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Good golly, sexual impotence.
Battery
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is an alt. I'm not exactly forum-famous but the reasoning should be obvious. Please spare me the indignity of guessing at my identity. Thanks.
History:
20 year old male.
Used to watch a lot of porn between ages of 13 and 16, including some things that were frankly illegal. Constant fascination to push limit, but rarely turned on. Porn did/does nothing for me. More scientific than anything. When I hit 16 I decided that enough was enough and went cold turkey on everything. Have very rarely seen any since, and then usually mostly through linked things.
16-18, had an elder (2 years) girlfriend I was very much in love with. Fantastic sex until the relationship was on the rocks in the last few months.
Since I went into higher education I've had two girlfriends and two lovers. My sex life has been mostly not good. The following is chronological.
1st gf: Year older. Sort-of reboundish. Two months. Sex mostly fine, nothing fantastic.
2nd gf: Same age. Two months. Sex near-nonexistent. Required to use condoms due to medication conflict with the pill. Condoms kill erection every time. Pin it on anxiety/unfamiliarity with condoms. Figure out after relationship that I needed a bigger sized protective. Bought, trialled, seem fine.
1st lover: Year older. No condom required. Sex sporadic due to on-off nature of relationship. One really fantastic session, several not-so-good ones, though (I think) generally due to individual explanations. Notice I am climaxing quicker than I used to.
2nd lover: Girl a few years my junior (though bright and intelligent). Only tried to have sex once, very recently. She wanted to lose her virginity to me (literally begging - most guys' sexual fantasy, right?), but I feel almost completely out of body. Not aroused at all, mentally or physically (first time I've experienced physical impotence). Realise this is very similar to how I felt with my 2nd gf. Condom also killed erection again despite using bigger one.
Never had a one-night stand and sexual health is absolutely clean. I'm also a fairly feminine guy in many ways, but edit: not effeminate - at least, not compared to my gay friends. Also a feminist. Don't seem to have much testosterone in me, basically >_>
Symptoms:
No feeling of embarrasment when naked in front of girls. Very happy with self-image. Very confident in relationships. Romantic to the core (though I realise my language here doesn't make me sound it, I'm trying to keep things objective).
No acute anxiety that I'm aware of. Usually not even really thinking about possibility of problems - or not consciously, anyway.
Feeling of detachment, like I'm building a model or ticking checkboxes. Pretty good at foreplay, good responses from girls, but I feel... not bored as such, but just... unengaged.
I'm very sleepless and wonder if this is related or has any bearing on it. A lot of lack of sleep can cause brain damage, I know this.
Physical stimulation still causes erection, and, for some reason, kissing does.
Also, if I'm with a girl I know I may have sex with, and I daydream about it or there's physical contact, I sometimes get an erection.
When very torpid in the morning (in bed), can experience very hard erections that last for a long period of time despite no erotic thoughts. Hypothesise that this indicates that anxiety or adrenaline might have something to do with it.
Hypotheses:
1) Watching all that porn as a kid broke me by pushing the boundaries of what I found erotic.
Counter: Had wonderful sex with first girlfriend, and can get aroused by kissing fairly easily.
Counter-counter: first girlfriend was first encounter with real sex, and erotic thoughts precipitated by kissing avoid reality of situation, allowing rush of hormones unimpeded by practicalities.
2) I need to feel love (or more emotional investment than I do currently) to get aroused.
This is kind of compelling, because my sex life did drop off when my relationship broke down with my first gf. However, I believe that's common. Additionally, the good sex I had with my first lover was during periods where I felt that we were heading in a more serious direction. No direct counter-argument for this theory.
3) It's a physical thing. Anxiety or even related to size of penis?
The latter I am pretty sure is a far-out idea, but there does seem like there'd need to be more blood down there than normal. Probably not though.
However, anxiety is more likely. Though I don't feel particularly nervous, I wonder how much the subconscious can have a hand in these matters. Maybe I should try beta-blockers (anti-adrenaline tablets) or a drink to steady myself shortly beforehand?
Counter: what I felt with my 2nd gf/2nd lover was not so much worry as detachment, followed by frustration. I felt like I was reading a book or something. Not quite disinterest, but close to it, with the nagging annoyance at the awareness I wasn't hardening.
With my 1st lover (and I feel guilty branzenly cataloguing them like this, I must say), I noticed that the head of my penis was incredibly sensative, too.
In short, I have myriad problems and no solutions. I will be seeing a doctor soon, and hopefully will get my diagnosis. I suspected after lover #1 that it was physical, but I am now leaning towards something neurological. There's a difference, it strikes me, between climaxing a bit quicker than you'd like and having no sexual arousal whatsoever.
I guess I'm posting this because I feel pretty shitty about it. It strikes me as terribly unfair. All my life I had no attention from girls in any way whatsoever (discounting my 1st gf, because she was a rare case - no other girl took an interest in me during the relationship). Now I finally have a life I enjoy, and I look good and women flirt with me and I'm just generally very happy and well-balanced... except for this, the one thing that I've never had a problem with before. If I can fix this I will have no major problem in my life, and that would be wonderful. I can't help feeling I've been very unhappy for much of my time in this world, and I sort of deserve that to change.
So I guess it would be good to hear if any other of you folks had, or have experience these sorts of problems, and whether they were fixed and how.
At the very least, I might ensure a lot of alts are created!
Thanks,
- Battery.
History:
20 year old male.
Used to watch a lot of porn between ages of 13 and 16, including some things that were frankly illegal. Constant fascination to push limit, but rarely turned on. Porn did/does nothing for me. More scientific than anything. When I hit 16 I decided that enough was enough and went cold turkey on everything. Have very rarely seen any since, and then usually mostly through linked things.
16-18, had an elder (2 years) girlfriend I was very much in love with. Fantastic sex until the relationship was on the rocks in the last few months.
Since I went into higher education I've had two girlfriends and two lovers. My sex life has been mostly not good. The following is chronological.
1st gf: Year older. Sort-of reboundish. Two months. Sex mostly fine, nothing fantastic.
2nd gf: Same age. Two months. Sex near-nonexistent. Required to use condoms due to medication conflict with the pill. Condoms kill erection every time. Pin it on anxiety/unfamiliarity with condoms. Figure out after relationship that I needed a bigger sized protective. Bought, trialled, seem fine.
1st lover: Year older. No condom required. Sex sporadic due to on-off nature of relationship. One really fantastic session, several not-so-good ones, though (I think) generally due to individual explanations. Notice I am climaxing quicker than I used to.
2nd lover: Girl a few years my junior (though bright and intelligent). Only tried to have sex once, very recently. She wanted to lose her virginity to me (literally begging - most guys' sexual fantasy, right?), but I feel almost completely out of body. Not aroused at all, mentally or physically (first time I've experienced physical impotence). Realise this is very similar to how I felt with my 2nd gf. Condom also killed erection again despite using bigger one.
Never had a one-night stand and sexual health is absolutely clean. I'm also a fairly feminine guy in many ways, but edit: not effeminate - at least, not compared to my gay friends. Also a feminist. Don't seem to have much testosterone in me, basically >_>
Symptoms:
No feeling of embarrasment when naked in front of girls. Very happy with self-image. Very confident in relationships. Romantic to the core (though I realise my language here doesn't make me sound it, I'm trying to keep things objective).
No acute anxiety that I'm aware of. Usually not even really thinking about possibility of problems - or not consciously, anyway.
Feeling of detachment, like I'm building a model or ticking checkboxes. Pretty good at foreplay, good responses from girls, but I feel... not bored as such, but just... unengaged.
I'm very sleepless and wonder if this is related or has any bearing on it. A lot of lack of sleep can cause brain damage, I know this.
Physical stimulation still causes erection, and, for some reason, kissing does.
Also, if I'm with a girl I know I may have sex with, and I daydream about it or there's physical contact, I sometimes get an erection.
When very torpid in the morning (in bed), can experience very hard erections that last for a long period of time despite no erotic thoughts. Hypothesise that this indicates that anxiety or adrenaline might have something to do with it.
Hypotheses:
1) Watching all that porn as a kid broke me by pushing the boundaries of what I found erotic.
Counter: Had wonderful sex with first girlfriend, and can get aroused by kissing fairly easily.
Counter-counter: first girlfriend was first encounter with real sex, and erotic thoughts precipitated by kissing avoid reality of situation, allowing rush of hormones unimpeded by practicalities.
2) I need to feel love (or more emotional investment than I do currently) to get aroused.
This is kind of compelling, because my sex life did drop off when my relationship broke down with my first gf. However, I believe that's common. Additionally, the good sex I had with my first lover was during periods where I felt that we were heading in a more serious direction. No direct counter-argument for this theory.
3) It's a physical thing. Anxiety or even related to size of penis?
The latter I am pretty sure is a far-out idea, but there does seem like there'd need to be more blood down there than normal. Probably not though.
However, anxiety is more likely. Though I don't feel particularly nervous, I wonder how much the subconscious can have a hand in these matters. Maybe I should try beta-blockers (anti-adrenaline tablets) or a drink to steady myself shortly beforehand?
Counter: what I felt with my 2nd gf/2nd lover was not so much worry as detachment, followed by frustration. I felt like I was reading a book or something. Not quite disinterest, but close to it, with the nagging annoyance at the awareness I wasn't hardening.
With my 1st lover (and I feel guilty branzenly cataloguing them like this, I must say), I noticed that the head of my penis was incredibly sensative, too.
In short, I have myriad problems and no solutions. I will be seeing a doctor soon, and hopefully will get my diagnosis. I suspected after lover #1 that it was physical, but I am now leaning towards something neurological. There's a difference, it strikes me, between climaxing a bit quicker than you'd like and having no sexual arousal whatsoever.
I guess I'm posting this because I feel pretty shitty about it. It strikes me as terribly unfair. All my life I had no attention from girls in any way whatsoever (discounting my 1st gf, because she was a rare case - no other girl took an interest in me during the relationship). Now I finally have a life I enjoy, and I look good and women flirt with me and I'm just generally very happy and well-balanced... except for this, the one thing that I've never had a problem with before. If I can fix this I will have no major problem in my life, and that would be wonderful. I can't help feeling I've been very unhappy for much of my time in this world, and I sort of deserve that to change.
So I guess it would be good to hear if any other of you folks had, or have experience these sorts of problems, and whether they were fixed and how.
At the very least, I might ensure a lot of alts are created!
Thanks,
- Battery.
Battery on
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Posts
The fact that you wrote of wall of, quite frankly, useless text is enough evidence for this. Reread what you wrote, the tone, and the extraneous info does not really add anything.
You get erections normally and you are physically fine.
Having sex with a virgin is pretty damn stressful.
You didn't break yourself. You would be one of many, many, many, many people if you could do that by watching racy/edgy/illegal porn.
Could be the second one. You'd be in the vast minority of males out there though. Guys don't normally work like this. Though I could be biased as I'm a testosterone factory.
The third thing is unlikely at the age of 20. And if you're turning to drugs or alcohol in an attempt to correct these issues or engender humanity you may want to stop yourself and re-read what I just typed.
Or you could be gay. Have you tried the cock? Not being a douche here. Seriously. Denial is a bitch. And hell you're only 20. Experiment. Play the field.
Or you could try the gay thing. Maybe that might work.
*She was my first female relationship for a year, and I had a lot of Uni work on. Shut up.
Also, sometimes a relationship just doesn't have physical chemistry, even when you both want it very badly. I would not be this stressed about one isolated incident. Try again in a different environment in a different way with a different person, and if the problem continues for more than a month or so talk to a doctor. This is not the end of the world and obsessing over it will only make it worse. The worst case is that you start taking little blue pills a little bit earlier than most men, not a horrible fate.
As well, drugs like Ritalin or Adderall, if taken in high, sporadic doses, can also lead to erectile dysfunction.
Your hypotheses 1 and 3 seem like they'd be disproven by your previous circumstances; you're experienced enough to know what's going on, and simple performance anxiety doesn't seem like it's an issue. Things seem to work all right in the sense of physical intimacy and your dude-parts.
Solution here is to date a girl you're interested in. Also, do something to address the anxiety issues it sounds like you have, whether that means traditional therapy, more exercise, or some sort of lifestyle change, or a combination.
Oh, and as you get the chance, try out different kinds of condoms. There are all sorts of different kinds, and you can certainly find one that won't give you trouble.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Relax, try things again. Wait and see if you have a persistant problem with her before thinking there's something wrong.
Hahaha...when I read that paragraph in the middle about being effeminate, it seemed like a total non-sequitur. I figured this could be a major case of "I'm not gay, really!" denial, but I didn't want to be the first one to say it.
I think you're just very emotionally engaged. Maybe you need to spend more time with your current girlfriend to become fully comfortable and ready for sex.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
I liked the part about you being okay during making out, but disconnecting somewhere before the act. Dude, there are all kinds of reasons why you shouldn't be sleeping with someone on just an ad-hoc basis. Maybe you need to be more attached, maybe youre afraid thet you'll get too attached on something that isn't permanent, maybe you see it as a 'deed' rather than an expression of feeling. These are all valid reasons, and those sorts of things are different for everyone.
My advice is to just let it go. Let go of what you think boyfriends should do, what kind of person you think you are supposed be, what kind of actions you feel pressured to perform, and just go with what you feel is right for you. If its not time to get down, don't. Be okay with that.
This feminine thing you've brought up is an easy target, oh buddy can't get it up when there's a kitty buffet just a waiting- gayness ho! But its not anything you need to worry about. Maybe you're deeper than that. Maybe you just need more out of a relationship before you're ready to progress physically. That is an okay way to be, and you're not any less manly for wanting those things. Honestly? Go with that, hold out against having sex until you cant hold out anymore. You'll be ready then, and I have a feeling things will go just fine.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
Go back to this girl, share a bottle of wine, and try again.
That said, the sleepless thing is a little funny. Get some exercise. Don't attempt to medicate to get sleep. That may be entirely unrelated, though. Basically, don't worry about it. This is not uncommon to happen once in a while, especially in a high-pressure situation.
The other I will toss towards the "readiness" crowd. It's harder for some guys than others to be physical with a girl when they don't have a full connection and don't feel ready.
I'm not trying to be special. I think about things. It's what I do. It's one of the main reasons I can't sleep very easily - I can't shut my brain down. I always want to find the answer to things, and this is causing me enough of a problem for me to want to try and fix it. That's helpful, thank you. I don't work like many guys. So it wouldn't surprise me. I've gone down this route, and experimented a great deal when I was 15-16. It wasn't unenjoyable as such, but it made me realise there's a difference between appreciating male beauty and being sexually attracted to them - and I wasn't sexually attracted to them. So for a while I was bi-curious, but having tried things out I'm pretty sure I'm straight. It's not so much this one incident as the fact that my sexual health has been seemingly steadily degrading. I think I perhaps underemphasised the change in how long it took me to climax from 1st gf to 1st lover. But that doesn't necessarily rule out anxiety, of course. But I wasn't lasting as long as I used to. This event seemed to be another step in a direction I didn't want. No. And I didn't mean getting drunk either, I just meant getting a bit of alcohol in the system so I'd be calmer. I'll look into this, thanks. Interesting! Never knew that, thanks. This is great advice, but the thing is I don't think I've ever felt pressured to have sex... I don't know. I could be wrong. This is due some reflection. I was leaning toward this, too. This is the plan I was thinking of following. I know this is sort of off-topic, but don't worry, I won't. I would rather not develop a dependency
And ultimately, this is kinda how I feel, I think. I think in general I might need a deeper connection with a girl before sex, and in this specific situation I may have had some anxiety despite not really feeling any.
This doesn't fully answer why I felt so incredibly disconnected from the act, but it's a better answer than anything else I can come up with and no other major theory apart from being a homosexual has cropped up.
So that should do, H&A, and thanks. This girl and I won't see each other for a while anyway because of my going back to education. But I'm sure she'll come to visit, and we'll see what happens.
Now since you won't see her for a while. Make a plan to not play with your wang that entire time. Chat her up on the phone, sexy-like.
By the next time you see her, you should not have any problem.
It is all about the build up.
And because he did not list his practices, we do not know if he is "regular" or "irregular."
We all know if you pull 3 times a day or use a death grip, you may not work right when some soft and dainty hands are around.
Well, I suppose it's medically relevent. I masturbate semi-frequently. Three, four times a week maybe. I actually tried to increase this recently because things indicated it might be helpful. I don't exercise at all but that's set to change this year as I take up a sport again. I'll be walking around a lot too to get around, whereas I've been very inactive at home this summer, including spending huge swathes of time in bed because I have literally no reason to get up.
I don't know how dramatic an impact those things could have, but I have often wondered if this inactivity was affecting me. I've had several people say no and a couple say they think it might. This is a question I plan to ask my doctor.
Random factoid I did find out whilst trying to find out information that would help me: the average guy lasts 7 or so minutes during sex. This was comforting, as two of my friends (whom I trust to tell the truth) said 16 and 25 minutes...
Due to the fact you have erections in your sleep, or just by stimulation, rules out physical abnormalities with your penis. It is good idea that you see a doctor. An Urologist should be able to tell if your testosterone levels are very low (this is very important), and if your testes are fine, to try to correct any deficiency.
If you continue watching porn, try reducing this activity, too much of anything is not good, avoid too much alcohol and include in your diet celery if you can, and vitamin E.
The problem seems to be in your head (psychological).
Good luck.
I don't watch porn and am practically tea-total because I don't really like drinking. Celery and vitamin E... would you mind explaining that to me, please? I'm sure you're right, but I like knowing how things work.
And I hate celery
As to psychological/neurological, I figure it's easier to discount other things first. Like I said, I don't feel anxious, but if it's neurological and something just isn't connecting the dots properly... well, anyway, I can see if other things work first.
If you cannot stand Celery, that's fine, no need to mimic Casanova :P
I noticed you are very young, you should take any recommendations with caution and see a doctor when you can for your own safety.
Anyway, here you are some copy and paste for your reading:
1) Vitamin E deficiency causes neurological problems due to poor nerve conduction. These include neuromuscular problems such as spinocerebellar ataxia and myopathies. Deficiency can also cause anemia, due to oxidative damage to red blood cells.
Vitamin E deficiency is very rare in humans and is almost never caused by a poor diet.Instead, there are three specific situations when a vitamin E deficiency is likely to occur.It is seen in persons who cannot absorb dietary fat, has been found in premature, very low birth weight infants (birth weights less than 1500 grams, or 3.5 pounds), and is seen in individuals with rare disorders of fat metabolism.
2) Testosterone
Libido is clearly linked to levels of sex hormones, particularly testosterone. When a reduced sex drive occurs in individuals with relatively low levels of testosterone (e.g., post-menopausal women or men over age 60), testosterone supplements will often increase libido. Approaches using a number of precursors intended to raise testosterone levels have been effective in older males, but have not fared well when tested on other groups. Other anabolic steroids such as trenbolone which mimic the effects of testosterone may also cause increased libido in users, although side effects such as testicular atrophy are likely to decrease libido, possibly permanently, following prolonged use of these hormones.
3) Erectile dysfunction (ED or (male) impotence) is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis. There are various underlying causes, such as cardiovascular leakage and diabetes, many of which are medically treatable. Nerve trauma from prostatectomy surgery can cause chronic erectile dysfunction.
The causes of erectile dysfunction may be physiological or psychological. Physiologically, erection is a hydraulic mechanism based upon blood entering and being retained in the penis, and there are various ways in which this can be impeded, most of which are amenable to treatment. Psychological impotence is where erection or penetration fails due to thoughts or feelings (psychological reasons) rather than physical impossibility; this can often be helped.
Sorry I am not using my own words to answer your question, I am so tired.
step 1) exercise more...
step 2) do drugs, put on your snow shoes.
step 3) admit that maybe you are gay.
but really, you're probably gay.
Giacomo: I appreciate your keen insight, but I'm not gay. I've tried it and it wasn't for me. I'm not sure what's so difficult to understand there.
LL: I have an aversion to fakeness and I therefore find most pornography pretty repellent. My sex drive is pretty high - it's not like I don't think about it. But porn does nothing for me.
Even if they say they are virgins sometimes they are not. When you are in high school they most likely are but now that you are in college assume every girl has something you don't want to catch and wrap it up.
Know way WAY too many guys that caught all sorts of crap in college from not wrapping it just one time! (especially when drinking is involved) There is no cure in men for HPV and you have no way of knowing if you have it until its too late. Women can have Zero symptoms and still pass it to you.
As for your problem. How much foreplay do you use? Sometimes if you rush into things it can make you not last so long or the opposite lose your buzz so to speak. Try slowing things down with a massage or maybe just make out a little longer so that you get really excited and then try. You might notice it makes the sex much more enjoyable.
Be careful with that; depression can manifest in different ways, even in the same person. For example, I once lost my appetite for months and had a really hard time sleeping. It didn't occur to me that I might be having issues with my depression because, previously, depressed-me wanted to sleep all the time and felt miserable constantly.
Well, eventually the feeling-sad-constantly kicked in and I started doing my anti-depression measures: exercising more, going to the doctor for anti-depressants, eating healthily, talking to the school counselor. Not only did the feeling-sad part go away, but I started sleeping again and my appetite came right back. So, don't discount symptoms of depression just because you've never had them before.