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Living on my own not going so great.
EliteLamer
__BANNED USERS regular
__BANNED USERS regular
I made a post about 2 months ago complaining how I didn't think things were going to work out. Well they are kinda not. One roommate has been great really but the other one is I dunno, I guess it is just what you deal with but I can't stand it. For one thing any time I leave something in the living room he just throws it on the floor in front of my room. Well this would not bother me so much besides the fact that he leaves crap all over the place. Unhooks the damn cable from the tv to hook up to a TV outside so every week I have to push the damn tv back and hook it up again. He stop doing the dishes and I think it is because he think I am refusing to do the dishes but I HAVE NO FOOD and have not ate here in a week.
I work at 6am so I go to bed super early but no one here has work and no class until later so everyone is up to almost the time I get up. It makes it hard to sleep and in fact I go back to my moms house once in a while to catch a good nights sleep.
Then to top this all off one day off his friends come over and insult me. Start talking about how they are going to fuck with me because I wont take them to a party I was invited to.
I should have moved in with some grad students....
I work at 6am so I go to bed super early but no one here has work and no class until later so everyone is up to almost the time I get up. It makes it hard to sleep and in fact I go back to my moms house once in a while to catch a good nights sleep.
Then to top this all off one day off his friends come over and insult me. Start talking about how they are going to fuck with me because I wont take them to a party I was invited to.
I should have moved in with some grad students....
SEGA
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Also explain to him that doing your OWN dishes is an integral part of being a worthwhile human being and that you haven't eaten there in a while - hence the seemingly lack of work on your part in regards to dishes.
Finally, tell his friends to shut the fuck up (nicely) and ask if they can be a little quieter as you work in the morning and need some sleep. Should these fail - perhaps look for a new place or just try and grin and bear it. Living with others can suck - especially worthless scum that you have no real leverage to work with. Most times people will stop acting in a behavior if you speak with them rationally. Other times they will just keep on being assholes.
Sucks for ya man, hopefully just some nice diplomacy will work with your roommate.
Suggested rules:
- Do your OWN dishes promptly, keep any dirty dishes in your room if you're not planning to clean them immediately. An alternative to this is that everyone has dishes days assigned and does all the dishes on that day (this can lead to abuse with lame roommates though).
- Don't move people's stuff in the common area without complaining to them first (and only if it's in the way)
- NO SHARED FOOD unless EXPLICITLY authorized, on a case-by-case basis
- All guests that you plan to have over night should be okayed with the roommates first (you should almost always say yes, but it promotes respect of roommates)
- No excessive noise after such-and-such hour. It is not an unreasonable thing to ask that your roommates be quiet after say 11pm. If they want to party all night they can go somewhere else.
Obviously you may not be able to get them to agree to all of these, but they are all reasonable expectations, and getting any of them agreed to will increase respect within the household.
Unfortunately you probably will need to put up with some shit, but you really shouldn't have to put up with as much as it seems like you are right now.
but they're listening to every word I say
It does sound like unfortunately you've ended up in a living situation with people you arent well matched to live with. Moving out can be a great experience, but yes it can also be an exercise in frustration.
I agree with Smug Duckling as far as establishing good house rules goes a long way to settling a lot of disputes before they happen. However, getting people to agree to rules if you are outnumbered is the difficult part. Getting everyone to agree to do their dishes promptly, not so hard. But getting a bunch of students to agree to an early 'quieten down' time each worknight is going to be pretty difficult. It probably would have been better to live with someone/s who also work, rather than just students. If you're not on a lease, start looking for alternative accomodation if you can. If you are, investigate how to get out of the lease. Its never impossible.
I did miss the last line where the friends are messing with you, as taliosfalcon pointed out. Dont stand for that. This is a big reason to start looking into moving elsewhere. Is moving home temporarily an option? Its not ideal, but it is better than being harassed and miserable.
Shared living can be ok, but its a learning curve that is very difficult to prepare for until you've done it before.
Don't keep valuable items at your current residence, in the off chance they try to rip you off.
Grow thick skin, and don't stand for their insults. Draw on their insecurities--if they have a cheating girlfriend they can't get over, make them fucking cry. Failing a class? Laugh at how pathetic they are. High School or College drop-out? Ask them if they will be content with flipping burgers, making fries, or bagging groceries for the rest of their life. Don't take it so far as to incur violence, but an eye for an eye and what-not.
If you're not keen on the above then you could always go the pacifist route. Don't be mean about anything. Be polite, don't so much accept the insults as transcend above them--don't let them phase you for a single moment, and regardless of the situation never drop your manners for a second. Smile, be nice with requests, calmly ask if they can keep it quiet or relocate because you have to be up at so-so hour. Do the dishes in your spare time, even if they're not yours, and when your roommate complains about the dishes piling up just calmly, and eloquently explain, hey, look, this pan isn't mine. Neither is this plate, fork, etc, in fact, this is all your crap, isn't it? Admittedly, it's not a perfect plan but it'll probably help you out for the remainder of time you have to spend there before you move out, which, given the situation, I would do with the utmost haste.
A comfortable pair of earplugs or noise canceling headphones may be of use, as far as the sleeping issue.
Weaboo List
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
Who cares?
Firstly, people saying they're going to fuck with you? That needs to stop right now. Call the cops, it's what they're there for. If this becomes a continuous problem, have the landlord throw him out on you request, or ask the landlord if you can politely break the lease because of problems. The first one's probably better for both you and the landlord and the second one is probably an "oh shit I need to get the fuck out of here NOW" sort of plan.
Secondly, you need to lay down some ground rules about your stuff and the communal area. Dishes should be "if they're yours, wash them." This means everyone keeps their own plates, preferably color coded. Keep them in your room, locked up if you can. Everything else, I'm sure you can come up with something.
The cable hook up. I hope I'm getting this right, but there's two TVs and he keeps unplugging it from the main TV to use on his TV which is outside? If you wanna solve that problem, get a cable splitter from a RadioShack or some place similiar. It will degrade the signal a little bit, but unless you're watching TV in 1080p, you won't even notice.
Also, yeah, he's a dick.
Look, I lived with 3 guys in a 900 sq. foot apartment - 4 bedroom, small living, college apartment type thing. Shit got real - FAST. The only way we got through it is that we were all friends to begin with and we were the same type of people - gamers, nerds, socially inept, etc. If one person is trying to establish himself as an alpha, take his ass down a peg or two - if he pays more of the rent, then maybe it would be worth it to tolerate it. Basically, it comes down to laying down some rules - even if they're just for you.
Example: I have classes, I need to sleep - if you're going to watch TV or have friends over, please keep this in mind and go outside or keep it down. This is my home, too.
Also, a note on dishes. Even if you don't make the mess, clean them once. Then say "Hey guys, look, I've washed the dishes. This is day zero. I haven't eaten here in a week and none (don't say this if it's not true) of these dishes were made dirty by me. I cleaned them because I'm sick of the mess. From here on out, rinse this crap off and put it in the dishwasher. When it's full, crank it on. Takes, what, 1 minute? Thanks."
Dishes - like the other guy said, get your own, wash your own, keep 'em in your room. Or paper plates and cups with plastic disposable cutlery. Bin 'em and grin at the douchebag.
The aggressive friend, well, I'd deal with this in a way that could get you in trouble because I'm a hothead, but the police are your friend. If he is threatening you, especially in front of anyone else, that's grounds for a restraining order...
EliteLamer, talk to your other roommate, the one you don't have a problem with, see what he thinks. Then, talk to the roommate you do have a problem with (which, it seems to me from your posts, you haven't done yet). Do so in a calm, polite manner (and I don't mean a passive-aggressive manner). It sounds stupid, but avoid using the word "you," it will make things go a lot smoother. Don't do all the talking, listen to what he has to say as well. This is how adults deal with their problems.
Calling a cop because your roommate's friends are threating to "fuck with you" is not exactly crazy. This is the kind of stuff that goes from "friendly dicholedry" to "slashing your tires".
That's true, but I took "fuck with you" as actually, threatening to fuck with you. Not teabagging but breaking windows and slashing tires. But yeah, work it out and talk about that friend issue. Most likely if they're the type of person that I was thinking of with the "fuck with you" talking with their friend is going to make them do it anyways.