My sense of humor is becoming burdensome.

Lucid

So, I've been coming to realize lately that my sense of humor, while witty is getting to be a negative trait. At least in some respects. I'll explain.

I'm someone who has a kind of wit/saracasm kind of thing going on. I'll make comments, reacting to situations or off of what others say. The problem is, I seem to take it too far, too often. It passes over into asshole-ness. The other part of it is people can't tell if I'm being serious or not quite often. I'm a little too good at being sarcastic sometimes I guess.

An example, with my recent now ex girlfriend, my sense of humor actually became an issue. Partly because she was an insecure person, but also because I would go to far and it would seem like I was being harsh or serious with her. She often didn't know if I was being serious and actually formed beliefs about me based on sarcastic remarks I'd make about myself/other stuff. She mentioned it even when we almost broke up early on.

This also happens with friends. Days ago I was with a couple of friends and I was being silly, and my friend actually ended up saying 'you're just irritating me now'.

I don't harp on things when I'm doing this. It's just the transition to lightheartedness to confusing people with my sarcasm or making the wrong kind of joke happens to quickly change. I was at a party and I said something and a friend said 'don't even joke about that'.

I sort of use acting as part of my sense of humor, I'll pretend I'm someone I wouldn't ever be and then act them out I guess. Or say what I think they would say in a given situation.

I know I don't want to be like this. I don't even really like my sense of hunor myself. There's certain small parts I like but not a lot. I know me doing this kind of stuff comes a lot from my insecurities and using it to cover them up. I don't liek it because I know it's not the real me(or whatever) that is coming out, it's a facade. It's uncomfortable for me too.

Anything I can do to curtail this? It's actually interfering with good relationships. I like self improvement, I'm just not really sure what to do.

Lucid

Um. I have no idea how two threads were made. Sorry.

ZeeBeeKay

The first step is to pay attention to what you're saying. Think before you talk (I know I have a problem with that one). Ask yourself, Why am I saying this? How might people misinterpret it? Who could this offend?

You don't have to censor yourself all the time. Just build up awareness to what you're doing by forcing yourself to think about everything that comes out of your mouth and how people might hear it. It's not unreasonable for people to judge you or form opinions of you based on what you're saying; even if you think it's a joke, no one else can tell what you're thinking.

I'm not trying to encourage you to ditch the sense of humor entirely, just think about how it'll sound to other people, if what you want to say is appropriate (or at least not too inappropriate), and how well the people you're with know you.

ApexMirage

I used to be like this too, and I managed to cut down drastically simply through effort, but honestly I miss the hell out of it... sure most people dont take kindly to it but when you do find someone who can appreciate it for what it is, it's great fun.

Hewn

I find you can get away with this sort of humor more easily if you do it with the right facial expression. Something sort of goofy, like a raised eyebrow, will be a dead giveaway you are not being serious. Maybe a smirk. A raise of the arms.

You know, a physical indication that does not match your words.

Djiem

It also depends of who you're talking to.

Some people are more sensitive and don't like anything that sounds sarcastic or aggressive.
Some people just don't know if you're serious or not.
Some people will retort with more humor of the same genre because they know you're kidding.

I too can be very sarcastic and witty, but I keep it to myself when I know it's not the right timing/person. Problem is, I've always been able to not bust it out, so I dunno really what I can say to help you, besides maybe "Think more before you talk. Always, not just for jokes. Eventually, it'll be normal for you to only speak out when appropriate".

The hardest part is thinking of all the incredibly funny jokes you came up with that will never be heard by anyone because they're also insanely cruel.

EDIT: You could use this "talent" against words that didn't come out of your friends' mouths. I know that when I re-tell a crappy customer anecdote in the lunchroom and add my little joke/commentary at the end, my coworkers laugh. Because I'm not insulting any of them, I'm insulting some dick who's not here and who's not their friend. I also tend to react to bullshit on TV a lot too (ads and news, mostly), and spectators (when there are spectators, that's right, I often yell at the TV even if I'm alone. I'm crazy) usually laugh. I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I often find funny things to say on the spot. Thing is, they're often evil and only for people who enjoy dark humor. This is a great way to release the demons without pissing off friends.

Underwhelming

Hey, if it helps any, I have this problem too. I guess I carry a deadpan expression through it all if I don't focus really hard on showing emotion or changing the pitch of my voice, which I only recently found out. People tend to take you serious if it looks like you're acting serious. : )

I'm working on using body language to show emotion more as well as trying to make sure my face is expressing the tone I want.

Chop Logic

My friends and I joke around like this all the time. People that don't hangout with us usually can't tell if we're being serious or not. It was just never a problem because we all have the same sense of humor.

Get new friends?

Sanius

My sense of humor is similar, it used to be very much like yours in the past when I was younger and more anti-social. I was more being a dick then trying to make a joke, but overtime I turned that aspect of being serious into a good thing, most of my humor is usually light-hearted but my friends say they find it hilarious because I will play off my jokes very seriously (I am the king at keeping a straight face)

Just gotta learn to tone it down a bit and not get TOO serious. If your humor is hurting people, it is not humor. Either you are being a dick or just do not understand how people respond to things. Thinking about what you say before you say it is great advice, because that is what helped me. It's weird too because you can not mean anything by what you say, but you can still come off as a prick, for example at work today, a customer wanted a hot chocolate and she said that her husband wanted it because he came down with pneumonia. I said in my usual stale self "That's what we're here for, helping sick people." I meant to kind of humor her, but after she was silent for a few seconds and looked angry I just said "But I hope he really enjoys it"..Then she got really happy and thanked me.

So you also just need to learn to recover from things you say. Even if you work on your humor you will still offend somebody, most likely people you do not really know (which can happen a lot) but it helps if you can turn things you say around to be more positive.