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Returning to a group of friends...
1ddqd
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Ok, so here goes... (disclaimer: this happened a while back and many details have become blurry)
I've been with my girlfriend for a long time. We're going on 9 years this August. I love her to death, more than anything in the world. Because I'm an idiot, and selfish, I've essentially broken my relationship with an entire group of friends I had in college.
The problem is I've become extremely nostalgic in the past few months and I want to reconnect, even if it's to explain myself to them about what happened. Because you're all third parties (I hope...) and objective (I hope...) I'll explain what happened to you, so I can get some advice.
So 2005ish: I became president of a campus group. My group of officers revamped the entire org and we "re-launched" what had stagnated into a non-growing org. We swelled with members and with that came strife, innovation, and discovery. I stayed president for 2 years and throughout, I tried to split my time between my girlfriend (30 minutes away at another school), school, and this organization.
It was hectic, and I couldn't make everything I said I could with pretty much each group equally. Towards the end, though, I was having commitment issues with my girlfriend and doing this whole emo "I-don't-know-what-I-want" kind of thing. Enter Girl B.
Girl B and I met through a mutual friend randomly while I was helping said friend with some maintenance at his house. Nothing big, just said hi and soon after left. Well, a few weeks later, friend has a party. Alcohol is there, girlfriend is not. There is a disturbance out front and being one of the few sober ones, I go outside to have a look - mass descendance of random thugs upon party-house. We hold it off, cops come, things calm down. Girl B shows up after work. Doesn't like inside atmosphere, comes outside and chats with me while I stand watch to make sure thugs don't sneak in. Nothing there, either.
Well, over the course of the next few weeks, we chat online, through our club forum, cell, whatever, and I gradually explain to her what's going on in my relationship. Advice/talk ensues, and one night I've made an excuse to be at her place. Big mistake. I don't think I need to say what happened.
Well, this continued for a bit and I was still in my "wtf-do-I-want-to-do" phase, all the time knowing that I was fucking with some well-built friendships. (THIS IS THE STUPID AND SELFISH PART). Well, things started leaking, roommates talking to g/f, things like that.
Eventually, it came to a head and I told the g/f everything. I realized, at that point, my involvement in the club is the most minor thing ever, so I left the org as president and stayed on (in a very reduced capacity until he "took office." I didn't do everything I could have to make that transition work, but he's a smart guy and a good person, so the club didn't really falter and things went on for them.
I started repairing my relationship with my g/f and we moved in together last year. We just moved into a new place, and aside from random "Why did you do that to me?" moments, we've been pretty solid and great. She has some trust issues with me, but I'm trying to rebuild that.
Anyways, I really want to rejoin, or at least explain my sudden departure to my group of friends. I don't really know how they individually feel about it, but I was thinking if I just go to the forum, re-register (I deleted my old account), and post, it would be ok. They're all on Facebook, so I could make my amends there as well. The complication: Girl B is still very much a part of the group, and had developed some complex feelings for me during the previous events. I did nothing to dissuade her, but she's moved on and is in (from what I hear) a healthy, strong relationship with another guy.
The short version - I fucked over a group of friends and my g/f, now I want to make everyone happy again.
I've been with my girlfriend for a long time. We're going on 9 years this August. I love her to death, more than anything in the world. Because I'm an idiot, and selfish, I've essentially broken my relationship with an entire group of friends I had in college.
The problem is I've become extremely nostalgic in the past few months and I want to reconnect, even if it's to explain myself to them about what happened. Because you're all third parties (I hope...) and objective (I hope...) I'll explain what happened to you, so I can get some advice.
So 2005ish: I became president of a campus group. My group of officers revamped the entire org and we "re-launched" what had stagnated into a non-growing org. We swelled with members and with that came strife, innovation, and discovery. I stayed president for 2 years and throughout, I tried to split my time between my girlfriend (30 minutes away at another school), school, and this organization.
It was hectic, and I couldn't make everything I said I could with pretty much each group equally. Towards the end, though, I was having commitment issues with my girlfriend and doing this whole emo "I-don't-know-what-I-want" kind of thing. Enter Girl B.
Girl B and I met through a mutual friend randomly while I was helping said friend with some maintenance at his house. Nothing big, just said hi and soon after left. Well, a few weeks later, friend has a party. Alcohol is there, girlfriend is not. There is a disturbance out front and being one of the few sober ones, I go outside to have a look - mass descendance of random thugs upon party-house. We hold it off, cops come, things calm down. Girl B shows up after work. Doesn't like inside atmosphere, comes outside and chats with me while I stand watch to make sure thugs don't sneak in. Nothing there, either.
Well, over the course of the next few weeks, we chat online, through our club forum, cell, whatever, and I gradually explain to her what's going on in my relationship. Advice/talk ensues, and one night I've made an excuse to be at her place. Big mistake. I don't think I need to say what happened.
Well, this continued for a bit and I was still in my "wtf-do-I-want-to-do" phase, all the time knowing that I was fucking with some well-built friendships. (THIS IS THE STUPID AND SELFISH PART). Well, things started leaking, roommates talking to g/f, things like that.
Eventually, it came to a head and I told the g/f everything. I realized, at that point, my involvement in the club is the most minor thing ever, so I left the org as president and stayed on (in a very reduced capacity until he "took office." I didn't do everything I could have to make that transition work, but he's a smart guy and a good person, so the club didn't really falter and things went on for them.
I started repairing my relationship with my g/f and we moved in together last year. We just moved into a new place, and aside from random "Why did you do that to me?" moments, we've been pretty solid and great. She has some trust issues with me, but I'm trying to rebuild that.
Anyways, I really want to rejoin, or at least explain my sudden departure to my group of friends. I don't really know how they individually feel about it, but I was thinking if I just go to the forum, re-register (I deleted my old account), and post, it would be ok. They're all on Facebook, so I could make my amends there as well. The complication: Girl B is still very much a part of the group, and had developed some complex feelings for me during the previous events. I did nothing to dissuade her, but she's moved on and is in (from what I hear) a healthy, strong relationship with another guy.
The short version - I fucked over a group of friends and my g/f, now I want to make everyone happy again.
1ddqd on
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Posts
This may be my main issue. She wanted an immediate break from the group since she was involved (I don't blame her) BUT since my friends really only converge on the forum, it makes it difficult to essentially communicate with them online. Sure, IM works, but isn't persistent like a forum.
If any of my ex-friends took that approach I would be 100% fine with any of them hanging out with me again.
If they are really your friends they won't say no. I have been on both sides of this one. That is seriously all you need to say.
Limed for best thing to say
Then if said person calls up a couple of years later I'd be like "shit! Haven't seen you for ages, sounds cool!"
It doesn't sound like you did anything actively bad. You just kinda disappeared... (ignoring Girl B here, but it was a long time ago)
Bro, this isn't high school. Passing around messages makes you look like a coward.
Like ceres said, you're going to get right back to square one if you start talking to her again, so don't.
Grab a case of beer, choose your preferred line in this thread of "hey I fucked up" and hand out some cans. People will come around much quicker than you think as long as you apologise. You honestly haven't done that much wrong. So shit went down and you had to bail on them for a while. Big deal!