Dude you were probably drunk and just woke up on your ass and your mind filled in the gaps
Yes, but that is a far worse story than pink ninjas roaming our college dorms, searching out the young men with the genre savviness to follow them into a whirlwind romance of hilarity, drama, and music-backed action sequences.
She clearly needs a man in her life who can tame her and turn her into the proper housewife she's always wanted to be, but never had the man who gave her the opportunity to let her defense down.
This is just a nitpick I have with most bad-ass women in television. I hate every writer who has turned a bad-ass femme fatale into another damsel in distress who now needs to be saved by the male protagonist.
People who are freaked out by their parents having vibrators or love oil or leather whips always make me a bit sad.
If I found solid evidence that my parents, 62 and 57 years old, were still having sex, kinky sex no less - I think I might tear up, I'd be so proud and happy for them.
I walked in on them about twelve years ago, and that's all the evidence I've ever had. It was pretty embarrassing for my twelve year old self, though. I fled to my room, and my dad walked in, chortling and tying his robe closed. He asked "Do you know what you saw?" and I said "YES, unfortunately" from under my pillow, and he laughed and walked back out.
I wish my dad was so forward about his sex life. Listening to him and his wife have sex less than 10 feet away from, through a thin wall, is bad enough. But then to go to him and have him be like "NO WE WERENT HAVING SEX" is just... guh. What the christ.
I think this might be worthy of a title change. What think, guys?
If so, new title name suggestions plz.
I disagree; while the story was pretty good, there was no exceptional dialogue to give itself to the thread title; in addition, the current title is kickass, .
Yeah, this current one needs to last at least a little while longer, maybe until the mountain burns again.
I also call shenanigans. I have to believe FMC's story because it's too crazy to be true. This fisting thing, if something like that were to happen, the reactions would not go like that.
Yeah, I dunno about the fisting thing. If I saw someone fisting a chick who is upsidedown and screaming I don't think I'd be like "Yeah, okay! Lets keep the game goin' guys!"
Yeah, I dunno about the fisting thing. If I saw someone fisting a chick who is upsidedown and screaming I don't think I'd be like "Yeah, okay! Lets keep the game goin' guys!"
The way I understood it, the whole party was watching at that point. I still find it hard to believe, though.
I guess I can understand how the story sounds unbelievable. Couple of things though this was a party of punks and crust kids and what not, so it wasn't exactly filled with the most normal of people anyway. And by the time it got to the point where everyone was watching we were all real drunk and I mean really what was anyone going to do at the point? Walk up and pull his fist out? It just got to the point where it was so surreal that everyone was kind of standing there without saying much just kind of looking at everyone else kind of wondering if this was really going down.
It's sort of a sad story. But at the same time, I thought I'd share.
My grandfather's burial...
My brother and I couldn't stop laughing. The entire time. Crying hysterically and laughing. The whole time. It was only my immediate family, my grandmother and my aunt Becky. Like 8-9 people in total, all standing in this large gazebo where this goddamn guy...
This guy...
Who fucking decided that the man ready to read my grandfather's eulogy had to have the funniest sounding lisp I've ever heard. And why did he have to say this,
"Th'air ahr los of things bad in the wor'd... war, hungy... eweyfwing..."
"There are lots of thing bad in the world... war, hunger... everything."
Just the way he said "everything"... The silliness of the line itself, with such a delivery as "everything"... My brother and I had been on the edge of tears and laughter for a while, but at "everything" we just... we just lost it. We had to walk out of the gazebo in the middle of the ceremony at one point. My brother ended up with my step-father crying near some tree. I just kind of stood in the sun and breathed.
And then I swear to god... the guy actually in charge of burying my grandfather's remains... There was another scene where after he dug the whole for my frandfather's cremated remains canister, he puts it in, packs the dirt over top, and then begins to hammer the dirt pack with this huge stick or something.
And while he's ostensibly beating the shit out of my grandfather's remains, he looks over at us, still in the motion as if he were churning butter, and just puts on this stupid, goofyhuge ass fucking smile, as if to say,
"No problem, folks! I'll be done'n'outta yer way in a jiff!"
It's sort of a sad story. But at the same time, I thought I'd share.
My grandfather's burial...
My brother and I couldn't stop laughing. The entire time. Crying hysterically and laughing. The whole time. It was only my immediate family, my grandmother and my aunt Becky. Like 8-9 people in total, all standing in this large gazebo where this goddamn guy...
This guy...
Who fucking decided that the man ready to read my grandfather's eulogy had to have the funniest sounding lisp I've ever heard. And why did he have to say this,
"Th'air ahr los of things bad in the wor'd... war, hungy... eweything..."
"There are lots of thing bad in the world... war, hunger... everything."
Just the way he said "everything"... The silliness of the line itself, with such a delivery as "everything"... My brother and I had been on the edge of tears and laughter for a while, but at "everything" we just... we just lost it. We had to walk out of the gazebo in the middle of the ceremony at one point. My brother ended up with my step-father crying near some tree. I just kind of stood in the sun and breathed.
And then I swear to god... the guy actually in charge of burying my grandfather's remains... There was another scene where after he dug the whole for my frandfather's cremated remains canister, he puts it in, packs the dirt over top, and then begins to hammer the dirt pack with this huge stick or something.
And while he's ostensibly beating the shit out of my grandfather's remains, he looks over at us, still in the motion as if he were churning butter, and just puts on this stupid, goofyhuge ass fucking smile, as if to say,
"No problem, folks! I'll be done'n'outta yer way in a jiff!"
The great part is that most probably just thought you were wracked with sobs...
It's sort of a sad story. But at the same time, I thought I'd share.
My grandfather's burial...
My brother and I couldn't stop laughing. The entire time. Crying hysterically and laughing. The whole time. It was only my immediate family, my grandmother and my aunt Becky. Like 8-9 people in total, all standing in this large gazebo where this goddamn guy...
This guy...
Who fucking decided that the man ready to read my grandfather's eulogy had to have the funniest sounding lisp I've ever heard. And why did he have to say this,
"Th'air ahr los of things bad in the wor'd... war, hungy... eweything..."
"There are lots of thing bad in the world... war, hunger... everything."
Just the way he said "everything"... The silliness of the line itself, with such a delivery as "everything"... My brother and I had been on the edge of tears and laughter for a while, but at "everything" we just... we just lost it. We had to walk out of the gazebo in the middle of the ceremony at one point. My brother ended up with my step-father crying near some tree. I just kind of stood in the sun and breathed.
And then I swear to god... the guy actually in charge of burying my grandfather's remains... There was another scene where after he dug the whole for my frandfather's cremated remains canister, he puts it in, packs the dirt over top, and then begins to hammer the dirt pack with this huge stick or something.
And while he's ostensibly beating the shit out of my grandfather's remains, he looks over at us, still in the motion as if he were churning butter, and just puts on this stupid, goofyhuge ass fucking smile, as if to say,
"No problem, folks! I'll be done'n'outta yer way in a jiff!"
The great part is that most probably just thought you were wracked with sobs...
Wait, what? Like I was just laughing at my grandfather's burial for the hell of it? And the actual crying was a cover?
It's sort of a sad story. But at the same time, I thought I'd share.
My grandfather's burial...
My brother and I couldn't stop laughing. The entire time. Crying hysterically and laughing. The whole time. It was only my immediate family, my grandmother and my aunt Becky. Like 8-9 people in total, all standing in this large gazebo where this goddamn guy...
This guy...
Who fucking decided that the man ready to read my grandfather's eulogy had to have the funniest sounding lisp I've ever heard. And why did he have to say this,
"Th'air ahr los of things bad in the wor'd... war, hungy... eweything..."
"There are lots of thing bad in the world... war, hunger... everything."
Just the way he said "everything"... The silliness of the line itself, with such a delivery as "everything"... My brother and I had been on the edge of tears and laughter for a while, but at "everything" we just... we just lost it. We had to walk out of the gazebo in the middle of the ceremony at one point. My brother ended up with my step-father crying near some tree. I just kind of stood in the sun and breathed.
And then I swear to god... the guy actually in charge of burying my grandfather's remains... There was another scene where after he dug the whole for my frandfather's cremated remains canister, he puts it in, packs the dirt over top, and then begins to hammer the dirt pack with this huge stick or something.
And while he's ostensibly beating the shit out of my grandfather's remains, he looks over at us, still in the motion as if he were churning butter, and just puts on this stupid, goofyhuge ass fucking smile, as if to say,
"No problem, folks! I'll be done'n'outta yer way in a jiff!"
The great part is that most probably just thought you were wracked with sobs...
Wait, what? Like I was just laughing at my grandfather's burial for the hell of it? And the actual crying was a cover?
No, like everyone probably thought that the sound of you laughing was just you sobbing really hard. With enough intensity one way or the other you pretty much make the same noise.
Ok so I've been reading this all night and thought I would contribute.
A couple of months ago I was just hanging out browsing the internet, when I realize all my roommates have gone to bed. The house is quiet and so I decide to watch some porn...So I minimize whatever I'm doing and open google chrome's wonderful incognito window, I also open my fly and start to get into the groove of things. Thats when i hear the bathroom door behind me open; I spin around in my swivel chair, unit up and ready for fun, to see my roommate, who I guess was in the bathroom taking a crap while I was thinking everyone was asleep. I look at him, but hes not looking at me, hes looking at my dong, and I don't mean casually glancing, I mean hes staring down my cock like an old west gunfighter right before high noon. So the only thing I can think of to say? "
Ok so I've been reading this all night and thought I would contribute.
A couple of months ago I was just hanging out browsing the internet, when I realize all my roommates have gone to bed. The house is quiet and so I decide to watch some porn...So I minimize whatever I'm doing and open google chrome's wonderful incognito window, I also open my fly and start to get into the groove of things. Thats when i hear the bathroom door behind me open; I spin around in my swivel chair, unit up and ready for fun, to see my roommate, who I guess was in the bathroom taking a crap while I was thinking everyone was asleep. I look at him, but hes not looking at me, hes looking at my dong, and I don't mean casually glancing, I mean hes staring down my cock like an old west gunfighter right before high noon. So the only thing I can think of to say? "
"This asian girl is really hot..."
He just chuckled and headed upstairs. Shit.
ah the old, 'caught masterbating by roomates'
my friend, 3 years ago i think, didnt like his roomate so he decided to masterbate while the guy was in the room sleeping... apparantly his computer was only about 10 feet away from the guys bed and there was no door seperating (but no direct view from bed to desk). the guy moved out after maybe 3 months of being woken up to random grunts, sighs and slapping noises at 1am.
My room at my old place was at the end of a long hallway that acted like an echo chamber apparently. Oh, the stories my friends had from when my girlfriend came over.
The best part? Overhearing them tell those stories to my newly married wife's best friends at out wedding reception...
I have this medical problem, makes me have to pee frequently, so my wife and I are over at this girl's place last night, gettin' to know each other better, when I have to go pee, so being in her bedroom already, I just use the bathroom in there. Well, I locked it, went pee, and unlocked it, only to realize that I had in fact peed while the door was set to unlock. Thinking she had the door set to lock for a reason I locked it again, but left it open, so a few minutes go by and she closes it... I did not realize this until we start having our threesome together and just as I'm about to start having sex with her I decide I should go pee again real quick, only to discover that the door was in fact locked, which created a bit of an odd situation of which was really embrassing since it was technically my fault that I'd now locked us all out of her bathroom...
Made up for it though later on when I used a credit card to get it back open again.. Still, was a bit of a boner killer to stand there embarrassed about locking this chick who you just met's bathroom door.... Not to mention that while we were all going at it poked her finger in my eye... that was just unpleasant...
Worse yet? My wife and I met her online and never even got her name... lol... So we're looking forward to doing it again with a girl that we had a good time, who's name we don't know... lol....
Was under the impression this was the "Strange and Embarassing moments" thread, not the "Fasnticly intruiging sexual experiences thread"... I mean, I could go into details, but that's not what this thread is about...
A couple weeks ago a friend (We'll called him R) donated an old couch to me and my roommate; however we didn't get the chance to remove the old furniture (He was going to haul it away with the same truck he dropped the couch off with, but R didn't check with the Trucks owner (his brother) to when it was going to be unavailable.
So my roommate and I are stuck with extra furniture that we're trying to get rid of (after two years, it piled up to be a matress, 2 van seats (which were being used as surprisingly comfortable couches) and 3 cheap broken kitchen chairs. Another friend of ours (We'll call him J) was there when this happened (he helped move the couch in).
Flash foward a few weeks, and I'm taking a leak, and do the subconscious "aim at the snotty tissue paper floating in the bowl" thing, and the tissue paper turns a DEEP orange. Not a bloody yellow, but fucking pumpkin orange. After I finish, the first thing I do is rush to the kitchen and chug two tall glasses of water, thinking I'm probably super dehydrated. No sooner than I finish than I hear a knock at the door.
I open the door and see J. Now my friends and I have a habit of saying goofy shit to each other all the time, so I figured it would be excellent comedic timing to exclaim "My pee is orange!" My friend blanches for a moment, and then gestures out into the apartment hall, to a man that had been standing outside of my range of vision and says "You've met my father, right?"
J, my roommate and myself all got a good laugh out of that.
Turns out J roped his father into lending us his truck to haul the junk away. To his credit, J's father apparently didn't mention the outburst at all.
And my urine quit being orange, so no doctor visit for me.
I can't remember if I've ever shared this story. It actually makes me feel a little queasy thinking about it.
I was waiting for an interview for a government job. Getting into the government from the outside takes a very, very long process here. From the time I applied to the job to when I was finally hired was roughly a year. This interview was only after a long application form, a written test, and a typing test. It had been about 4 months since I applied.
So there I go to my interview wearing a white shirt and dress pants. I've never been good with interviews, but I was exceptionally nervous for this one. I also got there quite a bit early and was waiting out in the lobby, just get more and more nervous. I started to feel a bit nauseated, so I decided to go to the bathroom. The wave passed and I figured I was alright. I went to walk around outside when suddenly, without any proper warning, I was there throwing up on myself and the ground.
As if I wasn't panicky enough! I run to the bathroom which thankfully was both outside the secure area and had a wheelchair stall with a sink inside it. I tried to clean the shirt as best I could, but it was still wet and stunk of vomit. Nothing I did was going to clean that shirt in that washroom. So I decided rather than show huge wet stains, since the shirt had a wide, round neckline, I'd wear it backwards and just not let the interviewer stand behind me.
Of course, since the shirt was white it just happened to have a really visible tag through it on the back. I tried to rip off the tag as best I could but I ended up ripping the seam right off the neckline. It was too late to worry about that though, as someone would be coming to get me momentarily.
So there I was, taking an interview smelling of vomit, with a clearly ripped, backwards shirt, and walking funny so that the interviewers would never see my back. Pretty much the worst interview I ever had in my life.
One of my former roommates was over last night watching Chuck, and he told us how he met the other half of his duplex yesterday for the first time (after living there for about 4 months). A cat from the neighborhood had made it up to their deck and he was petting it. This woman comes out and goes "I hate cats. Filthy creatures!" and starts trying to shoo it away. While he is petting it on their half of the deck.
"Filthy?" he asks incredulously.
"Yes! Horrible, filthy things!"
Unfortunately he is too polite to say what was really on his mind which was "You do realize, that at this very moment, your two ginormous dogs are shitting all over your garage?"
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My thoughts exactly.
...God, I want a pink ninja girl to enter my life.
Yes, but that is a far worse story than pink ninjas roaming our college dorms, searching out the young men with the genre savviness to follow them into a whirlwind romance of hilarity, drama, and music-backed action sequences.
I thought about that all that night and the next one and one question kept popping up
Did I really want a women in my life that could kick my ass?
Well if my last girlfriend and current wife are any judge then the answer would be yes. But atleast I can outrun them both.
This is just a nitpick I have with most bad-ass women in television. I hate every writer who has turned a bad-ass femme fatale into another damsel in distress who now needs to be saved by the male protagonist.
If I found solid evidence that my parents, 62 and 57 years old, were still having sex, kinky sex no less - I think I might tear up, I'd be so proud and happy for them.
I walked in on them about twelve years ago, and that's all the evidence I've ever had. It was pretty embarrassing for my twelve year old self, though. I fled to my room, and my dad walked in, chortling and tying his robe closed. He asked "Do you know what you saw?" and I said "YES, unfortunately" from under my pillow, and he laughed and walked back out.
I call shenanigans.
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The way I understood it, the whole party was watching at that point. I still find it hard to believe, though.
Or maybe a "get a room!!"
then again, i haven't fisted anyone off of a couch
Then you haven't lived!
My brother and I couldn't stop laughing. The entire time. Crying hysterically and laughing. The whole time. It was only my immediate family, my grandmother and my aunt Becky. Like 8-9 people in total, all standing in this large gazebo where this goddamn guy...
This guy...
Who fucking decided that the man ready to read my grandfather's eulogy had to have the funniest sounding lisp I've ever heard. And why did he have to say this,
"Th'air ahr los of things bad in the wor'd... war, hungy... eweyfwing..."
"There are lots of thing bad in the world... war, hunger... everything."
Just the way he said "everything"... The silliness of the line itself, with such a delivery as "everything"... My brother and I had been on the edge of tears and laughter for a while, but at "everything" we just... we just lost it. We had to walk out of the gazebo in the middle of the ceremony at one point. My brother ended up with my step-father crying near some tree. I just kind of stood in the sun and breathed.
And then I swear to god... the guy actually in charge of burying my grandfather's remains... There was another scene where after he dug the whole for my frandfather's cremated remains canister, he puts it in, packs the dirt over top, and then begins to hammer the dirt pack with this huge stick or something.
And while he's ostensibly beating the shit out of my grandfather's remains, he looks over at us, still in the motion as if he were churning butter, and just puts on this stupid, goofy huge ass fucking smile, as if to say,
"No problem, folks! I'll be done'n'outta yer way in a jiff!"
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
Maywage, bwessed maywage. Maywage is what bwings us togevvuh today. Wove, Twue wove...
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
The great part is that most probably just thought you were wracked with sobs...
Wait, what? Like I was just laughing at my grandfather's burial for the hell of it? And the actual crying was a cover?
No, like everyone probably thought that the sound of you laughing was just you sobbing really hard. With enough intensity one way or the other you pretty much make the same noise.
God dammit, now I have Elmer Fudd on the brain.
Be vewwy vewwy quiet.... im huntin' wabbits... a huhuhuhuhuhuhuh
"This asian girl is really hot..."
He just chuckled and headed upstairs. Shit.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/TY5DML75RJ18
ah the old, 'caught masterbating by roomates'
my friend, 3 years ago i think, didnt like his roomate so he decided to masterbate while the guy was in the room sleeping... apparantly his computer was only about 10 feet away from the guys bed and there was no door seperating (but no direct view from bed to desk). the guy moved out after maybe 3 months of being woken up to random grunts, sighs and slapping noises at 1am.
The best part? Overhearing them tell those stories to my newly married wife's best friends at out wedding reception...
I was the best man at my brother's wedding, and the best-man toast that I gave consisted of that whole speech, in silly-voice.
Bride and groom really enjoyed it. Some of the grandparents were a bit confused.
Made up for it though later on when I used a credit card to get it back open again.. Still, was a bit of a boner killer to stand there embarrassed about locking this chick who you just met's bathroom door.... Not to mention that while we were all going at it poked her finger in my eye... that was just unpleasant...
Worse yet? My wife and I met her online and never even got her name... lol... So we're looking forward to doing it again with a girl that we had a good time, who's name we don't know... lol....
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So I accidentally locked us out of this girl's bathroom...yadda yadda yadda, but the threesome was good.
Wait what?
Yeah... way to skip over the good stuff, man.
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Holy shit! Sony's new techno toy!
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Come the fuck on, people.
So my roommate and I are stuck with extra furniture that we're trying to get rid of (after two years, it piled up to be a matress, 2 van seats (which were being used as surprisingly comfortable couches) and 3 cheap broken kitchen chairs. Another friend of ours (We'll call him J) was there when this happened (he helped move the couch in).
Flash foward a few weeks, and I'm taking a leak, and do the subconscious "aim at the snotty tissue paper floating in the bowl" thing, and the tissue paper turns a DEEP orange. Not a bloody yellow, but fucking pumpkin orange. After I finish, the first thing I do is rush to the kitchen and chug two tall glasses of water, thinking I'm probably super dehydrated. No sooner than I finish than I hear a knock at the door.
I open the door and see J. Now my friends and I have a habit of saying goofy shit to each other all the time, so I figured it would be excellent comedic timing to exclaim "My pee is orange!" My friend blanches for a moment, and then gestures out into the apartment hall, to a man that had been standing outside of my range of vision and says "You've met my father, right?"
J, my roommate and myself all got a good laugh out of that.
Turns out J roped his father into lending us his truck to haul the junk away. To his credit, J's father apparently didn't mention the outburst at all.
And my urine quit being orange, so no doctor visit for me.
I was waiting for an interview for a government job. Getting into the government from the outside takes a very, very long process here. From the time I applied to the job to when I was finally hired was roughly a year. This interview was only after a long application form, a written test, and a typing test. It had been about 4 months since I applied.
So there I go to my interview wearing a white shirt and dress pants. I've never been good with interviews, but I was exceptionally nervous for this one. I also got there quite a bit early and was waiting out in the lobby, just get more and more nervous. I started to feel a bit nauseated, so I decided to go to the bathroom. The wave passed and I figured I was alright. I went to walk around outside when suddenly, without any proper warning, I was there throwing up on myself and the ground.
As if I wasn't panicky enough! I run to the bathroom which thankfully was both outside the secure area and had a wheelchair stall with a sink inside it. I tried to clean the shirt as best I could, but it was still wet and stunk of vomit. Nothing I did was going to clean that shirt in that washroom. So I decided rather than show huge wet stains, since the shirt had a wide, round neckline, I'd wear it backwards and just not let the interviewer stand behind me.
Of course, since the shirt was white it just happened to have a really visible tag through it on the back. I tried to rip off the tag as best I could but I ended up ripping the seam right off the neckline. It was too late to worry about that though, as someone would be coming to get me momentarily.
So there I was, taking an interview smelling of vomit, with a clearly ripped, backwards shirt, and walking funny so that the interviewers would never see my back. Pretty much the worst interview I ever had in my life.
But I ended up getting the job.
"Filthy?" he asks incredulously.
"Yes! Horrible, filthy things!"
Unfortunately he is too polite to say what was really on his mind which was "You do realize, that at this very moment, your two ginormous dogs are shitting all over your garage?"
man, what do you say about weird dog ladies? I guess just point to the above post and shake your head.