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Self-esteem
Toxin01
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I seem to suffer from very low self-esteem.
I don't trust myself on any of my answers in my homework (But I'm in advanced classes and score well, I'm 16 also so not in college).
I've never, ever, had the courage to ask a girl "On a date" or "out", despite being flirted with by several girls, most of them very attractive. Some have even asked -me- on dates, and the one time I said yes I stayed on and played Team Fortress 2.
In the sport I play, if I mess up once for the rest of that day I'm pretty much shattered and feel like a complete and total failure to my team.
I constantly feel overweight, despite my friends and family and even people on these fourms telling me I'm not. (6'2, 147 pounds.) - I was however, overweight about a year ago and some more assholish people I know still talk about it, knowing it upsets me.
I worry over how everyone will see me and try to change my personality based on who I'm talking too.
I pretty much do all the work where I er, work. (Not exaggerating) I do more work there than everyone who works there put together. I've never said anything about it to anyone.
Anyway, this thread is about my very low self-esteem thats impacted my life for the last 5 years, sorry for how poorly written the thread is.
I don't trust myself on any of my answers in my homework (But I'm in advanced classes and score well, I'm 16 also so not in college).
I've never, ever, had the courage to ask a girl "On a date" or "out", despite being flirted with by several girls, most of them very attractive. Some have even asked -me- on dates, and the one time I said yes I stayed on and played Team Fortress 2.
In the sport I play, if I mess up once for the rest of that day I'm pretty much shattered and feel like a complete and total failure to my team.
I constantly feel overweight, despite my friends and family and even people on these fourms telling me I'm not. (6'2, 147 pounds.) - I was however, overweight about a year ago and some more assholish people I know still talk about it, knowing it upsets me.
I worry over how everyone will see me and try to change my personality based on who I'm talking too.
I pretty much do all the work where I er, work. (Not exaggerating) I do more work there than everyone who works there put together. I've never said anything about it to anyone.
Anyway, this thread is about my very low self-esteem thats impacted my life for the last 5 years, sorry for how poorly written the thread is.
Aiden Baail: Level 1 Swordmage: 19 AC 14 Fort 15 Ref 13 Will (Curse Of The Black Pearls)
GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
Toxin01 on
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totally honest here. look up the fitness thread, or the strongman 5x5 and start doing that, I guarantee it would boost your confidence if you really got behind it.
also, if you'd rather TF2 than go on a date, she must have been pretty unattractive. . .
About two months ago I was at work, running the video boards for some AAU you event at our basketball arena. I was going to wait for my boss to get there before I ran the script that I had created because I was afraid it wouldn't work. Wouldn't be right. I waited for a minute then it struck me that, if I want to be successful, if I want to gain confidence then I have to take the plunge sometimes. I have to push myself and simply make it happen. I clicked the button and everything worked amazingly. It was simple, but for some reason it stuck with me.
You're going to fail, because simply you will. Don't let these little failures keep you from accomplishing something bigger. You can be good at a lot of things man, but if you want to be great you're going to ignore those mistakes you make in whatever sport you're in and go back and make yourself better. You're only as good as you let and want yourself to be.
Personally I think identifying and accepting that something is wrong is a pretty big step, man. Don't sweat it.
At that age, even most of the people you think have confidence are either winging it, or filled with the kind of arrogance only a young teen mind can possess. Seriously, what the fuck is to be the awesome at 16?
You're body is changing too fast to really settle into it, the hormone rush of puberty has lost some if its instability, but still pushes a person into rash and retarded situations, a person wants to try all these new things but isn't very good at them so fuck-ups abound everywhere, and they are harder to deal with than most fuckups because the energy behind them is so much more intense than it was when you were a kid.
Relationships are crazy, nobody knows whats going on, and seeing failure everywhere pretty much assumes that the first things that come to mind are pretty much the worst things you can do.
Couple things:
(Miyamoto Musashi): 'Pain is an expected result of training. To train, to practice is to push the limits of ones skills and abilities. Because the exercise is at the limits of one's skill, mistakes should and will occur. The more intense the energy is behind the practice, the more intense the mistakes will be, and the more they will hurt as a result.' 'Pain and failure are a natural result of trying to improve. If you only do the things you are comfortable with, only perform the actions you can do right, you will never learn what is outside of what you have already accomplished, and your abilities and your mind will stagnate.'
Think of your life as a training ground, learning what you need to know to handle yourself successfully as an adult. You're on that road already, the beginning of the man you will become has already started to grow. You get a lot of slack during this time in your life, because learning how to be excellent is something every goes through. Use this time to hone your abilities. Expect pain. Expect failure. In fact, if you succeed too easily, push until you fail, so you can learn from your mistakes and improve.
Secondly, and this is a bit more complicated; The only truth that matters is yours.
When someone puts you down, or sees you differently than you are, don't allow what they see as the truth to compromise what you know to be the truth. This 'fat kid' stigma for example. Maybe that was true, but is it now? Decide this for yourself, take a look, take an observational standpoint on your body and decide. Is it true? If it is no longer true, than that person is simply blinded by their own prejudices, and will make mistakes in their life because they cannot see the truth of things. That is their problem, not your problem.
If someone calls you an asshole or a homo, know the truth of these things, and if it is not true, then leave those mistaken observations behind you. They are false, and so should not be allowed to carry weight. Learning requires that you see and remember the truth; being bound by the lies and misconceptions of others is in opposition to that.
You decide what is true and not true, that is the power every free willed human being has. This issue will continue your whole life; other people will constantly try and convince you that their way is the only way, that their perceptions are the ones that matter most, that their view of the world is correct. This is only one half of the greater truth, that in each individual, your way is the only way you can follow, your perceptions are the ones you need to rely on to guide you, and your view of the world is what will ultimately shape your life.
Choose to shape this world for yourself, and your thoughts, your abilities can be used to their utmost. When you allow others to shape this world for you, according to their design, theri will, their desires, it may not match up with what you are capable of doing, undermining your own power, ability, and confidence.
Everything comes in time, good for you for wanting to start now, when you are naturally at the beginning. I wish you all of the inivitable successes that will come from taking your mistakes and failures personally, and passionately trying to correct them.
pretty close to the exact same advice, except I said balls you said brains. . .
by "will yourself to improve" i mean no self deprecation or anything like that.
I was suggesting strongman 5x5 because building muscle increases testosterone levels which tends to increase self confidence levels.
[disclaimer] Not really actual helpful advice... but I know when I'm feeling down and I think of it I smile and think "of course! Why didn't I think of that?!"[/disclaimer]
When I get sad...
If you're anything like I was at that age, you probably tend to have repetitive obsessive thoughts regarding the times when you don't measure up to your own expectations. Stuff like "Why did I miss that shot/not say anything to that girl/etc., I'm such an idiot, I never do anything right." When you catch yourself doing that, deliberately stop and force yourself to put it into perspective. You messing up at sports doesn't make you a failure to your team, you're a valuable player who is human and occaisionally makes a mistake. You not asking a girl out doesn't mean you're DOOMED TO BE ALONE, it just means you got nervous and missed the chance for a date, and next time you'll work harder on getting past that nervousness. Right now, you're looking at your actions sort of zoomed-in: everything seems huge and important, so the normal failures everyone goes through seem enormous. Try pulling your mind's eye back and look at the bigger picture, and then reframe your thoughts in view of that.
The whole changing your personality depending on who is talking to you is totally normal. You're 16, you're still trying to figure out who you are and what your real personality is. The reassuring part is, everyone around you is trying to figure out who they are, too, so don't feel like you're the only one who doesn't have your shit together. Being a teenager is scary because you're trying on so many identities, but it's also sort of wonderful to have so many possibilities open to you. Pick a Toxin01 that you like, that you feel happy being, and don't worry about everyone else.
I also don't know why, but, "you're looking at your actions sort of zoomed-in: everything seems huge and important, so the normal failures everyone goes through seem enormous. Try pulling your mind's eye back and look at the bigger picture, and then reframe your thoughts in view of that. " - Made a lot of sense to me, and is proably somthing I"ll think about quite a bit.
I think a few things that make things worse is the fact my two best friends are twigs, and both are -very- well off money wise. They don't work very often, and both have girlfriends and everything they've acomplished on the team has come easy to them.
When we started, I was quite possibly the worst member of our team save for one other, and I've practiced my heart out to get to where I am, and being good enough to be a main player.
And about the Team Fortress 2 thing, it wasnt' because I didin't want to go, I was afraid she wasn't going to show and I didin't want to feel stupid so I just didin't go.
Turns out she did show up.
GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
Oh I know.
But right now trivial things are my world.
GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
You and I are two of a kind, Toxin. I'm going through the EXACT same stuff, minus a girl actually asking me out.
Thats good to know.
Girls sure are silly.
GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
This isn't supposed to terrify you or scare you into socialization, but having someone interested in you that you can spend time with will do fucking wonders for your self esteem.
If you have any IM app, toss me a message. We can help keep eachother from getting too self-depreciatey.
I was, but she's like, the head cheerleader or whatever and I'm pretty sure there are about 300 guys who are intrested in her.
She is also kinda a flirt and that annoyed me to no end.
GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
You stood her up? +100 badass points there!
You should be infamous at your school...
Having the head cheerleader ask you out, when you say that there are dozens of guys (possibly many of them 'jocks' and 'preps') who are trying to ask her out doesn't indicate to you that you are far more attractive to women than they are? For many men, this would be their primary source of self-esteem until they get a family - "I may not be too great at football/quantum physics/art/whatever, but women love me!"
Most guys go through highschool dreaming of asking the hot girl out and having her say yes, and she asked you...
If you need a confidence booster, I recommend reading "Real Men Don't Apologize" by Jim Belushi. No one believes me on this, but the book changed my life.
Second, never ever ever ever fear being wrong. EVER. If you're wrong you'll learn the right answer almost immediately.
Dude, don't even talk :-P I'm 6'2 and twice your weight, and the only reason I'm working on getting it down is because I like having my foot.
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Unless something will directly lead to heavy bodily harm, do it.
Ok, that sounded extreme. Really though, realize that just about nothing you do, short of jumping off a cliff or commiting a major crime, will impact your life badly in the future. You want to date a girl? Just ask her. If she says no, nobody will care. That should include you, because you are surrounded by cute girls in school. You sick of doing so much work for nothing? Bring it up with your manager, as in let him know that you feel you deserve a raise for what you do.
Really, say this to yourself, out loud. "I can do anything that anyone else in my school can do. Anything." And repeat a few times, until you can say it with confidence and mean it.
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The best way of getting some self-esteem is go out there and try. It's like exercise - at first, it feels really uncomfortable, but it doesn't take long before you enjoy the process of going out and stretching your comfort zone, you get much better at it, you end up feeling better about yourself all the time, and other people can tell you feel better about yourself too.
It will feel awkward at first. That will pass.