The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
Please vote in the Forum Structure Poll. Polling will close at 2PM EST on January 21, 2025.
Terrible Sex
YaYa
Decent.Registered User regular
Decent.Registered User regular
so earlier tonight I was going down on my girlfriend
and I rip a huge fart
and I don't mean huge as in magnitude
everything about this fart was large
the duration, the volume, the smell
the timbre reminded one of a particularly rousing Sousa anthem
we literally laughed so hard we nearly threw up
so post your awful sex stories here guys
and I rip a huge fart
and I don't mean huge as in magnitude
everything about this fart was large
the duration, the volume, the smell
the timbre reminded one of a particularly rousing Sousa anthem
we literally laughed so hard we nearly threw up
so post your awful sex stories here guys
YaYa on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
kpop appreciation station i also like to tweet some
it was awful and I felt bad but my instincts to laugh were far stronger than my instincts to be a compassionate person. There is a lesson to be learned here. Don't fall in love with me boys, 9 times out of 10 I will only break your fragile young hearts.
Also, better than that
In high school i dated this hockey playing jock-face asshole
anyways, his mom really didn't like me, because I detracted from his hockey practicing/skoal chewing.
So I used to have to sneak in to do naughty things with him
one night we were having at it when we hear her come barreling down the stairs.
He literally picks me up and like, shoves me under his bed.
I was naked, and there were dust bunnies everywhere. I was trying so hard not to sneeze/ trying so hard not to get dust in my vagina
she barges in, looks around and he's like "what do you want mom?" in a groggy 'you woke me up I wasn't just having filthy teenage pre-marital sex' seemingly baffled that I'm not there she goes "I'm just... I'm doing laundry"
at 2 in the fucking morning you're doing laundry?
crazy bitch
anyways, we broke up.
fucking mama's boys are such knobs
cause the nice ones are all weepy and mushy and want to hold hands and cuddle
and I just wanna fucking play my video games and not be touched unless it's to have sex when I fucking feel like it so get away from me you whiny douches.
do you see what I mean?
I'm not a nice girl
how do I remedy this?
first thing I should do is stop hanging around the internet so much.
and to this day, I truly have a dusty vagina.
Also laughing at the dude was pretty hardcore. And I don't think the internet is the problem as long as you keep it for communication and discussion purposes, and even meeting people through it is fine as long as you seperate the words you see on the screen from reality and what matters to you in your mind.
I will do those digital drawings of my feelings that you requested today, before our next session.
Facebook is funny business.
you can all add me to facebook for fun laughs.
I am going to put it in my sig.
im sorry im a closet psychologist cant you accept me for who i am GEEZ LOUISE ;/
and yes i will need those drawings on my desk in 24 hours
While going at it, she says "Isn't my pussy so tight?"
It really wasn't but I said yes anyways.
Then she says, "I've been having sex since I was 16, and my pussy is still tight!"
I wake up at 4 to take a piss, and find my roommate on the couch in my girlfriend's house.
Apparently, they went back to the house, and he was boning his girlfriend. I mean, going to town, she was shouting, he was into it, and remembered thinking that he should fuck after having a few beers more often... when he realized that he left his credit card at the bar.
Most people would finish the task at hand, and then slip out when the girlfriend was asleep. Some would stop by the bar in the morning and retrieve their credit card.
My roommate, though, immediately dismounted, threw on some clothes, kissed his girlfriend and said "I'll be right back." AND LEFT.
I mean, DUDE.
I'd do the same.
Money over hos.
HAHAHAHA
GOLDEN!!!!
Oh jesus that reminds me, I got with this dude once, he was kinda awkward, a bit on the bigger side
anyways, while we were doing it, he starts talking dirty to me, but it was like... awkward dirty
he was like "yeaaah yeah you like that, you like my big cock in your pussy yeeeeah" and "oh baby yeah I love the way your pussy feels with my cock in it, it feels so gooood" so I get really creeped out to the point where I don't want to do it anymore and I'm like "yeah... I... I'm not really feeling this anymore, you... done?"
and so we kinda stop
and I kinda get up really slowly, put my clothes back on and leave.
This is priceless.
I'm pretty sure this is what every porn chick wants to do when the dude starts talking about his enormous dick.
guys with more experience just plain don't do that
if they talk dirty, it's kind of in a funny, cute sexy way but they don't say ridiculous things like that.
so here is my sex tip of the day young virgins:
don't do that.
just get the job done have a little fun and move on
and that can only happen when you're comfortable with the person.
I thought that was a pretty huge thing to claim, cause you know, there are like a ton of people in the world.
We go at it, and the guy is terrible.
Like so bad, I lose my erection and tell him that I was really tired from work.
He still says he's the best in the world.
Seriously. I think I've talked like, 3 times during sex, ever. And it's always been shit like "Shit, you okay?" when she hits her head on something.
Stupid small cars.
Girl does not want to hear about your big dick. If she thinks it is large she will say so.
Guy does not really want to hear about your vajajay being tight. Dude will tell you so.
By the way, I totally gave those out to all the girls I know, and they all loved them.
he was so good you couldn't handle it
I'm a faker
behind the exterior of love and bubbly warmth is a cold dead interior
filled with love not for human kind
but for video games
p.s. i just got a lady boner from watching the wrath of the lich king trailer
jesus christ blizzard knows how to make a cinematic.
FUCK YES I know right? Absolutely awesome.
oh jesus the fucking dragon and when all the scourge get the frostmourne bluey glow coming out of their mouths
oh god oh god oh god.
One might say shattered like the huge chunk of ice in the wotlk trailer.
I...I thought I loved you.
There was the time where I was really terribly drunk and in a bad way after the death of a boyfriend, and I was over at his best friend's house sleeping it off on the couch being too drunk and weepy to make it home.
I woke up in the middle of the night gagging and there was his dick in my mouth.
Sometimes I feel like my girlfriend and I and do it so much it's losing some of it's panache, though
synth i kind of want to laugh
but that's really tragic about the loss of your boyfriend
but i still want to laugh
about the dick in your mouth.
edit: well a ladyboner is...
jesus. i...
how do you explain this to a gay man?