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Zonkytonkman Memorial [CHAT]
Thanatos
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, for those of you who don't know, Joe Coady, better known around here as Zonkytonkman, was killed in a motorcycle accident on Saturday. I wish I would have gotten the chance to know Tonkman a lot better; I only got to meet and hang out with him a couple of times, but he was awesome. He was the type of guy who, within five minutes of meeting him, you felt like you'd known him your whole life (and you were usually asking him to please stop humping your leg). There's a sticky in SE++ for those of you who are interested, with people who were lucky enough to know him far better than I did.
Zonkytonkman, at one point, spent quite a bit of time posting in D&D; it had tapered off in recent months/years, going largely over to SE++, but I'm sure there are plenty of you still around here who remember him. So, this thread is dedicated to one of the coolest motherfuckers on the planet:
Zonkytonkman, at one point, spent quite a bit of time posting in D&D; it had tapered off in recent months/years, going largely over to SE++, but I'm sure there are plenty of you still around here who remember him. So, this thread is dedicated to one of the coolest motherfuckers on the planet:
Zonkytonkman wrote: »Not much of a story i guess, but kinda funny.
The day before canada day a friend had a party, then we head downtown and i'm just about falling down drunk. I find a relatively pretty girl and go out on teh dance floor swing dancing.
I convince her to let me do a backflip move with her (I grab her lower legs and kinda throw her aroundmy other arm which is around her waist) and loaded as i am, i don't see the pretty pretty princess behind us, and her foot snags this girl a littl eon the shoulder. It wasn't a bad hit at all, but I suppose i can see how she'd be pissed.
Anyway, she turns to me and flips the fuck out. Yelling, screaming, pointing, getting in my face, all that. I'm far too loaded and the muic is far too loud for me to eeven hear what the hell she's saying, let alone to make an intelligent apology or counter argument.
So I do what any normal guy would do when communication breaks down and they find themselves under attack of an extremely catty woman.
I raise both hands in claws, bare my teeth and hiss as loud as i can like a cat with its back up. Right in her face.
She just let her jaw drop for a second, then walked off in a huff.
I thought it was pretty goddamn funny at the time, but I suppose i WAS completely in the wrong.
Zonkytonkman wrote: »not so much a tale of me doing retarded stuff while loaded as it is a tale of something funny while drinking.
so we're going on a pub crawl, my roomates and i decide to go as ateam, and every team needs a theme, so we decided to make ours "the doods with the inflatible sex dolls."
so we go to the dollar store where they have inflatible women for 10 dollars each. No holes mind you, just cheap inflatibel manniquins. So my two roomates get one each, but i see one for 4 dollars more, the name of which is "the big lady" with the title "she's large and in charge"
so of course i get her. My roomate and i arrive at the register with 3 blow up dolls, the expensive one turns out to be functional. The girl at the register, stunningly hot and just about my age syas "the fat one has 3 holes, but the hole on the ass has plastic over it, so you need to pop it open before you can use it. "
my roomate and i bust out laughing "ehhe well that's cool, but i'm not planning on using it for that. "
she rolls her eyes "sure, whatever. But just say someone does decide to have sex with it, you have to pop it open."
me "but.. i'm not going to fuck it"
her "alright, fine. "
siiiigh.
I guess we did look like a bunch of queers that wanted a threeesome but couldn't attract a flesh and blood girl into the mix.
so we go on the pub crawl and decide not to actualy race, why bother, we weren't going to win and all second place gets ina pub crawl is an early night and a date with the tolet bowl the next morning. So we take our time and pace ourselves to match up with a team of hot girls. Most o the girls on this team are really hot, but rowdy and far from what one would call ladies, except for the main hotty. She's all that and a bag of chips, and extremely proper. Never swears, never talks about anythign vulgar, probably still a virgin, attends church regularly. I always get a kick out of teasing her, instead of hello i always ask her "hows yer cunt". etc.
Anyway, i was joking around with one of the less proper girls and we get to wondering if my fully functional doll has a digestive system, so i pour beer down into her mouth and act all suprised whenit doesn't run out of her ass. Ha ha lame joke but it got a giggle at the time. The girl and i go to the bar and leave my doll in the corner.
The extremely proper girl approaches the doll by herself. You can tell she's curious, but wouldn't dare let anyone know that she was curious. She takes a look around to see if anyone is watching and doesn't notice me. Then she takes her finger and ever so slowly inserts it into the dolls mouth to see what it feels like.
Only i poured beer in the dolls mouth a minute ago. It's still wet. she didn't see me do it, and i guess she could only assume wha the wet stuff was.
She pulls her hand out of the mouth like it was on fire, screams a little and runs across the bar into the washroom. 5 minutes and what i assume was a lot of soap later she comes outo f the bathrooma nd doesn't say a word, assuming no one saw.
boy was she embarrassed when i told the whole storyat the cafeteria the following monday.
Everyone called her "oral" after that for a while.
Zonkytonkman wrote:Ok this is a pretty good one.
I was in Galway, Ireland the summer after my first year at uni. Working in a kitchen in this huge goddamn hotel. Miserable job, i went over with no friends, knowing no one. Just wanted to see Ireland. It was a good experience, but I really had no friends for a while.
So one weekend I go to this local dance bar, The Alley and proceed to get loaded off my ass. Towards the end of the night I go to the washroom and I'm standing in a line to use the urinals. Some huge mammoth in a rugby shirt walks in and cuts in front of me.
Now I'm loaded as fuck so I just assume that this guy did it accidentally, so I tap him on the shoulder and in a ver polite voice "Excuse me good sir, but I believe you accidentally skipped me in the line up. "
He just looks me up and down and goes "huh."
Then turns back, ignoring me.
So he does his business, i do mine almost at the same time, and as I'm washing my hands, he's slowly leaving the washroom.
Now when I'm drunk, I'm a very very saucy bastard. Only when i feel that someone is in the wrong though. I never pick fights with those that leave well enough alone, but when I feel i've been taken advantage of, or someone is being a dick, I usually cause a scene. So what do i do when faced with a man large enough to have smaller animals living in his wake? I cause a scene of course.
I'm washing my hands and hold them together and cup as much water as I can in them, then i flick the whole lot of it down the back of his neck.
he stops dead in his tracks. Everyone in the washroom shuts up and stares. Everyones watching wide eyed, not believeing that I'd pick a fight with a dinosaur. I walk over quickly and stand with my chest nearly touching his back. I figure he'll turn around, find some punk standing directly next to him and I'll take my lumps like a man.
But instead he starts to turn, ever so slowly. Without thinking about it i just kinda slowly side step so that my chest never leaves his back. Before I know it he's turned 180 and is no longer between me and the door. I casually walk out only to hear him bellow "WHO THE FUCK DID IT!?!? WAS IT FUCKING YOU?!?"
I guess he was referring to someone in the washroom. I walk a few more steps up to a bouncer and tell him that some huge guy is in the washroom causing a scene. He runs in and is escorting the guy out. As he passes me i kinda stick out my tongue at him, laughing. He recognizes me and proceeds to flip the fuck out trying to get at me, and it takes 4 bouncers being VERY rough with him to get him out.
NExt morning I wake up with a puddle of puke next to the bed, I go to use the washroom, musing over the night before when i suddenly remember what i had done.
The realization that i could have been fucking killed was quite a shock.
Zonkytonkman wrote:747655536
I love it when sex hurts physically. Love it.
that's supposed to be a finger guys.
Thanatos on
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Posts
No.
that's pretty rare.
How old was he?
The asshole probably still got carded, though.
He was old enough. Or so I'm told.
Those stories made me laugh.
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Do you have a link?
I'm not really sure what that means.
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Than: Thanks.
I hope that doesn't mean I'm going to die soon then too...
I heard about this a couple of days ago. Didn't know the guy much, but it's always a shock when someone from the forums dies.
You know, if you follow the link, it takes you to the forum index, which sort of resembles a top-down view of the entire place.
MrBallBaggins.
MrBallBaggins.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Ugh.
Missed my chance...
Rest in Pease.
I'd forgotten all about that. Man, now I'm even mopey-er.
Agreed.
The answer is clear: never ever drive anywhere.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Automobile accidents are just the worst.
It's such a violent, visceral reminder that all we are and all we ever will be is contained within a couple cubic centimeters of relatively fragile meat and bone.
just wanted to brighten up your week off 8-)
Think I'll go shower
read a book! learn a language! cure a disease!
play an MMO!
And then I realized that the primary reason I play WoW is so I can virtually hang out with my college friends, including a guy who's basically my best friend, now that they've all moved up to Seattle.
I felt really bad about the decision and I think I'm going to reactivate after I take a break for a couple of weeks.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Why must all the good people die?!