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Detained with the intent to deport.
bowlofpetunias
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I don't know if I'm looking for advice or I'm just talking because I have no one to talk to about it.
Today at roughly 1 PM CST, officers on the behalf of the United States Citizenship and Immigration showed up at my parents' house. They, then, proceeded to detain my mother based on an outstanding warrant for her deportation. Apparently, she never appeared in court for a case review of her immigration status some seven months ago. Without going into much detail, my mom had been a legal immigrant in this country for about 35 years. She applied for citizenship ten years ago and was denied because she bounced a check 20 years prior to that.
At first, when it happened I wasn't nearly as concerned as my dad was; I figured it's not really that bad. It's not like she's going to prison. She's just going to another country. I won't get to see her often but as I was just planning on moving away, it wasn't like I was going to see her much anyway. Also, it gives me a reason to finally go to Europe, with some consistency even. I love my mom and would love to keep her in the country but if she's got to go, this definitely isn't the worst scenario. She even gets to be with her mom again (who moved back to Europe a few years ago).
She called about an hour later. As you would expect, she sounded sad. She talked about some people she was told that we could call to help her. Gave us numbers and names and addresses. Her voice was shaky, like someone who had been crying. She tells me that she loves me, then, hangs up. My attitude maintained the same. My dad's seemed a little worse. His eyes were welling.
Then a little later, she called again. The shake in her voice was gone. She seemed at ease. She was telling us about how she talked to the agents that were holding her and about all the stuff that the United States is willing to pay to ship with her when she goes back (of course, including her dog). She says that she's alright, explains that she's being kept in, what is essentially a hotel room without a TV, isn't bad just boring. She makes it sound like she's being grounded by the federal government. She says her mom will be happy to see her. She insists that she loves me, then, hangs up. My attitude maintained the same. My dad seemed more neutral. He looked like he needed a nap.
Then 15 minutes later, she called again. I didn't get a chance to talk to her but I could hear her through the ear piece of the phone. She sounds happy. The only reason she calls is to tell my dad that the lottery tickets she bought were in her purse. They exchange brief, "I love you"s, as if they were a couple calling one another at work. Everything seemed fine. My dad was back to normal. My attitude started to change.
Wait a minute, why was she happy? Is she happy that she finally gets a chance to go home? Did she realize that her situation isn't really a bad one? These are all questions I had as this horrible knot started to develop in the pit of my stomach. I'm no longer fine with this. I'm not sad... or even upset, I just feel empty. So I decided to turn to my friends... none of them are online or responding to text messages. The knot is getting worse. I try to distract myself to return myself to normal. Laundry, baseball, video games... none of it is distracting me from this anxiety. I try friends I haven't talk to in a while. No one is responding. I'm feeling lonely. I don't have someone to talk to so, for some god forsaken reason, "(I) turned to something (I) don't fully understand"... the Penny Arcade Forum.
I was hoping by the time I finished typing this out as if it was a piece for This American Life, I'd feel better but I don't. And the worst part is that I don't know if I feel this way because I am actually going to miss my mom or because my mom is actually alright with moving away from me and my dad.
I'm sure this can be considered just whiny livejournal bullshit but I don't have a livejournal so, uh, fuck off.
[tiny]no not really... please don't fuck off, I need you.[/tiny]
What's wrong with me?
Today at roughly 1 PM CST, officers on the behalf of the United States Citizenship and Immigration showed up at my parents' house. They, then, proceeded to detain my mother based on an outstanding warrant for her deportation. Apparently, she never appeared in court for a case review of her immigration status some seven months ago. Without going into much detail, my mom had been a legal immigrant in this country for about 35 years. She applied for citizenship ten years ago and was denied because she bounced a check 20 years prior to that.
At first, when it happened I wasn't nearly as concerned as my dad was; I figured it's not really that bad. It's not like she's going to prison. She's just going to another country. I won't get to see her often but as I was just planning on moving away, it wasn't like I was going to see her much anyway. Also, it gives me a reason to finally go to Europe, with some consistency even. I love my mom and would love to keep her in the country but if she's got to go, this definitely isn't the worst scenario. She even gets to be with her mom again (who moved back to Europe a few years ago).
She called about an hour later. As you would expect, she sounded sad. She talked about some people she was told that we could call to help her. Gave us numbers and names and addresses. Her voice was shaky, like someone who had been crying. She tells me that she loves me, then, hangs up. My attitude maintained the same. My dad's seemed a little worse. His eyes were welling.
Then a little later, she called again. The shake in her voice was gone. She seemed at ease. She was telling us about how she talked to the agents that were holding her and about all the stuff that the United States is willing to pay to ship with her when she goes back (of course, including her dog). She says that she's alright, explains that she's being kept in, what is essentially a hotel room without a TV, isn't bad just boring. She makes it sound like she's being grounded by the federal government. She says her mom will be happy to see her. She insists that she loves me, then, hangs up. My attitude maintained the same. My dad seemed more neutral. He looked like he needed a nap.
Then 15 minutes later, she called again. I didn't get a chance to talk to her but I could hear her through the ear piece of the phone. She sounds happy. The only reason she calls is to tell my dad that the lottery tickets she bought were in her purse. They exchange brief, "I love you"s, as if they were a couple calling one another at work. Everything seemed fine. My dad was back to normal. My attitude started to change.
Wait a minute, why was she happy? Is she happy that she finally gets a chance to go home? Did she realize that her situation isn't really a bad one? These are all questions I had as this horrible knot started to develop in the pit of my stomach. I'm no longer fine with this. I'm not sad... or even upset, I just feel empty. So I decided to turn to my friends... none of them are online or responding to text messages. The knot is getting worse. I try to distract myself to return myself to normal. Laundry, baseball, video games... none of it is distracting me from this anxiety. I try friends I haven't talk to in a while. No one is responding. I'm feeling lonely. I don't have someone to talk to so, for some god forsaken reason, "(I) turned to something (I) don't fully understand"... the Penny Arcade Forum.
I was hoping by the time I finished typing this out as if it was a piece for This American Life, I'd feel better but I don't. And the worst part is that I don't know if I feel this way because I am actually going to miss my mom or because my mom is actually alright with moving away from me and my dad.
I'm sure this can be considered just whiny livejournal bullshit but I don't have a livejournal so, uh, fuck off.
[tiny]no not really... please don't fuck off, I need you.[/tiny]
What's wrong with me?
bowlofpetunias on
0
Posts
That's going to make you feel bad.
I'm sorry that things have gone that way, it's not fair at all.