I think that's fairly normal. Happens to a lot of people at one point or another. You just keep keeping on. The house seems like a good goal. You'll have to do stuff you don't particularly want to do to get it, like get a job, but it's something to aim for that'll motivate you to do those other things. Along the way, you might even discover that you enjoy some of the other things.
dude... you are COMPLETELY depressed. Depression doesn't mean you are sad... it means you are completely unmotivated by anything, or to do anything.
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
Get a job at the very least. It doesn't have to be anything big, something mind-numbing but with low responsibility like retail or food. Just enough so that at least you can support yourself and get your own place.
As for the rest of it, I think eventually you'll just get tired of having no purpose. At the very least be curious about other opportunities. What you want to do with your life isn't just going to spring out at you, you have to make an effort to look for it.
Depression can indeed come in many forms, and lack of interest, lack of pro-activeness, and willingness to accept any situation are indeed a sign of this. It can be fairly insidious too, because at passing glance, nothing appears wrong. I've been there a long time ago, and it's hard to get out of it, but worth it.
Your life will be better, become better, if you have things to do. When starting out, anything will do just about. Strife for education, an (active) hobby you are truely interested in, preferably in an enviroment where you meet people (start growing a social circle), a job that you think will be at least somewhat challenging (no matter what it pays/what field, though again, something social will be better).
Talk to your parents. Chances are, they're worried about you. They want to see you succeed, in just about anything as long as it makes you happy. They'd also been expecting you to move out by now, and either get education, work, or both. They'll want to help you. Ask them if you need anything (reasonable).
Try some councelling. Ãt'll help. If you can't afford it, ask your parents. They'll help you.
That doesn't mean it'll be easy. You mostly have to (re)learn the willingness to fight for whatever you find worth fighting for, instead of just letting everything slide, only solve issues if they absolutely need solving, and generally live at the very lowest pace that's possible.
Write down what you like and what you don't, from that list you can see what kind of things you would like to do.
Another thing you could try to do is open up an ms word document and start writing down a monologue of the thoughts that come into your head and just keep typing, you'll be suprised what emotions and thoughts actually come out and when you look back at what you have typed you'll be suprised and there may be some things you could act upon, I do this sometimes.
Talk to your parents about your situation. They're probably more than willing to try and help you out. After that, talk to a counselor and tell him exactly what you told us. They're trained for this kind of thing and have probably helped people who are similar to you (what you're going through is not unique to you, it happens a lot).
1) Could be depression. The reasons you mention why you're not, well, it's not as simple as all that. The big D can manifest itself in lots of ways, lack of motivation is one of the most common. for example - if you have a fucked up horrible childhood, you may just give up on yourself as not worth the effort. Since that's your 'normal', you won't really know that it isn't.
2) That said severity is measured by function. If you can function in life and you feel ok with the way it is, then you probably don't require any treatment. Some people are OK coasting through life. some people are asexual. some people don't really need social interaction. it's not "normal", but it's ok. who really is normal anyway.
But you made this post.
So I'd guess you're not really happy with something about the way your life is. Something bothers you enough to reach out. Only you know what that is. maybe you crave being a rodeo clown. maybe you want to move to france. maybe you want a biker chick girlfriend. Maybe you want to open a hotdog stand in Bangladesh. Maybe you want any of the thousands of things people do.
Until you figure out what it is, you'll have that little nagging doubt. Therapists or counselors can help you find it, give you tools to do so, but it's up to you.
Stay exactly where you are, with ONE SMALL change. Come to where I live and please please please interview for whatever job I want, RIGHT before me.
That could be your niche. To make me look better to perspective employers.. my contract is gonna expire sometime soon here at the data center I work at..
Stay exactly where you are, with ONE SMALL change. Come to where I live and please please please interview for whatever job I want, RIGHT before me.
That could be your niche. To make me look better to perspective employers.. my contract is gonna expire sometime soon here at the data center I work at..
Many people want jobs they enjoy and that pays them what they wish to make to live the life they want. In the end, I think it's important you find a job you can tolerate that pays the bills. It's a good place to start. You could meet new people that could be work friends, so nothing you have to commit to, but a place where you can talk to people if you want and you can leave that at work if you're happy the way you are.
If you can tolerate a job, chances are you won't mind working it that much since it isn't something you dislike or hate. Plus, the money will allow you some more options of what you want to do.
It's a good first step because if you grow out of this mindset you currently have, the money and potential friends may be good for you down the road. Many people change course throughout life and while you may or may not be one of them, it'd be nice to have the option.
Hi MikeMan, couple of quick things I'd *love* to point out about your dumb ass comment.
1. Your comment is not helpful, thus you broke your own rule. Good job.
2. My comment was an attempt to inject humor, however badly it failed. Which when someone is depressed, can be helpful.
3. MikeMan? What the fuck kind of lame ass name is that. Is there a MikeWoman out there we should know about? You cruising CL scamming for some casual encounters under the alias Mikewoman?? That the deal?
No?
Ok good then.
/hijack
Hi ladybug! If you are happy in your life ladybug then just be happy. Fuck expectations. So incase you were wondering.. I live in arizona, and have a spare room you can borrow to help me with my interviews.
Okay, you say your parents probably won't ever kick you out, but will you be happy and will they be happy with your continuing presence? You'd be surprised how much resentment can fester simply due to societal expectations and just... needing space.
I can understand where you're coming from. I really can, because I'm the same as you in many ways. But it's not really a realistic lifestyle to try and maintain, at least not while living with your parents.
Honestly, the only way I could see you maintaining your lifestyle indefinitely would be to marry someone who can and will support you financially without resentment. Probably not (certainly not immediately) helpful, but there you go.
As for your apparent lack of motivation and being "asexual"--that really could be a sign of depression. Most people want something out of life and if you don't now I really think you will sometime.
OremLK on
My zombie survival life simulator They Don't Sleep is out now on Steam if you want to check it out.
Have you considered to pioneer in philosophy?, maybe you could expand on the subject called Nihilism, after all, you are what philophers called a Nihilist.
I have been in the same boat like you, but I didn't have the luxury to have food, a house, computers and the resources to play games, this forced me to work to sustain myself (hunger could be a great motivation to do something). Basically my personal needs and conservation instinct shaped my way of thinking.
From my limited point of view, due to the fact that all your needs are being fulfilled, there is a good chance you feel no motivation, this does not let you consider the future. This not bad actually, but what if you ever lack any of the things you have now, will you sit motionless and let death come?
Fantasma on
Hear my warnings, unbelievers. We have raised altars in this land so that we may sacrifice you to our gods. There is no hope in opposing the inevitable. Put down your arms, unbelievers, and bow before the forces of Chaos!
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AJRSome guy who wrestlesNorwichRegistered Userregular
edited August 2008
So wait, have you held a job at any point in your life?
OP I felt the same exact way as you did. I was in that lull where I didn't give a crap about anything or anyone. Then I met my current girlfriend (4 years strong, engaged to marry next year) and I finally manned up and started working to get myself out of the rut, and started thinking about my future.
Don't stay like this. You're going to KICK yourself later on in life. But by making this thread I think you've taken the first step to getting better.
Things I recommend: Get a job working retail. That really helped me get better socially. After working there for 2 years I was able to finally talk to people, and meet up with others. The job sucked, but the people I met were great and I sorta miss it now.
You say you're not interested in a significant other, but I'm sure that will change sooner or later. Just don't close yourself off.
This post probably isn't helpful. If it isn't I'm sorry, but I just don't want you to end up like a friend of mine.
Maybe lack of depression is the real problem. Have you ever considered that by playing it safe you will are actually dooming yourself to an unfufilled life? Like you said, if you stay the course one day you will have to at least get a job when your parents die. It is bound to be low paying and crappy, and you will be miserable.
Consider all of the things you will be missing out on. You like nature and the wind on your face? Maybe you should go hiking. Aspire to go to exotic locales and feel the wind there, experience the beauty.
Maybe this too could be a motivating factor for a job. Work for a park or nature reserve. There has to be some field of work you like. Remember that everybody starts in a crappy job. Hardly any job will be a cakewalk either. If you liked to do it that much, then you would be paying them. Besides, all the extra money you will be getting can translate into fun things to do. More games, more movies... the chance to travel to exotic locales. College is a great way to find somthing you have a passion for.
As for relationships, you are missing out on the good feelings that come along with them. I don't know what I would do without any friends. I feel like you are going with online friends because they are safe. You don't need any real attachment to them and therefore cannot be hurt. If there is no risk there can be no reward. You will never truly feel good until you have real life friends. If you are witty enough to post funny things on an internet forum, you are witty enough to go make some friends. To truly connect with another person is one of the greatest feelings you can come by on this earth. Significant others bring with them even more of this feeling, and along with that the joys of sex. Sure, no sex is tolerable but you are depriving yourself once again of the wonders that come with it.
The risk that comes along with these activities can be scary, but the thing is it is not a coin flip of outcomes. You actively affect the outcome. So it is more like blackjack. With a strategy, the longer you play the more you win.
At the very least you should feel bad for not pulling your own weight. You are making your parents pay your way for you. Why are you simply entitled to have their money, eat their food, and live in their house? You are taking advantage of them to their detriment. Remember, they took care of you and fed you for 21 years! Who else would do this for you? If you really love them you should go get a job and take your burden away.
JebusUD on
and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
but they're listening to every word I say
You know, funny thing is, if I don't set my alarm clock, I don't get up when I should. That's kind of what your life seems like right know, you haven't set any goals. If you don't set an "alarm" for your life, you'll just sleep through it. Make some goals for yourself. Get a job, even if you don't like it. That's what being an adult means, having to fend for yourself and do things you don't necessarily want to do. Your next goal should be to get out of your parents house as soon as possible. Seems like their footing the bill for your laying about, jobless, amibitionless life.
I have a feeling if you didn't have parents paying for you to "exist" right now, you'd find some motivation to have money to have a place to live, food to eat, etc.
ladybug, I believe that you're not depressed, because you're living the slacker dream. No responsibilities, no bills, no cares. Your parents don't say anything to you about it, so you don't even feel like a burden to them.
Most slackers at some point wake up and think "whoa, what am I doing, I'm just a mooch on my parents, I would completely fail if I was off on my own." Even then, I knew a guy who just worked odd-jobs that let him slack off, and he lived with his parents, paying a small amount for rent each month (like $200 or something). He was in his late 30's. He was happy, sure; he worked night security at a mental hospital, so the "tenants" were no stress and he slept there 3-4 nights a week. He played Magic:TG and got involved in a local shop and would "work" there some nights when the owner couldn't, so got some money that way. His day was mostly spent playing games with friends, surfing the internet, or, I don't know, reading books or something else. Not a care in the world.
It worked for him, but he was still a loser. He wasn't stinky or rude or anything, but yeah, no real motivation to do anything, no desires to learn new stuff, just kind of existing.
You can live simply and be happy with it, discovering what your hobbies are and pursuing local jobs that involve them in some way. Many people work security jobs so they can sit around and read a book while working, where the job just requires a warm body. Others flit from temp agency to temp agency, and sometimes find some cool coworkers and an easy way to pay bills.
Your biggest problem is that your easy lifestyle is utterly reliant on your parents. If something happens and they cannot support you, or if they decide that it is time for you to care for yourself, you are completely and utterly screwed. Not only would you have little ability to find a job, you have no friends to help out.
There's no wrong way to live a life, but you describe it in a way similar to how parents would describe having to care for a child with mental retardation. "She's very sweet, but she'll have to live at home because she can't get a job and she has no friends. The state could take care of her, I suppose, but I'd hate to do that to her." The catch is that you don't seem to have any mental or physical deficiencies; you're just a slacker.
And, as I said above, there's nothing inherently wrong about it; it's just that the longer you're a slacker, the harder it is to do anything else. If you hit 30 and realize "shit I need to get out of here, I'm wasting my life in the basement," you'll realize that your life has stagnated and it's that much harder to do anything about.
Could you live on your own, without your parents? Living is more than food.
AJRSome guy who wrestlesNorwichRegistered Userregular
edited August 2008
I can’t really add anything that hasn’t been said so far, but I just think the biggest problem with you argument is that you haven’t actually tried any kind of work. I think you should at least give it a shot, seeing what different fields of work are like. Who knows, you might actually find yourself doing something you enjoy whilst earning money for it.
Sorry to be blunt but you sound selfish and entitled. All you keep mentioning is your immediate happiness. That is not you main concern right now. What the hell makes you think its okay to do this to your parents? Sure they can afford it now but did you think maybe they might want to retire some day? Do you think they want to work until the day they die to support a couple of deadbeat manchildren? Grow the fuck up. You sound like a 12 year old. You think everyone else just turns 18 and suddenly they are desperate to get a job and then instantly gets a great job that they love? It doesnt happen that way. Stop making excuses and get off your ass. Youre contributing nothing to society, nothing to your own growth, and nothing to the household whose resources you are leeching without a single thought.
I have to say, I don't the OP is open to getting any advice. People have given some great advice in this thread, and all you are doing is repeating yourself, saying you don't care about anything. A change of mindset is necessary here. If you ask for help, you need to be ready to accept some of it. No one here is going to validate your current lifestyle.
Depression can indeed come in many forms, and lack of interest, lack of pro-activeness, and willingness to accept any situation are indeed a sign of this. It can be fairly insidious too, because at passing glance, nothing appears wrong. I've been there a long time ago, and it's hard to get out of it, but worth it.
As someone who is just now coming out of...god, I don't ven know any more how long anymore (years, is all I do know) of some pretty intense depression, I can tell that this is very true.
This probably sounds bad, or at least makes me sound not-so-good, but please take my advice and stay from drugs and over-use of alcohol. Trust me, they won't help.
Not that you mentioned that, or that I got that impression, just sharing a lesson that I really wish I had never learned
Really though, avoiding any repetitive, un-healthy activity, whatever those might be, is good in situations like these.
Exercise, get a job, socialize (yeah, I know, I don't enjoy it all that much either :P), anything to break whatever cycles you might be in right now. In my experience, this can help immensely
I have to say, I don't the OP is open to getting any advice. People have given some great advice in this thread, and all you are doing is repeating yourself, saying you don't care about anything. A change of mindset is necessary here. If you ask for help, you need to be ready to accept some of it. No one here is going to validate your current lifestyle.
Okay, if you're thinking about suicide, something is SERIOUSLY wrong. You say you're not unhappy, but it sounds like you can't continue like this.
Also, just because your parents haven't said anything doesn't mean they don't have an opinion on the matter. They could be VERY concerned about you, but they don't know how to say anything to you about it for whatever reason.
I'd really suggest talking to somebody, anybody, about this.
cloudeagle, I think that's the problem. She doesn't want to talk to anyone about it because, in real life, it's harder to dismiss than online. She says she was looking for negative responses, but she states that her parents should care for her because she didn't ask to be born; it's THEIR fault that she's who she is. And then, after saying that its her parents' responsibility, claims that her life is entirely hers.
So it's either hers or theirs. But she says they don't talk to HER, so why should SHE talk to THEM? Her parents are the only people in her life, apparently, but I get the impression she doesn't want to talk to them because they'll make her perceived happy world into something a little more realistic.
ladybug, it's obvious that even though you claim to be happy, you can't say things like "I did not ask to be born into this world" without there being a tinge of unhappiness. You making this thread says "I claim to be happy just existing through life, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm wrong."
If you talk to your parents about it, they're probably going to tell it like it is. And you don't have any friends coworkers to rely on, so you simply don't talk to your parents about it, hoping they don't bring it up. Because you've realized that, shit, you don't have any other options if they DO talk to you about it.
I'm pretty sure they see the same thing -- that if they talk to you about, you're going to flip out, yet have nowhere to go. So they just try to ignore the problem.
My parents have mouths on them, I know they do. If they have such a huge problem with my lifestyle, I would appreciate it if they'd, you know.. talk to me about it. Say something. They are free to tell me to move out right this instant. They are free to yell at me to get a job. They have done none of those things. I can only assume thusly that there's nothing to talk about.
I did not ask to be born into this world. I did not ask them to give birth to me. If they took that responsibility, they have to deal with the messed up consequences.
It's not your parents' job anymore to raise you. You're 21. You need to start doing what's best for you, whether your parents say anything or not. You shouldn't be waiting for your parents to start telling you what to do with your life when you're 21. They shouldn't have to tell you to get a job, move out on your own, or to be motivated. That's all on you.
No one asked to be born, but we all have to deal with it. You can blame as many people as you want, but it's your life, and it's your responsibility. No one can change you but yourself.
I went through this almost exact same thing. I was fed up with work so I stopped going, I was tired of making effort to hang out with people so I stopped, I stayed out of contact with my family, and I resorted to just watching movies/playing games all day. I didn't think I was particularly sad either, so I wrote depression off as well.
What ultimately shook me out of my funk was getting laid off from my job and realizing I still had rent to pay. So I moved back home and continued doing nothing. It wasn't until I took a class at college (and obviously failed from lack of motivation) that I realized I was becoming pretty worthless. So, I quit the things that became comforts to me (*cough* online gaming, *cough* drinking incessantly) and basically said "fuck this, I'm going to school and doing something." Shortly after this realization I finished a semester with a 3.5 GPA and finally felt motivated again.
I think the main problem is getting comfortable with not doing anything to the point where you can't even muster up enough motivation to get even simple tasks done. It happens, and it took me realizing that if I keep this up then I won't have any kind of decent life. I was around your age too when it happened...around 21-22. You're still young so its not too late to wake yourself up out of the lazy coma ;-) Just try making yourself do one thing, and stick to it...school, work, some sort of activity...and then once it becomes something you can commit to, branch from there.
I knew a guy who just worked odd-jobs that let him slack off, and he lived with his parents, paying a small amount for rent each month (like $200 or something). He was in his late 30's. He was happy, sure; he worked night security at a mental hospital, so the "tenants" were no stress and he slept there 3-4 nights a week. He played Magic:TG and got involved in a local shop and would "work" there some nights when the owner couldn't, so got some money that way. His day was mostly spent playing games with friends, surfing the internet, or, I don't know, reading books or something else. Not a care in the world.
It worked for him, but he was still a loser. He wasn't stinky or rude or anything, but yeah, no real motivation to do anything, no desires to learn new stuff, just kind of existing.
I'm not so sure what's so wrong with that. I'm sure to many people working crazy 60-80 hours a week jobs with like two weeks of vacation a year tops, this sounds like absolute heaven. Who says they aren't the losers and he isn't in fact the winner here? Sounds like he has a pretty good deal. Sure, not a lot of ambition and probably not a mansion with a pool and a Mercedes and a lot of other crap you don't even really need, but also not a whole lot of big suck like stress and endless obligations.
What makes the 60-hour work week that much smarter of a life choice? Sure you make more money but you don't even have any time left to enjoy it. If his hobby is reading books, which can be a very fulfilling endeavor (and who says he doesn't learn anything new from that every day?), now at least he has all the time in the world for that which he loves the most. Be honest here, aren't you just a bit jealous that he was fine with just ignoring the rat race and living bis life the way he wants to, and you weren't?
My parents have mouths on them, I know they do. If they have such a huge problem with my lifestyle, I would appreciate it if they'd, you know.. talk to me about it. Say something. They are free to tell me to move out right this instant. They are free to yell at me to get a job. They have done none of those things. I can only assume thusly that there's nothing to talk about.
Since when is silence the same as approval? Don't be daft. Why should they have to tell you what you should do?
I did not ask to be born into this world. I did not ask them to give birth to me. If they took that responsibility, they have to deal with the messed up consequences.
Clearly you see there is a problem here. Your words imply it. The fact that you even made this thread belies the truth. The truth is you want to make a change. Otherwise you wouldn't even be here.
As for contributing to society, I couldn't care less. Perhaps that does makes me selfish and entitled, but I don't feel I owe anything to this society.
Society has done nothing for you eh? What about the family system that enables you to live the way you do now. What about the people that make the games you like to play? The people that got educated to build the car im sure you go around in. The people that learned to build the house? The people that make the food?
You know that society has done things for you. You know it has enabled you to live a comfortable life.
Is staying at home and playing video games all the time really that fun? I like video games as much as anyone else, but there are more things to do. Even if you are moderately happy you are hardly maximizing.
Once again, think of everything you are missing out on! You could be so much happier. Why settle for less when you can have more?
JebusUD on
and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
but they're listening to every word I say
I knew a guy who just worked odd-jobs that let him slack off, and he lived with his parents, paying a small amount for rent each month (like $200 or something). He was in his late 30's. He was happy, sure; he worked night security at a mental hospital, so the "tenants" were no stress and he slept there 3-4 nights a week. He played Magic:TG and got involved in a local shop and would "work" there some nights when the owner couldn't, so got some money that way. His day was mostly spent playing games with friends, surfing the internet, or, I don't know, reading books or something else. Not a care in the world.
It worked for him, but he was still a loser. He wasn't stinky or rude or anything, but yeah, no real motivation to do anything, no desires to learn new stuff, just kind of existing.
I'm not so sure what's so wrong with that. I'm sure to many people working crazy 60-80 hours a week jobs with like two weeks of vacation a year tops, this sounds like absolute heaven. Who says they aren't the losers and he isn't in fact the winner here? Sounds like he has a pretty good deal. Sure, not a lot of ambition and probably not a mansion with a pool and a Mercedes and a lot of other crap you don't even really need, but also not a whole lot of big suck like stress and endless obligations.
What makes the 60-hour work week that much smarter of a life choice? Sure you make more money but you don't even have any time left to enjoy it. If his hobby is reading books, which can be a very fulfilling endeavor (and who says he doesn't learn anything new from that every day?), now at least he has all the time in the world for that which he loves the most. Be honest here, aren't you just a bit jealous that he was fine with just ignoring the rat race and living bis life the way he wants to, and you weren't?
I said in my post that there wasn't anything wrong with it, and that it worked with him. And there is a certain walden-esque niceness to it. But "work for a living" doesn't mean "60 hour workweek," it doesn't mean "mow the yard" or "have kids" or "drink beer & watch football."
I work a 37.5 hr week and get 3 weeks vacation a year, but I'm married and own my own house. I have ample freetime, and got involved in a master's program in order to better myself. Because I *don't* want to stagnate, and be the same in 10, 20, 30 years.
The thing is, he was a loser because even though he was living the slacker dream, it was obvious that he had some underlying wish for something different. Or that he felt time had unfairly passed him by. He had essentially been doing the same thing for the past 15 years of his life. He wasn't stupid -- he just chose not to do anything.
In a lot of ways, it's like seeing wasted potential. That doesn't mean he needs to bust his hump, and you bringing it up makes it obvious that even you know there is a very wide gray area between "constant work" and "constant slack." He read because it filled in the time between waking up and going to sleep. He had no passion for authors or literature, he read "junk" because it was easy. He lived at home and paid a small amount of token rent because it was "easy," took the part-time security job because it was easy, and so on. His life was defined by minimal effort.
Sure, there's a sort of simplistic charm to it, but it's hardly anything to aspire to. In fact, it's the exact opposite of aspiration. Anyone who worked a regular job would die of boredom if stuck in his situation -- most people use work as a means to expose themselves to new people, new ideas, and be involved in some sort of change or progress.
I was jealous of him when I was 17. By the time I was 18, I realized he was just sad. I don't get you talking about the "rat race" and "mercedes" and "mansions," and if that's what you perceive to be the holy grail, you may need to start your own thread ;D
Anyway, that's getting philosophical. On my bike ride home, I thought about this thread, and thought "you know, ladybug should just join the military. Would get her out of home, get her active, make her meet people, and probably give her a lot of motivation in life. And would give her a good leg-up in any future job she was interested in."
There's this one thing with getting a job. I most definitely do not want to get a job I dislike. A job I would hate doing, trudging through only for the cash, forcing myself to get up every morning day after day after day.
That's all well and good, but you need to accept a certain unfortunate truth of life. You do not have an inherent right to a stimulating, exciting, fulfilling job. Finding such a job requires you to be ambitious, skilled, motivated, and more than a little lucky. It's something to strive for, to be sure.
But sometimes you have to take a boring, tedious, soul-grinding job because humans need shit like food and shelter.
Think of cool things you would like to do. Does skydiving give you a thrill? Maybe flying a plane? Snorkling at the great barrier reef of Australia? Seeing some of the wonders of the world?
Those are some of my personal things, but I'm sure you can think of some things that would be cool to do, some place you want to see. And all those things, well they cost money to do. This is what my motivation is so far as getting cash- getting cash to do some really cool shit that being a slacker just doesn't offer.
Now, you've got a pretty good situation already because you've got a strong family unit going there, it seems like. Trust me, that is a very, very nice thing to have in life and you're quite lucky. Talk to your parents. Let me repeat- Talk to your parents about how you're feeling and talk to them about some of the things on your cool list. Maybe they are okay with you staying at home rent and food free if you're working towards a goal like travel.
This is where I break your heart, but honey, trust me, your parents are NOT cool with you wasting your life away, even if they can afford it.
The first step though, is to find some things that you think are fun. Video games are pretty cool, I agree. But you know what is usually more fulfilling? Actually doing some of those things in games. Think fighting games are cool? Take martial arts or boxing.
When you can connect with what interests you, then you can connect with what kind of career you might like. This can build cash towards your cool list, and once you have a general direction of stuff you might like, well then you can start building your career into something great. Chances are, whatever career you pick, you're going to be doing the bitch jobs at first, so look at those jobs as cash towards your dream list and putting in your time towards doing something spectacular at a later date.
Think about your silliest childhood dreams and think about how you could make those things happen in some way. I'm sure you'll have something. Don't worry about wringing money out of the dream, just think of the fulfillment of it and then make steps to make them happen. Once you shake off the entropy your aspirations will grow, you'll feel better, and you'll most likely develop a sex drive.
And yeah, you're depressed kid. I know, you can't tell right now. That's how depression is a lot of the time. But once you get going you'll feel so much better about life that you'll realize you were depressed in hindsight.
I had this feeling a bit back. Try something to shock you out of your lull.
Have you considered moving out? Does the concept of living on your own interest you in any way? It's a whole lot of responsibility, but also a lot of freedom. If you like the idea, maybe you can ask your parents if they'll help you out for a bit with rent while you find a temporary job, and figure your life out. It sounds like your parents are probably well off enough to do this for you, at least for a while. Talk to them about it, anyway.
I know it feels like you're in a certain comfort zone right now, but you'll never know how fun life is unless you get out of that comfort zone.
Zoolander on
0
JohnnyCacheStarting DefensePlace at the tableRegistered Userregular
edited August 2008
Man I tell you what
I used to be one of those people that was like, "I like all this stuff but the thought of doing it for a living sapps all the fun out of it"
Then I got a job that's well...up there with that Ice Road shit on discovery. Now I realize that I could actually come to appreciate the drudgery of commodifiying my creative talents.
Even if suicide is not wrong (believe it or not, I'm sure you would hurt a lot of people beginning with your parents if you killed yourself) it's worrying that you've given it that much thought. It does sound a lot to me like you are depressed, and I really think you should talk to someone about it. Even if it's just your family doctor or whatever.
Anyway, why don't you tell us some of your crazy childhood dreams? I mean, hell, just about everything has a real world analog of some kind. It sounds to me like you need to get excited about something.
I find it difficult to believe that you really don't want anything at all, deep down. Everyone wants something badly. Everyone has a heart's desire, if not more than one.
OremLK on
My zombie survival life simulator They Don't Sleep is out now on Steam if you want to check it out.
Don't go into a job thinking "I'll quit if I don't like it" this just gives you an inbuilt get out clause in your head that you can use to justify giving up guilt free the second things start to suck which they will. And despite the fact you say you're happy it's obvious you're not. I'm like you at the moment (except I have friends and an SO) in that I have no job, no purpose and I'm having a hell of a time trying to work up the motivation to get one. I too am nearly 21 and being supported by my parents, I don't know what I want to do and nothing inspires me. But I'm filling out application forms and trying and that at least is giving me a small amount of satisfaction because I'm so sick and tired of being in the same rut you describe. Your problem is that you have no one to support you my motivation is that I want my girlfriend to be proud of me and I don't want my friends to look down on me as being an unemployed bum. Reading this thread at the very least has made me look at my situation from the outside and hate it even more, for both our sakes we should try to loose this soul draining apathy and get out there more.
Firstly, let me just say I know how you feel. I went through a phase a couple of years ago which sounds like yours - dropped out of university, no desire to get a job or interact with other people, just mooched around watching movies, playing games and listening to music. I thought I could be (if not happy), then content with that lifestyle. And yes, suicide was an option I considered - not from unhappyness, but as an option.
You know what changed that? My parents found out I had considered suicide. Trust me when I say, thats a look I never ever want to see on my mother's face again. You might think its your decision and your responsibility, but consider your responsibility to them. How do you think it would effect them? Could their marriage survive that? Could they survive that? Fair or not, they would blame themselves for it, and it would tear their lives apart.
Anyway, I realised I couldn't go on like that. So I got a job. Not a good job, or one that I wanted to do for the rest of my life - but it was something. I got through every day by telling myself it wasn't forever and I was only there for the money. For the first 6 months I spent ever penny of my paycheck. I'd spend all day at my desk working out what to do with that weeks paycheck - and then blow it all on DVDs, cds and games.
I had thought I would hate spending 8 hours a day, 5 days a week doing something I didn't enjoy. And yes, sometimes getting out of bed in the morning was hard, but I discovered I liked having money in my pocket. I liked the routine in my life. From having 16 hours a day to do what I wanted, I now had 6. It seems strange, but those 6 hours became so more enjoyable than the previous 16 hours had been. The anticipation made them so much better. It felt like I was achieving more, I got back into painting, my creativity was actually better!
Eventually I realized there were some aspects of my work I actually enjoyed, alongside the bits I hated. So I concentrated on them. I took a new job that was only the bits I had liked, and I'm now building a career in a field I would never have considered before.
I hope my ramblings made some sense, what I'm trying to put across is that any job you get now doesn't mean you're doing it forever. Try different things, goto an agency - you'll get to sample lots of short -term jobs. You might discover what you like, what you could stand and what you really don't want to have to do.
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dude... you are COMPLETELY depressed. Depression doesn't mean you are sad... it means you are completely unmotivated by anything, or to do anything.
As for the rest of it, I think eventually you'll just get tired of having no purpose. At the very least be curious about other opportunities. What you want to do with your life isn't just going to spring out at you, you have to make an effort to look for it.
Your life will be better, become better, if you have things to do. When starting out, anything will do just about. Strife for education, an (active) hobby you are truely interested in, preferably in an enviroment where you meet people (start growing a social circle), a job that you think will be at least somewhat challenging (no matter what it pays/what field, though again, something social will be better).
Talk to your parents. Chances are, they're worried about you. They want to see you succeed, in just about anything as long as it makes you happy. They'd also been expecting you to move out by now, and either get education, work, or both. They'll want to help you. Ask them if you need anything (reasonable).
Try some councelling. Ãt'll help. If you can't afford it, ask your parents. They'll help you.
That doesn't mean it'll be easy. You mostly have to (re)learn the willingness to fight for whatever you find worth fighting for, instead of just letting everything slide, only solve issues if they absolutely need solving, and generally live at the very lowest pace that's possible.
Another thing you could try to do is open up an ms word document and start writing down a monologue of the thoughts that come into your head and just keep typing, you'll be suprised what emotions and thoughts actually come out and when you look back at what you have typed you'll be suprised and there may be some things you could act upon, I do this sometimes.
2) That said severity is measured by function. If you can function in life and you feel ok with the way it is, then you probably don't require any treatment. Some people are OK coasting through life. some people are asexual. some people don't really need social interaction. it's not "normal", but it's ok. who really is normal anyway.
But you made this post.
So I'd guess you're not really happy with something about the way your life is. Something bothers you enough to reach out. Only you know what that is. maybe you crave being a rodeo clown. maybe you want to move to france. maybe you want a biker chick girlfriend. Maybe you want to open a hotdog stand in Bangladesh. Maybe you want any of the thousands of things people do.
Until you figure out what it is, you'll have that little nagging doubt. Therapists or counselors can help you find it, give you tools to do so, but it's up to you.
Stay exactly where you are, with ONE SMALL change. Come to where I live and please please please interview for whatever job I want, RIGHT before me.
That could be your niche. To make me look better to perspective employers.. my contract is gonna expire sometime soon here at the data center I work at..
So i'm gonna need you soon.
Either post helpful advice or don't post.
If you can tolerate a job, chances are you won't mind working it that much since it isn't something you dislike or hate. Plus, the money will allow you some more options of what you want to do.
It's a good first step because if you grow out of this mindset you currently have, the money and potential friends may be good for you down the road. Many people change course throughout life and while you may or may not be one of them, it'd be nice to have the option.
1. Your comment is not helpful, thus you broke your own rule. Good job.
2. My comment was an attempt to inject humor, however badly it failed. Which when someone is depressed, can be helpful.
3. MikeMan? What the fuck kind of lame ass name is that. Is there a MikeWoman out there we should know about? You cruising CL scamming for some casual encounters under the alias Mikewoman?? That the deal?
No?
Ok good then.
/hijack
Hi ladybug! If you are happy in your life ladybug then just be happy. Fuck expectations. So incase you were wondering.. I live in arizona, and have a spare room you can borrow to help me with my interviews.
Thanks
I can understand where you're coming from. I really can, because I'm the same as you in many ways. But it's not really a realistic lifestyle to try and maintain, at least not while living with your parents.
Honestly, the only way I could see you maintaining your lifestyle indefinitely would be to marry someone who can and will support you financially without resentment. Probably not (certainly not immediately) helpful, but there you go.
As for your apparent lack of motivation and being "asexual"--that really could be a sign of depression. Most people want something out of life and if you don't now I really think you will sometime.
I have been in the same boat like you, but I didn't have the luxury to have food, a house, computers and the resources to play games, this forced me to work to sustain myself (hunger could be a great motivation to do something). Basically my personal needs and conservation instinct shaped my way of thinking.
From my limited point of view, due to the fact that all your needs are being fulfilled, there is a good chance you feel no motivation, this does not let you consider the future. This not bad actually, but what if you ever lack any of the things you have now, will you sit motionless and let death come?
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Don't stay like this. You're going to KICK yourself later on in life. But by making this thread I think you've taken the first step to getting better.
Things I recommend: Get a job working retail. That really helped me get better socially. After working there for 2 years I was able to finally talk to people, and meet up with others. The job sucked, but the people I met were great and I sorta miss it now.
You say you're not interested in a significant other, but I'm sure that will change sooner or later. Just don't close yourself off.
This post probably isn't helpful. If it isn't I'm sorry, but I just don't want you to end up like a friend of mine.
You mentioned you enjoyed nature. Maybe you should try getting into wildlife preservation or something outdoorsy like that?
Maybe lack of depression is the real problem. Have you ever considered that by playing it safe you will are actually dooming yourself to an unfufilled life? Like you said, if you stay the course one day you will have to at least get a job when your parents die. It is bound to be low paying and crappy, and you will be miserable.
Consider all of the things you will be missing out on. You like nature and the wind on your face? Maybe you should go hiking. Aspire to go to exotic locales and feel the wind there, experience the beauty.
Maybe this too could be a motivating factor for a job. Work for a park or nature reserve. There has to be some field of work you like. Remember that everybody starts in a crappy job. Hardly any job will be a cakewalk either. If you liked to do it that much, then you would be paying them. Besides, all the extra money you will be getting can translate into fun things to do. More games, more movies... the chance to travel to exotic locales. College is a great way to find somthing you have a passion for.
As for relationships, you are missing out on the good feelings that come along with them. I don't know what I would do without any friends. I feel like you are going with online friends because they are safe. You don't need any real attachment to them and therefore cannot be hurt. If there is no risk there can be no reward. You will never truly feel good until you have real life friends. If you are witty enough to post funny things on an internet forum, you are witty enough to go make some friends. To truly connect with another person is one of the greatest feelings you can come by on this earth. Significant others bring with them even more of this feeling, and along with that the joys of sex. Sure, no sex is tolerable but you are depriving yourself once again of the wonders that come with it.
The risk that comes along with these activities can be scary, but the thing is it is not a coin flip of outcomes. You actively affect the outcome. So it is more like blackjack. With a strategy, the longer you play the more you win.
At the very least you should feel bad for not pulling your own weight. You are making your parents pay your way for you. Why are you simply entitled to have their money, eat their food, and live in their house? You are taking advantage of them to their detriment. Remember, they took care of you and fed you for 21 years! Who else would do this for you? If you really love them you should go get a job and take your burden away.
but they're listening to every word I say
I have a feeling if you didn't have parents paying for you to "exist" right now, you'd find some motivation to have money to have a place to live, food to eat, etc.
Most slackers at some point wake up and think "whoa, what am I doing, I'm just a mooch on my parents, I would completely fail if I was off on my own." Even then, I knew a guy who just worked odd-jobs that let him slack off, and he lived with his parents, paying a small amount for rent each month (like $200 or something). He was in his late 30's. He was happy, sure; he worked night security at a mental hospital, so the "tenants" were no stress and he slept there 3-4 nights a week. He played Magic:TG and got involved in a local shop and would "work" there some nights when the owner couldn't, so got some money that way. His day was mostly spent playing games with friends, surfing the internet, or, I don't know, reading books or something else. Not a care in the world.
It worked for him, but he was still a loser. He wasn't stinky or rude or anything, but yeah, no real motivation to do anything, no desires to learn new stuff, just kind of existing.
You can live simply and be happy with it, discovering what your hobbies are and pursuing local jobs that involve them in some way. Many people work security jobs so they can sit around and read a book while working, where the job just requires a warm body. Others flit from temp agency to temp agency, and sometimes find some cool coworkers and an easy way to pay bills.
Your biggest problem is that your easy lifestyle is utterly reliant on your parents. If something happens and they cannot support you, or if they decide that it is time for you to care for yourself, you are completely and utterly screwed. Not only would you have little ability to find a job, you have no friends to help out.
There's no wrong way to live a life, but you describe it in a way similar to how parents would describe having to care for a child with mental retardation. "She's very sweet, but she'll have to live at home because she can't get a job and she has no friends. The state could take care of her, I suppose, but I'd hate to do that to her." The catch is that you don't seem to have any mental or physical deficiencies; you're just a slacker.
And, as I said above, there's nothing inherently wrong about it; it's just that the longer you're a slacker, the harder it is to do anything else. If you hit 30 and realize "shit I need to get out of here, I'm wasting my life in the basement," you'll realize that your life has stagnated and it's that much harder to do anything about.
Could you live on your own, without your parents? Living is more than food.
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All experience.
As someone who is just now coming out of...god, I don't ven know any more how long anymore (years, is all I do know) of some pretty intense depression, I can tell that this is very true.
This probably sounds bad, or at least makes me sound not-so-good, but please take my advice and stay from drugs and over-use of alcohol. Trust me, they won't help.
Not that you mentioned that, or that I got that impression, just sharing a lesson that I really wish I had never learned
Really though, avoiding any repetitive, un-healthy activity, whatever those might be, is good in situations like these.
Exercise, get a job, socialize (yeah, I know, I don't enjoy it all that much either :P), anything to break whatever cycles you might be in right now. In my experience, this can help immensely
Also, just because your parents haven't said anything doesn't mean they don't have an opinion on the matter. They could be VERY concerned about you, but they don't know how to say anything to you about it for whatever reason.
I'd really suggest talking to somebody, anybody, about this.
So it's either hers or theirs. But she says they don't talk to HER, so why should SHE talk to THEM? Her parents are the only people in her life, apparently, but I get the impression she doesn't want to talk to them because they'll make her perceived happy world into something a little more realistic.
ladybug, it's obvious that even though you claim to be happy, you can't say things like "I did not ask to be born into this world" without there being a tinge of unhappiness. You making this thread says "I claim to be happy just existing through life, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm wrong."
If you talk to your parents about it, they're probably going to tell it like it is. And you don't have any friends coworkers to rely on, so you simply don't talk to your parents about it, hoping they don't bring it up. Because you've realized that, shit, you don't have any other options if they DO talk to you about it.
I'm pretty sure they see the same thing -- that if they talk to you about, you're going to flip out, yet have nowhere to go. So they just try to ignore the problem.
It's not your parents' job anymore to raise you. You're 21. You need to start doing what's best for you, whether your parents say anything or not. You shouldn't be waiting for your parents to start telling you what to do with your life when you're 21. They shouldn't have to tell you to get a job, move out on your own, or to be motivated. That's all on you.
No one asked to be born, but we all have to deal with it. You can blame as many people as you want, but it's your life, and it's your responsibility. No one can change you but yourself.
What ultimately shook me out of my funk was getting laid off from my job and realizing I still had rent to pay. So I moved back home and continued doing nothing. It wasn't until I took a class at college (and obviously failed from lack of motivation) that I realized I was becoming pretty worthless. So, I quit the things that became comforts to me (*cough* online gaming, *cough* drinking incessantly) and basically said "fuck this, I'm going to school and doing something." Shortly after this realization I finished a semester with a 3.5 GPA and finally felt motivated again.
I think the main problem is getting comfortable with not doing anything to the point where you can't even muster up enough motivation to get even simple tasks done. It happens, and it took me realizing that if I keep this up then I won't have any kind of decent life. I was around your age too when it happened...around 21-22. You're still young so its not too late to wake yourself up out of the lazy coma ;-) Just try making yourself do one thing, and stick to it...school, work, some sort of activity...and then once it becomes something you can commit to, branch from there.
Weaboo List
What makes the 60-hour work week that much smarter of a life choice? Sure you make more money but you don't even have any time left to enjoy it. If his hobby is reading books, which can be a very fulfilling endeavor (and who says he doesn't learn anything new from that every day?), now at least he has all the time in the world for that which he loves the most. Be honest here, aren't you just a bit jealous that he was fine with just ignoring the rat race and living bis life the way he wants to, and you weren't?
Clearly you see there is a problem here. Your words imply it. The fact that you even made this thread belies the truth. The truth is you want to make a change. Otherwise you wouldn't even be here.
Society has done nothing for you eh? What about the family system that enables you to live the way you do now. What about the people that make the games you like to play? The people that got educated to build the car im sure you go around in. The people that learned to build the house? The people that make the food?
You know that society has done things for you. You know it has enabled you to live a comfortable life.
Is staying at home and playing video games all the time really that fun? I like video games as much as anyone else, but there are more things to do. Even if you are moderately happy you are hardly maximizing.
Once again, think of everything you are missing out on! You could be so much happier. Why settle for less when you can have more?
but they're listening to every word I say
I said in my post that there wasn't anything wrong with it, and that it worked with him. And there is a certain walden-esque niceness to it. But "work for a living" doesn't mean "60 hour workweek," it doesn't mean "mow the yard" or "have kids" or "drink beer & watch football."
I work a 37.5 hr week and get 3 weeks vacation a year, but I'm married and own my own house. I have ample freetime, and got involved in a master's program in order to better myself. Because I *don't* want to stagnate, and be the same in 10, 20, 30 years.
The thing is, he was a loser because even though he was living the slacker dream, it was obvious that he had some underlying wish for something different. Or that he felt time had unfairly passed him by. He had essentially been doing the same thing for the past 15 years of his life. He wasn't stupid -- he just chose not to do anything.
In a lot of ways, it's like seeing wasted potential. That doesn't mean he needs to bust his hump, and you bringing it up makes it obvious that even you know there is a very wide gray area between "constant work" and "constant slack." He read because it filled in the time between waking up and going to sleep. He had no passion for authors or literature, he read "junk" because it was easy. He lived at home and paid a small amount of token rent because it was "easy," took the part-time security job because it was easy, and so on. His life was defined by minimal effort.
Sure, there's a sort of simplistic charm to it, but it's hardly anything to aspire to. In fact, it's the exact opposite of aspiration. Anyone who worked a regular job would die of boredom if stuck in his situation -- most people use work as a means to expose themselves to new people, new ideas, and be involved in some sort of change or progress.
I was jealous of him when I was 17. By the time I was 18, I realized he was just sad. I don't get you talking about the "rat race" and "mercedes" and "mansions," and if that's what you perceive to be the holy grail, you may need to start your own thread ;D
Anyway, that's getting philosophical. On my bike ride home, I thought about this thread, and thought "you know, ladybug should just join the military. Would get her out of home, get her active, make her meet people, and probably give her a lot of motivation in life. And would give her a good leg-up in any future job she was interested in."
That's all well and good, but you need to accept a certain unfortunate truth of life. You do not have an inherent right to a stimulating, exciting, fulfilling job. Finding such a job requires you to be ambitious, skilled, motivated, and more than a little lucky. It's something to strive for, to be sure.
But sometimes you have to take a boring, tedious, soul-grinding job because humans need shit like food and shelter.
IOS Game Center ID: Isotope-X
Think of cool things you would like to do. Does skydiving give you a thrill? Maybe flying a plane? Snorkling at the great barrier reef of Australia? Seeing some of the wonders of the world?
Those are some of my personal things, but I'm sure you can think of some things that would be cool to do, some place you want to see. And all those things, well they cost money to do. This is what my motivation is so far as getting cash- getting cash to do some really cool shit that being a slacker just doesn't offer.
Now, you've got a pretty good situation already because you've got a strong family unit going there, it seems like. Trust me, that is a very, very nice thing to have in life and you're quite lucky. Talk to your parents. Let me repeat- Talk to your parents about how you're feeling and talk to them about some of the things on your cool list. Maybe they are okay with you staying at home rent and food free if you're working towards a goal like travel.
This is where I break your heart, but honey, trust me, your parents are NOT cool with you wasting your life away, even if they can afford it.
The first step though, is to find some things that you think are fun. Video games are pretty cool, I agree. But you know what is usually more fulfilling? Actually doing some of those things in games. Think fighting games are cool? Take martial arts or boxing.
When you can connect with what interests you, then you can connect with what kind of career you might like. This can build cash towards your cool list, and once you have a general direction of stuff you might like, well then you can start building your career into something great. Chances are, whatever career you pick, you're going to be doing the bitch jobs at first, so look at those jobs as cash towards your dream list and putting in your time towards doing something spectacular at a later date.
Think about your silliest childhood dreams and think about how you could make those things happen in some way. I'm sure you'll have something. Don't worry about wringing money out of the dream, just think of the fulfillment of it and then make steps to make them happen. Once you shake off the entropy your aspirations will grow, you'll feel better, and you'll most likely develop a sex drive.
I recommend watching this:
And yeah, you're depressed kid. I know, you can't tell right now. That's how depression is a lot of the time. But once you get going you'll feel so much better about life that you'll realize you were depressed in hindsight.
Make a list
Talk to your parents
Have you considered moving out? Does the concept of living on your own interest you in any way? It's a whole lot of responsibility, but also a lot of freedom. If you like the idea, maybe you can ask your parents if they'll help you out for a bit with rent while you find a temporary job, and figure your life out. It sounds like your parents are probably well off enough to do this for you, at least for a while. Talk to them about it, anyway.
I know it feels like you're in a certain comfort zone right now, but you'll never know how fun life is unless you get out of that comfort zone.
I used to be one of those people that was like, "I like all this stuff but the thought of doing it for a living sapps all the fun out of it"
Then I got a job that's well...up there with that Ice Road shit on discovery. Now I realize that I could actually come to appreciate the drudgery of commodifiying my creative talents.
I host a podcast about movies.
Anyway, why don't you tell us some of your crazy childhood dreams? I mean, hell, just about everything has a real world analog of some kind. It sounds to me like you need to get excited about something.
I find it difficult to believe that you really don't want anything at all, deep down. Everyone wants something badly. Everyone has a heart's desire, if not more than one.
You know what changed that? My parents found out I had considered suicide. Trust me when I say, thats a look I never ever want to see on my mother's face again. You might think its your decision and your responsibility, but consider your responsibility to them. How do you think it would effect them? Could their marriage survive that? Could they survive that? Fair or not, they would blame themselves for it, and it would tear their lives apart.
Anyway, I realised I couldn't go on like that. So I got a job. Not a good job, or one that I wanted to do for the rest of my life - but it was something. I got through every day by telling myself it wasn't forever and I was only there for the money. For the first 6 months I spent ever penny of my paycheck. I'd spend all day at my desk working out what to do with that weeks paycheck - and then blow it all on DVDs, cds and games.
I had thought I would hate spending 8 hours a day, 5 days a week doing something I didn't enjoy. And yes, sometimes getting out of bed in the morning was hard, but I discovered I liked having money in my pocket. I liked the routine in my life. From having 16 hours a day to do what I wanted, I now had 6. It seems strange, but those 6 hours became so more enjoyable than the previous 16 hours had been. The anticipation made them so much better. It felt like I was achieving more, I got back into painting, my creativity was actually better!
Eventually I realized there were some aspects of my work I actually enjoyed, alongside the bits I hated. So I concentrated on them. I took a new job that was only the bits I had liked, and I'm now building a career in a field I would never have considered before.
I hope my ramblings made some sense, what I'm trying to put across is that any job you get now doesn't mean you're doing it forever. Try different things, goto an agency - you'll get to sample lots of short -term jobs. You might discover what you like, what you could stand and what you really don't want to have to do.
TLDR: Suicide bad, job good.