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This is some gourmet shit right here....
Darth Waiter
Elrond HubbardMordor XenuRegistered User regular
Elrond HubbardMordor XenuRegistered User regular
So, every once in awhile, I try to make a cooking thread. It usually peters out after a few days (sometimes a few hours) and it leaves me all sad inside, like it's Win-a-Clown day and the box of clowns just ran dry. Today, in honor of recent events, I thought I would try again and find my own happiness here, with you people, rather than at the bottom of a clown box. I want to inject some culture in to the new era and the interent just strikes me as a way to share your personal recipe for the food that makes you most bestest cook in da hizzouse. Here goes something rather than nothing.
The secret to a good stuffed chicken is the preparation. Your first priority is to trim the fat and skin and connective tissue away from the bulk of the meat; you want a good sized chunk of breast meat about the size of your hand, fingers extended and joined, and at least an inch and a half thick in the center. Now comes the fun part.
Whatever you decide to stuff the chicken with, it needs to be well mixed. For the purposes of this thread, I will use a simple mixture of well-cooked (preferrably seasoned) asparagus stalks, diced gouda cheese and finely minced roasted garlic. You can cook the mixture all together beforehand on low heat while you are prepping the chicken and save yourself a good twenty minutes. If you have a food processor, the mixing part is a snap. If not, just make sure all of your ingredients are finely chopped before tossing them together for a stuffing. After you have all of your components ready, it's time to do the actual stuffing.There's two schools of thought on how to do this.
Up first is Kiev style. Take the breast and slice it in half to where it looks like a Valentine's heart. This is called "butterflying." With the breast opened up this way, you can pound it out between two layers of plastic wrap to give the meat an even thickness like you would with clay or dough; try not to get the breast too thin because, unlike dough, this stuff doesn't get folded back together for easy reassembly. Once you have it smoothed out, place between 1.5 and 2 ounces of the mixture on one edge of the breast in the center. From here, roll it up like a burrito, one fold over in the center, then the sides together, one fold in the center, then the sides together. Eventually, it should look like a kind of meaty Twinkie.
And I swear to sweet Baby Buddha's Left Nut that the first person to make a joke about rolling a joint does nothing but prove themselves to be a useless bag of shit with poor taste in humor. Go kill yourself, CarrotTop.
The second style of stuffing is a bit more elegant. You need to make a small slice in the center of the breast about half an inch deep and two inches long; from here, flip the knife over and slice half an inch deeper and broaden the edges by about an inch on each side. If my directions are somewhat convoluted, think of slicing a baguette or a hot dog bun; you don't wanna slice it all in one go and screw it up like those cocksuckers at Subway who fuck it up every time I swear to Jeebus it's like they don't even teach these retards. In fact, by practicing on baguettes, hot dog buns, and bagels, you'll develop your technique for slicing chicken in no time. If you screw up during this trial and error time, you haven't really screwed up; you've just made croutons and breading for your next round of baked or fried fish (which I will post about later).
Now, stuffing the chicken is just as easy as the previous method, 1.5 to 2 ounces in the center, only this time there's no need to fold it, just make sure that your stuffing doesn't ooze out everywhere.
From here, I personally use a two-part cooking process. First, I wrap the now-stuffed chicken in aluminum foil (I like folding it like an envelope) and toss that bad boy in the oven at 300 degrees Farenheit for about 30 minutes; the chicken gets pretty well cooked and retains alot of it's mosture. Second, I remove the foil and toss it back in the oven on a notstick pan for 10 minutes at 450 degrees; what you get here is a nice golden brown outer layer and most of the fat will be left in the aluminum foil.
Now, you can garnish this dish with anything you like, but my personal favorite is a pureed tomato and cream sauce with basil leaves, but a nice chunky tomato ragu with black olive pieces and sauteed mushrooms might be just your cup of tea. As far as side dishes, well the sky's the limit really, but you'd be best served by placing your chicken over a bed of al dente pasta tossed with olive oil and sliced sauteed onions. You end up with something that's got a real Mediterranean feel but can be altered in any number of ways to suit your palette. Grape leaves are a real nice garnish.
Now, some of you nitpickers out there may have noticed that I hardly used measurements nor did I specify cooking times for anything other than the chicken as well as a concpicuous lack of descriptions for seasonings. This was on purpose. Do you like curry? Great, use it. Would you prefer mint in your tomato cream sauce instead of basil? Knock yourself out. Pepper, no pepper, salt, cumin, sage, coriander, dill, ox penis, yeti gallbladder-I don't give a rat's ass because at the end of the day, it's your food. I would prefer that you remember the most important part of cooking: taste your food as you go and use small amounts of seasoning over time rather than a shit-ton at once. I have seen more dishes ruined that way than housecats have fuck-off-and-die stares.
So, that's part one and I would greatly appreciate it if those who contribute remember that this is your gourmet recipe, not something you found and copy-pasted nor is it something you whipped up in a dorm room utilizing baloney, cheerios and spit. Show some fucking culture and shit; oh, humor don't hurt either.
The secret to a good stuffed chicken is the preparation. Your first priority is to trim the fat and skin and connective tissue away from the bulk of the meat; you want a good sized chunk of breast meat about the size of your hand, fingers extended and joined, and at least an inch and a half thick in the center. Now comes the fun part.
Whatever you decide to stuff the chicken with, it needs to be well mixed. For the purposes of this thread, I will use a simple mixture of well-cooked (preferrably seasoned) asparagus stalks, diced gouda cheese and finely minced roasted garlic. You can cook the mixture all together beforehand on low heat while you are prepping the chicken and save yourself a good twenty minutes. If you have a food processor, the mixing part is a snap. If not, just make sure all of your ingredients are finely chopped before tossing them together for a stuffing. After you have all of your components ready, it's time to do the actual stuffing.There's two schools of thought on how to do this.
Up first is Kiev style. Take the breast and slice it in half to where it looks like a Valentine's heart. This is called "butterflying." With the breast opened up this way, you can pound it out between two layers of plastic wrap to give the meat an even thickness like you would with clay or dough; try not to get the breast too thin because, unlike dough, this stuff doesn't get folded back together for easy reassembly. Once you have it smoothed out, place between 1.5 and 2 ounces of the mixture on one edge of the breast in the center. From here, roll it up like a burrito, one fold over in the center, then the sides together, one fold in the center, then the sides together. Eventually, it should look like a kind of meaty Twinkie.
And I swear to sweet Baby Buddha's Left Nut that the first person to make a joke about rolling a joint does nothing but prove themselves to be a useless bag of shit with poor taste in humor. Go kill yourself, CarrotTop.
The second style of stuffing is a bit more elegant. You need to make a small slice in the center of the breast about half an inch deep and two inches long; from here, flip the knife over and slice half an inch deeper and broaden the edges by about an inch on each side. If my directions are somewhat convoluted, think of slicing a baguette or a hot dog bun; you don't wanna slice it all in one go and screw it up like those cocksuckers at Subway who fuck it up every time I swear to Jeebus it's like they don't even teach these retards. In fact, by practicing on baguettes, hot dog buns, and bagels, you'll develop your technique for slicing chicken in no time. If you screw up during this trial and error time, you haven't really screwed up; you've just made croutons and breading for your next round of baked or fried fish (which I will post about later).
Now, stuffing the chicken is just as easy as the previous method, 1.5 to 2 ounces in the center, only this time there's no need to fold it, just make sure that your stuffing doesn't ooze out everywhere.
From here, I personally use a two-part cooking process. First, I wrap the now-stuffed chicken in aluminum foil (I like folding it like an envelope) and toss that bad boy in the oven at 300 degrees Farenheit for about 30 minutes; the chicken gets pretty well cooked and retains alot of it's mosture. Second, I remove the foil and toss it back in the oven on a notstick pan for 10 minutes at 450 degrees; what you get here is a nice golden brown outer layer and most of the fat will be left in the aluminum foil.
Now, you can garnish this dish with anything you like, but my personal favorite is a pureed tomato and cream sauce with basil leaves, but a nice chunky tomato ragu with black olive pieces and sauteed mushrooms might be just your cup of tea. As far as side dishes, well the sky's the limit really, but you'd be best served by placing your chicken over a bed of al dente pasta tossed with olive oil and sliced sauteed onions. You end up with something that's got a real Mediterranean feel but can be altered in any number of ways to suit your palette. Grape leaves are a real nice garnish.
Now, some of you nitpickers out there may have noticed that I hardly used measurements nor did I specify cooking times for anything other than the chicken as well as a concpicuous lack of descriptions for seasonings. This was on purpose. Do you like curry? Great, use it. Would you prefer mint in your tomato cream sauce instead of basil? Knock yourself out. Pepper, no pepper, salt, cumin, sage, coriander, dill, ox penis, yeti gallbladder-I don't give a rat's ass because at the end of the day, it's your food. I would prefer that you remember the most important part of cooking: taste your food as you go and use small amounts of seasoning over time rather than a shit-ton at once. I have seen more dishes ruined that way than housecats have fuck-off-and-die stares.
So, that's part one and I would greatly appreciate it if those who contribute remember that this is your gourmet recipe, not something you found and copy-pasted nor is it something you whipped up in a dorm room utilizing baloney, cheerios and spit. Show some fucking culture and shit; oh, humor don't hurt either.
Darth Waiter on
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FOOT SWEATERS
I bet I will ruin it somehow though, I am a horrible cook.
Steam id: skoot LoL id: skoot
om nom nom
If it had so much as a toaster I would be down there making sandwiches left and right. As it is? meh.
because it comes from the rape seed
PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
Sadly, the laptop I am using has a fuckered USB port so I can't download any pictures right now. I will have to think of a workaround for the next one.
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
learn how to butcher meat and buy stuff whole
also grains, lots of grains
Fair Trade and all that.
Secret Satan
farmers markets are fantastic
if you are low on meats, or too cheap to buy them, look into something called quinoa
Taters are easy. Make sure you scrub off the exterior well to get rid of all the dirt and whatnot. Oven roasting them is a snap with aluminum foil and voila: baked potato.
If you want fancy, slice them longways into ovals about 1/8 inch thick to create a wafer effect. Now you toss them in cooking oil and fry 'em. Once that's done, toss them in seasoning and use them as a base for a protein like pork or cubed steak.
Alternatively, instead of frying the wafers, bake them in a nonstick pan and add the seasoning before you toss them in the oven.
Lastly, cubed up the potatoes, skin on, and slow roast them with onions and carrots in the oven at about 350 degrees for 20 minutes. It's best to cook the onions and carrots beforehand in a chicken broth and then toss them in with the taters sans broth.
but then there were no pictures of delicious foods to not read about
only foods to read about
oh well
Damn you, Larlar!
kill a bunch of people with pacemakers
PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
Cactus is best when it is cut into thin strips, battered, and then fried.
so is everything ever
I don't agree with that totally, but then again this is probably just me. I don't like fried chicken.
PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
So any shit I microwave has to be in there for longer and god I hate it it sucks
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
but i don't know where to go for some quality
look for fat black people
somewhere nearby is quality fried chicken
popeyes or churchs are delicious if you don't mind fast food
PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
Mix some brown sugar and chili powder. More brown sugar then chili.
Take some chicken breasts and cut them into small pieces
Cut some bacon in half
Wrap the chicken with the bacon and skewer with a toothpick
mix in the brown sugar/chili powder concoction
bake for about 30 minutes at 375
Fucking amazing.
no
I don't understand
Not even. It's moist and delicious and amazing.