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How Horrible am I? - Girl involved.
ProPatriaMori
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Background:
About 9 years ago, I fell for a girl, and hard. She was an online friend, so things looked bleak, but I told her how I felt and she understood but we stayed just friends for a few years. She was the sort of girl who ended up with that kind of friend--the guy who had, in fact, fallen for her, but she was otherwise occupied/otherwise inclined.
After about two and a half years of being awesome friends, though, she had a falling out with her then-boyfriend and we ended up getting together. It was long distance, but our parents were supportive and we managed to fly to see one another about 3 times. After six months, though, emotional problems we both had, along with the distance difficulties, got to me and I broke up with her. Probably in a bad way, too--we were having a discussion about our problems, and she said "well, you want to make this work, right?" and I had this weird kind of epiphany and said what I felt: "no."
I've long regarded that as probably a bad decision. It wasn't a happy relationship, but at the same time, my feelings for her haven't diminished, and despite having some relationships of my own, including one that's gone on for nearly 2 years now, I've never felt the same way for anyone else.
So we weren't really good friends for a while, but after a year or so started talking again. Now we're okay friends, and keep in touch, but she isn't online as often and has a new boyfriend of maybe...5 years now? They're happy together and planning on getting married in summer of 2010. I'm happy for her, because she's happy now, and she really wasn't before. She's gotten over a lot of her emotional issues, it seems.
The Problem:
Now, here's the part where I wonder if there's a special private hell reserved for me. Boyfriend's job isn't keeping up with cost of living, or particularly satisfying, so he's looking into joining the military. Within 30 seconds of her saying that, I thought "infidelity among military spouses is pretty high, isn't it? Hmm." And then I recoiled.
My question to you: is this a somewhat normal human impulse, or am I just a huge asshole?
About 9 years ago, I fell for a girl, and hard. She was an online friend, so things looked bleak, but I told her how I felt and she understood but we stayed just friends for a few years. She was the sort of girl who ended up with that kind of friend--the guy who had, in fact, fallen for her, but she was otherwise occupied/otherwise inclined.
After about two and a half years of being awesome friends, though, she had a falling out with her then-boyfriend and we ended up getting together. It was long distance, but our parents were supportive and we managed to fly to see one another about 3 times. After six months, though, emotional problems we both had, along with the distance difficulties, got to me and I broke up with her. Probably in a bad way, too--we were having a discussion about our problems, and she said "well, you want to make this work, right?" and I had this weird kind of epiphany and said what I felt: "no."
I've long regarded that as probably a bad decision. It wasn't a happy relationship, but at the same time, my feelings for her haven't diminished, and despite having some relationships of my own, including one that's gone on for nearly 2 years now, I've never felt the same way for anyone else.
So we weren't really good friends for a while, but after a year or so started talking again. Now we're okay friends, and keep in touch, but she isn't online as often and has a new boyfriend of maybe...5 years now? They're happy together and planning on getting married in summer of 2010. I'm happy for her, because she's happy now, and she really wasn't before. She's gotten over a lot of her emotional issues, it seems.
The Problem:
Now, here's the part where I wonder if there's a special private hell reserved for me. Boyfriend's job isn't keeping up with cost of living, or particularly satisfying, so he's looking into joining the military. Within 30 seconds of her saying that, I thought "infidelity among military spouses is pretty high, isn't it? Hmm." And then I recoiled.
My question to you: is this a somewhat normal human impulse, or am I just a huge asshole?
ProPatriaMori on
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Posts
...just don't act on it, or suggest it, or put yourself in a position where you know it could happen.
But you just thought it. That's pretty normal. No harm no foul.
It would be hard to resist if I got back into that position again, but I don't think I will. She's an 18 hour drive away...or was when she was in Mesa. I think Yuma would be further. And that's not even taking into account where they'd end up if the guy actually gets into the service. Hopefully I'm not that big an asshole.
Thank you all again.
I don't say it, I don't act on it, and without obsessing over it, I ponder why I might've thought that and move on with my day.
How horrible are you? Not at all. You had an inappropriate thought, nothing more, nothing less. Saying it to her would be cold and asshole'ish. Acting on it if the opportunity came up would be pretty horrible. Thinking it is pretty low on the Dr. Horrible List Of Horrible Things.