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INVITE SENT: a discussion of game invite etiquette
Shoegaze99
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is something I consider from time to time. We've got these great systems now. See when your friends are online, what they're playing, invite them to games, send them messages even while they're playing. Just a few years ago this sort of thing seemed out of reach.
So now we've got it, and that's cool.
But the etiquette of all this connectivity ... what is it? Have we yet defined it? Do views differ between the generations (as I suspect they do)? What's out of bounds or off limits or rude? What's acceptable and fine?
Or to strip it down to terms a bit less - I dunno, firm, I guess - what sort of etiquette do you follow when it comes to this stuff?
I'll watch my friends list, see what people are up to, but I rarely shoot out an invite unless they're playing what I'm playing. If I see someone playing an RPG, for instance, I figure they're in the middle of quests and won't want to be bothered with my GRAW 2 invite, so I don't send it. If I'm playing Lost Cities and notice someone playing Bejeweled, I hope they switch to Lost Cities so I can send one, but I don't interupt their game.
Maybe I should. For whatever reason it just doesn't always feel right to me.
Part of that, I think, is that from time to time when I've been playing a single-player game an invite has been bothersome to me. Thanks to job family & other obligations, I get a small window of gaming time each day. When I get that time, I want to use it the way I want to use it. When I get those invites, I feel obligated to go play even when I don't really want to. And that sucks. After all, "I don't feel like it, dude" can come across as rude.
In this age of texting and Tweetering and all that, though, I'd guess I'm part of a shrinking minority. People are used to instantly reaching out to folks, messages at any time, connect NOW, yada yada yada. I don't go in for that. I often don't want to be bothered. Long day at work, family stuff, need my quiet time, you get the picture.
So my attitude with this stuff carries over into the way I handle stuff like Xbox Live -- which is probably depriving me of some cool online gaming.
So now we've got it, and that's cool.
But the etiquette of all this connectivity ... what is it? Have we yet defined it? Do views differ between the generations (as I suspect they do)? What's out of bounds or off limits or rude? What's acceptable and fine?
Or to strip it down to terms a bit less - I dunno, firm, I guess - what sort of etiquette do you follow when it comes to this stuff?
I'll watch my friends list, see what people are up to, but I rarely shoot out an invite unless they're playing what I'm playing. If I see someone playing an RPG, for instance, I figure they're in the middle of quests and won't want to be bothered with my GRAW 2 invite, so I don't send it. If I'm playing Lost Cities and notice someone playing Bejeweled, I hope they switch to Lost Cities so I can send one, but I don't interupt their game.
Maybe I should. For whatever reason it just doesn't always feel right to me.
Part of that, I think, is that from time to time when I've been playing a single-player game an invite has been bothersome to me. Thanks to job family & other obligations, I get a small window of gaming time each day. When I get that time, I want to use it the way I want to use it. When I get those invites, I feel obligated to go play even when I don't really want to. And that sucks. After all, "I don't feel like it, dude" can come across as rude.
In this age of texting and Tweetering and all that, though, I'd guess I'm part of a shrinking minority. People are used to instantly reaching out to folks, messages at any time, connect NOW, yada yada yada. I don't go in for that. I often don't want to be bothered. Long day at work, family stuff, need my quiet time, you get the picture.
So my attitude with this stuff carries over into the way I handle stuff like Xbox Live -- which is probably depriving me of some cool online gaming.
Shoegaze99 on
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I'll send a message before just sending a game invite though - a vocal, formal invitation is a lot better than just a pop up "Mr Snack Road has invited you to play!"
There's a lot of little rules I keep myself to though.
- Don't send blanket invites to people. If you just need three people and you invite six or seven, that's kind of dickish when you start kicking people for the crime of answering your invite.
- Message, then Invite. It gives the other player a response, they can say "Nah, dude, I gotta hit the sack early" or what have you. It doesn't create the obligation to join RIGHT NOW, but it does open up the option. Maybe I have time to play - hell yeah, I'll join. Maybe I'm playing with other people - no thanks, I'll get on board next time.
The inverse of this is that if we're playing the same game anyways, I'll check the party details/what you're doing, and send an invite all willy-nilly. If you're playing this game that I'm playing, chances are we'll play this game together and get stuff going.
- Don't invite people out of single player games. I'm playing Mass Effect because I want to play Mass Effect, I'm not playing Mass Effect to kill time until some other people join up for something else. Worse is how fucking INTRUSIVE it can be to get an invite sometimes - Can you imagine being enthralled in the story of Bioshock, about to hit the defining moment of gameplay, then you get the beep and "XxXSUPATOKA42069XxX Wants To Play" interrupts the moment? Nerd rage ALL THE WAY.
You can just ignore invites that come in. God knows, I do. No-one gets offended. What there should be, though, is a throttle on how many invites you can send to the same person. Two every ten minutes, maybe. Because if I'm playing GTA and you want me to come and play Halo and I don't right away, fine. If I don't after you send me the third one, take the hint.
Also, if you invite me, wait a couple of minutes for me to save, swap discs, and load. It's intensely frustrating when you invite me to a game and then when I join, you're already playing.
Snack, you can turn off notifications if you want. I do whenever I play Bioshock, and did for the first few hours of GTA. I have them permanently off for movies.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
I don't really have anyone shooting me an invite for no reason at all.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
I kind of feel like its just a courtesy - and I'd rather err on the side of "well-mannered" some times.
But that's just me, you can send me an invite anytime and I won't be bothered.
This. This is the only rule you need. Also do not send invites to strangers, and act like a goddamn human being. Sending me an invite, even to party up in an MMO when you're standing right next to me in the game world, without saying hi or anything first, is the equivalent of walking up to someone with a tennis ball and racket and just serving. You do this in game, you will see an "invite rejected" message. You do this in real life, and I will take your tennis ball.
I'm with this one, too - I hold myself to a pretty strict set of rules; but I'm pretty laid back myself. If I'm not down to join, I'll send you a message saying so, but I'm usually up for anything.
Bottom line: No one is going to get upset because their game invite wasn't accepted or that they we're invited to a game. So send them out freely, just don't spam the same person a bunch or you may become a nuisance.
I've always been pretty relaxed about stuff like this though. I tend to err on the side of politeness when doling out invites but I don't get upset if somebody else shoots me an invite while I'm already busy or if they invite me and the game is full when I get there.
Steam: Drokmir
Due to this, I never feel bad about people suddenly leaving or not responding to in game invites. I just assume they must have some good reason for it. It's the kind of attitude I like to receive as well, unless I was hosting the server and killed it in the middle of a match due to forgetting I was hosting it and dropping out (whoops, sorry guys).
If you see that I'm playing GTA IV, don't send me a fucking COD4 invite. Don't send me any invite to a game that I'm not currently playing, unless you see me sitting in the 360 Dashboard. This is a situation where a message before the invite would be proper etiquette, otherwise I don't see the point.
Otherwise... we all just spam Kris until he quits whatever else he is doin.
in mmo's the only time i send someone an invite without saying anything is if he just tagged a named guy i need to kill, or i tagged one and the guy runs up looking like he needs him too
other than that, yea, any random invite anyone sends i decline.
MMO party invites are way different than console game invites.
haha yes, but i was responding to something he had said in the post i quoted. when i am playing on live i pretty much just ignore all invites unless i feel like playing with someone else.
what really gets me though is the people who will invite me to friends without sending a message, and without speaking to me through the mic during a game at all. those are a bit baffling. even a 'hey i like how you play and its hard to find people to start games with, i'm gonna send you an invite and maybe we can play again later' would be nice
But that's pretty much a given right? I mean, you're not going to send someone an invite if you don't like playing with them so why bother even saying hey, I like how you play etc..
because my friends list is for my friends and people i can stand to talk to. i have no idea if this guy is a blithering idiot or not.
Why not? I do it all the time in CoD4. Especially if we need just one person to round out the roster for a full game. I'll go through my previous games and find someone who's in the lobby and invite them. Most of the time I get a "who is this?", other times they're glad that I invited them.
Are you referring to people you don't know at all, or people on your friends list?
I misread the friends invite as a game invite. So yeah I see what you're saying.
As for blind invites, I'd rather not get invites when at the dashboard, playing a different game, or watching a movie. I'd rather not turn these alerts off, but sometimes I just end up pulling the plug so I can enjoy a new game in peace.
On the MMO topic, yes, blind group invites are terrible. Especially if you actually accept, ask questions in group chat, and they completely ignore everything.
Overall, I'd say the majority of people are douche bags and don't bother thinking when they fire invites. Sure, it doesn't seem like a big deal to some of you when you're just considering your own actions, but now imagine that everyone else is doing the same thing. Yeah, aggravating.
That's because I don't own Forza 2.
Seriously, what the fuck.
No matter what game I'm playing, no matter what time it is, people are sending me invites for CoD4.
There's a couple of issues here, so I'll just chime in with my 2 cents on them
Message 1st, then Game Invite
I don't agree with this one. You're on my friends list for christ's sake, so I'm going to assume you know me, like me (or at least tolerate me) and enjoy playing with me. As such, Im just going to invite you. I hate it when people send me voice/text messages... I gotta load up the fucking whatever console, pause my game (or potentially die), and it may just be Panny sending my smilie faces or Sheep telling me I smell funny, so its not really useful: it just sucks. A game invite is pretty clear: I want to play with you.
Inviting Strangers
I don't do this. I feel weird enough sending people invites from the PA "clan lists" (and often, its an exercise in futility). Plus I fucking hate 99% of the people on live.
Inviting People Who Aren't Currently Playing the Same Game
I do this, but only for people that I truely classify as friends (grats, you now get to be harassed by me). People I regularly play these games with, I dont give a shit what else they're playing, Ill invite them and I'd hope they'd do the same for me. If they dont want to play, ignore the invite! We can always meet up next time.
That being said, I generally invite the other Bees if they're in Halo unless otherwise deterred.
PS. I don't have Call of Duty4 anymore, I was renting it from game fly. Stop fucking inviting me to it.
I bet your natural charm has resulted in a tremendous amount of friend invites too.
Like that time you were playing with yourself and were all GOD DAMMIT AS SOON AS I SHOOT MY LOAD I'M GONNA SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD.
We didn't play hardcore team deathmatch that night.