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Far Too Forgiving
Penguin_Otaku
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Let me first say, that.. some time ago I was a very bitter and spiteful person. At a point in my life I really found God. Scoff at this if you may, I'm not going to debate my faith with you. Nevertheless, that is where I know I became a lot more peaceful, forgiving, and pleasant.
So my stories are well documented on these boards. The second story of Alyssa is the one I'm going to refer to. Well recently I got back into contact with her (red flag right there I know.) So we were friendly for a while, argued a bit and she kept being flirty with me and claimed she didn't wanna lead me on. Well, time was passing and she was getting closer to coming her to OU. She got here and I didn't see her for half of the first week, but she'd text and ask for directions somewhere. I'd give them to her.
Over this time we argued some over little stuff. She'd get too flirty and I'd say, "Draw the damn line somewhere." I said this because sometimes I'd respond to the flirting and she'd say, "We're just friends."
Fine. So we end up in the football stadium just talking. She kept mocking things I said for a while and I was getting annoyed. I ended up saying something pretty frank towards her and she wanted to leave, so she headed towards the elevator. I said she was welcome to go, but she needed to get over whatever was keeping her from opening up and getting close to someone. She shed some tears and after some silence she came back and sat down.
Ended up kissing. Ended up saying, "we're talking. No kissing other girls/boys" so on and so forth. No rushing into a relationship this time. Yaa...y...? So I'm being really nice towards her. I say really nice, not because I'm trying to win her over but just because thats how I am. I'm just willing to help people out. She acts really ungrateful about it but I shrug it off.
Through some events, her bag ends up at my place and she needed it back. No problem. I work the games and run the video boards and yesterday she says she needs her bag back. I told her I was leaving and could give it to her later. At half she asks me to leave my job and go get it for her. I say I can't. She's upset.
In the midst of this, she's calling me a liar, asshole, and a jerk. Why? Well she asked me when we were at the stadium that fateful night two things; 1) if i'd talked to any girls over the summer, I said yes. One and that she didn't go to OU and I hadn't kissed her. 2) If I'd drank over the summer. I said yes, a few times, mostly because I wanted to get over her and try to make myself feel better about what she did to me.
Well they were lies because I knew she'd make a big deal if I were truthful. Ya, I'd talk to a lot of girls over the summer. I was fucking single. I kissed one but it ended up being a dud. I told her, she made it a big deal not because I did it, but because I'd lied. I told her I'd drank more than I had said, she made it a bigger deal.
So I'm a dick for not leaving my job for her, but a real cock for trying to avoid troubles and tell her what she wanted to her. Now I feel bad about lying, but I never feel as if she's being truthful with me. Make it right? No.
So anyway, she wants her bag back today. I tell her I'm at work and she can come get it later. I even offered to bring it to her. "NO. I DON'T WANT IT. KEEP IT. I'm DONE WITH YOU." So jokingly I said, "Ok, I'm throwing it away." "WTF?! NO. MY MOM IS COMING TO GET IT." It didn't end well, but she, Alyssa, ended up getting it and leaving.
No problem. I learned my lesson to trust her or to be with her again. The root of my problem is that I forgave her far to easily. Why? I don't really know. I don't have a problem being forgiving, but I'm just being far too nice. I let her be a bitch towards me and everything else. I just don't know how to draw the line and not let people walk all over me.
A lot of this is probably dribble to you guys, but I'm really not enjoying things right now because I know I did the right thing by forgiving her and going out of my way for her on numerous occasions, but at the same time I know I've gotta look out for myself. How do I do this?
So my stories are well documented on these boards. The second story of Alyssa is the one I'm going to refer to. Well recently I got back into contact with her (red flag right there I know.) So we were friendly for a while, argued a bit and she kept being flirty with me and claimed she didn't wanna lead me on. Well, time was passing and she was getting closer to coming her to OU. She got here and I didn't see her for half of the first week, but she'd text and ask for directions somewhere. I'd give them to her.
Over this time we argued some over little stuff. She'd get too flirty and I'd say, "Draw the damn line somewhere." I said this because sometimes I'd respond to the flirting and she'd say, "We're just friends."
Fine. So we end up in the football stadium just talking. She kept mocking things I said for a while and I was getting annoyed. I ended up saying something pretty frank towards her and she wanted to leave, so she headed towards the elevator. I said she was welcome to go, but she needed to get over whatever was keeping her from opening up and getting close to someone. She shed some tears and after some silence she came back and sat down.
Ended up kissing. Ended up saying, "we're talking. No kissing other girls/boys" so on and so forth. No rushing into a relationship this time. Yaa...y...? So I'm being really nice towards her. I say really nice, not because I'm trying to win her over but just because thats how I am. I'm just willing to help people out. She acts really ungrateful about it but I shrug it off.
Through some events, her bag ends up at my place and she needed it back. No problem. I work the games and run the video boards and yesterday she says she needs her bag back. I told her I was leaving and could give it to her later. At half she asks me to leave my job and go get it for her. I say I can't. She's upset.
In the midst of this, she's calling me a liar, asshole, and a jerk. Why? Well she asked me when we were at the stadium that fateful night two things; 1) if i'd talked to any girls over the summer, I said yes. One and that she didn't go to OU and I hadn't kissed her. 2) If I'd drank over the summer. I said yes, a few times, mostly because I wanted to get over her and try to make myself feel better about what she did to me.
Well they were lies because I knew she'd make a big deal if I were truthful. Ya, I'd talk to a lot of girls over the summer. I was fucking single. I kissed one but it ended up being a dud. I told her, she made it a big deal not because I did it, but because I'd lied. I told her I'd drank more than I had said, she made it a bigger deal.
So I'm a dick for not leaving my job for her, but a real cock for trying to avoid troubles and tell her what she wanted to her. Now I feel bad about lying, but I never feel as if she's being truthful with me. Make it right? No.
So anyway, she wants her bag back today. I tell her I'm at work and she can come get it later. I even offered to bring it to her. "NO. I DON'T WANT IT. KEEP IT. I'm DONE WITH YOU." So jokingly I said, "Ok, I'm throwing it away." "WTF?! NO. MY MOM IS COMING TO GET IT." It didn't end well, but she, Alyssa, ended up getting it and leaving.
No problem. I learned my lesson to trust her or to be with her again. The root of my problem is that I forgave her far to easily. Why? I don't really know. I don't have a problem being forgiving, but I'm just being far too nice. I let her be a bitch towards me and everything else. I just don't know how to draw the line and not let people walk all over me.
A lot of this is probably dribble to you guys, but I'm really not enjoying things right now because I know I did the right thing by forgiving her and going out of my way for her on numerous occasions, but at the same time I know I've gotta look out for myself. How do I do this?
Penguin_Otaku on
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Really, this all just boils down to experience. Next time, you'll be less inclined to let someone walk over you.
edit: another thing is, forgive but don't forget.
but they're listening to every word I say
I mean, the other option is telling the truth, and if you're going to end up telling her the truth in the end anyhow, it's way easier to just tell it in the first place.
Grow up, cut out all the melodrama, and get on with your lives.
So you're a forgiving person. I tend to be also, generally. This could be rooted in some deeper need to be liked, or more to at least not appear as an asshole. The thing is that cutting off contact makes you feel like an asshole, and could potentially be construed as such. So you're kind of between a rock and a hard place, either getting stuck in a situation with this girl that you know is bad or feeling/appearing to be an asshole. The asshole route is better. It fades fairly quickly, whereas the longer you maintain contact with this girl, the longer this shit is going to go on and the longer it will take to resolve itself.
Story time: I was seeing someone last year, and it had only been a few weeks. She was getting very clingy very fast and practically trying to move into my place, which I was not comfortable with after only seeing each other for a short time. She got really pissed when I asked her to go home one night and not stay over because we both had to work the next day, which would seem to be a reasonable request. She pretty much said that that was it, she would come over anymore, I would never see her again, etc. She called me on the way home saying the same stuff and eventually hung up. She called me the next day trying to salvage things, saying that maybe we should take a break from talking for a little while (she called me incessantly), so we agreed and she would wait for me to start calling her before she would try to resume contact. A couple days later she starts calling me again, trying to resume contact. I went out with some friend that night, which she knew about, and she called me five times in the space of five minutes. Serious stalkerish behavior. All my friends said that I need to drop her, just don't pick up the phone, don't call her, nothing. I didn't listen to them, and I tried to maintain contact for another week as things got worse, but eventually had to follow their advice, and stopped picking up my phone or responding at all.
So I felt like an asshole because I tend to be rather forgiving, and I did have some feelings for her, or at least didn't want anything bad to happen to her. She left messages asking me to please call her, didn't know if she did anything wrong, she was worried that something was wrong, all that. I had to stand my ground and I felt like an asshole every time. There's a part of me that still does a little bit, but I realize that the alternative was start everything over. Contact with this girls would have started the whole thing over again. I had to make what for me was a hard choice because I don't want to hurt anyone.
Cutting off all contact with this girl is probably the best thing that you can do. It might feel bad at first, but in the long run it's for the best. It's okay to appear like an asshole from time to time if you know that you're doing the right thing.