Hello all,
I find myself in a situation I've never really been in before. Yesterday my cousin tried to kill himself. As some background, he's married, has two kids, house, two cars, but has been battling depression, and has been drinking a lot. I'm told he's had the attitude that he "can't get anything right". Not being successful at killing himself (which I'm very thankful for) is probably not going to help that line of thinking, but then again it's better than if he was actually successful. He's going to be in the hospital for the next 2 days under observation.
Now, as far as my relationship with him, I haven't seen him in months. I recently started dating someone, and am really busy with work, so I haven't taken time out to hang out with him recently. I had no idea he was so down and out because last I heard he was stopping drinking altogether. Obviously that didn't last long.
I'm looking for advice from those who have been in this situation before. I don't want to go all in gung ho about "hanging out" and seeming insincere. I feel bad that I haven't seen him in a while, and I imagine he's either embarrassed and me going in to see him too soon won't help the situation.
My current thinking is to wait until he's out of the hospital, and go and visit him at home after a week goes by. Good idea/bad idea? What are your thoughts?
tl;dr: Cousin tried to kill himself, I haven't seen him in a while, but want to be supportive. What's the best way to do so?
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Go now. The sooner, the better.
It might help to think about what you want to talk to him about before you get there (i can't comment without knowing how well you guys get along), but just being there means a lot.
I'm gonna call his parents today and see when visiting hours are and make my way there after work.
Be positive and just talk with him about any subject he wants to talk about.
Try to subtly give him excuses to live--to see his kids grow up, so that his wife isn't in financial peril and a similarly depressed situation as he's been in. It helps. Never for a second joke about the suicide attempt--definitely don't call it a "stupid" idea. Be serious and tell him how much you all care for him, how it would be awful to live life without him, because I'm sure his wife and kids feel this way, and you should too.
Goodluck, best regards.
Ask him lots of questions. How are you doing? How's home? How's work? Let him talk. If he doesn't wanna talk, don't press it. But just make an effort to show that you're there to lend an ear.
Sometimes people want to hear, "Hi, how are you doing?" and not be judged harshly if they say, "Man, I feel like shit today."
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
I dont think you need to remind him that people care and all that. It kinda sounds like bullshit when you are the one hearing it. Plus hes probably heard the line enough to make his head asplode. Your presence shows him that you care.
Another thing is dont go down the road of blaming yourself or anything. Its easy to slip into the "oh if i just hung out more with him" or something like that. Also dont pretend that you understand what hes going through.. cause I guarantee you, you dont, unless you've been in a similar situation. So if he wants to talk about it, be a good listener.
But yea go in, be positive, hes probably bored as heck, so the psp is a good idea. Leave it with him too cause after he gets out it gives you a good reason to go back and visit and see how hes doing.
IOS Game Center ID: Isotope-X
Just be glad to see them, don't make any harsh judgement calls, and spend some time. If they want to talk, sure, talk, if they just want to hang, thats okay too.
While a professional might help, I'd say make sure he knows that finding the -right- professional might take a while and that you support him finding the right one instead of just expecting the first one working.
I don't want to project too much onto this, but if you need more advice or input, feel free to PM me!
I got a call back from my Uncle who said that my cousin was out of the hospital and and their place. He said that he would let my cousin know I called, but didn't even mention the possibility of a visit.
I did talk to my cousin later and he did seem happy that he wasn't in the hospital anymore. Apparently he was bored to tears, so my PSP would've been a good idea. I told him about that plan and he said they wouldn't have let him have it anyways. He seemed very embarassed, but very upbeat... Probably a show, so I didn't dwell on things, just talked about sports and whatnot.
We had a chat for a couple minutes and then he had to run. I guess he and his wife were having problems, which spawned this. He was going to go chat with his wife.
It's unfortunate because I'm about a 90 minute drive away and am quite sick at the moment. I'm going to give him a call later today as well to chat.
It's going to be kind of awkward in a "I know you know what I did" kind of way, but just talk to him the way you usually do, talk about games or whatever it is you talk about. If he wants to talk about his suicide attempt, let him do so, but don't force any talk. maybe just play something together without talking, I'm sure he'd like that you're being there