GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
By the way, you remember when I made singular calls and that was the entire post? I'd just post "FIRE!" and you guys were thinking I was clowning around?
I was actually acting on behalf of the Heart seeker hijacking a ring.
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
Great game, guys. Medo, JPants, congratulations on your win. It was fun to watch you guys struggle. fun to watch the extremists just completely work you guys over in the first few days.
Extremists, you guys did a great job. Absolutely wonderful to observe.
The blow up was a mistake made by the extremists, our dude thought he wasn't activating the ring with his fake colours but it was clarified after the fact. :P Oh well.
That and the impulsive ring blockage of Quoth really cost us. I was hoping that Varcayn could have blocked the fire kill, but he would have outed himself doing so and JPants used his right away, so smart play by him.
Thanks, i figured no one would wind me because it would give themselves away, but can't be too careful.
JPants on
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
Here's what I'm going to do with the role PM's. You would hate for me to list all 52 at once. So what I'm going to do is list 10 at a time, the last one having 12. I'll link them in one of the OP's.
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
Man, everytime I work with Medo i have this nagging doubt in the back of my mind that she's playing some epic bad guy con and that I've completely fallen for it. Same thing happened in the Choose Your Own Adventure phalla in D&D.
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
She did not actually watch the game, where she might have seen that you have the message mixed up a bit. The message is supposed to be: Reduce how much stuff you use in the first place, reuse the stuff you do use all you can, and recycle it after you can't get any more use out of it. What you came up with is: Reduce your reuse of recycling. You wisely led her out through the entrance opposite the parking lot, so she did not see the 11 stretch SUV's Neuquen drove to the game.
Gaia has since figured it out, and labeled you one of the Extremists."
2- Southern Zanzibar-Inhambane coastal forest mosaic, Mozambique/Tanzania/Malawi/Zimbabwe
"You're Graca Milange out of Nacala, Mozambique. Gaia's charged you with defending the Southern Zanzibar-Inhambane coastal forest mosaic. You cannot bear to see anything die. Anything. The very fact that it's come to this horrifies you. Back home, you have gone so far as to break up hunts. These hunts only occasionally involve humans. More often you've done things such as try and save antelopes from becoming fast food. You've been mauled four times this year by the animals chasing them. The first mauling should have killed you, as should the other three. You either don't know or don't care; nobody can really tell which. They are also afraid to get near enough to you to ask, because that poor flamingo's about to get eaten by that hippo! HERE I COME, FLAMINGO!
In the process, you've unwittingly messed up a food chain or two, angering Gaia and sticking you with the label of Extremist."
3- Queen Charlotte Islands, Canada
"From Port Clements, British Columbia, Canada, you are Caroline Lukiwiki of the Queen Charlotte Islands. Your major achivement was celebrating Earth Day the way you figured it meant to be celebrated: in every country on Earth. And since Earth Day is on about the level of Talk Like A Pirate Day, you decided to do it yourself. But how to get to every country on Earth in one day? You didn't have the funds you'd like, but you figured it could be done.
Gaia showed up right before you launched yourself from the gigantic slingshot."
4- Tibetan Plateau alpine shrub and meadows, China
"You're Morgan Webb hailing from Los Angeles, California, in charge of the Tibetan Plateau alpine shrub and meadows. Yes, that Morgan Webb. Why the hell are you a Planeteer? Gaia wanted a celebrity to put a face on this whole endeavor. Which would have been fine, had she put the slightest bit of effort into it. Bono, for example, would have been a great choice. But Bono didn't pop into Gaia's head. One of those inexplicable cross-network commercials, however, did, when an X-Play commercial showed up on ESPN Classic 30 seconds after Gaia came up with the idea. Gaia decided to check if you were famous or anything, and a quick Google search showed you on FHM's 100 Hottest Women list, and also as host of the show WebbAlert. Good enough for her. Another two minutes of Googling would have shown that at the time, you wrote for FHM and there's no way they WEREN'T putting you on the list, and that WebbAlert is an online-only thing, but those two minutes were not done. So Gaia went to the Tokyo Game Show to find and recruit you (giving you whatever was available, as everything near your home was already allocated). You halfheartedly said 'sure' and immediately forgot about it as you shuffled off to the Koei booth.
So when you found yourself summoned to Attenborough Hill, your thought process went "What the hell? ...ah crap, she wasn't a cosplayer."
5- Atacama desert, Chile/Peru
"From Antofagasta, Chile, you're Tobias Escamillo of the Atacama desert, the driest place on Earth. Not much water, even fewer signs of life. Your particular part barely even counts any plant life. Things don't even decompose unless they're in the parts that get fog, which has really put the kibosh on your plans for a landfill. The threats to the Atacama have come largely from population increases, which you've done your best to stifle simply by telling anyone who's thinking of moving to the area exactly what you think of it. You're so dedicated to this cause that when Gaia gave you the Atacama to defend, your first words were "Aw, fuck!" Because it meant you got to stay. No moving to stupid old Rio de Janeiro for you!
Most people, given the choice, would take the Water ring in a heartbeat, but you're actually more interested in the Wind ring, to see if you can't blow in some clouds and get some damn rainfall. And also to get something of a breeze going. The current Wind ring-holder can remove one player per day from the proceedings by blowing them high above the hill- they won't have any action taken after usage count, including votes, but they won't know it. Sissy. You want them to know it. Besides, some people have some pipes on them. Should you grab the ring, you- but only you- will be able to launch someone into low Earth orbit. Not only will they be removed, but they will know it and be unable to so much as post for the rest of the gameday. All that person will be told is that they've been prevented from participating further. They won't be told why or who did it with what ring."
6- Eyre and York mallee, Australia
"You're Brenton Picton of Port Lincoln, Australia. You have the Eyre and York mallee, eucalyptis country, to look after. You've hit YouTube and MySpace and every other place you can make a quick global impression, but this has caused you no end of problems. For example, you are Australian in an area with eucalyptis trees, so anything you say is cut off by responses such as "Crikey!" and "THIS is a knife." Secondly, the name of your region, Eyre and York mallee, has been endlessly mocked. A trip to Fark to express your case and the plight of the Planeteers degenerated into a thread with pictures such as "All Aboard The Failboat", "I Like Where This Thread Is Going", and "Noooo, They Be Stealin' Mah Bucket".
7- Sulawesi montane rain forests, Indonesia
"You're Tomi Purwinto out of the Sulawesi montane rainforests. You're the national leader of the Malaysia Green Party. You do the mailing lists, write the platform, select the candidates, and have run several times yourself. And it might all work out if Malaysia actually had a Green Party. Basically you're the candidate that has to campaign naked to even get an audience.
Did I mention that you hail from Rantepao, Indonesia?"
8- Bermuda subtropical conifer forests, Bermuda
"You're Ross Plumstead out of Somerset, Bermuda, and you've been given the Bermuda subtropical conifer forests. Or in layman's terms, you've been given your home nation of Bermuda. Your focus is, naturally, oceanography. Marine life, sea levels and whatnot. There's nobody on the Atlantic more schooled than you, and considering the types bordering this ocean, that's saying something. Now if you'd please stop trying to put your head underwater to try to talk to dolphins, that'd be great.
As such, you were none too happy when Gaia gave the Water ring to someone else. All the user does with it is drip-drip-drip Chinese Water Torture-style on an enemy's head until they give up their alignment. Drips? Fucking DRIPS? That's bush-league. Obviously, you're interested in finding that Water ring and taking it for yourself. Should you obtain it, its power will increase, but only while you have it. Dripping for alignment is one thing. You, meanwhile, would be able to unleash an unending gusher of water on an opponent until they spill everything- the entire role PM will be shown to you, for you to leak at your leisure."
9- Mascarene forests, Mauritius/Reunion
"You're Bineshwaree Jingree. Born in Mauritius, you have dual citizenship in Madagascar, currently living in Toamasina, Madagascar with a second home in Curepipe, Mauritius. Unbeknownst to the rest of the human race, you have two pet dodos- the dodo being native to Mauritius before humans discovered this nice bird unafraid of anything hey I want to be your friend and WHAM with a stick. The Jingree family has secretly handed down a single family of dodos- the last ones- since then through the generations, hoping to get it back up to sustainable levels, but at all costs at least keeping a breeding pair. And while the human race isn't aware of it, Gaia is, and has given the current caretaker- you- the Mascarene forests.
Since their widely-believed extinction in 1662, your family of dodos has, well... the reason nobody else has found out is that every time a group of tourists or scientists has gotten close... see, there's a pile of rotting stuff near the barn and nobody wants to get anywhere near it to investigate anymore."
10- Central U.S. hardwood forests, United States
"Say hello to Monica Weatherby of Karbers Ridge, Illinois. A senior at Southern Illinois, you major in architecture. You've gotten wind of things like green roofs and "Earthships", a type of house built out of dirt, used tires and recycled cans. What got Gaia interested in you, and resulted in your being given the Central U.S. hardwood forests, was your research in seeing if a house could be made entirely out of live plants. This has been your senior thesis, and since your freshman year, you've built a prototype to use yourself as a test house.
Have I mentioned you're allergic to pollen?
Have I also mentioned that you've neglected to use perennial plants in your design? It does get nasty cold on occasion, particularly in winter, killing off the plants. Oh my God, not the plants, you evil Extremist."
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
Yea my big mistake was definitely the turning point for us extremist. I definitely didn't think that one through. Sigh.
Institutional Pederasty on
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
Role PM's 11 through 20:
11- Jamaican dry forests, Jamaica
"Of Epson Downs, Jamaica, you're Rosalea Mossel of the Jamaican dry forests. Gaia wasn't completely sure who she would take for this ecoregion, so she had to do some scouting. Here's how the conversation with you went:
"Hello, stereotypical Jamaican person. This may sound silly, but is anyone you know an ecologist of any kind?"
"Hey, I don't type on my stereo. And just because I grow the most primo sheet on de island--"
"That's great. The environment. Does anyone you know know a lot about it?"
"Mon, of course. De whole WORLD'S an environment, mon."
"Okay, great, because there's this dilemma concerning it--"
"No dilemma that can't be solved. You get really high and rise above it all, mon."
"Exactly! That is why I am here. I am trying to find the highest examples of all of humanity to rise Earth above its problems."
"Oh, mon, I think I am seeing all of humanity right now."
"...I think you might be what I'm looking for."
12- Central Range montane rain forests, Indonesia/Papua New Guinea
"Now approaching the hill, Dee Wagambi of Kauri, Papua New Guinea; you've got the Central Range montane rain forests. Even for the utterly isolated region of Papua New Guinea you're in- some of which has never even been explored- you're way out of the way, miles from the nearest village through hilly, heavily forested terrain and rivers surrounding you 360 degrees. Unless someone was actively seeking Kauri out, they'd never know it even existed. So with that established, you've taken the time to attempt to fashion yourself as Dr. Doolittle. You've got plenty of endemic species in the area, plenty of birds included. You try to study and mimic their various squawks and chirps to principally treat the sick ones, but gain any information you can.
You don't know this, but you're not even close. So far you've unwittingly insulted the mother of a brown sicklebill, threatened the life of a mountain firetail, and have been shit upon by eight different species. On the plus side, now you know exactly why one of them is called a sooty honeyeater."
13- Middle Atlantic coastal forests, United States
"You're Susan Radke of Chestertown, Maryland. You've taken many trips to the Appalachian foothills, and seen many a mountaintop removed for its coal. Mountaintop removal is a somewhat low-key issue, but no less important: Companies know there's coal in a mountain, so they dig the top off in order to get to the coal. What happens is that rain coming off that mountain is now contaminated by what remains of the coal, and usually brings the coal with it, polluting the river to where it becomes useless or worse to the residents that depended on it. Things go downhill from there. Plus the new risk of mudslides from the newly-exposed loose dirt. And the lack of ability to grow anything on the new top for the longest time. So this is your cause, and your tireless effort has brought Gaia's attention.
You now defend the Middle Atlantic coastal forests, which contain none of those mountains.
You are in possession of the Earth ring. The defense ring. The owner of the Earth ring can, once every other day, summon a wall of earth to protect any other Planeteer from elimination. The ring cannot be used on yourself. In order to activate it, post "EARTH!" in lime and PM me the name of who you're saving."
14- Cameroonian Highlands forests, Cameroon/Nigeria
"You are Bernard Nguimgo, living in a tribe in western Cameroon in the Cameroon Highlands forests; the nearest town is Nkongsamba. You're the tribal leader, and your tribe has worshipped Gaia for as long as it has existed. Your tribe has a long history of fiercely protecting its land and all that live on it from loggers, poachers, and anyone else that may infringe on it. You were among Gaia's first recruits- in fact, the first among those still alive- and an easy choice. The hundreds of dipshits she picked after you, though, piss you off. This was supposed to be the best of the best, and she grabbed chainsaw-wielding nuts and people that talk to woodchucks. The fact that their incompetence started a chain of events that led to the death of your tribe's goddess has filled you with righteous fury.
Oh, and also, your tribe is one of cannibals. Dead bodies pollute the ground, after all."
15- Western European broadleaf forests, Austria/Czech Republic/France/Germany/Switzerland
"You are Nina Geis from Stuttgart, Germany, one of if not the most high-tech city in Europe. So naturally, you've seen a lot of e-waste. It's the fastest-growing form of waste, so you know you've got to leap on it. You've caught Gaia's attention and have been given the urban-rich Western European broadleaf forests to keep it up. But hopefully not in the way you got your biggest score: by completely emptying the Stuttgart Gamestop of everything electronic- games, demo TV's, cash registers, computers connected to the company network- and loading it into a dump truck. It took a year to sort out the resulting mess.
Unsurprisingly, some assorted police-type people seem to have gotten the idea that you're some sort of Extremist. They'd be right."
16- Cuban cactus scrub, Cuba
"You're Armando Velasco from Playa Uvero, Cuba. You have the Cuban cactus scrub to defend, and the general problems of civilization to ward off such as woodcutting and introduced species that double as pets, but you've got more on your plate than that. You're in Cuba, so there's the Castro thing. You're in the southeast, not overly far from Guantanamo Bay, so there's that too. You're a big believer in the UN, and to the whole principle of world peace, so you have made efforts to get Castro, the US and whatever countries have inmates at Guantanamo together for one big meeting.
You never did find out whose prison it was or what Indian Ocean island you escaped from.
But regardless of where you escaped from, a lot of countries want you back, because they have not yet explored the deeper realms of your anal cavities. You are, of course, an Extremist."
17- Southern Dry Pacific Coast mangroves, Costa Rica/Nicaragua
"You're Emilia 'Arbol Del Ladrillo' Campanero of Puerto Sandino, Nicaragua. (That's Spanish for 'Brick Tree'.) With this kind of group in this kind of situation, you could come away thinking that nickname came from being a 6-foot, muscle-laden hulk of an environmentalist. You could be wrong. It actually comes from your idea to create a sustainable rainforest by building trees out of bricks. You're still working on the leaves, which have a tendency to think its autumn and squish various endangered things. But such is the price of progress."
18- Mount Lofty woodlands, Australia
"You're Courtney Hamilton, out of Adelaide, Australia and the Mount Lofty woodlands. What got Gaia interested in you is the time you squatted on a vacant lot for two years to prevent the construction of a coal plant. It worked. Until they decided to build around you. The extra two years allowed them to gain twice the land, including what was formerly a battered women's shelter, and put up a Wal-Mart instead, but hey."
19- Al Hajar Al Gharbi montane woodlands, Oman
"You are a horse. Yes, a horse. Your name is Universal Pumpkin, and you hail from a racehorse farm in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, given Oman's Al Hajar Al Gharbi montane woodlands. Gaia decided to bring a noble animal into the Planeteers to... who the fuck knows. You are a talking horse, partially because your role wouldn't be any fun if all you were allowed to do was neigh, and partially because you learned to speak from Ren and Stimpy. Maybe Gaia decided to get an animal's perspective on ecology. But while you're able to speak, you've yet to learn speech beyond a horse's dialouge. So for the first gameday, aside from your vote, all you'll be able to say is "No, sir, I don't like it". And no getting cutesy with codes. You're a horse. You don't know codes."
20- Queensland tropical rain forests, Australia
"You're Andrew Cartledge of Rollingstone, Australia. You represent the Queensland tropical rain forests. You are a real tree hugger. By this I mean you have married a tree. Granted, this was a particularly ambitious effort to prevent it from being cut down, but hey, it worked. The fact that the surrounding 58 trees around it were cut down themselves, the last 57 out of sheer spite from the lumberjacks, doesn't deter you. The part where they cut in a direction that they all fell on the tree you married? That, perhaps."
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
19- Al Hajar Al Gharbi montane woodlands, Oman
"You are a horse. Yes, a horse. Your name is Universal Pumpkin, and you hail from a racehorse farm in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, given Oman's Al Hajar Al Gharbi montane woodlands. Gaia decided to bring a noble animal into the Planeteers to... who the fuck knows. You are a talking horse, partially because your role wouldn't be any fun if all you were allowed to do was neigh, and partially because you learned to speak from Ren and Stimpy. Maybe Gaia decided to get an animal's perspective on ecology. But while you're able to speak, you've yet to learn speech beyond a horse's dialouge. So for the first gameday, aside from your vote, all you'll be able to say is "No, sir, I don't like it". And no getting cutesy with codes. You're a horse. You don't know codes."
That's my favorite.
Gorilla Salad on
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
Role PM's 21 through 30 (30 being my favorite):
21- Westland temperate forests, New Zealand
"You're Benjamin Asher of Haast on New Zealand's South Island. Gaia's charged you with the Westland temperate forests. You're big on solar energy, having coated every feasible surface of your house in solar paneling, as well as your car roof (you went to a guy who's rigged up your car and it's added 15 miles per gallon), and can be considered what's known as a sun worshipper. You hit the beach every time you can, open up one of those reflective mirror things, and let Mr. Sun have at you.
This would all be well and good if not for that darned hole in the ozone layer. You have the complexion of a leather jacket, and the skin cancer went into remission five months ago."
22- Rann of Kutch seasonal salt marsh, India/Pakistan
"Representing Chobari, India and the Rann of Kutch seasonal salt marsh, it's C.K. Ramana. Your personal crusade of choice is desalinization, the practice of removing salt from water to make it drinkable. You're not up on all the particulars, but you figure you have enough info on the practice to get moving. You've got a region that's a caked salt flat half the year, and knee-deep in water the other half. You figure that Karachi, Hyderabad and Ahmadabad- all somewhat near the marsh- have growing populations and could use that extra water. Thing is, you have some endangered animals that also need that water, with the salt level like it is, so Gaia decided it'd be better if she got you onto Gilman Island and gave you the Atlantic Ocean to work with. And also told you that generally this requires a whole entire factory."
23- Eastern Micronesia tropical dry forests, Marshall Islands/Nauru
"You're Lana Pratt of Maloelap, Marshall Islands and the Eastern Micronesia tropical dry forests. You're concerned with overfishing. Huge ships from Japan and Russia- occasionally the rest of Pacific Asia chimes in, but those two in that order are the biggest- regularly show up to sweep the sea of fish, which can cause some species to get to dangerously low levels, as well as inhibiting the ability of them to reproduce (reduced number of mating pairs). You've decided to do your part by no longer fishing in those waters.
The problem is that for anyone or anything from the Marshall Islands to get any international attention, they have to raise holy hell. You're doing a silent protest. So now you don't have any fish and Japan and Russia are cheerily continuing to harpoon Moby Dick unaware that you even exist. Great work.
So for being a danger to yourself, you must be, by extension, an Extremist to yourself."
24- Arctic foothills tundra, Canada/United States
"You're Travis MacDougal of Barrow, Alaska. You don't have very much opportunity to go green where you live- heck, you and everyone else have your hands full trying to keep from going blue. Environmentalism's not much of an issue up in Barrow aside from 'man, we got a lot of melting ice up here' and 'so how bout that ANWR'. Which nobody ever seems to ask you guys about anyway. Gaia, however, saw some potential in you and a few others in the area- you, someone from Prudhoe Bay, someone from Deadhorse- and Alaska has a lot of ecoregions to fill and not a lot of people, so if anyone had good odds of making the Planeteers, it was you. You drew the Arctic foothills tundra.
Now with access to an island created by a goddess for the purpose of saving the world and all the resources that requires... you're still a slob and have acquired a Home Depot credit card. But now you're a slob that isn't freezing his ass off.
Gaia? Not happy with the lack of commitment. You are little more than one more person not doing much to save the planet, but considering your job description, that's not good. Gaia would call you something else, but the only term we have around here is Extremist, so hop on board, you extreme Extremist, you."
25- Scandinavian and Russian taiga, Finland/Norway/Russia/Sweden
"You're Heidi Svendsen of Reinsvoll, Norway. You're very anti-oil. Rising gas prices, and alongside them rising prices on most consumer goods, have got you hot under the collar. You've been advocating cars that run on everything from hydrogen to electricity to grease to unsold Playstation 3's, all of which are renewable and seemingly unlimited. And you might get a more receptive message if Norway hadn't recently stumbled upon enough oil to make them the third largest exporter on Earth and really filthy stinking rich. Heated sidewalks, for Christ's sake! Who doesn't love heated sidewalks?
You currently hold the Heart ring. The Ma-Ti ring. This ring is useless. Just like on the show. Nobody else knows that, though. The holder of this ring can just shout out 'HEART!' whenever he wants like a son of a bitch and freak the fuck out of everyone, like 'What! What did he do! HALP!' It's a dud item in concrete usefulness, but a good player can still come up with some strategic uses. That will be up to you to think up. To "use" it, post "HEART!" in pink."
26- Central Asian northern desert, Kazakhstan/Uzbekistan
"You are Nurzhan Roslanova of Aktau, Kazakhstan, and have the Central Asian northern desert as your charge. You're not overly up on any advanced ecological defense techniques; Aktau is pretty isolated. In fact, all you really know about the subject is the Arbor Day Foundation commercial from way back featuring Carly Cardinal that you found on Youtube. You are incessantly quoting it, and in fact direct, word-for-word quotes are the only English you can speak fluently. But it's the thought that counts, and are you ever enthusiastic. Trees are terrific!"
27- Crete Mediterranean forests, Greece
"You're Dimitris Vlassas of Karavados, Greece, defending the Crete Mediterranean forests- e.g. Crete. Actually reforesting the place is a lost cause, as Crete is a) heavily populated and b) a perpetual tourist hotspot, so you're focused on making sure the farmers are at least acting halfway responsibly. Past that, you're a decathlete who hopes to one day make the Olympics- probably London or whoever has them after London. It's very, well, Greek of you. You've met with limited success. Very limited. At your last meet, Canada took the gold medallion. Germany took the silver medallion. Hungary won the bronze medallion.
You won a turkey breast medallion from Hungry Man, as it looked like you needed one by the end."
28- Eastern Gobi desert steppe, China/Mongolia
"You're Enkhtuya Dolgormaa of Mongolia. Your family is nomadic, as a number of Mongolians are, but you tend to cluster your stops in the general vicinity of Dalanzadgad. You're, shall we say, isolated. How isolated? There was a short-lived NBC show, Lost- not that Lost- where contestants were blindfolded, flown to a completely unknown and utterly foreign place on Earth, and tasked with making their way back to the United States. The very first group of contestants was dropped not far from where you live. That's how isolated you are. You're part of a nomadic family, which lives green out of necessity. You ruin the land, you have no resources to live off of, you die. That simple. Your family is simply better at it than most, and as such, Gaia's given you the Eastern Gobi desert steppe as your charge.
You're interested in obtaining the Fire ring, if for no other reason than you don't want to use up more wood than you have to. The person who has it now is able to take one person per day and turn THEM into a flaming hunk of carbon. Should you obtain the Fire ring, you will be able to double the output, offing two players a day instead of one. The ring will only be able to do this while you're wearing it, though.
You are currently the holder of the Wind ring. The suppression ring. The owner of the Wind ring can summon a gust of air to suspend one player per day high above Attenborough Hill, removing them from further participation in the gameday. They won't be aware that they're talking to air molecules, but anything they do after the declaration will not count. To use it, post "WIND!" in blue, and PM me the name of who you're suppressing."
29- Red Sea coastal desert, Egypt/Sudan
"Vegetarians don't eat meat. Vegans don't eat meat byproducts- eggs, milk, etc. Raw foodists don't cook any of their food. After that is fruitarians, who eat only ripe fruits off of trees. You're the next evolution: you eat only the skin of those fruits.
You are Abdallah Gabir of Oyo, Sudan, representing the Red Sea coastal desert, where you are pretty much limited to fig skins. You're lucky Gaia got to you before you starved your dumb ass to death."
30- Luzon tropical pine forests, Philippines
"Of Bontoc in the Philippines, you're Edgar Velarde. You're charged with handling the Luzon tropical pine forests, loaded up with pine trees- your main worry. The trees are used for many things, as trees are, and you have to keep people from cutting them down. It's an uphill battle. (Literally. Mt. Pulog is a hike.) To combat this, you've started up a Christmas-themed store to serve the large Christian contingent in the country, with proceeds going towards conservation efforts. You've got everything- tinsel, ornaments, plastic reindeer. You even have a Christmas tree farm. People go out into the forest, pick out a pine tree, and you cut it doooooooh shit."
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
Role PM's 31 through 40 (never mind 30, 34 is my favorite):
31- East Siberian taiga, Russia
"You are Sasha Khertek, from Kemerovo, Russia, and Gaia's handed you a big ol' mess of land in the East Siberian taiga. In fact, it's the second-largest ecoregion of all (behind the Sahara Desert). You were taken on by Gaia because you alone have it in you to single-handedly patrol such a wide region. Basically, you're a survivalist. A bad-ass survivalist. Bad-ass as in you killed a guy in Novosibirsk after a date went awry by stretching half his condom over his head and shoving the other half down his throat. The Russian government has made attempts to take you out like they "allegedly" did with Petrov, but when the would-be assassins enter your taiga, they have a habit of returning to Moscow one extremity at a time.
You're not an environmentalist by any means. And the patrol thing was just what Gaia told you. Gaia actually just recruited you because she thought it would be cool to have someone like that around.
You're currently the holder of the Fire ring. The vigilante ring. Whoever has the Fire ring can, once a day, turn one other Planeteer into crispy critters. To use it, post "FIRE!" in red, and PM me the name of who you're barbequing."
32- Pilbara shrublands, Australia
"G'day to Phil Estrellado of Pannawonica, Australia. You're not quite sure if your Pilbara shrublands have directly seen any of the United Kingdom's nuclear testing in the 1950's and 60's, but the contaminated test minesites at Kintyre and Manyingee, the uranium deposit at Turee Creek, and the UK's original test sites on the Montebello Islands, are close enough for you. Fallout carries. As a result, you've become deeply concerned with the soil in the area. You've tried a garden, but nothing has grown- you blame long-lived fallout contaminating the soil. You don't blame the low rainfall and generally garden-unfriendly climate of Western Australia, but that's escaped you."
33- Piney Woods forests, United States
"You're Martin Donnelly of Smackover, Arkansas. Yes, that is the name of your hometown. You are ashamed. You've got the Piney Woods forests to take care of. You're Arkansas' leading expert on the endangered red-cockaded woodpecker. And by this I mean you're somewhat aware that the red-cockaded woodpecker does not have a mating call of 'huhuhaHAha, huhuhaHAha, huhuhaHAha, huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh!'"
34- Hawaii tropical moist forests, United States
"You're Melissa Okelani of Pohoiki, Hawaii on the Big Island and the Hawaii tropical moist forests. Or, at least, Pohoiki's where you originally hail from. You've founded an ecovillage- a small village (50-150 people) designed to be self-sustaining- ten miles south of town. The modern definition of an ecovillage was created by Robert Gilman, which is where Gilman Island picked up its name. In fact, you were the one to originally nominate it.
Da Kine Ecovillage, however, isn't what you would call 'prosperous'. You plant flower beds, then eat them for nourishment. You built in the absolute densest crop of fruit-bearing plants you could find so they would count under the self-sustaining criteria. Everybody's occupation involves getting in touch with the sensations they felt in their youth, which is tragically listed on everyone's tax returns. This has led to an investigation by Dateline as to why there's an entire 127-person village full of Child Feelers.
You're currently the holder of the Water ring. The seer. You'd think Heart would be the seer, but nope. The holder of the Water ring takes one person to a corner of the hill and inflicts Chinese Water Torture until they give up their identity to the holder. To use it, post "WATER!" in cyan, and PM me the name of who you want to use 'aggressive interrogation techniques' on."
35- Northern Triangle subtropical forests, Myanmar
"We welcome Thi Win Nan of Paukyi village in Myanmar. To you, bamboo is a wonder plant. It grows quickly, you can snap it right off without killing it (it's classified as a grass), it's durable, and has many uses. However, your region, the Northern Triangle subtropical forests, are only seeing it because the forests are being cleared for development and farming. So you have a dilemma. You also have a solution: They shall fight for your love.
Your days are spent sitting in a room with a tree branch and a bamboo stick, waiting for either of them to do something. You're hoping one of them grows arms and legs and tears the other in half." (NOTE: Paukyi sits in the northern area of Myanmar, towards the Chinese border, and is unlikely to have been hit by the humanitarian crisis currently underway in that country.)
36- Hobyo grasslands and shrublands, Somalia
"Your cause is Darfur. You're fairly environmentally conscious for someone in your area, but that's not your primary thing. You've seen the devastation in the region, the poverty, the death, the thousands upon thousands of ruined lives. You've called out repeatedly for the world to stand up and take notice. You're Omar Muhuyadin Fidow of the Hobyo grasslands and shrublands, and the concept of 'think globally, act locally' escapes you completely as you live in your hometown of Mogadishu, Somalia."
37- Cardamom Mountains rain forests, Thailand/Cambodia/Vietnam
"From Samit on Cambodia's southwest coast, you're Sopheak Hem, in charge of the Cardamom Mountains rain forests. While Pol Pot may be gone, the Khmer Rouge still runs the show in Cambodia. You know this all too well, as your childhood was largely spent as the star attraction of a KR-run strip club. (No. No, they haven't cracked down on that in Cambodia.) We won't get into the details; since your escape from Cambodia in the back of a CNN truck in 1995, you've been trying to purge them from your memory, with little success. (You have since returned to Cambodia from your refuge in Sweden, but only after Gaia recruited you as a Planeteer. At least she didn't place you in the north, where the KR is largely holed up.) Since then, every time you see that shade of Khmer Rouge red, like a bull, you fly into a violent rage.
Guess what color you cast votes in."
38- Eastern Himalayan subalpine conifer forests, Bhutan/India/Nepal
"You're Wangyal Chhetri from Namtir, Bhutan, in defense of the Eastern Himalayan subalpine conifer forests. Your thing is deep ecology- a concentration of ecological philosophy rather than regarding it as a science. What is our place and role in the enviroment, whether animals have souls, etc. You spend days on end meditating on these things, with the occasional climber passing by and stopping to ponder the sight before discarding his oxygen tank on the side of the mountain."
39- Central Afghan Mountains xeric woodlands, Afghanistan
"You are Nwokoro Fregene. Your hometown of Port Harcourt, Nigeria is awash in oil. You're not the only Planeteer to have that situation. But unlike most, your country is not living it up. Instead of sleeping in giant piles of money and erecting thousand-foot testaments to penis length, Port Harcourt is a filthy, shanty-laden industrial wasteland. Nigeria has reported an average of one oil spill a day for the last 25 years, for reasons ranging from mechanical to sabotage, but the truth may be ten times that number. You've done all you can to try and set things right, but you're losing hope and are out of ideas. So when Gaia came to recruit you as a Planeteer, you asked not to be given your home region so a fresh body could give it a shot.
You wish to honor your sister by creating a mountain resembling her territory in the Sahel. But to do that, you need the Earth ring, and someone else has it. The current holder can use it to create a wall of earth defending one person besides themselves every other day from elimination. Should you take hold of it, you- but only you- will be able to double its output, protecting once per day. The restrictions are, you won't be able to save yourself either, and you cannot protect the same person twice in a row."
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
Role PM's 41 through 52:
41- English Lowlands beech forests, United Kingdom
"You're Chelsea Huntington of London, charged with the English Lowlands beech forests. You, like a few of your collegues, have actually watched Captain Planet, and as such recall that Gaia's a bit off on her focus if she's following the show. The show wasn't pure environmentalism- you particularly recall the episode where the Planeteers rolled into Belfast to end years of ethnic/religious hatred with half an hour of Wheeler slinging magic missile or whatever they did. This angered you, because both need to die. Glentoran? Linfield? Those degenerates cannot understand the glory of Chelsea! Who cannot love Ashley Cole, Andriy Shevchenko, Frank Lampard, Michael Essien, Michael Ballack and Didier Drogba on the same team? CHELSEA IS GOOD! CHELSEA IS LIFE! (Guess why your parents named you what they did.)
So why are you a Planeteer again? Perhaps Gaia should not have asked Coca-Cola to run a "Be A Planeteer! Look Under The Cap!" promotion."
42- Sonoran desert, United States/Mexico
"We welcome Carlos Echevarria of Gilbert, Arizona to the fray. You've been charged with defending the Sonoran desert. You've decided to do so by going deep undercover to see how non-ecologists think. You've taken up residence in a Phoenix suburb after your immigration from Mexico- legal, so shut up- to monitor a shining example of urban sprawl. You've bought a Hummer to monitor how gas is wasted by driving it over five times per day, with some research on what happens if you let the car idle in your driveway for 24 hours straight. You work for Dupont, with your immediate superiors being the guys who came up with the idea to dump Agent Orange on Vietnam. Also, you have eaten a live roadrunner because you didn't know what to do for lunch that day. Eventually, you will figure out what exactly you're trying to prove."
43- Pantanal, Bolivia/Brazil/Paraguay
"You are Crysta Diniz of the Pantanal. Hometown Aquidauana, Brazil. The Pantanal is a massive wetland region, but before your recruitment, you've actually spent more time studying plants in the Amazon as a half-botanist/half-chemist. As a result, you've got all sorts of neat tricks you can do with blowdarts. You've come up with results where you can shoot a blowdart and make someone's head grow to twice its size, turn someone into an iguana, and make an entire 5,000-person town explode. Among other things.
Unfortunately, you didn't bring any of these darts to Attenborough Hill. But they're really cool, I promise."
44- Fjordland temperate forests, New Zealand
"Leave it to the Planeteers to have a girl named something like Psyche. Specifically, Psyche Nicholls of Mossburn, New Zealand. Born of parents Rainflower and Loveblossom, and you've never exactly been sure which name is the mom's and which name's the dad's. When people think of things like those the Planeteers are focused on, you're one of the very first stereotypes that pop up. Your days are spent arranging flowers, admiring flowers, and experiencing herbs. At least that's what your parents call that last one. You have the Fjordland temperate forests of the South Island to look after, and you don't look after them so much as frolic and prance and generally give such good vibes that the tourists have dubbed you Crazy Flower Lady."
45- Low Arctic tundra, Canada
"You're Joyce Watt. You've bought into corn as an environmental cure-all. You have a cornfield on your property, your car runs on straight ethanol, you eat corn at least once a day, you root for the Nebraska Cornhuskers, you have corns on your feet, you make very corny jokes, you have a corncob pipe, everything. The problem is that you live in Pelly Bay, Nunavut, Canada, and Gaia's given you the Low Arctic tundra to defend. Corn doesn't grow very well up there."
46- Clipperton Island shrub and grasslands, Clipperton Island
"You are Corbin Cansell, straight outta Paris. Imagine your surprise when Gaia recruited you for Planeteer duty. Imagine your further surprise when you were charged with defending the Clipperton Island shrub and grasslands. Imagine the near-stroke you got when you found out that Clipperton Island is a tiny circular coral reef o'nothin in the Pacific Ocean a couple thousand miles from anything. Boy, does your life suck now."
47- Kinabalu montane alpine meadows, Malaysia
"You're Violet Yeoh, out of Kampong Sandatan, Malaysia in the shadow of Mount Kinabalu (though you currently base yourself in Bandar Seri Bagawan, Brunei). As such, Gaia's handed you the Kinabalu montane alpine meadows. It's an isolated region that, while in better shape than most and an easier defense than most, needs someone to keep development and tourism in check. You've decided the problem here is overpopulation- an epidemic to southern and eastern Asia. Unfortunately, it turns out that there are a few problems to solving overpopulation: 1) The quickest solutions are very unpopular, and 2) Unpopular solutions will cause people to start wanting to know all about the person who came up with it, which may result in trampled foliage."
48- Po Basin mixed forests, Italy
"You're Enzo Garzelli of Milan, Italy, and you have the Po Basin mixed forests. You are not simply the crazy cat guy. Well, you are, but it's any animal within range with you. You aren't there protesting when the local fashion shows trot out someone in a mink or alligator skin or snakeskin, but that is only because you are at home weeping and consoling the forest full of animals you keep at home (outside; you live out towards the edge of the metro area) and telling them you'd never let THEM wind up as clothing.
Amazingly, Gaia did not give you the Heart ring, but you figure this is your best chance to claim it. The current holder doesn't even get to do anything with it; it's useless in their hands except to yell 'HEART!' and mock Ma-Ti all the while. You are the only person on the hill capable of getting it to do anything. The ring, contrary to popular belief, was actually capable of telepathically contacting the other ring-holders. Should you claim the ring, you'll be able to do that- you'll be able to, once per day, make another ring-holder use their ring on the person of your choice, including yourself. (Not that you know what any of them do.) PM me the ring you wish to influence- you need not know who has it- and the name of the person you wish it used on- you need not know what the ring does. Yes, you can make a ring-holder use the ring on themselves if you're able to swing it."
49- Etosha Pan halophytics, Namibia
"Your cause is nuclear power. Your opposition to it. You hate nuclear weapons, you campaign against nuclear plants, and you can't hug children with nuclear arms. By God, the Etosha Pan halophytics aren't going to turn into Barter Town on your watch, dammit.
You are Hans Muller of Walvis Bay, Namibia, and you have spent the last 12 years preaching anti-nukes to an area that, besides having no capability for nuclear power of any kind, consists entirely of the immediate area surrounding a single lake in a national park. Nice work.
The sheer fervor of your message, though, has gotten through, but not to the right people. You're so fiery in your anti-nuclear fight with a Namibian lake that you're looked at as an Extremist."
50- Tepuis, Brazil/Guyana/Suriname/Venezuela
"Good day to Jules Soemita from Nieuw Nickerie, Suriname. It's a bit of a hike to your given ecoregion, the Tepuis. Tepuis are tabletop mountains found only in the extreme north of South America; Angel Falls originates on top of one. Some have never even been climbed, and you intend to keep it that way, as a full third of the plants and animals in the ecoregion are endemic to it, many hidden on top of the tepuis, or in a sinkhole accessible only through the top of one.
Now let's discuss your methods. You've picked one tepui that's climbable, taken all the trash you've found to the top, and dumped it in a sinkhole. Now all you have to do is figure out how to explain the "Fritos-bellied bats" that keep showing up nearby."
51- Indua Valley desert, Pakistan
"Welcome, Wail Khanzada of Haidarabad, Pakistan and the Indua Valley desert. You're a big believer in the butterfly effect- a butterfly flapping its wings in spot A can cause mudslides in spot B on the other side of the world. So you've decided that movement of any kind is bad. Any sudden movement can lead to thousands in Ecuador falling victim to an earthquake. Why are you even reading this? Your moving eyeballs are ringing in tornado season in Kansas! NO! NOT THE TRAILER PARK! STOP SCREAMING, WAIL! YOU'RE CAUSING AVALANCHES IN SWITZERLAND! eep"
52- Sundarbans mangroves, Bangladesh/India
"Say hello to Shadat Haque from Patuakhali, Bangladesh, defending the Sundarbans mangroves, a major tiger habitat. You like the tigers. Perhaps too much. "Isn't the tiger just cutesy-wootsey? Pet the tiger. That's a good boy. Ha ha! What a funny tiger! Okay, you can go play with my arm for now, but you have to promise to bring it back later, all right?"
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
So, the Captain Planet attack seems like an interesting mechanic in retrospect, but I would have made a couple of changes:
1) WARN the players what would happen. I know you think you did this with the Planeteer Alert, but that doesn't cut it.
2) Make the Heart ring worth using. The decision to use a ring and risk being annihilated, or save it to keep Captain Planet away, was rendered utterly moot by the fact that the Heart ring was useless, so everyone else could use their rings with impunity.
Okay, who the fuck killed me day 2? There was no reason for that.
That was me, and why shouldn't I have killed you? I wasn't about to not use my ring.
Another interesting tidbit; on the day we summoned Captain Planet, I was discussing my Fire ring target selection with MrBlarney (whom I did not know to be evil, of course). I dropped a list of five names I was considering, and two of them turned out to be extremists. Of course, he steered me towards the other three, and then the whole exercise was rendered moot.
Sorry Sabs. There was no way to know if you were a baddie or not. I had medo at 90% sure good guy, and after your results, Oatway at 100% innocent. 2 kills, unconfirmed.
JPants on
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
FWD, truth be told, from the very start GS and I were hoping it would trigger, and early.
The Captain Planet kill narration was actually all written up for the Day 1 ringholders before players were even selected. Then you guys had to put it off to Day 3.
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
So, the Captain Planet attack seems like an interesting mechanic in retrospect, but I would have made a couple of changes:
1) WARN the players what would happen. I know you think you did this with the Planeteer Alert, but that doesn't cut it.
2) Make the Heart ring worth using. The decision to use a ring and risk being annihilated, or save it to keep Captain Planet away, was rendered utterly moot by the fact that the Heart ring was useless, so everyone else could use their rings with impunity.
I can sort of agree with #1, but i REALLY agree with number 2. Perhaps make it so that when the non seeker uses it they can pick a ring and will be told who the target of that ring is. Not who used it, but who the target is.
The Seeker then can take control (possibly also learning who the ring previously targeted). That would have been neat.
FWD, truth be told, from the very start GS and I were hoping it would trigger, and early.
Well, there's no arguing this point. I've been there as a GM.
Really, I'm just disappointed that nearly all the seekers were wiped out at once.
Had it triggered on Day 1, none of the seekers would have gone. Then you all put the rings in seeker hands, fired them all and my eyes just bugged like "oh God, this is going to be absolute carnage."
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
FWD, truth be told, from the very start GS and I were hoping it would trigger, and early.
Well, there's no arguing this point. I've been there as a GM.
Really, I'm just disappointed that nearly all the seekers were wiped out at once.
Had it triggered on Day 1, none of the seekers would have gone. Then you all put the rings in seeker hands, fired them all and my eyes just bugged like "oh God, this is going to be absolute carnage."
Once again the Heart ring's uselessness came back to bite you.
And I remind you, if it had triggered Day 1, the Fire seeker would have gone since I had the Wind ring. :P
FunkyWaltDogg on
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
Jpants, Medopine, if you two want to do the battle of wits, go to IRC, Slashnet, with the room #duel.
Or if they don't, I'll take surrogates. It's meant for only two people, though.
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
I found the game frustrating despite some interesting mechanics. I find half the fun is discussing the ramifications of the rules as we discover them, and having both moderators constantly in the thread ruined any of that.
And again Aznman, sorry for the whole fiery death thing.
Exarch on
No gods or kings, only man.
LoL: BunyipAristocrat
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
I found the game frustrating despite some interesting mechanics. I find half the fun is discussing the ramifications of the rules as we discover them, and having both moderators constantly in the thread ruined any of that.
It's my style of hosting. I'm very hands-on.
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
I found the game frustrating despite some interesting mechanics. I find half the fun is discussing the ramifications of the rules as we discover them, and having both moderators constantly in the thread ruined any of that.
It's my style of hosting. I'm very hands-on.
Yeah don't get me wrong, it was an interesting game, thanks for running it, but sometimes game styles clash.
I like the whole "throw this useless ring on a dead person and then have it RNGd right back to me"
Heh.
That was pretty hilarious.
My favorite moment was getting the fire ring after the crucial reallocation. it was like "YES!.... Wait... oh shit...." so much pressure.
JPants on
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
Okay then. Any two contestants that wish to engage in a battle of wits, come into IRC Slashnet, #duel
I had a few others, including a game of hot potato where I set a post number and whoever had the hot potato after that post is gone (noting that everyone else can post too and mess up the timing), but I don't think that one will work anymore.
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
If it's possible to take your battle of wits in text form, I'd be happy to give a shot here, but I can't do it over IRC, so if it needs to be done like that someone else can feel free.
Varcayn on
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
It really needs a chat room.
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
But yes, the fact that most people still alive thought that the earth ring could be used every day almost saved me. At the end I was hoping JPants and Medo were convinced that Sabs was the evil one and would just let me tag along for the victory, believing me to be innocent, an idea I tried to sneak into a PM, but no dice.
But yes, the fact that most people still alive thought that the earth ring could be used every day almost saved me. At the end I was hoping JPants and Medo were convinced that Sabs was the evil one and would just let me tag along for the victory, believing me to be innocent, an idea I tried to sneak into a PM, but no dice.
Heh, yeah. i noticed that. It didn't ring bad guy to me though. There was no way i was letting you live though. I had bad guy inklings from you before, and i had 2.5 people i wasn't sure of and 2 kills. If you had tried to paint Medo as bad and playing me for a couple days, that MIIIIIIIIGHT have worked, but probably not.
Posts
I was actually acting on behalf of the Heart seeker hijacking a ring.
Steam | Twitter
Extremists, you guys did a great job. Absolutely wonderful to observe.
Thanks, i figured no one would wind me because it would give themselves away, but can't be too careful.
1- Southern Andean steppe, Argentina/Chile
"From Lujan de Cuyo, Argentina, number 12 for Racing Club, Gildardo Zapata! Or at least that's what you hope to be hearing one day. Or would hope to be hearing if soccer players didn't all take the field together in a pair of single-file lines. But anyway. You actually play for Independiente de Neuquén, on level 4 of the Argentinian soccer pyramid. You use the games to press your chosen message- the three R's. Reduce, reuse, recycle. After a 7-0 clowning of Cruz del Sur in which you scored a hat trick, Gaia was waiting in the clubhouse to give you both the game ball and the Southern Andean steppe.
She did not actually watch the game, where she might have seen that you have the message mixed up a bit. The message is supposed to be: Reduce how much stuff you use in the first place, reuse the stuff you do use all you can, and recycle it after you can't get any more use out of it. What you came up with is: Reduce your reuse of recycling. You wisely led her out through the entrance opposite the parking lot, so she did not see the 11 stretch SUV's Neuquen drove to the game.
Gaia has since figured it out, and labeled you one of the Extremists."
2- Southern Zanzibar-Inhambane coastal forest mosaic, Mozambique/Tanzania/Malawi/Zimbabwe
"You're Graca Milange out of Nacala, Mozambique. Gaia's charged you with defending the Southern Zanzibar-Inhambane coastal forest mosaic. You cannot bear to see anything die. Anything. The very fact that it's come to this horrifies you. Back home, you have gone so far as to break up hunts. These hunts only occasionally involve humans. More often you've done things such as try and save antelopes from becoming fast food. You've been mauled four times this year by the animals chasing them. The first mauling should have killed you, as should the other three. You either don't know or don't care; nobody can really tell which. They are also afraid to get near enough to you to ask, because that poor flamingo's about to get eaten by that hippo! HERE I COME, FLAMINGO!
In the process, you've unwittingly messed up a food chain or two, angering Gaia and sticking you with the label of Extremist."
3- Queen Charlotte Islands, Canada
"From Port Clements, British Columbia, Canada, you are Caroline Lukiwiki of the Queen Charlotte Islands. Your major achivement was celebrating Earth Day the way you figured it meant to be celebrated: in every country on Earth. And since Earth Day is on about the level of Talk Like A Pirate Day, you decided to do it yourself. But how to get to every country on Earth in one day? You didn't have the funds you'd like, but you figured it could be done.
Gaia showed up right before you launched yourself from the gigantic slingshot."
4- Tibetan Plateau alpine shrub and meadows, China
"You're Morgan Webb hailing from Los Angeles, California, in charge of the Tibetan Plateau alpine shrub and meadows. Yes, that Morgan Webb. Why the hell are you a Planeteer? Gaia wanted a celebrity to put a face on this whole endeavor. Which would have been fine, had she put the slightest bit of effort into it. Bono, for example, would have been a great choice. But Bono didn't pop into Gaia's head. One of those inexplicable cross-network commercials, however, did, when an X-Play commercial showed up on ESPN Classic 30 seconds after Gaia came up with the idea. Gaia decided to check if you were famous or anything, and a quick Google search showed you on FHM's 100 Hottest Women list, and also as host of the show WebbAlert. Good enough for her. Another two minutes of Googling would have shown that at the time, you wrote for FHM and there's no way they WEREN'T putting you on the list, and that WebbAlert is an online-only thing, but those two minutes were not done. So Gaia went to the Tokyo Game Show to find and recruit you (giving you whatever was available, as everything near your home was already allocated). You halfheartedly said 'sure' and immediately forgot about it as you shuffled off to the Koei booth.
So when you found yourself summoned to Attenborough Hill, your thought process went "What the hell? ...ah crap, she wasn't a cosplayer."
5- Atacama desert, Chile/Peru
"From Antofagasta, Chile, you're Tobias Escamillo of the Atacama desert, the driest place on Earth. Not much water, even fewer signs of life. Your particular part barely even counts any plant life. Things don't even decompose unless they're in the parts that get fog, which has really put the kibosh on your plans for a landfill. The threats to the Atacama have come largely from population increases, which you've done your best to stifle simply by telling anyone who's thinking of moving to the area exactly what you think of it. You're so dedicated to this cause that when Gaia gave you the Atacama to defend, your first words were "Aw, fuck!" Because it meant you got to stay. No moving to stupid old Rio de Janeiro for you!
Most people, given the choice, would take the Water ring in a heartbeat, but you're actually more interested in the Wind ring, to see if you can't blow in some clouds and get some damn rainfall. And also to get something of a breeze going. The current Wind ring-holder can remove one player per day from the proceedings by blowing them high above the hill- they won't have any action taken after usage count, including votes, but they won't know it. Sissy. You want them to know it. Besides, some people have some pipes on them. Should you grab the ring, you- but only you- will be able to launch someone into low Earth orbit. Not only will they be removed, but they will know it and be unable to so much as post for the rest of the gameday. All that person will be told is that they've been prevented from participating further. They won't be told why or who did it with what ring."
6- Eyre and York mallee, Australia
"You're Brenton Picton of Port Lincoln, Australia. You have the Eyre and York mallee, eucalyptis country, to look after. You've hit YouTube and MySpace and every other place you can make a quick global impression, but this has caused you no end of problems. For example, you are Australian in an area with eucalyptis trees, so anything you say is cut off by responses such as "Crikey!" and "THIS is a knife." Secondly, the name of your region, Eyre and York mallee, has been endlessly mocked. A trip to Fark to express your case and the plight of the Planeteers degenerated into a thread with pictures such as "All Aboard The Failboat", "I Like Where This Thread Is Going", and "Noooo, They Be Stealin' Mah Bucket".
7- Sulawesi montane rain forests, Indonesia
"You're Tomi Purwinto out of the Sulawesi montane rainforests. You're the national leader of the Malaysia Green Party. You do the mailing lists, write the platform, select the candidates, and have run several times yourself. And it might all work out if Malaysia actually had a Green Party. Basically you're the candidate that has to campaign naked to even get an audience.
Did I mention that you hail from Rantepao, Indonesia?"
8- Bermuda subtropical conifer forests, Bermuda
"You're Ross Plumstead out of Somerset, Bermuda, and you've been given the Bermuda subtropical conifer forests. Or in layman's terms, you've been given your home nation of Bermuda. Your focus is, naturally, oceanography. Marine life, sea levels and whatnot. There's nobody on the Atlantic more schooled than you, and considering the types bordering this ocean, that's saying something. Now if you'd please stop trying to put your head underwater to try to talk to dolphins, that'd be great.
As such, you were none too happy when Gaia gave the Water ring to someone else. All the user does with it is drip-drip-drip Chinese Water Torture-style on an enemy's head until they give up their alignment. Drips? Fucking DRIPS? That's bush-league. Obviously, you're interested in finding that Water ring and taking it for yourself. Should you obtain it, its power will increase, but only while you have it. Dripping for alignment is one thing. You, meanwhile, would be able to unleash an unending gusher of water on an opponent until they spill everything- the entire role PM will be shown to you, for you to leak at your leisure."
9- Mascarene forests, Mauritius/Reunion
"You're Bineshwaree Jingree. Born in Mauritius, you have dual citizenship in Madagascar, currently living in Toamasina, Madagascar with a second home in Curepipe, Mauritius. Unbeknownst to the rest of the human race, you have two pet dodos- the dodo being native to Mauritius before humans discovered this nice bird unafraid of anything hey I want to be your friend and WHAM with a stick. The Jingree family has secretly handed down a single family of dodos- the last ones- since then through the generations, hoping to get it back up to sustainable levels, but at all costs at least keeping a breeding pair. And while the human race isn't aware of it, Gaia is, and has given the current caretaker- you- the Mascarene forests.
Since their widely-believed extinction in 1662, your family of dodos has, well... the reason nobody else has found out is that every time a group of tourists or scientists has gotten close... see, there's a pile of rotting stuff near the barn and nobody wants to get anywhere near it to investigate anymore."
10- Central U.S. hardwood forests, United States
"Say hello to Monica Weatherby of Karbers Ridge, Illinois. A senior at Southern Illinois, you major in architecture. You've gotten wind of things like green roofs and "Earthships", a type of house built out of dirt, used tires and recycled cans. What got Gaia interested in you, and resulted in your being given the Central U.S. hardwood forests, was your research in seeing if a house could be made entirely out of live plants. This has been your senior thesis, and since your freshman year, you've built a prototype to use yourself as a test house.
Have I mentioned you're allergic to pollen?
Have I also mentioned that you've neglected to use perennial plants in your design? It does get nasty cold on occasion, particularly in winter, killing off the plants. Oh my God, not the plants, you evil Extremist."
11- Jamaican dry forests, Jamaica
"Of Epson Downs, Jamaica, you're Rosalea Mossel of the Jamaican dry forests. Gaia wasn't completely sure who she would take for this ecoregion, so she had to do some scouting. Here's how the conversation with you went:
"Hello, stereotypical Jamaican person. This may sound silly, but is anyone you know an ecologist of any kind?"
"Hey, I don't type on my stereo. And just because I grow the most primo sheet on de island--"
"That's great. The environment. Does anyone you know know a lot about it?"
"Mon, of course. De whole WORLD'S an environment, mon."
"Okay, great, because there's this dilemma concerning it--"
"No dilemma that can't be solved. You get really high and rise above it all, mon."
"Exactly! That is why I am here. I am trying to find the highest examples of all of humanity to rise Earth above its problems."
"Oh, mon, I think I am seeing all of humanity right now."
"...I think you might be what I'm looking for."
12- Central Range montane rain forests, Indonesia/Papua New Guinea
"Now approaching the hill, Dee Wagambi of Kauri, Papua New Guinea; you've got the Central Range montane rain forests. Even for the utterly isolated region of Papua New Guinea you're in- some of which has never even been explored- you're way out of the way, miles from the nearest village through hilly, heavily forested terrain and rivers surrounding you 360 degrees. Unless someone was actively seeking Kauri out, they'd never know it even existed. So with that established, you've taken the time to attempt to fashion yourself as Dr. Doolittle. You've got plenty of endemic species in the area, plenty of birds included. You try to study and mimic their various squawks and chirps to principally treat the sick ones, but gain any information you can.
You don't know this, but you're not even close. So far you've unwittingly insulted the mother of a brown sicklebill, threatened the life of a mountain firetail, and have been shit upon by eight different species. On the plus side, now you know exactly why one of them is called a sooty honeyeater."
13- Middle Atlantic coastal forests, United States
"You're Susan Radke of Chestertown, Maryland. You've taken many trips to the Appalachian foothills, and seen many a mountaintop removed for its coal. Mountaintop removal is a somewhat low-key issue, but no less important: Companies know there's coal in a mountain, so they dig the top off in order to get to the coal. What happens is that rain coming off that mountain is now contaminated by what remains of the coal, and usually brings the coal with it, polluting the river to where it becomes useless or worse to the residents that depended on it. Things go downhill from there. Plus the new risk of mudslides from the newly-exposed loose dirt. And the lack of ability to grow anything on the new top for the longest time. So this is your cause, and your tireless effort has brought Gaia's attention.
You now defend the Middle Atlantic coastal forests, which contain none of those mountains.
You are in possession of the Earth ring. The defense ring. The owner of the Earth ring can, once every other day, summon a wall of earth to protect any other Planeteer from elimination. The ring cannot be used on yourself. In order to activate it, post "EARTH!" in lime and PM me the name of who you're saving."
14- Cameroonian Highlands forests, Cameroon/Nigeria
"You are Bernard Nguimgo, living in a tribe in western Cameroon in the Cameroon Highlands forests; the nearest town is Nkongsamba. You're the tribal leader, and your tribe has worshipped Gaia for as long as it has existed. Your tribe has a long history of fiercely protecting its land and all that live on it from loggers, poachers, and anyone else that may infringe on it. You were among Gaia's first recruits- in fact, the first among those still alive- and an easy choice. The hundreds of dipshits she picked after you, though, piss you off. This was supposed to be the best of the best, and she grabbed chainsaw-wielding nuts and people that talk to woodchucks. The fact that their incompetence started a chain of events that led to the death of your tribe's goddess has filled you with righteous fury.
Oh, and also, your tribe is one of cannibals. Dead bodies pollute the ground, after all."
15- Western European broadleaf forests, Austria/Czech Republic/France/Germany/Switzerland
"You are Nina Geis from Stuttgart, Germany, one of if not the most high-tech city in Europe. So naturally, you've seen a lot of e-waste. It's the fastest-growing form of waste, so you know you've got to leap on it. You've caught Gaia's attention and have been given the urban-rich Western European broadleaf forests to keep it up. But hopefully not in the way you got your biggest score: by completely emptying the Stuttgart Gamestop of everything electronic- games, demo TV's, cash registers, computers connected to the company network- and loading it into a dump truck. It took a year to sort out the resulting mess.
Unsurprisingly, some assorted police-type people seem to have gotten the idea that you're some sort of Extremist. They'd be right."
16- Cuban cactus scrub, Cuba
"You're Armando Velasco from Playa Uvero, Cuba. You have the Cuban cactus scrub to defend, and the general problems of civilization to ward off such as woodcutting and introduced species that double as pets, but you've got more on your plate than that. You're in Cuba, so there's the Castro thing. You're in the southeast, not overly far from Guantanamo Bay, so there's that too. You're a big believer in the UN, and to the whole principle of world peace, so you have made efforts to get Castro, the US and whatever countries have inmates at Guantanamo together for one big meeting.
You never did find out whose prison it was or what Indian Ocean island you escaped from.
But regardless of where you escaped from, a lot of countries want you back, because they have not yet explored the deeper realms of your anal cavities. You are, of course, an Extremist."
17- Southern Dry Pacific Coast mangroves, Costa Rica/Nicaragua
"You're Emilia 'Arbol Del Ladrillo' Campanero of Puerto Sandino, Nicaragua. (That's Spanish for 'Brick Tree'.) With this kind of group in this kind of situation, you could come away thinking that nickname came from being a 6-foot, muscle-laden hulk of an environmentalist. You could be wrong. It actually comes from your idea to create a sustainable rainforest by building trees out of bricks. You're still working on the leaves, which have a tendency to think its autumn and squish various endangered things. But such is the price of progress."
18- Mount Lofty woodlands, Australia
"You're Courtney Hamilton, out of Adelaide, Australia and the Mount Lofty woodlands. What got Gaia interested in you is the time you squatted on a vacant lot for two years to prevent the construction of a coal plant. It worked. Until they decided to build around you. The extra two years allowed them to gain twice the land, including what was formerly a battered women's shelter, and put up a Wal-Mart instead, but hey."
19- Al Hajar Al Gharbi montane woodlands, Oman
"You are a horse. Yes, a horse. Your name is Universal Pumpkin, and you hail from a racehorse farm in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, given Oman's Al Hajar Al Gharbi montane woodlands. Gaia decided to bring a noble animal into the Planeteers to... who the fuck knows. You are a talking horse, partially because your role wouldn't be any fun if all you were allowed to do was neigh, and partially because you learned to speak from Ren and Stimpy. Maybe Gaia decided to get an animal's perspective on ecology. But while you're able to speak, you've yet to learn speech beyond a horse's dialouge. So for the first gameday, aside from your vote, all you'll be able to say is "No, sir, I don't like it". And no getting cutesy with codes. You're a horse. You don't know codes."
20- Queensland tropical rain forests, Australia
"You're Andrew Cartledge of Rollingstone, Australia. You represent the Queensland tropical rain forests. You are a real tree hugger. By this I mean you have married a tree. Granted, this was a particularly ambitious effort to prevent it from being cut down, but hey, it worked. The fact that the surrounding 58 trees around it were cut down themselves, the last 57 out of sheer spite from the lumberjacks, doesn't deter you. The part where they cut in a direction that they all fell on the tree you married? That, perhaps."
21- Westland temperate forests, New Zealand
"You're Benjamin Asher of Haast on New Zealand's South Island. Gaia's charged you with the Westland temperate forests. You're big on solar energy, having coated every feasible surface of your house in solar paneling, as well as your car roof (you went to a guy who's rigged up your car and it's added 15 miles per gallon), and can be considered what's known as a sun worshipper. You hit the beach every time you can, open up one of those reflective mirror things, and let Mr. Sun have at you.
This would all be well and good if not for that darned hole in the ozone layer. You have the complexion of a leather jacket, and the skin cancer went into remission five months ago."
22- Rann of Kutch seasonal salt marsh, India/Pakistan
"Representing Chobari, India and the Rann of Kutch seasonal salt marsh, it's C.K. Ramana. Your personal crusade of choice is desalinization, the practice of removing salt from water to make it drinkable. You're not up on all the particulars, but you figure you have enough info on the practice to get moving. You've got a region that's a caked salt flat half the year, and knee-deep in water the other half. You figure that Karachi, Hyderabad and Ahmadabad- all somewhat near the marsh- have growing populations and could use that extra water. Thing is, you have some endangered animals that also need that water, with the salt level like it is, so Gaia decided it'd be better if she got you onto Gilman Island and gave you the Atlantic Ocean to work with. And also told you that generally this requires a whole entire factory."
23- Eastern Micronesia tropical dry forests, Marshall Islands/Nauru
"You're Lana Pratt of Maloelap, Marshall Islands and the Eastern Micronesia tropical dry forests. You're concerned with overfishing. Huge ships from Japan and Russia- occasionally the rest of Pacific Asia chimes in, but those two in that order are the biggest- regularly show up to sweep the sea of fish, which can cause some species to get to dangerously low levels, as well as inhibiting the ability of them to reproduce (reduced number of mating pairs). You've decided to do your part by no longer fishing in those waters.
The problem is that for anyone or anything from the Marshall Islands to get any international attention, they have to raise holy hell. You're doing a silent protest. So now you don't have any fish and Japan and Russia are cheerily continuing to harpoon Moby Dick unaware that you even exist. Great work.
So for being a danger to yourself, you must be, by extension, an Extremist to yourself."
24- Arctic foothills tundra, Canada/United States
"You're Travis MacDougal of Barrow, Alaska. You don't have very much opportunity to go green where you live- heck, you and everyone else have your hands full trying to keep from going blue. Environmentalism's not much of an issue up in Barrow aside from 'man, we got a lot of melting ice up here' and 'so how bout that ANWR'. Which nobody ever seems to ask you guys about anyway. Gaia, however, saw some potential in you and a few others in the area- you, someone from Prudhoe Bay, someone from Deadhorse- and Alaska has a lot of ecoregions to fill and not a lot of people, so if anyone had good odds of making the Planeteers, it was you. You drew the Arctic foothills tundra.
Now with access to an island created by a goddess for the purpose of saving the world and all the resources that requires... you're still a slob and have acquired a Home Depot credit card. But now you're a slob that isn't freezing his ass off.
Gaia? Not happy with the lack of commitment. You are little more than one more person not doing much to save the planet, but considering your job description, that's not good. Gaia would call you something else, but the only term we have around here is Extremist, so hop on board, you extreme Extremist, you."
25- Scandinavian and Russian taiga, Finland/Norway/Russia/Sweden
"You're Heidi Svendsen of Reinsvoll, Norway. You're very anti-oil. Rising gas prices, and alongside them rising prices on most consumer goods, have got you hot under the collar. You've been advocating cars that run on everything from hydrogen to electricity to grease to unsold Playstation 3's, all of which are renewable and seemingly unlimited. And you might get a more receptive message if Norway hadn't recently stumbled upon enough oil to make them the third largest exporter on Earth and really filthy stinking rich. Heated sidewalks, for Christ's sake! Who doesn't love heated sidewalks?
You currently hold the Heart ring. The Ma-Ti ring. This ring is useless. Just like on the show. Nobody else knows that, though. The holder of this ring can just shout out 'HEART!' whenever he wants like a son of a bitch and freak the fuck out of everyone, like 'What! What did he do! HALP!' It's a dud item in concrete usefulness, but a good player can still come up with some strategic uses. That will be up to you to think up. To "use" it, post "HEART!" in pink."
26- Central Asian northern desert, Kazakhstan/Uzbekistan
"You are Nurzhan Roslanova of Aktau, Kazakhstan, and have the Central Asian northern desert as your charge. You're not overly up on any advanced ecological defense techniques; Aktau is pretty isolated. In fact, all you really know about the subject is the Arbor Day Foundation commercial from way back featuring Carly Cardinal that you found on Youtube. You are incessantly quoting it, and in fact direct, word-for-word quotes are the only English you can speak fluently. But it's the thought that counts, and are you ever enthusiastic. Trees are terrific!"
27- Crete Mediterranean forests, Greece
"You're Dimitris Vlassas of Karavados, Greece, defending the Crete Mediterranean forests- e.g. Crete. Actually reforesting the place is a lost cause, as Crete is a) heavily populated and b) a perpetual tourist hotspot, so you're focused on making sure the farmers are at least acting halfway responsibly. Past that, you're a decathlete who hopes to one day make the Olympics- probably London or whoever has them after London. It's very, well, Greek of you. You've met with limited success. Very limited. At your last meet, Canada took the gold medallion. Germany took the silver medallion. Hungary won the bronze medallion.
You won a turkey breast medallion from Hungry Man, as it looked like you needed one by the end."
28- Eastern Gobi desert steppe, China/Mongolia
"You're Enkhtuya Dolgormaa of Mongolia. Your family is nomadic, as a number of Mongolians are, but you tend to cluster your stops in the general vicinity of Dalanzadgad. You're, shall we say, isolated. How isolated? There was a short-lived NBC show, Lost- not that Lost- where contestants were blindfolded, flown to a completely unknown and utterly foreign place on Earth, and tasked with making their way back to the United States. The very first group of contestants was dropped not far from where you live. That's how isolated you are. You're part of a nomadic family, which lives green out of necessity. You ruin the land, you have no resources to live off of, you die. That simple. Your family is simply better at it than most, and as such, Gaia's given you the Eastern Gobi desert steppe as your charge.
You're interested in obtaining the Fire ring, if for no other reason than you don't want to use up more wood than you have to. The person who has it now is able to take one person per day and turn THEM into a flaming hunk of carbon. Should you obtain the Fire ring, you will be able to double the output, offing two players a day instead of one. The ring will only be able to do this while you're wearing it, though.
You are currently the holder of the Wind ring. The suppression ring. The owner of the Wind ring can summon a gust of air to suspend one player per day high above Attenborough Hill, removing them from further participation in the gameday. They won't be aware that they're talking to air molecules, but anything they do after the declaration will not count. To use it, post "WIND!" in blue, and PM me the name of who you're suppressing."
29- Red Sea coastal desert, Egypt/Sudan
"Vegetarians don't eat meat. Vegans don't eat meat byproducts- eggs, milk, etc. Raw foodists don't cook any of their food. After that is fruitarians, who eat only ripe fruits off of trees. You're the next evolution: you eat only the skin of those fruits.
You are Abdallah Gabir of Oyo, Sudan, representing the Red Sea coastal desert, where you are pretty much limited to fig skins. You're lucky Gaia got to you before you starved your dumb ass to death."
30- Luzon tropical pine forests, Philippines
"Of Bontoc in the Philippines, you're Edgar Velarde. You're charged with handling the Luzon tropical pine forests, loaded up with pine trees- your main worry. The trees are used for many things, as trees are, and you have to keep people from cutting them down. It's an uphill battle. (Literally. Mt. Pulog is a hike.) To combat this, you've started up a Christmas-themed store to serve the large Christian contingent in the country, with proceeds going towards conservation efforts. You've got everything- tinsel, ornaments, plastic reindeer. You even have a Christmas tree farm. People go out into the forest, pick out a pine tree, and you cut it doooooooh shit."
31- East Siberian taiga, Russia
"You are Sasha Khertek, from Kemerovo, Russia, and Gaia's handed you a big ol' mess of land in the East Siberian taiga. In fact, it's the second-largest ecoregion of all (behind the Sahara Desert). You were taken on by Gaia because you alone have it in you to single-handedly patrol such a wide region. Basically, you're a survivalist. A bad-ass survivalist. Bad-ass as in you killed a guy in Novosibirsk after a date went awry by stretching half his condom over his head and shoving the other half down his throat. The Russian government has made attempts to take you out like they "allegedly" did with Petrov, but when the would-be assassins enter your taiga, they have a habit of returning to Moscow one extremity at a time.
You're not an environmentalist by any means. And the patrol thing was just what Gaia told you. Gaia actually just recruited you because she thought it would be cool to have someone like that around.
You're currently the holder of the Fire ring. The vigilante ring. Whoever has the Fire ring can, once a day, turn one other Planeteer into crispy critters. To use it, post "FIRE!" in red, and PM me the name of who you're barbequing."
32- Pilbara shrublands, Australia
"G'day to Phil Estrellado of Pannawonica, Australia. You're not quite sure if your Pilbara shrublands have directly seen any of the United Kingdom's nuclear testing in the 1950's and 60's, but the contaminated test minesites at Kintyre and Manyingee, the uranium deposit at Turee Creek, and the UK's original test sites on the Montebello Islands, are close enough for you. Fallout carries. As a result, you've become deeply concerned with the soil in the area. You've tried a garden, but nothing has grown- you blame long-lived fallout contaminating the soil. You don't blame the low rainfall and generally garden-unfriendly climate of Western Australia, but that's escaped you."
33- Piney Woods forests, United States
"You're Martin Donnelly of Smackover, Arkansas. Yes, that is the name of your hometown. You are ashamed. You've got the Piney Woods forests to take care of. You're Arkansas' leading expert on the endangered red-cockaded woodpecker. And by this I mean you're somewhat aware that the red-cockaded woodpecker does not have a mating call of 'huhuhaHAha, huhuhaHAha, huhuhaHAha, huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh!'"
34- Hawaii tropical moist forests, United States
"You're Melissa Okelani of Pohoiki, Hawaii on the Big Island and the Hawaii tropical moist forests. Or, at least, Pohoiki's where you originally hail from. You've founded an ecovillage- a small village (50-150 people) designed to be self-sustaining- ten miles south of town. The modern definition of an ecovillage was created by Robert Gilman, which is where Gilman Island picked up its name. In fact, you were the one to originally nominate it.
Da Kine Ecovillage, however, isn't what you would call 'prosperous'. You plant flower beds, then eat them for nourishment. You built in the absolute densest crop of fruit-bearing plants you could find so they would count under the self-sustaining criteria. Everybody's occupation involves getting in touch with the sensations they felt in their youth, which is tragically listed on everyone's tax returns. This has led to an investigation by Dateline as to why there's an entire 127-person village full of Child Feelers.
You're currently the holder of the Water ring. The seer. You'd think Heart would be the seer, but nope. The holder of the Water ring takes one person to a corner of the hill and inflicts Chinese Water Torture until they give up their identity to the holder. To use it, post "WATER!" in cyan, and PM me the name of who you want to use 'aggressive interrogation techniques' on."
35- Northern Triangle subtropical forests, Myanmar
"We welcome Thi Win Nan of Paukyi village in Myanmar. To you, bamboo is a wonder plant. It grows quickly, you can snap it right off without killing it (it's classified as a grass), it's durable, and has many uses. However, your region, the Northern Triangle subtropical forests, are only seeing it because the forests are being cleared for development and farming. So you have a dilemma. You also have a solution: They shall fight for your love.
Your days are spent sitting in a room with a tree branch and a bamboo stick, waiting for either of them to do something. You're hoping one of them grows arms and legs and tears the other in half." (NOTE: Paukyi sits in the northern area of Myanmar, towards the Chinese border, and is unlikely to have been hit by the humanitarian crisis currently underway in that country.)
36- Hobyo grasslands and shrublands, Somalia
"Your cause is Darfur. You're fairly environmentally conscious for someone in your area, but that's not your primary thing. You've seen the devastation in the region, the poverty, the death, the thousands upon thousands of ruined lives. You've called out repeatedly for the world to stand up and take notice. You're Omar Muhuyadin Fidow of the Hobyo grasslands and shrublands, and the concept of 'think globally, act locally' escapes you completely as you live in your hometown of Mogadishu, Somalia."
37- Cardamom Mountains rain forests, Thailand/Cambodia/Vietnam
"From Samit on Cambodia's southwest coast, you're Sopheak Hem, in charge of the Cardamom Mountains rain forests. While Pol Pot may be gone, the Khmer Rouge still runs the show in Cambodia. You know this all too well, as your childhood was largely spent as the star attraction of a KR-run strip club. (No. No, they haven't cracked down on that in Cambodia.) We won't get into the details; since your escape from Cambodia in the back of a CNN truck in 1995, you've been trying to purge them from your memory, with little success. (You have since returned to Cambodia from your refuge in Sweden, but only after Gaia recruited you as a Planeteer. At least she didn't place you in the north, where the KR is largely holed up.) Since then, every time you see that shade of Khmer Rouge red, like a bull, you fly into a violent rage.
Guess what color you cast votes in."
38- Eastern Himalayan subalpine conifer forests, Bhutan/India/Nepal
"You're Wangyal Chhetri from Namtir, Bhutan, in defense of the Eastern Himalayan subalpine conifer forests. Your thing is deep ecology- a concentration of ecological philosophy rather than regarding it as a science. What is our place and role in the enviroment, whether animals have souls, etc. You spend days on end meditating on these things, with the occasional climber passing by and stopping to ponder the sight before discarding his oxygen tank on the side of the mountain."
39- Central Afghan Mountains xeric woodlands, Afghanistan
"You are Nwokoro Fregene. Your hometown of Port Harcourt, Nigeria is awash in oil. You're not the only Planeteer to have that situation. But unlike most, your country is not living it up. Instead of sleeping in giant piles of money and erecting thousand-foot testaments to penis length, Port Harcourt is a filthy, shanty-laden industrial wasteland. Nigeria has reported an average of one oil spill a day for the last 25 years, for reasons ranging from mechanical to sabotage, but the truth may be ten times that number. You've done all you can to try and set things right, but you're losing hope and are out of ideas. So when Gaia came to recruit you as a Planeteer, you asked not to be given your home region so a fresh body could give it a shot.
That fresh body had his head blown off within five minutes of arrival. You now defend the Central Afghan Mountains xeric woodlands of Afghanistan, where you don't speak anything resembling the language and the War on Terror rages all around you. You regret ever opening your big mouth."
40- Sahelian Acacia savanna, Burkina Faso/Cameroon/Chad/Eritrea/Ethiopia/Mali/
Mauritania/Niger/Nigeria/Senegal/Sudan
"Hello to Yah Traore of Tessalit, Mali. You've got the Sahelian Acacia savanna- your sister Diouratié was given the nearby West Saharan montane xeric woodlands. She has mountains. You have a strip of flattish land from the Atlantic to the Red Sea that keeps getting encroached upon by the Sahara, that's basically up to you to save because none of the nations you have to deal with have anything resembling the resources to stop it. You're on Attenborough Hill. Diouratié is currently in several pieces in Mauritania because she crossed into bandit territory when they were looking to score some points with the international community after the Extremists started causing trouble.
You wish to honor your sister by creating a mountain resembling her territory in the Sahel. But to do that, you need the Earth ring, and someone else has it. The current holder can use it to create a wall of earth defending one person besides themselves every other day from elimination. Should you take hold of it, you- but only you- will be able to double its output, protecting once per day. The restrictions are, you won't be able to save yourself either, and you cannot protect the same person twice in a row."
41- English Lowlands beech forests, United Kingdom
"You're Chelsea Huntington of London, charged with the English Lowlands beech forests. You, like a few of your collegues, have actually watched Captain Planet, and as such recall that Gaia's a bit off on her focus if she's following the show. The show wasn't pure environmentalism- you particularly recall the episode where the Planeteers rolled into Belfast to end years of ethnic/religious hatred with half an hour of Wheeler slinging magic missile or whatever they did. This angered you, because both need to die. Glentoran? Linfield? Those degenerates cannot understand the glory of Chelsea! Who cannot love Ashley Cole, Andriy Shevchenko, Frank Lampard, Michael Essien, Michael Ballack and Didier Drogba on the same team? CHELSEA IS GOOD! CHELSEA IS LIFE! (Guess why your parents named you what they did.)
So why are you a Planeteer again? Perhaps Gaia should not have asked Coca-Cola to run a "Be A Planeteer! Look Under The Cap!" promotion."
42- Sonoran desert, United States/Mexico
"We welcome Carlos Echevarria of Gilbert, Arizona to the fray. You've been charged with defending the Sonoran desert. You've decided to do so by going deep undercover to see how non-ecologists think. You've taken up residence in a Phoenix suburb after your immigration from Mexico- legal, so shut up- to monitor a shining example of urban sprawl. You've bought a Hummer to monitor how gas is wasted by driving it over five times per day, with some research on what happens if you let the car idle in your driveway for 24 hours straight. You work for Dupont, with your immediate superiors being the guys who came up with the idea to dump Agent Orange on Vietnam. Also, you have eaten a live roadrunner because you didn't know what to do for lunch that day. Eventually, you will figure out what exactly you're trying to prove."
43- Pantanal, Bolivia/Brazil/Paraguay
"You are Crysta Diniz of the Pantanal. Hometown Aquidauana, Brazil. The Pantanal is a massive wetland region, but before your recruitment, you've actually spent more time studying plants in the Amazon as a half-botanist/half-chemist. As a result, you've got all sorts of neat tricks you can do with blowdarts. You've come up with results where you can shoot a blowdart and make someone's head grow to twice its size, turn someone into an iguana, and make an entire 5,000-person town explode. Among other things.
Unfortunately, you didn't bring any of these darts to Attenborough Hill. But they're really cool, I promise."
44- Fjordland temperate forests, New Zealand
"Leave it to the Planeteers to have a girl named something like Psyche. Specifically, Psyche Nicholls of Mossburn, New Zealand. Born of parents Rainflower and Loveblossom, and you've never exactly been sure which name is the mom's and which name's the dad's. When people think of things like those the Planeteers are focused on, you're one of the very first stereotypes that pop up. Your days are spent arranging flowers, admiring flowers, and experiencing herbs. At least that's what your parents call that last one. You have the Fjordland temperate forests of the South Island to look after, and you don't look after them so much as frolic and prance and generally give such good vibes that the tourists have dubbed you Crazy Flower Lady."
45- Low Arctic tundra, Canada
"You're Joyce Watt. You've bought into corn as an environmental cure-all. You have a cornfield on your property, your car runs on straight ethanol, you eat corn at least once a day, you root for the Nebraska Cornhuskers, you have corns on your feet, you make very corny jokes, you have a corncob pipe, everything. The problem is that you live in Pelly Bay, Nunavut, Canada, and Gaia's given you the Low Arctic tundra to defend. Corn doesn't grow very well up there."
46- Clipperton Island shrub and grasslands, Clipperton Island
"You are Corbin Cansell, straight outta Paris. Imagine your surprise when Gaia recruited you for Planeteer duty. Imagine your further surprise when you were charged with defending the Clipperton Island shrub and grasslands. Imagine the near-stroke you got when you found out that Clipperton Island is a tiny circular coral reef o'nothin in the Pacific Ocean a couple thousand miles from anything. Boy, does your life suck now."
47- Kinabalu montane alpine meadows, Malaysia
"You're Violet Yeoh, out of Kampong Sandatan, Malaysia in the shadow of Mount Kinabalu (though you currently base yourself in Bandar Seri Bagawan, Brunei). As such, Gaia's handed you the Kinabalu montane alpine meadows. It's an isolated region that, while in better shape than most and an easier defense than most, needs someone to keep development and tourism in check. You've decided the problem here is overpopulation- an epidemic to southern and eastern Asia. Unfortunately, it turns out that there are a few problems to solving overpopulation: 1) The quickest solutions are very unpopular, and 2) Unpopular solutions will cause people to start wanting to know all about the person who came up with it, which may result in trampled foliage."
48- Po Basin mixed forests, Italy
"You're Enzo Garzelli of Milan, Italy, and you have the Po Basin mixed forests. You are not simply the crazy cat guy. Well, you are, but it's any animal within range with you. You aren't there protesting when the local fashion shows trot out someone in a mink or alligator skin or snakeskin, but that is only because you are at home weeping and consoling the forest full of animals you keep at home (outside; you live out towards the edge of the metro area) and telling them you'd never let THEM wind up as clothing.
Amazingly, Gaia did not give you the Heart ring, but you figure this is your best chance to claim it. The current holder doesn't even get to do anything with it; it's useless in their hands except to yell 'HEART!' and mock Ma-Ti all the while. You are the only person on the hill capable of getting it to do anything. The ring, contrary to popular belief, was actually capable of telepathically contacting the other ring-holders. Should you claim the ring, you'll be able to do that- you'll be able to, once per day, make another ring-holder use their ring on the person of your choice, including yourself. (Not that you know what any of them do.) PM me the ring you wish to influence- you need not know who has it- and the name of the person you wish it used on- you need not know what the ring does. Yes, you can make a ring-holder use the ring on themselves if you're able to swing it."
49- Etosha Pan halophytics, Namibia
"Your cause is nuclear power. Your opposition to it. You hate nuclear weapons, you campaign against nuclear plants, and you can't hug children with nuclear arms. By God, the Etosha Pan halophytics aren't going to turn into Barter Town on your watch, dammit.
You are Hans Muller of Walvis Bay, Namibia, and you have spent the last 12 years preaching anti-nukes to an area that, besides having no capability for nuclear power of any kind, consists entirely of the immediate area surrounding a single lake in a national park. Nice work.
The sheer fervor of your message, though, has gotten through, but not to the right people. You're so fiery in your anti-nuclear fight with a Namibian lake that you're looked at as an Extremist."
50- Tepuis, Brazil/Guyana/Suriname/Venezuela
"Good day to Jules Soemita from Nieuw Nickerie, Suriname. It's a bit of a hike to your given ecoregion, the Tepuis. Tepuis are tabletop mountains found only in the extreme north of South America; Angel Falls originates on top of one. Some have never even been climbed, and you intend to keep it that way, as a full third of the plants and animals in the ecoregion are endemic to it, many hidden on top of the tepuis, or in a sinkhole accessible only through the top of one.
Now let's discuss your methods. You've picked one tepui that's climbable, taken all the trash you've found to the top, and dumped it in a sinkhole. Now all you have to do is figure out how to explain the "Fritos-bellied bats" that keep showing up nearby."
51- Indua Valley desert, Pakistan
"Welcome, Wail Khanzada of Haidarabad, Pakistan and the Indua Valley desert. You're a big believer in the butterfly effect- a butterfly flapping its wings in spot A can cause mudslides in spot B on the other side of the world. So you've decided that movement of any kind is bad. Any sudden movement can lead to thousands in Ecuador falling victim to an earthquake. Why are you even reading this? Your moving eyeballs are ringing in tornado season in Kansas! NO! NOT THE TRAILER PARK! STOP SCREAMING, WAIL! YOU'RE CAUSING AVALANCHES IN SWITZERLAND! eep"
52- Sundarbans mangroves, Bangladesh/India
"Say hello to Shadat Haque from Patuakhali, Bangladesh, defending the Sundarbans mangroves, a major tiger habitat. You like the tigers. Perhaps too much. "Isn't the tiger just cutesy-wootsey? Pet the tiger. That's a good boy. Ha ha! What a funny tiger! Okay, you can go play with my arm for now, but you have to promise to bring it back later, all right?"
All suck!
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1) WARN the players what would happen. I know you think you did this with the Planeteer Alert, but that doesn't cut it.
2) Make the Heart ring worth using. The decision to use a ring and risk being annihilated, or save it to keep Captain Planet away, was rendered utterly moot by the fact that the Heart ring was useless, so everyone else could use their rings with impunity.
That was me, and why shouldn't I have killed you? I wasn't about to not use my ring.
Another interesting tidbit; on the day we summoned Captain Planet, I was discussing my Fire ring target selection with MrBlarney (whom I did not know to be evil, of course). I dropped a list of five names I was considering, and two of them turned out to be extremists. Of course, he steered me towards the other three, and then the whole exercise was rendered moot.
The Captain Planet kill narration was actually all written up for the Day 1 ringholders before players were even selected. Then you guys had to put it off to Day 3.
I can sort of agree with #1, but i REALLY agree with number 2. Perhaps make it so that when the non seeker uses it they can pick a ring and will be told who the target of that ring is. Not who used it, but who the target is.
The Seeker then can take control (possibly also learning who the ring previously targeted). That would have been neat.
Well, there's no arguing this point. I've been there as a GM.
Really, I'm just disappointed that nearly all the seekers were wiped out at once.
We never had our battle of wits.
We have two survivors. Jpants, Medopine, you up for it? ...well, actually, first, do you have IRC?
Once again the Heart ring's uselessness came back to bite you.
And I remind you, if it had triggered Day 1, the Fire seeker would have gone since I had the Wind ring. :P
Or if they don't, I'll take surrogates. It's meant for only two people, though.
And again Aznman, sorry for the whole fiery death thing.
LoL: BunyipAristocrat
Yeah don't get me wrong, it was an interesting game, thanks for running it, but sometimes game styles clash.
LoL: BunyipAristocrat
Yeah, i'm at work and dont' have IRC. just gmail chat. Plus, Medo and i work together not against!
Someone else should though, i wanna see what this battle of wits entails.
Heh.
That was pretty hilarious.
My favorite moment was getting the fire ring after the crucial reallocation. it was like "YES!.... Wait... oh shit...." so much pressure.
I had a few others, including a game of hot potato where I set a post number and whoever had the hot potato after that post is gone (noting that everyone else can post too and mess up the timing), but I don't think that one will work anymore.
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But yes, the fact that most people still alive thought that the earth ring could be used every day almost saved me. At the end I was hoping JPants and Medo were convinced that Sabs was the evil one and would just let me tag along for the victory, believing me to be innocent, an idea I tried to sneak into a PM, but no dice.
Heh, yeah. i noticed that. It didn't ring bad guy to me though. There was no way i was letting you live though. I had bad guy inklings from you before, and i had 2.5 people i wasn't sure of and 2 kills. If you had tried to paint Medo as bad and playing me for a couple days, that MIIIIIIIIGHT have worked, but probably not.
Amen.