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Parents don't support the pill.
Jack of all Trades
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Alrighty, so, my boyfriend and I are very sexually active, but I would like to be safer in case a condom breaks. Now, I've talked to my parents about getting me on the pill to at least regulate my periods (I have incredibly irregular periods. They're always late by at least 3-5 days, and sometimes I don't get it at all which really sends my nerves for a whirl, hoping to God that I'm not pregnant. Right now i'm about 15 days late, and obviously stressing, even though it was similar when i wasn't having sex) HOWEVER, my parents don't support the pill at all. They're telling me about all these complications, and how it could harm me in some way and that when I have sex I should just stick with condoms.
Now, I've researched it until it couldn't be researched any more, and I understand the side-effects, and possible complications completely, and I still think I should go on the pill to regulate my periods and to prevent pregnancy. But...my parents would absolutely not support this at all (nor would they support an abortion if I happened to accidentally get pregnant), and I'm stressing out over this.
SO, with that information, basically what I'm asking is ...is it immoral or wrong to go to a planned Parenthood and get birth control pills and take them with out my parents knowledge? See, the thing is that I'm very open with my parents, and tell them almost everything, especially dealing with medical type things. But I just feel bad...or wrong withholding this information from them, and I feel like I should tell them, but I know they wouldn't support it, and wouldn't let me.
I'm 18 years old, by the way, and live in New York.
Thanks in advance, I really appreciate it. This whole thing is really sending me for a whirl.
Now, I've researched it until it couldn't be researched any more, and I understand the side-effects, and possible complications completely, and I still think I should go on the pill to regulate my periods and to prevent pregnancy. But...my parents would absolutely not support this at all (nor would they support an abortion if I happened to accidentally get pregnant), and I'm stressing out over this.
SO, with that information, basically what I'm asking is ...is it immoral or wrong to go to a planned Parenthood and get birth control pills and take them with out my parents knowledge? See, the thing is that I'm very open with my parents, and tell them almost everything, especially dealing with medical type things. But I just feel bad...or wrong withholding this information from them, and I feel like I should tell them, but I know they wouldn't support it, and wouldn't let me.
I'm 18 years old, by the way, and live in New York.
Thanks in advance, I really appreciate it. This whole thing is really sending me for a whirl.
Jack of all Trades on
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Though, keep in mind that if you get it on their insurance, they'll get the bill and they'll know.
The real question that you are asking is, "Should I go through with this and not tell my parents?"
Only you can answer that question. My advise is to do what you want. Ultimately you have to answer to yourself for whatever decision you make. Make sure it is the one you want.
Also, you are a legal adult. You are allowed to make decisions in the best interest of yourself. Do what you think is right for yourself.
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See, that frightens me because if something DOES happen to the condom, and I do get pregnant, getting an abortion with out their support (or knowledge. My mom outright told me that if I got one, she wouldn't forgive me... wonderful, I know) is going to be MUCH harder on my conscience.
Edit: Though, if the worst does happen, I have decided that it would be the best thing if I did have an abortion. I have to finish school, and I would not be able to support a child with the money I am currently making. I've thought about it a lot, and discussed it with my boyfriend, and he supported me in whatever choice I made.
It's just tough to have parents that wouldn't forgive their child for doing something that would be better for them in the long run. Whether it's birthcontrol, or more.
Actually, if you want hormonal birth control that's much much much easier than a pill you have to take every day, I can't recommend the Nuvaring enough. I started it recently and it's amazing. Basically, you put it in once a month, take it out to have a monthly bleed if you want, and don't even have to think about it in between. It's amazing.
That being said, your parents have control over what happens in their house. If you get kicked out for your decision, then it's time to get a job and a roommate.
I digress, this is your decision, discuss it with your doctor or planned parenthood. This way you don't have to involve your parents with the potential important decision that could come from not taking the pill, i.e. the shotgun wedding, bastard grandchild, or abortion, etc,. Goddamn, abortions aren't all about "high-five we're fertile lets go get this bugger out of me and go back to school." They are harrowing emotional things. A tiny pill and a swallow of water of water a day is well worth the brief parental fallout. ( I am pro-choice by the way...but I am pro-prevention first.)
You'll find, and your doctor will tell you, that most of the negative info surrounding birth control are propagandist scare tactics. There are real side effects, but there are many options, and really doctors know best.
Once on the pill the talk should go a little like this: "Yeah mom I'm on the pill. Huh, oh right, no it's my vagina now, it has been since you stopped wiping it. What's for dinner?"
She'll get over it.
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The man knows what he's talking about.
The only real question at hand is do you have insurance to cover the costs, or will they be paying?
I don't want to use my parents insurance, and if need be, I have the money to afford it with out insurance.
*EDIT: Oops I hit the 7 instead of the 4.
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You'll only be benefitting from the pill, it'll put your mind at ease, and for all intents and purposes - it's the mature thing to do.
Good Luck!
OK, so we've established that the problem is that the OP's Mom is an idiot. "Go ahead and keep having sex but don't be responsible about it" is almost criminally irrational. Does Mom drive with a seatbelt on? I don't know why, she has an airbag. A tiny percentage of seatbelt-wearers are trapped in their cars during an accident and die from it. That should be justification enough for not wearing one. Right?
If there's a worry about disease, there's a disease you get from NOT taking birth control that ruins the entire lives of millions of healthy young people, sapping their energy, their potential, and their bank accounts. It's called parenthood.
OP: Yes, ask your physician about the different forms of birth control that are out there. The Nuvaring, the Depo-Provera shot, and something like 8 other forms of birth control are available, many of which are more convenient than the pill (and not really any more or less expensive). If you go to your student health center you may actually be able to get birth control very cheaply (like < $10 a month).
Whew, I was replying before you changed it to 45. I thought 75 was riddiculous. Its 25 here if you get it from planned parenthood(I think, maybe 35).
but they're listening to every word I say
tl;dr, this myth that condoms are the answer to both STDs and pregnancy needs to go. There is more to safe sex than latex.
PSN: TheScrublet
Good luck, they're very good for regulating periods at the least.
The suggestion of going to talk to a doctor is a really good idea. Speaking to a medical professional would most likely put your parents minds at ease and certainly give them more information to go on.
Something else that I thought of though. Have you brought up the point that you have researched this with your parents? If you have and they've ignored it then I have to admit that's rather ignorant of them given your age. They should be looking at you as a young adult now rather then a child and afford you the respect that you have done your research and that you're looking out for your own best interests. I know that if it were my parents they'd be quite impressed that you had done all that research at the very least.
She ended up developing ovarian cysts and also nearly had a stroke at 23 years old. Due to the ovarian cysts, she is no longer able to have children. So mission accomplished I guess, just for a lot longer than anticipated.
Please be fully aware of the complications.
Then again, this was in Indiana in ~1998 to ~2000, so your mileage may vary.
You do know that BCP reduces the risk of cysts right? The usual cause of them is extreme hormonal imbalance (likely with the pill, but you would notice the signs immediately) and hyperthyroidism, as well as a few others.
Stroke is a more common side effect, but it seems your girlfriend has had some previously serious health problems to be the cause of all that. But since you said nearly, I'm wondering what else might be happening.
Now, of course, this is both mental and physical well being.
To put it somewhat coldly, since you mentioned that having an abortion would be a possible (even likely) course of action should you become pregnant, and that your mother wouldn't forgive you for doing so, which is worse? The risk of her finding out you're on the pill against her advice/wishes, or that you may one day end up having an abortion?
Also, I'm aware there are potential complications in general, but is it at all possible there are medical issues that you might have or that might run in your family that might be exasperated by using the pill?
However, you know you want to use both and the issue may be that she doesn't know that. Otherwise, as others have said, talk to Planned Parenthood or check with the people at school who deal in student health insurance to see what information they have for you to help you make a more informed decision.
Some people can go on whatever birth control pill and be perfectly fine. Many experience a significant side effect, either serious loss of libido, hair loss, migraines, and so on. It's not a silver bullet. Having a doctor you can talk to about this, as you're taking the pills and working through possible side effects, can be a life saver.
Also, it's best to have sex w/ condoms for the first 3 months or so after starting birth control, so your body can get used to the change.
My feelings on the pill are that I should not be on it because a) I can't remember to take the pills I need to live on a daily basis and b) I have not have good experiences with hormonal birth control. It sounds like you've read every label though, which is good. You're 18 and legally able to do what you please, and honestly PP would see you even if you weren't.
Like right now, my period is about 16 days late, and I'm worrying my ass off even though this is normal for me. I don't want to go through this any more, and I'm tired of my parents don't showing support in matters that are important to me, even though I've shown them more than enough times that I'm a very responsible person.
My wife went on the pill when she was about 16 due to having really bad periods, hormonally (as in, complete emotional wreck once a month). The pill chilled things right down. She then stayed on it for about ten years, came off it last summer when we decided to start trying for children and then promptly got pregnant on our first un-protected attempt. Whilst there can be problems, it's certainly not a foregone conclusion that it'll have adverse effects even if used for a long time.
You should stay in regular contact with a doctor though and have regular check-ups while you are on it. If they're anything like the UK, the doctor will want to give you a brief check up every time he renews your prescription - just check your blood pressure etc. I think she got a smear once in a while, not sure if that was related to the pill or if it's just a sensible thing to do anyway. You may also have to try a few different pills before you find one that works for you, which is another important reason to work closely with your doctor. You don't want to end up on the wrong pill, it'll probably just make things worse.
If you're normally late, then wouldn't you just have a long cycle? Birth control may not fix that -- if your cycle is pretty irregular, you could end up having a "normal" period and then spotting the rest of the month, or even skip your "fake" period (when you take the placebo pills). And some prescriptions don't include the fake pills so you don't go on your period at all, and women can experience random spotting with that, too.
Some people get fewer pimples; some people get more. The only thing that's generally guaranteed is pregnancy prevention, so don't fool yourself into thinking it will clear up any other feminine issues you may have. It might, and if it does, great, but talk about it with your doctor, and report back to him/her after you've been with it a few months, if you're experiencing anything that doesn't seem right.
Please pardon my gift for stating the blindingly obvious, but in your research you surely came across the notion that high stress can also influence a woman's period?
Just noting that stressing over it may in fact be compounding things.
Of course, it's easier said than done to "just stop worrying about it" when it comes to such an issue, but it's worth keeping in mind.
I agree with this. If you are on your own, and are just looking to not lie to your parents, you can do whatever you want. Take the pill and let your parents know you are doing so as a precaution. You will be honest and given time they should understand.
If you do live with your parents, you can't expect them to just give in completely to the whims of their daughter, who also happens to get free food and shelter from them even though they're under no obligation to do so now. It doesn't even matter what they think or the restrictions they place on you, you're living under their roof and have to honor their wishes. It sucks, but use that as motivation to get out on your own.
There can be side effects. She recently had to switch pills due to the one she was on actually pumping too much estrogen into her causing her to miss 2 cycles(and scare the shit out of both of us). the first month she was on the new pill she was pretty moody, but that got better. She's also up a cup size now as well(which I like. her, not so much). Basically you need to talk to the doctor.