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Arguing with girlfriend
joeybean1
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Okay, to be frank I'm not that socially adept. Like at all. So i'm currently with my second girlfriend and well, she's crazy. So when we get into fights and i need to fix things i never know what to say. I end up saying things i've said before and things she doesn't believe. So i was wondering if anyone here knew how best to express to a girlfriend that ypu're going to change when she thinks you can't and haven't.
joeybean1 on
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Are the things she wants you to change things you think you should change? If you genuinely do think her suggestions are good, make a plan to implement them and keep her posted. If she wants you to change and you don't want to, break up.
Can I pry and ask what she wants you to change?
Damn, wish I'd seen this 4 years ago.
(My wife tends to run a little hot, emotionally -- she knows it, I know it. When she's pissed off, she's pissed off. When I'm pissed off, I put up with it until one day it crosses some imaginary line and I explode. I'm simplifying, but that's the caricature of how we both are. Neither of these emotional states of being are bad by themselves, but they are bad when we fail to recognize the other person's state. After years together, I now know that when my wife gets pissy, it's not because she's actually exploding (like I would be, if I used the tone she's using). That tone is actually just her needing my attention on something. And if I can fire back an "I don't think I deserve that particular tone," I get some grumpiness, followed by actual discussion. On my end, I talk about things even when I don't think it's necessary, so that my pissoff level never reaches the explosion point, and if I do explode, she tries to factor in that I'm reacting to a whole bunch of stuff at once, not just what I'm actually yelling about right then.)
I'm not saying my wife and I are perfect, but we know how we both work, and we know how to deal with each other to get things back to happy as quickly as possible. The vast majority of the time that someone is pissed, the real issue is that they need you to talk with them.
Based on what you've written so far, it doesn't sound like this is somebody you really get from an emotional standpoint. It may be that you need to talk more. It may be that this relationship would be too much work for the two of you to maintain. Or it may be that one of you has issues that nobody could deal with right now. Good luck figuring out which it is. From the tone of your original post, it doesn't sound like you want to try. It sounds like you want somebody to tell you that it's okay to leave. Without knowing whether you guys have a kid or a house together or whatever, I can't say, but really, if you're putting up a post that seems to be asking the group whether it's okay to leave... you should probably consider leaving.
Apologies if I misread the post. I could be completely off-base, and I'd be able to say more if you wrote more.
So, wait, she wants you to stop being a doormat to her, but you better damn well do what she says and do it right now?
If I were you, I would get out of the relationship. There's a lot of fish in the sea and it seems like you could find someone more reasonable.
You're arguing alot. You think she is crazy. She doesn't accept who you are. She is "broken emotionally" You even think she is sexist. Plus the icing is that you aren't even getting any.
Maybe you need a change, but this isn't the way to go about it. Maybe she needs a change. Anyway, doesn't seem like it will work, or it will "work" and you will end up trapped in a dysfunctional relationship.
but they're listening to every word I say
Basically you are 16. Your relationship isn't working for either one of you. You aren't communicating, aren't changing(?) and apparently aren't boning. What I am trying to say is that I have read four lines of text on a forum, and I am declaring you two not a good fit for eachother. Fear not, for this is not the end of the world.
There are lots of girls in high school that will have just as many weird emotional issues as the girl you are currently dating. If you're dating one of them, odds are you have a decent chance with quite a few others. My advice to you is to end it here, avoid becoming that weird couple that every high school class has (the one that's been together forever even though everyone knows they aren't a good fit), and play the field a bit. You are young, and breaking up will be awkward. Be firm, but not harsh. Say something along the lines of "You know, I really think we should see other people." Don't say let's be friends, cause, that never works out and it makes you look like a toolbox. Being nice but firm will win you the respect of your brothers and will let you pursue other interests without guilt.
Lastly, you do need to change. I say this not because I read four lines of poorly typed forumtext, but because you're 16, and every motherfucker who's sixteen needs some change, stat. But sticking with this girl is unlikely to bring you any change.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Good relationships aren't that unnecessarily turbulent, especially at your age.
Good luck.
Yeah, that ones fantastic... and impossible. If you follow her demand to not let her walk all over you, you're still letting her walk all over you by doing it because she says so! --> But never actually say that to them because thats just asking for trouble.
Yes, these threads are so retardedly ambiguous that it's hard to decipher whether it's the op being an idiot or if it's her.
Alright, that's pretty much all I needed to read. I had a boyfriend like that, trying to talk to someone that impatient and unreasonable just isn't worth it. They came into the relationship wanting their ideal and aren't at the emotional maturity level to accept reality. You just end up feeling like a failure because you can't live up to their expectations, which is ridiculous since they should recognize at the very least that you're trying.
I say leave 'er. Leave politely, but still, leave. You're young, there are sane girls in the world waiting for you.
Face Twit Rav Gram
You say there's too much undiscussed (I'm willing to bet you're avoiding difficult conversations because of how she reacts to the normal ones), you have friends saying you should end it, you recognize that she's got tremendous issues, and yet you're the one being asked to change?
Count me as another who's had a relationship like this. I even had arguments just like your "change but don't be my doormat" thing. Aside from convincing yourself that you want exactly what they want, and that they're not really persuading you, you really can't do this.
Having actually done this for a period of time, I can say that it leads to a mind fucking of the highest caliber.
Change is natural and inevitable, but it should be dictated by your own desires and goals. There's nothing noble or wonderful about sacrificing your identity to please someone else. What's more, given how spazzy and crazy and emotionally broken you describe her to be, she'll still not be happy even if you do change.
Leave.