\; looking all weird and shallow, afraid and timid about sex, love, sensuality and sexuality, unaware of what it means to be in the moment, of the moment - then this is a road filled only with heartbreak and trouble.
As someone said, it's rare for a person to create these situations, they just happen because an FWB situation is the best option out of the things currently availible. That being said, there is a mindset and skillset involved with making that the best option. YMMV.