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Just broke up with girlfriend, feel bad, help?

ReiRei New YorkRegistered User regular
edited September 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
So I broke up with my girlfriend tonight. We almost made it to two years but things began to get very strained and I just really wasn't very happy much of the time with her anymore. There were good times but seemingly many more not so good times were I just didn't want to be together. So I decided enough is enough and it was time to cut things off before they spiraled more and more. I think I handled it ok, met in person, told her exactly how I felt. The problem I'm having now is I feel horribly guilty for what happened. She loved me a whole lot, I was a huge emotional part of her life and I just know right now I'm causing her incredible pain. I've felt the sting of being dumped by someone you love so much, I know all too well how painful and slow the recovery can be for some.

I know I should just be able to say it was for the better in the end and she'll eventually be better, but is there anyway to help myself feel better and not blame myself for all of this? I knew it wouldn't be easy dumping someone (first timer here) but I wasn't quite ready for it I guess.

Rei on

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    ArasakiArasaki Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    As you said, it's going to be better for her in the long term. I know it's hard to break up with someone who cares for you but in the long term it'll probably cause her a lot more pain if you stay with her when you don't want to. I wouldn't blame yourself either, some things just aren't going to work out. You gave it your best shot, and you did the best thing in a difficult situation.

    Arasaki on
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    Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    You can't hold your happiness hostage to someone else's. If you weren't happy in the relationship, you did the right thing.

    Eat it You Nasty Pig. on
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    it was the smallest on the list but
    Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
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    DjiemDjiem Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    The right route isn't always the painless one, in fact, it often isn't. It's normal to feel bad about it, because you still care about her even though you don't feel the relationship is working, and nobody wants to hurt people they like, but in this case you had to. You would have been miserable otherwise and it could have reflected on the relationship over time. Is it really better?

    Djiem on
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    ReiRei New YorkRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Yeah I know in the end, this is the right decision and things will get better but I just can't shake that awful feeling of the pain she's in now. I just think of all the memories and things she has of us like pictures and gifts I've given her and know how sad it is making her. And of course I'm sad looking at all the things I have of us as well. It just sucks all around I guess. Now I've experienced both sides of an ending relationship, and they both sure do suck.

    Rei on
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    Hobbit0815Hobbit0815 Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    As Arasaki said, it would be way more horrible to stay in a relationship you're not happy in. She would eventually notice your sadness, and things would fall apart, or you would -still- continue it regardless of your depression, and it would be terrible for both parties.. Don't feel guilty for doing what you feel is right. You did the right thing by following your heart.

    Hobbit0815 on
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    WalterWalter Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    No advice to give, just want to say it will get better. Be strong. She'll be ok and so will you. The important thing is to spend time with whoever you can, friends or family.

    Walter on
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    AnansiAnansi Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I went through that exact situation like 6 months ago. You'll probably feel like shit/ guilty for a few weeks and you'll get over it. gl

    Anansi on
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    TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Take all the pictures and gifts from her and put them in a box in your closet. Or, even better, put them in a box in a close friend's closet until you're no longer tempted to look at them. In a couple years, they'll be keepsakes from a time in your life that you treasured and can look back on with fond memories, but right now, they're salt in the wound.

    Don't contact her for at least six months. This isn't for your sake, this is for hers. Give her a good, long time to get over you. I'm friendly with all my exes, but I absolutely needed that no-contact period before we could talk without bringing up all sorts of feelings.

    Trowizilla on
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    exisexis Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    As much as it sucks right now, trying to make as clean a break as possible is going to be the most painless route at the end of the day. It's been almost six months now since my ex and I split. The first few were pretty bad, and it wasn't until I really made a concerted effort to distance myself from her that things began to noticeably improve. We wanted to stay friends, and though that is still hopefully possible in the future, staying close to someone during a breakup just makes things infinitely more difficult. It'll be best for the both of you, especially her, if you really try and just forget about each other. It sounds overly harsh, and a little unrealistic, which it kinda is, but in the long run I really think it's the most painless way to end a relationship.

    This stuff sucks, a lot. It'll get better with time, which isn't really the ideal thing to hear when you're in the middle of the situation, but there it is.

    exis on
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    kaliyamakaliyama Left to find less-moderated fora Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    She wouldn't be happy in the long run, because if you're not happy you wouldn't be a good boyfriend. I agree with exis - you can't comfort her, she has to rely onher friends.

    kaliyama on
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