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Threatened by a cop, and other fun predicaments
DirtyDirtyVagrant
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I was crossing the street today, when somebody made an illegal right turn into the far lane and proceeded to honk at me for being in his way. Guy stopped to tell me I was an idiot and I told him that if he knew how to drive we wouldn't have a problem.
Guy drives off, other guy drives up in a white sedan.
Other guy: "HEY. DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM."
Me: "What..."
Other guy: "Get your fat ass across the street, before I take you to jail."
Me: "Excuse me? What for?"
Other guy: "MOVE. Don't make me get out of this car."
And then he drove away, but as I continued walking, I noticed that he followed me for something like 3-4 blocks.
Do I have any recourse against this guy whatsoever? I don't even know if he was actually a cop, and I can't accurately convey the tone of his voice in text, but it was pretty goddanm scary.
---
The cop thing aside, and this is something that I've pored over in my head a hundred times, trying to find the most tactful way to say it. I have failed.
I think that I may be an idiot. I mean...look around. Odds are good.
It's like my life has no direction whatsoever. I feel aloof and distant. I can't help but think that I come across as some kind of a doofus, and an arrogant one at that. I form half-ass opinions, and only think about things about 75-90% of the way through, so more often than not I fail spectacularly at the things I'm trying to do. I tell myself that I don't want to judge and I tell myself not to be angry with other people, but this only leads to me being angry at myself because I fail so hard.
I think I'm gay. I'm not sure. Why am I not sure? I don't fucking know. Is that normal? My instincts tell me "no." I have seen women that I could picture myself with. I've seen men that I could picture myself with. I always picture myself playing more of a feminine role in a relationship, which is somewhat contradictory to being gay in and of itself. In the end I prefer men, I suppose, but if I actually think really hard and logically about it, my brain throws me back into neutral., and I end up back at square one.
The hardest part about it is that I look at the men around here and all I see is a lot of people that I'm not interested in. The bars are meatmarkets. I mentioned this in SE and got jumped on for it, but it's the goddamn truth. Pretty much all the guys who are going to any of the bars here are just looking to get laid. One night, no strings attached. I'm not interested in that, but the more I observe my prospects, the more fucked I feel. And I'm not trying to be pretentious or judgmental, nor am I attempting to stereotype anyone. I'm only saying that the more I look for someone, the more hopeless my search feels.
My friends say I'm trying too hard. They say that I should just forget it and live my life and someday out of the blue I'll stumble on someone. Which sounds awesome and romantic and all, but again, my brain is saying "That's bullshit, that's bullshit, that's bullshit," and I 'know' that's never going to happen.
Truthfully I don't even know why I'm looking anyway. (You see? You see what's happening here? My mind is spinning in fucking circles) I don't feel even remotely attractive, and I don't think I would contribute anything to a relationship in the first place. I like video games and drawing and fucking around. I write. I like to lounge around and listen to music and do my own thing. I don't want to go to the Jone's house for a dinner party. I don't want to get sucked into conforming with somebody else's ideal of how I should act. I don't even know how to word what I do want. It's beyond me, somehow, like some forgotten memory.
Am I making any sense whatsoever? Should I be committing myself or something? What the hell is going on?
Guy drives off, other guy drives up in a white sedan.
Other guy: "HEY. DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM."
Me: "What..."
Other guy: "Get your fat ass across the street, before I take you to jail."
Me: "Excuse me? What for?"
Other guy: "MOVE. Don't make me get out of this car."
And then he drove away, but as I continued walking, I noticed that he followed me for something like 3-4 blocks.
Do I have any recourse against this guy whatsoever? I don't even know if he was actually a cop, and I can't accurately convey the tone of his voice in text, but it was pretty goddanm scary.
---
The cop thing aside, and this is something that I've pored over in my head a hundred times, trying to find the most tactful way to say it. I have failed.
I think that I may be an idiot. I mean...look around. Odds are good.
It's like my life has no direction whatsoever. I feel aloof and distant. I can't help but think that I come across as some kind of a doofus, and an arrogant one at that. I form half-ass opinions, and only think about things about 75-90% of the way through, so more often than not I fail spectacularly at the things I'm trying to do. I tell myself that I don't want to judge and I tell myself not to be angry with other people, but this only leads to me being angry at myself because I fail so hard.
I think I'm gay. I'm not sure. Why am I not sure? I don't fucking know. Is that normal? My instincts tell me "no." I have seen women that I could picture myself with. I've seen men that I could picture myself with. I always picture myself playing more of a feminine role in a relationship, which is somewhat contradictory to being gay in and of itself. In the end I prefer men, I suppose, but if I actually think really hard and logically about it, my brain throws me back into neutral., and I end up back at square one.
The hardest part about it is that I look at the men around here and all I see is a lot of people that I'm not interested in. The bars are meatmarkets. I mentioned this in SE and got jumped on for it, but it's the goddamn truth. Pretty much all the guys who are going to any of the bars here are just looking to get laid. One night, no strings attached. I'm not interested in that, but the more I observe my prospects, the more fucked I feel. And I'm not trying to be pretentious or judgmental, nor am I attempting to stereotype anyone. I'm only saying that the more I look for someone, the more hopeless my search feels.
My friends say I'm trying too hard. They say that I should just forget it and live my life and someday out of the blue I'll stumble on someone. Which sounds awesome and romantic and all, but again, my brain is saying "That's bullshit, that's bullshit, that's bullshit," and I 'know' that's never going to happen.
Truthfully I don't even know why I'm looking anyway. (You see? You see what's happening here? My mind is spinning in fucking circles) I don't feel even remotely attractive, and I don't think I would contribute anything to a relationship in the first place. I like video games and drawing and fucking around. I write. I like to lounge around and listen to music and do my own thing. I don't want to go to the Jone's house for a dinner party. I don't want to get sucked into conforming with somebody else's ideal of how I should act. I don't even know how to word what I do want. It's beyond me, somehow, like some forgotten memory.
Am I making any sense whatsoever? Should I be committing myself or something? What the hell is going on?
DirtyDirtyVagrant on
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As for your bigger life issues, I would seek out professional help. There's a lot of stuff going on there that I don't think an amateur will be able to help you come to terms with.
Are you sexually attracted to men? Then you might be gay. And, gay or straight, you're probably not gonna develop a significant, loving relationship with someone you meet at a bar. Find a different venue.
But I don't know where else to be. If I can't actively search, then I have to at least be in the right place at the right time.
Where is that place?
I would still go to the station itself or call the non-emergency line. Someone claiming to arrest you in an unmarked vehicle is o_O worthy enough for the cops to care.
As far as sexuality goes, you could be gay or you could very well be bisexual too.
It might be good to seek some professional help(?). I don't know much what to recommend in that area though.
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That sounds like good advice. But how can I do that? That's kind of like telling someone whose computer is broken that they need to fix it.
Edit: I exercise quite a bit. I walk everywhere I go, plus I do an hour or so of gym work 4-5 days per week. Light lifting and some cardio. With little result, I might add. Well, no. Not really. But, damn, it kind of feels that way sometimes.
man, I wish I knew. I'd suggest some cognitive therepy... the problem with low self esteem is that it's a fucking cycle... you feel bad, your brain tells you that you should feel bad because you deserve it, so then you feel bad.
There's a lot of good news I take away from your post, though. First of all, you have friends who are honest with you. That's worth a lot. Second of all, you don't like parties, but there are things you enjoy, like videogames. There's nothing wrong with that.
You're either gay or bi - while there's a lot of nutjobs out there who would say otherwise, there is nothing wrong with that. I feel like I should say more, but there's not a lot to it. You are who you are, screw people who think there's something wrong with you because of it.
So where can you go from here? This might seem shallow, but one thing that helps confidence is to work on your appearance. Work out - it doesn't have to be a gym, but they've got the equipment. Buy yourself some sharp new clothes - but don't pity shop. Find an outfit or two that make you look good, that you feel good wearing. Keep them clean.
As far as an immediate mood improvement, here's what I tend to do when I feel down:
Get a good meal. Not from a restaurant, go to the grocery store. Get some fish and some seasonings, some vegetables, whatever - just get a solid, multi-course, healthy meal.
Take a bath. A long, hot soak. Stay in until your fingers prune up. Get out of the tub, dry off, shave. If you've got a beard or stubble, unless you're really attached to it, shave it. Or trim it, but make sure it's even on both sides. Trim your nails. How long has it been since your last hair cut? More than 5 weeks? Go do it. Get it cut short, short enough that if you don't style it it still looks halfway decent.
If you do this all in one night, I guarantee you'll feel better about yourself. Don't think about how it won't work, don't think about how cheesy or superficial it sounds. Just try it.
As for my age group, I'll be 23 in 6 months.
If you have long hair or want long hair, go for it. I'm just saying the less you have to worry about physically, the better.
My best friend and I normally hang out all the time, at least four days a week all day, go out to eat together at nice places and such. Sometimes it feels like we're dating, and I really can't imagine how I would be if this person wasn't in my life. The only real differences is, I'm not completely sexual attract to him. I think he's a real good looking guy, and has a great personality(to me at least). But I can't see myself being intimate with him, if I could I know I'd be at least bi. And maybe I am for having such strong feelings for him, but I just don't find myself being with him in that way.
I can't speak for the advice on the more serious part of your posts, but yes, absolutely this. Impersonating an officer is Serious Fucking Business to everyone who wears a uniform.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Your friends are right, or at least they're telling you how relationships happen.
If you go out looking for someone so particular that everyone you see doesn't interest you, of course it won't happen. So what you do is go out and do your thing. Not everyone you meet and develop a relationship with has to end up as a serious relationship.
SE was right to jump on you. You're the one thats treating the dating scene like a meatmarket, and so you percieve it as being so. You're just afraid to admit it.
I mean hell, I'm 30 and I've never had a BF past a few weeks, but I'd rather be single than be trapped in a relationship I don't care about.
Getting the hell out of Iowa would help a lot too.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Usually guys work this one out by having sex with other guys. Craigslist makes it very convenient to do a lot of testing with very little effort.
And good god, get the hell out of Iowa.
First of all, SE didn't jump on me.
Neville and Pony did. For what reasons, I'm still not sure. Neville because he completely, utterly, profoundly misunderstood what I was saying and somehow managed to take it offensively, and Pony because he's a presumptuous cock. Or maybe they're both cool people and I'm the idiot. (Which is another problem I've addressed in the OP)
If you think you are gay, try dating a dude or meeting some other gay people. It's great to finally meet other people like you and you will feel a whole lot better. (This is if you are actually gay.)
This is what I was trying to accomplish. This is what that post in SE was about. It did not end well at all. I don't know how to meet people. I'm quiet. I do my own thing. If I go out and hang somewhere, it's usually with people I already know or because my being there serves some purpose.
So what I tried to do was meet people at a place where basically all people do is socialize. Because that's how I think. Everything has a purpose. I went to the bar, because I thought it would be like any other bar, except with more dudes. Drink a beer, play a round of pool, and just maybe strike up an interesting conversation with somebody.
Well, that's not what happened. At all, and I won't go into it, except to say that it made craigslist look like a pretty goddamn good idea, in comparison.
I shouldn't have said anything in SE, because some people are all too happy to call you out on whatever thing, as if by exposing some obscure wrongdoing they're somehow proving what stunning intellectuals they are. Or maybe I'm just being bitter? I guess I'm stupid for expecting better from the internetz.
I don't know what to say beyond that. My mind is so twisted up right now that...I can't even describe it. That's how fucked up it is. In fact, this thread might have been created for the wrong reasons. I think I need a break from this place. People can forget about me and I might be able to start fresh.
It just sounds like you're having an Identity crisis. We all go through it eventually. My advice to you is to work on yourself before you start thinking you should be a type of person you're not. Discover more about yourself.
That's why I suggested a community sports program. It helps encourage and build self-esteem, helps your socializing problems, and gives your life purpose because a group of people come to depend on you.
That and SE. SE kills my self esteem in a bad way, somehow. I shouldn't care at all, but I do.
Maybe I can find something along the same lines as what you're talking about, but different. Like a community activity that involves something I'm actually good at.
Except I don't know what that is, because I seem to be average at everything. I draw, but not nearly as well I should be able to considering how long I've been at it. I write, but again. I played guitar for a while. Like a year. But my brother picked one up too, and he was better than me inside of two weeks. I was happy for him, but after that I just couldn't bring myself to try and play anymore.
I have to apologize, because right about now I must be coming off like a whiny little pussy. So, sorry about that. I'm just talking out loud, in a manner of speaking.
Dude, that's the attitude that has to change. Go find a YMCA flyer and find if they have a community sports night. It has people of all ranges of suck to awesome. Any active program that emphasizes leisure over competition.
And no, you don't suck, you're just going through some stuff that you don't know how to deal with. Don't worry the dating scene will always be around to further confuse you about life. The better option to do with your life is to find a place in it where you can stand and be proud of yourself.
And I went a few years avoiding gay venues because.. well.. they play a lot of shit music and outrageous queers don't do it for me. I mean, shut the hell up, dudes! That's what I told myself, but really it was just my self-loathing being directed towards others. I got over it and went. Discovered that they weren't as bad as I thought they might be, especially if my goal was not to 'pick up' but to meet people. Drinking helps. I can not emphasise that enough. I need at least 2 beers before I'm loose enough to make chit chat with randoms. By beer #4, conversation becomes pretty easy. If you don't like beer, go for a sassy drink like gin and tonic. Well. Not sassy exactly, but more palatable perhaps.
I've been single for about 5 years. I'm okay with that for now. I'm confident that eventually something will happen, but I'm not going to waste time worrying about it. Recently all my friends coupled up, and started nesting, and it was a little awkward for me since I'd look at my phone on a friday night and have no one to go out and have a good time with. But thankfully my friends have broken out of that and things are okay again.
Can't recommend enough branching out and finding new friends. This is really important. Even if they just become acquaintances rather than best buddies, talking to people and being true to yourself is really important. And if being like this is how you are:
...then you and I would probably get along just fine. :winky: No really, 95% of my gay friends are exactly like this. Except one of them probably has more fabulous hair than you.
Anyways.
It sounds like your self-esteem issues are the root of the problem more so than your problems with meeting someone (straight or otherwise). It helps to feel physically attractive first and foremost. Has anyone else suggested working out or getting into shape? Half a year or eating right/exercising regularly will make you feel like a champ. This has multiple benefits with the first one being that you're going to feel more empowered to make changes in your life. If you can maintain a strict regimen/diet then you can probably do a lot of other things you've felt like you couldn't do since self-esteem and will power go hand in hand. The second benefit to getting into shape is that your diet has a lot to do with how your brain reacts to things. The B vitamins play crucial roles in the maintenance of your brain and one of the big reasons I ever pulled myself out of a long depression (4 years or so) was due to eating right and exercising. It sounds silly but it helps.
Work on these things and the rest may just happen to fall in to place.
As for meeting people, maybe you can try an internet matchmaking site? A great free one would be www.plentyoffish.com which I just recommended in the OTHER thread about meeting people.
Good luck, mate.
Her parents are both doctors so they sent her to cognitive therapy. She's a lot better now, and she's learnt a lot about how her thinking reinforces her problems. You might want to consider something along these lines if you can afford it.
You've mentioned that exercise doesn't seem to affect your physique, so I wanted to make sure you don't start working out and get depressed when in a month there's no much effect. Just keep at it!
How's your diet? I've had emotional ups and downs through the years and eating shit like McDonald's and Burger King on a regular basis can really fuck you up. There's virtually no vitamins there and everything is processed to hell and back. A multivitamin can help, but it won't get you everything you need (i.e. fiber). Whole grains, fruits and vegetables will help with that (outside of iceberg lettuce). You might want to look into B12 supplements as well if you're feeling depressed a lot. Some may argue the placebo effect, but if the pill is natural and helps to make you feel better without any negative side effects I'd still say to take it.
Which is my roundabout way of saying that I've eaten three times in six days. Although I will be able to buy some food the day after tomorrow. So after that I should be good for a while, again.
Actually, I just got a crock pot. Which means I have a whole day (tomorrow, thursday) to find a couple of great recipes for it. And then I can buy the ingredients on Friday and make something great.
Not sure what I'm in the mood for, though. Whatever it is, I want to make a lot of it. Like a gallon or so at a time, so I can save it up and put it in the fridge and eat some more whenever.
I hope I didn't let this thread go too far necro to repost in it.
Oh yeah. I'm being sued now. Er, I might have mentioned it before, but now there's actually a court date and everything. Thinking about it, I should have asked you guys about it before. The situation is basically this.
My aunt and me are each responsible for a singular sum of money. If one of us doesn't pay, the other one is responsible for it. The sum is roughly $2,900. What happened was I got into a car accident in my aunt's car after she forced me to drive it and neglected to tell me that she had no insurance.
What are the odds that the judge will just split the balance right down the middle?
Would it be too ballsy of me to ask the judge to split the original balance, then credit me the $400 or so I've already paid on it?
But yeah, unless its going to be a significant portion of what you owe, you might want to talk to a lawyer.
Some of my favorite crock pot recipes are really simple.
1) Toss some shredded pork, some barbecue sauce, and just a bit of beef broth. Let cook 4 hours. Strain. Great for sandwiches.
2) Stew beef, chopped carrots, onions, potatoes. Half-cover with beef broth. Add diced apples for flavor. Let cook 4 hours.