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Im back! With more random 4 panel comic (looking for feedback :D)

SingasongSingasong Registered User regular
edited October 2008 in Artist's Corner
Hiya! The feedback from the last time i posted was really really helpful. After that i been drawing another random 4 panel comic and am really curious for some feedback! Things like the art style or writing (errm...the little bits that there is heh) or story (i guess?)....or anything else you can think of!

edit: added a couple more to give better view heh


squeaksy1.jpg

squeaksy2.jpg

squeaksy3.jpg

squeaksy4.jpg

squeaksy5.jpg

squeaksy6.jpg

squeaksy7.jpg

squeaksy8.jpg

squeaksy9.jpg

Singasong on

Posts

  • MustangMustang Arbiter of Unpopular Opinions Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I don't have a fucking clue what's going on here.
    It's like one of those wierd japanese television shows that only makes sense to japanese people.

    Mustang on
  • SingasongSingasong Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    hehe its a comic about a mouse...who likes a panda....who also likes to play games and has a pet lady bug :P

    Singasong on
  • NightDragonNightDragon 6th Grade Username Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Yeah, this....is really hard to follow.

    Also, why would anybody read this? I'm not saying that to be an ass, but more as a question you should ask yourself...is there even a plot? A storyline that a reader can follow? Are there any obstacles that have to be overcome? Is the reader supposed to identify or feel sympathy for the character? If the reader can care for the character + care what happens to the character = you have an engaged reader.

    This comic is just very...boring right now, to be frank. Being "cute" for the sake of being "cute" doesn't make a good webcomic.....it would be the same as "the adventures of Cat", and watching the cat lay in the sun, go for a walk, climb a tree, chase a bird, get fed, sleep..........but nothing's happening that's of any interest to the reader. You need to consider, "why would somebody care about my character?"

    I'm also not sure what "you have been feared" is supposed to mean.

    Try developing a real storyline (maybe the mouse has to learn to overcome its shyness around the panda?)...that will at least give the read "something to look forward to" - i.e., watching the mouse overcome the obstacle and reach a goal. The storyline has to be more than a couple of comics, this isn't something you can fit in a single comic and hold a reader's interest.

    NightDragon on
  • SingasongSingasong Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    hmmm so i need a storyline...

    how about mr. panda getting kidnapped by ....cats?....ninja...cats?
    it would be the same as "the adventures of Cat", and watching the cat lay in the sun, go for a walk, climb a tree, chase a bird, get fed, sleep

    lol! i actually like that idea! it would be a really cute mini comic series! (hehe i think i might do that actually... hmm.... that sounds like fun :D)

    Singasong on
  • NightDragonNightDragon 6th Grade Username Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Singasong wrote: »
    lol! i actually like that idea! it would be a really cute mini comic series! (hehe i think i might do that actually... hmm.... that sounds like fun :D)

    missed_the_point.jpg

    NightDragon on
  • winter_combat_knightwinter_combat_knight Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Your older stuff was much easier to follow.

    winter_combat_knight on
  • SingasongSingasong Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    do all webcomics need a plot though? this one isnt really a serious mood type... so whatever plot there was, it wouldnt be that serious....

    a lot of comics i see dont seem to have plots (more like mini episodes of things happening). hmmm

    hehe trying to decide if i should scrap this one and i try some other approach

    Singasong on
  • ServoServo Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2008
    speaking solely as a reader, i found it very easy to follow and sort of fun/cute in like an "owly" way.

    Servo on
    newsigs.jpg
  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I'm a fan. I love the greyscale/charcoal look to it, and I'm a huge fan of the black borders and spacers, because it's rarely done well.

    It reminds me a lot of the Abominable Charles Christopher. All of the storytelling is in the facial expressions and it flows well. If anything, I might reccomend taking away some of the text and trying some more expressive poses in a few of the panels, but overall, I'd add it to my read list.

    amateurhour on
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  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    this reminds me of nemu nemu
    www.nemu-nemu.com

    oh my pizza!
    327-anpan-go-round.jpg
    but i don't know if there's room on the internet for two overly cutesy japanese webcomics that make no sense...sorry duder.

    beavotron on
  • LesterDMLesterDM Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I particularly liked the 'welcome to Paragon City, you have 339 mail'


    haha!

    It's very odd, off the wall, but not too difficult to follow. it is cute, something my 10 year old daughter would probably like, if she could get the references to City of Heroes video game.

    I suggest subject matter that would reach a wider variety of readers, branch out to other games, or something.

    kudos!

    LesterDM on
  • SingasongSingasong Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    0236-investing-peanut-butter.jpg

    LOL!!

    ohhh maybe i should stop holding back and go cute 100 percent.... it works for them!

    Singasong on
  • LaliluleloLalilulelo Richmond, VARegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I got your comics man. I got 'em.

    Lalilulelo on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    i really don't dig the ambiguous greys.

    and your lettering is atrociously distracting. if you want more traditional comic lettering, check some of the stuff out here, specifically here and here.

    If you want something that integrates with the artwork more, Will Eisner is one to look at.

    Also, Stan Sakai does some very clean and well designed lettering.

    ManonvonSuperock on
  • AusteraAustera Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I got your comics. It's cute but you've extensively narrowed your market audience.

    And so what? :)

    Austera on
  • GodfatherGodfather Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    You jump ship on your story arcs way too fast dude. I can understand one shot comics, but the way a lot of these ends suggest that there's going to be more of a follow-up to them, and then they tend to jump to the next sequence of events. It leaves your readers scratching their heads, trying to figure out how to classify your comics.

    In the future try to make the chain of events flow from one to the other better, and if you're going to jump from one story venue to the next make sure to have the previous one have more of a concrete resolution.

    Godfather on
  • SingasongSingasong Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    i started off wanting to do just gag a day type comic... but couldnt think of any jokes or things to fit into 4 panels (hehe) so things kind of accidentally fell into a really loose line of things happening...

    but now i am going to head towards more plot-lines and things like that, using the first ones as just character introductions.

    010.jpg

    this is the first one towards the more story driven approach (introducing the anti-squeaksy, Cleo)

    Hmm, i dont like how the text fits in with things either...so i think i will start hand drawing them in (so they fit with everything else) and more attention to contrast with the greytones.

    thanks a bunch for the feedback too! really helps me find the weakspots!

    Singasong on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    don't put asterisks in your text-- for the exact same reason that wordballoons should not have webreviations in them.

    ManonvonSuperock on
  • SingasongSingasong Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    ya, i think im gonna try and get rid of them (and start doing text boxes more)

    I liked the blocky text boxes i tried to use before (because they are crazy easy to make!) and today i tried to find some more different fonts....

    here is todays trying that

    011.jpg

    Singasong on
  • NightDragonNightDragon 6th Grade Username Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    What are those things on the cats' backs? I guess they're holding some kind of "weapon" or something...maybe add straps to the fronts of the cats too? Right now it just looks awkward, like the "scabbards" or whatever they are, are just *glued* to the cats' backs.

    NightDragon on
  • srsizzysrsizzy Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    ...no.

    For all the reasons stated above.

    srsizzy on
    BRO LET ME GET REAL WITH YOU AND SAY THAT MY FINGERS ARE PREPPED AND HOT LIKE THE SURFACE OF THE SUN TO BRING RADICAL BEATS SO SMOOTH THE SHIT WILL BE MEDICINAL-GRADE TRIPNASTY MAKING ALL BRAINWAVES ROLL ON THE SURFACE OF A BALLS-FEISTY NEURAL RAINBOW CRACKA-LACKIN' YOUR PERCEPTION OF THE HERE-NOW SPACE-TIME SITUATION THAT ALL OF LIFE BE JAMMED UP IN THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL FLOW BEATS
  • RandomActionRandomAction Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    i think legs might add alot to the comic it kind freaks the panda is the only one able to ambulate naturally

    P.S. Cats would look much cooler with actual ninja costumes

    RandomAction on
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