Awkward situation

SkepTiKal KloWn

Ok, so I'm currently living with a friend who before I got a hold of her, I hadn't really had alot of contact with in three years. She started hanging out with some real creeps and I kinda pussied out and made myself scarce. Whenever she talks about his period, it's always something like "I was so fucked up at the time I don't really remember any of it". Now she's a completely different person, new city, much more sane friends, and it just seems to be very awkward. We run out of things to talk about very quickly, and I'm trying to get to know her friends here, but it's not going over as well as I'd like it to. On top of all that, I'm super paranoid about doing any shitty roommate stuff because a) it's a small apartment and b) she's all I have up here so if I really tick her off and she doesn't want me living here, I'm totally fucked.

I don't know what specifically I'm asking for advice on, especially because all of this could be in my head, but any help you guys have in clearing the air or reassuring myself or even just roomie advice would be awesome, because I really need a good friend right now as I am scared out of my wits over moving out, and I'm afraid trying to talk to her about it would only weird her out more.

Underdog

Well about the paranoia on being a shitty roommate, try your best to be considerate. Just ask yourself "What would I like to see upon entering the apartment?" and take care of the stuff that's yours. Also, just mention to her that if there's anything you're doing that's bothering her, you'd be happy to hear her out. Be sincere about it and hope that that will cause her to speak up about anything that is or might bother her in the future.

Uh maybe try to make your own friends? I'm not saying you can't be friends with her friends but I think it's more reliable and healthy to have your own. As to how to do this, maybe through work/school, I dunno, I've been really shitty at making friends but I think relying entirely on her and her group is not a sure recipe for success.

Edit: I don't know why the hell I quoted your post.

Jasconius

Try to be as civil and considerate as possible. I know what it's like to live in a small apartment with someone you aren't exactly friends with, and "leaving it alone" will just cause stress as long as you have concerns, especially a fear of being kicked out. Do a ton of cleaning, maybe furnish the place a little if you can afford it. Show that you are interesting in making some investment in the co-op other than just the basic rent/utilities.

If she's not making any effort to get to know you, or be more than just an acquaintance, then that might be a sign. The best thing you can do is just be overtly nice and good spirited, and let her decide if she wants to be anything but stiflingly boring in conversation.

At the same time you probably need to start hedging your bets because if she ends up finding a boyfriend, or whatever, that does not bode well for your living situation if it becomes serious.

But yes you need to find your own friends, maybe she isn't comfortable with you sharing all of her friends, it's very possible.

SkepTiKal KloWn

Well to elaborate a little more, it's been less than two weeks, and she's been inviting me out, it's not them coming over and me just being here or anything like that. I do plan on making my own friends, but I don't have a job just yet, and school isn't going to be till spring, so it'll probably be a least a little while. Also, she has a boyfriend, has for two years, but she moved out a few months before I contacted her because they were at each other's throats in the same house all the time. Another possibility that I think I'm reading from her but may just be imagining is she seems to always be trying to make sure I'm enjoying myself, that I'm involved in the conversation, ect. and may be as nervous about the situation as I am. I'm gonna try talking to her at least about the rooming type stuff when she gets home, and try and gauge her reaction a little bit. I'm also thinking about finding a different place once I'm employed just because right now I'm living on a couch out of a suitcase because the place is really small. The idea was that when the lease is up we go somewhere else, but if things are going bad here, we may not get that far.

brandotheninjamaster

Why are you so pessimistic? Has this roommate given you any reason what so ever to feel like shes about to toss you out? To me she comes across as a very thoughtful and caring person. I know all about awkward situations when it comes to conversations, long story short; I fail, but every time someone made it a point to include me (even though I was nervous as hell) I was gracious about.

Don’t be afraid to convey your feelings to your roommate. She more then likely wants to know what is on your mind. Do you really think that she going to be that weirded out? If you were to express how you were really feeling for her, what would she say?

Also, just deciding to up and move out would seem like douche bag move. It would probably play out like this in her head:
1. SkepTiKal KloWn and I move out into an apartment.
2. I make friends and try to include SkepTiKal KloWn in our conversations so he doesn't feel left out.
3. I try to make it a point that SkepTiKal KloWn has fun in this life experience.
4. SkepTiKal KloWn for some reason unbeknownst to me decides to GTFO and move somewhere else. What happened?
When you look at things from this angle it seems assholish don't ya think? Plus moving out isn’t going to solve any of your problems. More then likely it will add to them.

Ok, theres 3 major points that I'm trying to convey here:
1. Don't run from you problems, because they can run faster then you.
2. Don't live your life in fear. "I'm scared I'm going to weird her out" etc. If she is your friend (and it sounds like she is) she would probably want to hear your feelings.
3. Remember the implications of your actions. What may seem logical to you, may be an ass hole move to pull on someone else. Just try to look at things at different angles.

I hope I wasn’t too hard on you, it was not my intention.

RUNN1NGMAN

You and she can be good roommates to each other without being best buds.

Aoi Tsuki

RUNN1NGMAN wrote: »

You and she can be good roommates to each other without being best buds.

Fo' fucking truth. The best roommate I had was not one based upon an existing friendship or convenient sex, but with a cool stranger off Craigslist. We paid attention to the basic courtesies of roomdom and got along well, but didn't give a shit about each other's activities, and thus never got sick of each other. Relax, as long as you're not actively being a douche. Good times.

RedCreamSoda

I don't really see much of a problem here (I mean that in a good way). Her friends aren't creepy anymore, so you must like them. She invites you out, so she must like spending time with you. She wants to make you feel comfortable, so she must respect you. She wants to plan to move into a larger place with you, so you must be an alright roommate.

Maybe you are just stressed because since you are on a couch you don't really have your own space, and feel like you are in the way?

I say just relax, and have fun, especially if school hasn't started yet, there can't be too much stress. Cook your roommate and her friends some cookies. Everyone appreciates cookies, and you can show your appreciation for their friendship, and place to live. Sounds like win/win to me. Cookies . . . place to live . . . friends.

I also agree with finding some of your own friends too. I always kept a bit of space between me and my roommates so that we wouldn't get on each other's nerves.

Unless I missed something, I don't think you have much to worry about!

SkepTiKal KloWn

Yeah I spose you guys are right. It just looks worse in my head because I've been by myself so much of the time and I guess I'm over analyzing it. I just needed to hear it from other people. Thanks for the reassurance.

brandotheninjamaster

SkepTiKal KloWn wrote: »

Yeah I spose you guys are right. It just looks worse in my head because I've been by myself so much of the time and I guess I'm over analyzing it. I just needed to hear it from other people. Thanks for the reassurance.

No problem. Now get out there and enjoy your life. Thats an order! :P