intense feelings of guilt

heretoinformheretoinform __BANNED USERS regular
edited July 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
Sorry if there isn't a direct question with an answer, guys - i really just need to vent a little.

My buddy and I were bored yesterday, and we decided to go down to the wash (completely dry) to play around. We brought our bikes, and we had a good time riding on the way there.

Anyway, in order to enter the wash, you need to go down a relatively steep concrete slope for about 20 feet. My friend went down first, and I was supposed to go next, but I was too scared of the impact with the cement floor. After some deliberating, I said "Hey, I'll go down this slope if you go down that slope," ("that slope" being slightly steeper but substantially longer). After thinking about it a bit, he decided to do it, and went up the dirt path to the side to reach it.

He got to the top, and we talked about how dangerous it was, but also about the rush and exhilaration of going that fast. At one point, I advised him to get down because he didn't have a helmet, but we agreed that he shouldn't because we didn't want him to slip and fall.

After about ten minutes, he just said "fuck it," and started down the slope. He hit the bottom, and flew to the right, almost over the bike. He landed on his shoulder and then he hit his head. I ran over, and saw that he was knocked unconscious but twitching and seizing severely. I put him on his back and ran and got help. The ambulance came and took him to the hospital.

It turns out that he broke his collarbone and shoulder blade, and also suffered from a severe concussion. He also scraped off a large part of his skin on his arms and face.

I feel really bad. Like, really really bad. If only I hadn't been a pussy and suggested it, he would be completely fine right now. So far, though, his signs are increasing, and he was awake and speaking today. I still can't help but feel really depressed. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for the stupidity of suggesting that he ride down that slope.

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heretoinform on

Posts

  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    You can't save people from themselves, only give them good advice.

    You both agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea, and he went ahead and did it. You did your part, and you've got nothing to feel guilty for.

    MKR on
  • Monolithic_DomeMonolithic_Dome Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Yeah, you were both being pretty dumb, but he was being a little bit dumber and he got hurt. It sucks, and you are gonna feel bad about it for a while, but from where I'm sitting it took a fair amount of cojones to cowboy up and call the ambulance when shit went south.

    I've definitely heard a version of your story that end with the guy dying because his shitcock friends didn't wanna get caught so they didn't call an ambulance. I know "it could be worse" doesn't exactly make things better, but in the end you did the right thing.

    Monolithic_Dome on
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  • 28682868 Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I'd say your guilt is just evidence of your being a good person. Let your friend know you feel really bad about it. Like really, really, bad about it. You know, stand by him. Buy him a milkshake, help him out in the hospital. Friends encourage their friends to (and watch their friends do) stupid shit all the time. Feeling bad means you are not an asshole.

    2868 on
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  • CliffCliff Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I second talking to him about it. Chances are your being harder on yourself than he would be. He probobly will say he does not blame you at all. If any guilt still remains, then focus on cheering him up and supporting his recovery.

    Cliff on
  • KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    Yeah, if you didn't feel guilty? You'd be a total ass. Guilt is a good sign here.

    Don't ask him if he blames you, by the way. Ask if he forgives you.

    Kazhiim on
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  • gneGnegneGne Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Well, I'm pretty sure you never meant to make that happen to him. But the feeling of guilt is only natural/good because he got hurt and you didn't. I don't think your friend will blame you and things will work out. Be the friend you are and he'll like you for just being that.

    I hope your friend gets well soon, you made sure he's in good hands and that was the best thing you could do.

    gneGne on
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  • NoelVeigaNoelVeiga Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    That's a fucked up story, but to me it lands on the "could have avoided it" side of the "it was my fault" area.

    I mean, I'll do it if you do it is childish, but on the soft side of peer pressure. Twenty people chanting your name might give you an adrenaline rush and make you lose control. If your friend gave in after one mention and went down the hill with no helmet on, he was probably headed towards a heavy concussion at some point, anyway.

    That said, I'm even curious about if and why you haven't talked to him yet. I mean, I think the first thing out of my mouth in that situation when he came to would have been "Man, I'm so sorry I told you to do it".

    Of course, if you really want to avoid that moment, you could just forget about the whole thing. After that, he probably lost the last hour before the accident, anyway, so he probably doesn't remember why he did it at all...

    Anyway, glad he's up and running again. Hopefully, he's the kind that learns from his mistakes and will use a helmet next time. If not, a good way to make up for your mistake would be to remind him to do it. You might have saved his life on the long run. Or yours.

    NoelVeiga on
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