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Surviving a First Date...
Flay
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
First off, I'd like to make it clear that this isn't just my first date with a certain girl, this is my first ever. As such I really have no romantic experience, and no idea where to begin. It may help if you know a little bit about me and my situation first: I'm a 17-year-old male, who lives in the suburbs, and although I don't have a job I've managed to accumulate a fair amount of disposable income to throw around.
There are a few possible complications. For starters we live a fair distance apart (about an hours drive). Another is that she recently broke up with another boyfriend, although on the other hand she does seem to be fairly keen, so I don't know if there's any emotional turmoil going on. I also have the unfortunate habit of getting tongue tied when I'm nervous, so accidentally blurting out something stupid is a real possibility. Thankfully, there are a few things working in my favour. Generally I get along pretty well with the opposite sex; several of my best friends are girls. I've also known my date for a fair while, so it's not like we know absolutely nothing about each other, and like I said before I have enough cash on me to afford to be chivalrous.
The date itself is pretty standard: A movie followed by me taking her out to a restaurant. Neither of us has been able to decide on a movie to see, so she suggested that we decide once we actually arrive at the cinema.
So, what advice can you guys give me?
There are a few possible complications. For starters we live a fair distance apart (about an hours drive). Another is that she recently broke up with another boyfriend, although on the other hand she does seem to be fairly keen, so I don't know if there's any emotional turmoil going on. I also have the unfortunate habit of getting tongue tied when I'm nervous, so accidentally blurting out something stupid is a real possibility. Thankfully, there are a few things working in my favour. Generally I get along pretty well with the opposite sex; several of my best friends are girls. I've also known my date for a fair while, so it's not like we know absolutely nothing about each other, and like I said before I have enough cash on me to afford to be chivalrous.
The date itself is pretty standard: A movie followed by me taking her out to a restaurant. Neither of us has been able to decide on a movie to see, so she suggested that we decide once we actually arrive at the cinema.
So, what advice can you guys give me?
Flay on
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Also, if you're uncomfortable or you run out of things to talk about, just ask questions. The bit about this in 40 Year Old Virgin was a little over the top, but not by that much.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Instead, consider buying tickets online from fandango or whatever.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
Give her something unique that will remind her of you or the date. A mix CD is always worth it. The book of the movie you will see if you ever decide on one (Say something like, people always say the book's better, so just in case you wanna find out) might work. Just something personal that reminds her of you or the date, nothing generic or too expensive. That's creepy.
Get to the theater early enough that you don't have to scramble for a seat. That's always awkward. No guy looks smooth squinting around in the dark.
Let her take the lead during the movie when it comes to talking. Some girls don't mind some whispering, some abhor it. Just don't keep trying to make conversation mid movie if she is trying to get into it.
If you share an armrest, do the thing where you only rest your elbow on the back half. Let her get the main real estate. Don't hog that shit.
At dinner, order something that you won't make a mess eating or something you haven't had before. Stick with something tried and true.
During conversation, a free tip is that women want to feel like THEY are interesting. Not their boobs, the waitress, the napkin you are trying to fold into a peacock, whatever. Give her 100 percent attention and she will notice.
Be yourself is the best advice people usually give. Treat it like you are auditioning her. That's what she is doing for you. Get to know her and don't put too much stress on her or yourself.
However, if she's the sort of person who likes this thing and you know exactly the kind of gift that would be appropriate, then go for it.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
Going for a movie can always be a toss up. As others have said, it lessens the opportunity to have a good conversation since you just sit there and watch. Although still make the effort to talk and get comfortable with her before and afterward. Key thing I do as to avoid getting tongue tied is just being yourself. If you're a friendly, easy person to be around, there's no reason you should have to try and adjust that. Stay relaxed and just enjoy her company. Girls love someone who can be honest and comfortable with who they are. Be confident in yourself and a lot opens up. Doubting yourself does nothing. Even if it's outside of how you normally carry yourself, give it a try. It's good to start accustoming yourself to those sort of social skills early in your adult life. What's the worst that can happen, she doesn't call you back? Jump into this with some gusto and break a leg.
The Thai idea, go for it. I've often brought dates to Thai restaurants. Very lax setting. Quiet enough to have a quality conversation, but not too quiet to provide awkward silences. Thai food tends to have a very broad appeal, most everyone who has it, enjoys it. Restaurants also just show you're willing to go oldschool to inject some romance. Not just tossing in a DVD at home and putting it in cruise control.
Don't go to a chain restaurant: There's a billion different restaurants out there, go someplace new that gives you something to talk about. Plus you'll actually remember it. And even if the food is not what you expect or not as good as you might hope it's once again something to talk about.
Movies: If you're not as outgoing or a little shy I reccomend not doing the movie. If you're outgoing it might give you time to relax so it doesnt seem like you're always talking.
Gifts: That seems over the top for high school. I think there's something said for being laidback and making the actual date better. Like I said go somewhere interesting, do something cool, but don't make it about what you're giving her. Also you should make her think she needs to earn you not the other way around and giving a gift basically is telling her that she has power over you.
Paying: If you asked her you pay, if she asked you you can be open to her paying, but I would still offer to pay more than not.
Well those are my ideas. In the words of Abe Simpson
Don't Blow It.
Yeah I'm sure THAT'S going to settle his nerves. Hah.
Seeing that he sounds like quiet guy, I think that's the exact opposite of what he needs to try and do. I'm not sure what planet you live on where girls don't like like having conversations
EDIT: Yeah, I'm definately a bit on the quiet side. I'll do my best to achieve a happy medium between chatty and silent.
Conversation is fine. Rambling is not, and a lot of people do that when they feel nervous. This is more of a general interpersonal tip rather than being specific to dating.
This is true. Constant rambling often brings on the sensation of wanting apply a choke hold. So yes, keep a cool head. Rambling incoherently is both annoying and worrying.
:^: Absolutely.
That's applicable to a fist date. If you get into an actual relationship with her and enter boyfriend territory, start doing the opposite of everything you would normally do in a situation. Yes is no and right is wrong. Being yourself now means you're being a big stupid pig. Everything that you see as perfectly reasonable is to be considered by her as an affront to her intelligence. Oh and you better start practicing the art of reading minds.
Like man, I was totally going to go as Steve, but you think that's a bad idea?
Hopefully you are going to a movie that will give you something to talk about afterwards. Don't bring a gift, as that's a little weird. Just don't push anything too hard, try to do about 40% of the talking, and don't let on that you're nervous.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
A good rule to go by is to only tell one story at a time. Say she brings up the fact that her pet bunny just got a new cage. You can tell the story of when you got your cat a new bed but it still just wanted to sleep on the pizza box or whatever, and then give her the chance to talk again. If the conversation lags, just ask a question semi-related to whatever you were just talking about: in my example, you could ask if she has any other pets, or what keeping a rabbit is like, or whatever. Personally, I find that people like conversations in which they spend a roughly equal or very, very slightly longer time talking than the other person.
Watch the movie. Eat the food. Talk, laugh, have fun. When something goes wrong, smile or laugh as appropriate.
She'll either like being with you or not, no matter what happens, and there's not a hell of a lot you can do about it.
Most of the time I used to just relate with a similar experience, but then I found myself talking and not her.
So what do you reckon?
In response to OP, GL mate
:^: