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Attracting the wrong type of women
Sliver
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
If you don't like threads where people complain about getting hit on stop reading and turn back now.
I'm noticing some "eccentricities" in the types of women that are attracted to me. They usually manifest themselves in the forms of severe mental illness, sexual abuse, and in one case stabbing people. I swear at times it seems like they can smell me the way a shark smells blood in the water. I'm not talking about "I start hitting on this girl I'm friends with and she's sortof interested but not really and find out later she's on anti-depressants" I'm talking about "I'm sitting around minding my own business and this girl comes out of nowhere. Corners me, and tells me how she's got ADHD, PTSD, a kid, and how her dad ran off when she was 10." (In exactly those words.)
This kind of stuff has happened 8 or 9 times in the last few years and I brushed it off but this last incident coupled with the fact that no normal women have ever tried initiating a relationship with me in any meaningful way has officially weirded me out and I would like very much to know what in the hell is going on.
I'm noticing some "eccentricities" in the types of women that are attracted to me. They usually manifest themselves in the forms of severe mental illness, sexual abuse, and in one case stabbing people. I swear at times it seems like they can smell me the way a shark smells blood in the water. I'm not talking about "I start hitting on this girl I'm friends with and she's sortof interested but not really and find out later she's on anti-depressants" I'm talking about "I'm sitting around minding my own business and this girl comes out of nowhere. Corners me, and tells me how she's got ADHD, PTSD, a kid, and how her dad ran off when she was 10." (In exactly those words.)
This kind of stuff has happened 8 or 9 times in the last few years and I brushed it off but this last incident coupled with the fact that no normal women have ever tried initiating a relationship with me in any meaningful way has officially weirded me out and I would like very much to know what in the hell is going on.
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Are these all complete strangers, or people you're meeting through social groups? Where is this happening? It's possible you're just spending too much time in environments that attract emotionally dysfunctional types.
I have a similar problem to you, but women normally are after something else, money.
Also, like Seol said, I'm willing to bet that there's a bit of selection bias here. And you're both saying that you've never tried to initiate things with someone? Also, there's no comment on what kind of people you are, just the implication that you're magically above attracting the less-than-perfect.
Not real impressive...
I mean, do these ladies stroll up to you while youre pumping gas at 7-11?
Or while you enjoying a bloody mary at your local goth clubs fetish night?
I mean, I'm sure it's awkward n' all, but we can't all be blessed with the ability to attract healthy attractive people of the opposite sex. If people annoy you, politely brush them off and make you own advances toward people your interested in.....of course you may get politely brushed off.
Also, drugs. People are fucked up on them, and fucked up people tend to go to them. So if you're into drugs, or not even into them so much as around them, you can count on a pretty high fucked up/normalcy ratio.
Or y'know, you just have one of those faces. The 'my uncle was fucking my little brother for twelve years and so when my mom went to jail for shooting him with a shotgun and lighting him on fire I was raised by my senile grandma and her stockpile of ether' kinda face. Check out your image, maybe it says something you're not intending.
Welp, there's your problem. You're expecting the woman to make the first moves? I know that's how it would be in a perfect world, but many, MANY great, wonderful women are hesitant to make the first move. Oh sure, there are some great, centered women that will, but as Sarcastro hinted, sometimes the crazies give girls the courage to speak up.
I've been there. For years I only dated people who pursued me, and I wound up with a fun menagerie of warped folk. But then I finally got up the nerve to make the first move myself, and the quality of women improved. Think of it this way... would you rather your choice of woman be made for you, or do you want to decide yourself?
Listen, I know it can be intimidating to take the initiative. It's a little nerve-wracking, and even the best guys will get shot down. But, if you have even the slightest bit of attractiveness (and I'm sure you do), you'll also succeed. Listen, I can guarantee you there have been times that a woman has been talking with you or even looking at you from across the room, and thinking "gee, this person seems nice. I'd like to get to know him more." And you haven't even realized it.
Take control, make your own luck.
I have never used drugs and do not hang out with anyone that does.
As far as my image, yeah I've got plenty of emotional baggage too. That being said my wardrobe consist entirely of solid colored t-shirts and blue jeans. I can say with complete seriousness I dress to disappear in a crowd.
Also, I must point out some people (mostly cazies) don't give two shits about social norms. I approach random workers trying to stock shelves and ask them where stuff is. To some people this is a big no no. Other people will approach random shoppers and ask them where stuff is, to me that is a big no no (I'm not a dick about it if someone asks me but I wouldn't ask someone).
Sometimes people see an open door and get drawn to it. I ain't saying close the door, but if you make a point of being nice, maybe its just something you'll deal with- doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, there might actually be something quite right with you.
Still, it isn't impolite to 'close down' relationships with people you don't want to hang with, though it might seem that way at the time, people have standards, fact of life.
@ Sarcastro: Could you frame the context of your post a little more specifically?
I'm not quite sure what you mean by nice all the time. Do you mean, do I look like a "Nice Guy"? Am I nice to people regardless of how they treat me? Am I nice in general?
Hmm. Some people hang back a while, watch someone in motion, assume their style or personality or what have you doesn't really mesh, and they act guarded towards those people right off that bat.
Others take a more open view, that it doesn't matter (as much) what you look like, or what people say about you, what matters is how you treat me right now.
Everyone makes judgements at some point, but some people are more judgemental up front than others. By 'nice', I suppose what I mean is, you generally treat people as friends until they give you cause to do otherwise.
Lots of people think they do this, not as many actually do this. Maybe you're just a friendly, open-minded person, giving a sort of passive permission to people to be okay with being themselves. Not a bad thing really. But such a thing is bound to be more appreciated by people with reasons to not be entirely okay with themselves already, so its more attractive to them. (Just explaining what I meant, not implying that you have this. I'd be curious to know if you might feel this is the case though.)
If you want the crazy's to stop bothering you, you need to change your apparent attitude and appear more stand-offish. This can also have an effect on the "normal" girls who may be tempted to may the first move though, subtle or otherwise, so you have to make your own decision about which way you want to go.
No joke.
GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
Stop working as a gigolo.
crazies approach 1000 people a day
you are just nice (and maybe too passive) so you say yes
try approaching women you like from now on!
At first, yes I was like that. I'd have someone running her fingers through my hair talking about how soft it was and it took me three days to figure it out. Now I've got the signals down and I can tell in short order by talking to them whether or not they like me. And on the off chance she likes me but I don't know because I've never talked to her (Which has happened more than once), one of her friends will rat her out.
And yes I did some digging. The ones who never talked to me were crazy too.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Funny, I was thinking exactly the same thing.
You and me, Preacher. We're like this.
Don't let your wife know, she'll get jealous.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Then... what's the problem? Tell the crazies to go away and then choose someone non-crazy when you're ready to date.
I want to reciprocate...I really do.
Enlist in Star Citizen! Citizenship must be earned!
And for the record I'm not as worried about the ones I can tell are crazy as much as I'm worried about the ones I can't.
So you continually find faults in the women you want to date? As far as why it keeps happening, without specifics about your situation and where you attract women I really couldn't guess. And its not such a bad thing to be desired, women generally find that an attractive trait.
pleasepaypreacher.net
I would consider those faults, but when you say things like.
Sounds like you have a self fulfilling prophecy.
pleasepaypreacher.net
1. I am NOT showing any interest in these women for them to reciprocate. They find me all on their own.
2. Thinking they are crazy doesn't retroactively make their abandoned/sexual abused/need medication. That stuff is already there before they find me.
If you can determine that a girl is crazy within 15 minutes of talking to her (or without talking to her at all) then you're not going to fall for a crazy-girl-in-disguise.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Let's just say I know how you feel and I've been there, but also reiterate previous statements - ahem, "unbalanced" women take initiative more often and at the end of the day it's not really a problem until you take one of them up on their offer.
Obviously something about you projects some degree of accommodation, but whatever it is, it's probably so ingrained in your behavior that we'd never figure it out, let alone people who actually know you. Probably you should just ask one of these ladies what it is about you that they like next time it happens...sort of a weird question, but if they are genuinely bonkers you'll probably be surprised by how forthcoming (and honest) they'll be.
Stop worrying about it.
You're worried that you might meet a girl and have to dump her because she's crazy - so it's not the craziness you're worried about, so much as the potential failure of what could have been a good relationship. A hypothetical new partner's hidden personality flaws are among many reasons why a new relationship might fail. That's why we go through stages of, y'know, dating to sex to relationship to marriage and take it relatively slowly and carefully along the way. You can't obsess too much over what might go wrong or else you paralyze yourself and eventually these fears become self-fulfilling prophecies.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
That happened to someone else, not you. Your spider-sense is fine. This is needless worry.