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Three panel comic

rauschelbachrauschelbach Registered User new member
edited September 2008 in Artist's Corner
I've lurked for awhile and figured I'd upload something recently finished. Give me all your thoughts and crits on style, content, whatever. I don't have any huge aspirations of creating a webcomic, but thought it would be fun:

Maverick_091608.jpg

rauschelbach on

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    Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    The build up is good but the punchline falls flat. I'm digging the character designs, but the static panels cheapens it.

    In summary: Write better punchlines and redraw each panel.

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
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    The Black HunterThe Black Hunter The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple, unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I think he did redraw each panel

    Anyway, I do love the character design, and the disenchanted look on "original maverick"'s face

    The Black Hunter on
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    Jake!Jake! Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I think you can rescue it by putting

    'So who is this guy?' in panel 1

    'says he's the original maverick' in panel 2

    and having thumbs up dickhead in panel 3 only, getting rid of the 'fuck off' entirely

    Jake! on
    my blog | become a fan | http://www.schuhlelewis.com
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    winter_combat_knightwinter_combat_knight Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Mars Elliot wrote: »

    In summary: Write better punchlines and redraw each panel.

    I agree. The style is cool, but redraw each frame, maybe experimenting with angles. Would add so much more interest.

    winter_combat_knight on
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    rauschelbachrauschelbach Registered User new member
    edited September 2008
    You guys are definitely right, the joke in my mind never really got past the point of "I picture Maverick would be pissed at McCain's new moniker." Gotta work on the joke overall. I definitely cheated by keeping most of the line work for Goose and Mav in each panel, I redrew McCain mostly.

    rauschelbach on
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    beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    HAHAHAH oh god, I love top gun
    I agree with Jake!

    beavotron on
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    Castle_BuilderCastle_Builder regular
    edited September 2008
    Jake! wrote: »
    I think you can rescue it by putting

    'So who is this guy?' in panel 1

    'says he's the original maverick' in panel 2

    and having thumbs up dickhead in panel 3 only, getting rid of the 'fuck off' entirely

    I second this.

    The puchline of the joke is the gesture in panel 2. The fuck off part is really not necessary and actually takes the joke in a direction where the audience kinda wonders if theres something more going on that they cant figure out.

    It also allows for characters to moce a little ... because when goose talks in panel 2 you can have him turn his head towards mavrick and then turn back in panel 3. This will help eliminate the static feel to the art and increase the interaction between the characters in the strip.

    Castle_Builder on
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    bboyKRILLINbboyKRILLIN Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I really like the style of the art, the linework looks good to me, nice and crisp, well done.

    bboyKRILLIN on
    BBOY KRILLIN's ART cause i likes to draws an stuff
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