Unstable? [Mental fitness]

eormenric

So, it's come to my attention that I may not be entirely "stable."

What I mean is that I occasionally have what my wife and I have come to describe as "angry times" when literally nothing can help my mood. These times are random but the littlest thing can mentally set me off when I'm in such a mood.

When I say "mentally," I mean that my desire to hurt or inflict pain upon whatever set me off is completely in my head (although vividly) and I have NEVER hurt anyone or my wife while in one of these moods (at least not physically, although I'm sure there is starting to be some psychological pain on my wife's part having to deal with these episodes). Even though I've been to internalize my anger it is still manifested in my life through a general dissatisfaction with everyone and everything and I maintain a fear that I won't be able to "control" it in the future.

These problems seem to occur completely randomly. I can go for weeks without any problems but then have 2-3 days in a week where I feel like I'm ready to pop.

I haven't looked for professional help with these problems yet largely due to the cost associated with getting help. I'm in college but at a satellite campus so the free counseling services aren't available here.

Upon reading this I think I do need help. I lack the language and knowledge to adequately identify what I'm experiencing. Some days I think it could be depression (insert random anti-depressant medication commercial here spouting some of what I feel I'm going through), other times I think it could be simply a lack of adequate anger-management solutions.

So, going with the forum category, do I need help? If so, should I be looking to talk with a doctor to give me drugs to help me, or talk to the Doc that wants me to talk about my feelings (the last one of those I talked to blamed my parents incorrectly (IMO at least...))?

Thanks for any help ladies and gents...

rfalias

Sounds like stress to me.

I get days where I'm just fed up with everything and its likely because I never really talk about it, so one day I can be in a completely crappy mood, especially on stressful or bad days.

Generally to get rid of it I will exercise or do something you find relaxing. Which for me is a videogame and a beer.

But generally exercise helps with that sort of stressed/angry mood.

ceres

My family went through this with my dad when I was little. Finally my mom told him she was leaving. They went through the trial separation, and my dad got help. They ended up getting back together.

My dad is clinically depressed. Not "prozac will make my life better" depressed, the kind where he NEEDS medication to help him control his negative feelings or he gets swept up in a sea of suck and brings everyone around him with him.

When I read your OP, I think of my dad. Get help now, sooner rather than later, when you've quite possibly irreparably damaged your relationship with your family. Go to your family doctor (or a psychiatrist) and discuss the possibility of being evaluated for medication. They may tell you that you don't need any, that some therapy to teach you how to get through the bad times will help. Or they might put you on a mild antidepressant and have you come back a few times to discuss the effects the medication is having on you, and adjust accordingly.

Either way, if you can see this is a problem, start working to fix it now. Discuss this with your wife, as well.. see how she feels about it. Tell her you're sorry for things you may have put her through, and you want to make it better if you can. It is amazing what you can lay to rest with a simple, heartfelt apology. I'm willing to bet she'll be eager to help in any way she can.

Remember that it doesn't have to be anybody's "fault", and that by taking steps to get through it you are taking responsibility for your moods and actions. That alone speaks volumes of you.

GungHo

Maybe you're bipolar. Maybe you're stressed. Maybe you're just an asshole. In any event, I suggest you see a professional if you and your wife are really concerned. It can be expensive, and nothing's ever done the first visit. Do you have medical insurance? Medical insurance may not cover therapy, but it should cover a psychiatrist, as they're a medical doctor.

Is there any history of disorder in your family? Not that it's all hereditary, but sometimes it's an indicator.

Steve Bennett

Jumping to medications occurs too quickly now-a-days, in my opinion (and a few doctors I've talked to). It should only be used as a last resort.

Do you get regular exercise? Growing up, we tend to run around, play sports,etc, but for some reason when we get to a certain age this just stops. To me, this is rediculous, we still have testosterone pumping, we still have cardiovascular systems... we need this exercise nearly as much as we need to eat.

Some psychologists speak out against the 'feminization of boys in society', using it as a means to explain destructive and violent behaviour of adolescent children. Basically, if boys aren't given an outlet for their testosterone-based aggression, it can manifest itself in bad ways. These psychologists feel our current society forces boys to sit quietly, and to spend their time playing video games or other 'passive' passtimes. To back this theory up, education systems have known for generations that when kids get exercise, it helps them focus and learn better, which is the reason there is recess and gym class. Of course, you're not a child, but I think you see what I'm getting at.

If you do get enough daily exercise as an outlet for agression, then you have to look elsewhere for the cause. The fact that you feel the anger, but successfully (for now) control it tells me you don't have an issue with anger management. If you get irrationally frustrated/angry with somewhat trivial things, the cause is likely stress or the feeling of a lack of control in your life.

If it is stress or lack of control, the only thing you can really to remedy it is change your life so you regain control and eliminate stress. People often say, "Well, I can't eliminate the stress", but that just goes back to the point... a lack of control. Everyone CAN remove their stress, they just have to be willing to, first by realizing how unhealthy it is. Sometimes it takes decades, but people often do get around to it.. that's why you hear of 40-something executive types quitting their job to do something completely different. It may not require something so drastic for you, though, maybe just reducing your course load a bit.

Good luck, and good mental health.. this is Frasi..umm.. uhh..nm.

Sarcastro

Anger/depression go hand in hand, and most people find they are cyclical in nature- ie, they happen at around the same time of the month.

Men have cycles too, and for most, getting your "man-rag" just means generally moodiness and a tendancy towards aggression. If your clinically depressed, meaning you run dry on emotional stabilizer during these times, these swings can get out of control.

Everything that occurs during these times (for a depressed person) simply amplifies the state, whether or not those actions were designed or intended to aggravate or comfort. It's akin to having a political spin doctor in your head who decides what stance is going to be promoted right now (ie 'ANGRY!' or 'Sad Face!') and finds away to rationalize everything that happens into confirming or acting on that stance.

Depression is an interesting word, because people assume it means 'the blues' or 'feelings of despair and sadness', but in clinical use it means something altogether different- that a part of your brain is being hampered or is failing to function at a normal level. Being clinically depressed does not infer or imply sadness, but rather the inability for the brain to regulate its own juices, be that because of storage, production or transmission of the needed chemicals.

So to echo whats already floating around in responses, yes, this sounds like a classic case of clinical depression. Treatment is easy and well documented, yeilding excellent results. Give it a try, most people are amazed at the difference.

Luthz

My older brother was for many years exactly what you described, and I always thought it was just the way he was, but about 4 years ago he told me he was going to seek some professional help regarding the matter, and began taking weekly counseling sessions, since that time, he's been generally a much more enjoyable person to be around, and much happier in his personal life as well.

I'd highly recommend letting a professional decide whether or not counseling is right for you.

eormenric

I agree with the "letting a professional decide" theme, I'm just concerned that they will blame something that seems relatively unconnected (i.e. "your parents didn't love you and that's why you like to spin in circles" or something seemingly random like that). It happened the last time I went in for therapy and I'd rather it not happen again...

My family has few mental health problems. My father takes something as a, I wanna say, "stabilizer" for his mood. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I do know that he's the only one in his family to be on something...

<Meh, i have a few other comments but I'm concerned about using you guys more for therapy rather than advice>


Thanks for the comments/help so far, I'll be looking at my insurance policy for coverage...

Trowizilla

If you're worried about money, talk to your county's health department. They can frequently refer you to low-cost mental health services.

About "blaming something that seems relatively unconnected": it may very well be connected. Your past determines who you are to a large part, but sometimes it's hard to see how past events effect you. It's rarely as simple as "your dad hit you so now you're depressed," but, for example, your parents' expectations can majorly effect the way you see your life.

Feral

Steve Bennett wrote: »

Jumping to medications occurs too quickly now-a-days, in my opinion (and a few doctors I've talked to). It should only be used as a last resort.

Ideally, anti-depressants and therapy should be started simultaneously. Anti-depressants aren't a "last resort," they're a bootstrap.

Anyway, to the OP: listen to Trowzilla. Google your county's name and find the phone number for their health department (might be called "health and human services") and they'll be able to refer you to cheap or free help.