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Should I Tell Her?

ElPresPufferfishElPresPufferfish Registered User regular
edited June 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
If you read my other thread you'll know that my girlfriend is going to study abroad this upcoming fall for 11 months.

I really don't want her to go. We're long distance already for the summer, and it has really sucked for me, at least. I've tried to be supportive and never let her know how much it bothers me, but I've been worrying about it lately.

I'd feel like a total ass if if something happened and we broke up while she was gone. But I'd also feel like a total ass if I broke up with her before she left because I didn't want to be alone for so long.

I haven't dared tell her because I'm scared that she'd stay home if she knew, and I don't want her to hold it against me forever....because what would be the point then.

I'm 21, she's about to turn 20.

tl;dr - girlfriend leaving for 11mo. Am I a total ass for telling her I don't want her to go?

ElPresPufferfish on


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    DrFrylockDrFrylock Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Let her go. You're both young, maybe too young for a relationship that is serious enough to derail you both pursuing your dreams. Instead of pining away for her, why don't you focus yourself on accomplishing...whatever it is you plan to accomplish so you can have enough stability in your life to support a serious relationship?

    DrFrylock on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited June 2008
    Ehhh.. probably not, honestly. What he said.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    thejazzmanthejazzman Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I haven't read the other thread so sue me if I say something that's wrong/ been covered.

    It really really depends on how serious you are about her and vice versa. I was dating my partner during highschool and by the time we left for uni our relationship was much more important to us than a degree or a cool holiday or whatever. The simple question is, can either of you not stand to be apart for a whole year? If she's already arranged to do this, then she's already made the choice that she can stand it.

    If you are considering breaking up with her b/c of distance I'd probably not say anything to her. With these things I kind of feel like, if the two of you needed to be in the same place, you wouldn't have let her arrange it, and she wouldn't have wanted to go.

    So yeah, to summarize,

    I don't think you should say anything b/c she clearly wants go to and you could only make her stay with a huge guilt trip. Ask her if she's sure she wants to go, but don't push it further than that. None of this has been out of her or your control, what's happening is the natural progression from how much you want to be with each other, and how high up the relationship is on your list of priorities.

    thejazzman on
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    seasleepyseasleepy Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Telling her how much you'll miss her? Fine.
    Letting her know how much being apart bothers you? Fine.
    Asking her not to go because it will suck for you? ...Pretty selfish, and unfair to her as well -- LDRs pretty much suck for everyone involved (I know, that's how I met my husband). She may not have as hard a time with it as you do, but it's not going to be sunshine and roses for her either without you.

    seasleepy on
    Steam | Nintendo: seasleepy | PSN: seasleepy1
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    ElPresPufferfishElPresPufferfish Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Yeah. This is all pretty much what I figured. I think I just had a really bad day today and got extra down about it. You can lock this if you want. Thanks

    ElPresPufferfish on
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