thetheroo, let us know what the results of your test are immediately upon receiving them. I get the feeling that it will provide important information.
Oh, and it is considered advisable if I could perhaps acquire some assistance in my action which if my hypothesis are correct may lend us satisfactory aid in our endeavors. I can not specify at this particular chronological instance what I will accomplish exactly, but I would be greatly appreciative of any and all aid you may provide me with.
E: actually on further perusal, maybe I should just assist TTR in his attempts.
Let me break this down so that we can all be on the same page. We want to go where it will be safe, correct? In my book, The Apocalypse is Coming: Where Should I Be?, I describe how the key idea here is to go to places where other people would not immediately think to go. Traditional bastions of law and authority. Places where professionals we rely upon. All rife with the undead.
When this epidemic began, where do you think many people fled? The police station. Picture, if you will, a small police station, writhing with the human population that has swarmed there in an attempt to find safety under their traditional guardians. The undead won't be the worst of their problems when they begin to riot and trample each other in panic.
I also believe I heard car dealership, so let's discuss the reasons why this is a bad idea. In case you are not aware, we are currently located in a city. Take a look around us, friends. The streets are packed with abandoned vehicles, ripe for the plucking. And that's exactly the problem. The odds of finding a street not blocked with the cars of those trying to flee are slim to none, with the added disadvantage of alerting every one of these creatures to our presence, and the dependence on fuel.
Now, I want to be clear, when I suggested that we take ourselves to a hardware store, I do not mean to imply we head down to Pop's Screwdrivers & Wrenches. I'm talking about a Home Depot-esque warehouse, with steel roll-down curtains, huge crates with which to fortify the building for as long as we stay there, and stocked with many of the supplies we could ever need.
Also, Vendal, might I suggest that we discuss your publishing section after we discover which publishers still exist. In addition, perhaps you should consider changing the H in PATHETIC from Heavy to Hazardous. I think this would better express the purpose you're going for.
Ah, quite right, quite right! Hazardous it is then! They say every great executive merely surrounds himself with people smarter than him. I can see that it is already proving true in this group, for truly I am a great executive.
I myself have always preferred to be the power behind the throne, as opposed to the one that sits it. Half enforcer, half adviser, if you will.
The King's Hand, the Royal Vizier, Merlin to King Arthur, Darth Vader to the Emperor. The list goes on and on, especially in that piece I did back in 2000, Great Rulers Throughout History.
In response to an earlier question:
Your goal is to get out of Phallanston alive, at which time you hope you will find a camp of survivors and wait out The Epidemic. That being said, you cannot use the cyan vote to leave the city, but rather to traverse it advantageously.
And to the other question, you haven't seen any zombies use guns, yet, but that rules nothing out.
While the usefulness of guns is a matter of opinion, consider the fact that most other people, following fairly basic zombie movie stereotypes, will have gone there already. Heading to gun store will most likely leave us staring at a shop already stripped bare by those who have come before us. The book I wrote collating nation wide surveys on gun use and firearm owners, The Real NRA: Finger on the Trigger, demonstrates this well.
Vendal, as far as the car lot goes, I've already explained that in detail in my last post. I'll consider the publishing partnership.
Also, since Rend missed it: !Tell me about the city prison. New fangled electronic security with chain fences and razor wire, or old school 30 foot tall concrete walls with manual doors and such?
I've already informed you, in this piece I just wrote, which I like to call Things FreeAgent Already Said But Nobody Bothered to Read, there will be plenty of weapons at the hardware warehouse. In all truthfulness, I wouldn't be surprised to find that a place like that actually has a stock of firearms as well.
Stores like that frequently stock shotguns and rifles, as well as a selection of small arms.
Also, since Rend missed it: !Tell me about the city prison. New fangled electronic security with chain fences and razor wire, or old school 30 foot tall concrete walls with manual doors and such?
The only prison in Phallanston proper is a small and older one, more like the concrete walls and manual doors. There is a more high tech and higher security facility outside of the city, but that is beyond your reach for the time being.
I've already informed you, in this piece I just wrote, which I like to call Things FreeAgent Already Said But Nobody Bothered to Read, there will be plenty of weapons at the hardware warehouse. In all truthfulness, I wouldn't be surprised to find that a place like that actually has a stock of firearms as well.
Stores like that frequently stock shotguns and rifles, as well as a selection of small arms.
We need less book-readin', and more shootin' the damn zombehs.
Also, since Rend missed it: !Tell me about the city prison. New fangled electronic security with chain fences and razor wire, or old school 30 foot tall concrete walls with manual doors and such?
The only prison in Phallanston proper is a small and older one, more like the concrete walls and manual doors. There is a more high tech and higher security facility outside of the city, but that is beyond your reach for the time being.
Good. High tech prisons are garbage. In addition: !Is it safe to assume there is a Home Depot-esque warehouse (which we are referring to as the hardware store) in the city? I'd rather not advocate heading there, only to find a itty-bitty store with 2 screwdrivers and a ratchet, much like the one in the children's book I authored, Harry's Hardware Gets Run Out of Business By Lowes! Also, !military bases?
duraxWho watches the watchdogs?Registered Userregular
edited November 2008
A military base would have the same embarassment of riches (supplies) that the mall has, and I readily approve.
I fail to see what makes a military base's negatives different from the mall's negatives, though.
There aren't really many negatives to a military base I can see.
A) Elaborate security fences and multiple lines of defense. Malls have large glass windows. Fully stocked fallout shelters, many of which have small city-like capabilities.
C) Multiple lines of communication, as opposed to, say, just phones, not to mention links to other such military facilities.
D) Military bases are defended by soldiers that are highly trained, armed, and disciplined. Malls will be defended by security guards with tazers and overzealous shop owners with fearsome looking cell phones with which to call the security guards, fearing looters during a crisis. Or assuming they're already dead, their zombie replacements.
The only negative is that a number of people will head there as well, but that can be said of any well supplied and defended area, though in this case, the benefits far outweigh the risks. However, this may only be obvious to me, as I had to research it quite a bit for my novel, Riots of Suburbia.
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GumpyThere is alwaysa greater powerRegistered Userregular
Consider this, Gumpy. We know that this plague first turned up at the Hospital, but where do you think it originated? Most likely, it's some sort of bio-engineered virus, which those same scientists were developing before they lost control of it.
If my theory is correct, not only would heading to any laboratories probably take us into the heart of the zombies, given creatures' natural tendency to swarm, and when nothing is left, return to where everything began, but any highly evolved zombies would end up there as well. This is all covered in my Guide to Government Biological Warfare: Dangers and Repercussions.
Besides, I doubt there's enough of us here that are capable of doing anything useful in a science lab to combat the plague.
Y'know, Agent Man, Ah read yer book, Freeagent's Guide to Firearms: Diary of a 9mm, an' I jus' hafta say, Ah don't thank y'ever picked one up in yer laif. Y'ain't got near 'nuff s'perience shootin'.
Still say y'all got no damn s'perience with guns, gimme that dang pistol an' Ah'll show y'how it's used. Ah'll pop sum zombehs.
'Less y'want those dang zombehs EATIN' YER DAMN MOMMAS?!
Y'all quotin' books, ah'm tellin' y'all we need t'avoid hand-t-'hand combat! A ZOMBEH THAT CAIN'T GRAB YA' IS A ZOMBEH THAT CAIN'T EATCHA!
Get me a damn bazooka, an' let God sort th'bastards out!
I'm not a violent man by nature. That novel of mine you referred to, FreeAgent's Guide to Firearms: Diary of a 9mm, was intended more as a history of, following the development and use of the 9mm throughout time. I'll admit that my experience with the general form is limited to the firing range, though I'm rather proficient with the Colt M1911 and the Beretta 92.
But that's because I prefer a firearm with a bit more punch, something along the lines of the Remington M870 or the Ithaca Model 37 M. 12 gauge, pump action, those babies are durable, dependable, and pack enough stopping force to drop a bull dead in its tracks.
On another note, funny you should mention bazookas, Krata. Another reason why we should focus primarily on hand weapons over guns is the significant decrease in friendly fire. You shoot off a bazooka at an approaching horde of zombies, not only are you alerting anything that's even remotely near us of our presence, but you run the risk of doing more damage to us than the zombies. Between the explosion and the impending shrapnel, I'm not sure which is worse.
Plus, in the heat of the moment, someone might get a little carried away, and mistake one of us for a zombie, resulting in more needless deaths.
I also believe I heard car dealership, so let's discuss the reasons why this is a bad idea. In case you are not aware, we are currently located in a city. Take a look around us, friends. The streets are packed with abandoned vehicles, ripe for the plucking. And that's exactly the problem. The odds of finding a street not blocked with the cars of those trying to flee are slim to none, with the added disadvantage of alerting every one of these creatures to our presence, and the dependence on fuel.
You can learn all about quotations, and their proper citation in my book, FreeAgent Presents: MLA for Retards.
That's some good initiative bwanie, but let's talk about why sewers are a bad idea. While it's true that the hordes are, for the majority, above ground, there is still a pretty good chance that some made it into the sewers. Unlike above ground though, we can become easily cornered down there. In addition, we have no light in the sewers, sound travels infinitely farther beneath ground than above, thus alerting every zombie that happens to be down there to our presence, as well as the fact that sewer systems are extremely complex.
The odds of one of us having the expert knowledge to properly navigate the sewers to the hardware store are extremely low, increasing the chances that we'll get lost, trapped, and ultimately, undead. For more information, I'd refer you to my report of these subterranean constructs, Sewers: Urban Bowels.
That night, DUE face palmed so hard that the zombie apocalypse was averted as the force and great intent of his action created a nebulous hole in which gravity nor light (let alone a zombie) could escape. His shame rained down upon the people in a tangible torrent of salty tears and whispered apologies. He had returned to CF a prodigal son, ashamed and reticent of his failures abroad. He had hoped that Rend would admonish him and provide some closure for the people of phallatia. . .to right his great wrong. . .He knew such justice would be done.
As a gentle and calming smile started to take hold of his features, his visage began to disperse into the ether from which it came.
Well, good thing i''ve been a plumber around these parts for thirty years eh? I can find my way around there with my eyes closed.
And i still believe that it would be very unlikely to come across zombies.
1. Entrances are protected. Their intelligence seems to be limited. They will not know how to open lids and they don't have acces to sewage systems.
2. They have no incentive to go a place that is probably completely devoid of brains.
3. If a zombie by pure chance would make it into the sewers, we can be sure it will only be that one zombie, because there are no humans to infect.
4. If we count on surviving multiple attacks, surely surviving one lonely zombie should be even more plausible.
Let's consider. Let's ignore the possibility of zombies wandering in from storm drains, and the fact that if one zombie made it in, there's probably a number of them since they travel in packs.
Just in terms of efficiency, if we go by the sewers, it takes us two days to reach the hardware store, with a possibility of two attacks. If we stay above ground, we get there in one day, risking only a single attack, at which point we are properly armed, supplied, and have an easily defensible base until we decide to move out.
You see, the sewers are the middleman, and if you read what I had to say in Efficient Business: Going Wholesale in a Global Economy, you'll see that cutting out the middleman is almost always the best option.
In conclusion, we should avoid the sewers for these, and the previously aforementioned reasons, and should head straight to the hardware warehouse.
You've chosen wisely. I want it kept in mind that I encourage this type of discussion, every step of the way. When we debate back and forth between out options, flaws and advantages are revealed that aren't readily apparent on a first glance. Without it, one person suggests something and the rest blindly follow, which can be disastrous if there was actually a major flaw with that plan.
Like going to a hospital. On first glance, it might sound pretty good. Trained medical professionals, probably some police and ambulances, they'll be able to cure whatever is going on, right? Wrong. The hospital is where all those infected initially are going to come back. No one there will be prepared, causing panic, more and more infections, and basically it's the worst place to be.
But if we never talked about it, we might never have realized the deathtrap we were walking into. Like I say in Topical Debate: Education, not Irritation, we can only find the best solution by comparing it to all those that are worse.
It was a dark and stormy night, and the zombies were on the rise. Darian took stock of the situation, and saw that KrataLightblade seemed to be good with a gun. "Let's give him this one," said Darian.
Then he looked around once more, and saw the others arguing about where to go. Some said an office complex, one the sewers, but many seem convinced that a hardware store would be the best place to hole up and look for supplies. Darian nodded his assent to this latter group.
At the end of the day, the gun was picked up and aimed, but what happend? Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling results!
Posts
E: actually on further perusal, maybe I should just assist TTR in his attempts.
We all know zombies aren't great at navigating mazes, right? Well, what are cubicles anyway?
Plus we might find some more survivors, you never know.
*sigh* Though I was just hoping we could all just pick a spot together though.
Steam
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan :whistle:
But everybody's gone
And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess this is growing up :whistle:
Well I guess this is growing up :whistle:
!Warban
Well, I think you made a strong executive decision OBGYN, and I'm prepared to follow your advice.
When this epidemic began, where do you think many people fled? The police station. Picture, if you will, a small police station, writhing with the human population that has swarmed there in an attempt to find safety under their traditional guardians. The undead won't be the worst of their problems when they begin to riot and trample each other in panic.
I also believe I heard car dealership, so let's discuss the reasons why this is a bad idea. In case you are not aware, we are currently located in a city. Take a look around us, friends. The streets are packed with abandoned vehicles, ripe for the plucking. And that's exactly the problem. The odds of finding a street not blocked with the cars of those trying to flee are slim to none, with the added disadvantage of alerting every one of these creatures to our presence, and the dependence on fuel.
Now, I want to be clear, when I suggested that we take ourselves to a hardware store, I do not mean to imply we head down to Pop's Screwdrivers & Wrenches. I'm talking about a Home Depot-esque warehouse, with steel roll-down curtains, huge crates with which to fortify the building for as long as we stay there, and stocked with many of the supplies we could ever need.
Also, Vendal, might I suggest that we discuss your publishing section after we discover which publishers still exist. In addition, perhaps you should consider changing the H in PATHETIC from Heavy to Hazardous. I think this would better express the purpose you're going for.
The King's Hand, the Royal Vizier, Merlin to King Arthur, Darth Vader to the Emperor. The list goes on and on, especially in that piece I did back in 2000, Great Rulers Throughout History.
Indeed, there is a lucrative future ahead for Vendal and FreeAgent Publishing, Inc... how do you like the sound of that?
Your goal is to get out of Phallanston alive, at which time you hope you will find a camp of survivors and wait out The Epidemic. That being said, you cannot use the cyan vote to leave the city, but rather to traverse it advantageously.
And to the other question, you haven't seen any zombies use guns, yet, but that rules nothing out.
At this point, the car lot or the hardware store is our best bets.
Daym y'all, shootin's the only solution! THE ONLEE WUN, BOYS!
Wail, a'right, ah could see th'love fer boomin' them, too.
But gawdammit, paypul, they's comin' FER YOU! Y'all wanna DAH?!
CARS AIN'T WEPINS!
An' THEY RUN OUTTA GAS TOO DAYM FAST!
An' hunkerin' down ain't no damn good witout FOOD!
Let's get us some GUNS, an' BLAST our way outta town!
Vendal, as far as the car lot goes, I've already explained that in detail in my last post. I'll consider the publishing partnership.
Also, since Rend missed it: !Tell me about the city prison. New fangled electronic security with chain fences and razor wire, or old school 30 foot tall concrete walls with manual doors and such?
Trus' me.
'Less you wanna go weppinless an' get et by zombehs?!
Stores like that frequently stock shotguns and rifles, as well as a selection of small arms.
The only prison in Phallanston proper is a small and older one, more like the concrete walls and manual doors. There is a more high tech and higher security facility outside of the city, but that is beyond your reach for the time being.
We need less book-readin', and more shootin' the damn zombehs.
Good. High tech prisons are garbage. In addition: !Is it safe to assume there is a Home Depot-esque warehouse (which we are referring to as the hardware store) in the city? I'd rather not advocate heading there, only to find a itty-bitty store with 2 screwdrivers and a ratchet, much like the one in the children's book I authored, Harry's Hardware Gets Run Out of Business By Lowes! Also, !military bases?
NOW WE'RE COOKIN' WITH GAYUS!
I fail to see what makes a military base's negatives different from the mall's negatives, though.
A) Elaborate security fences and multiple lines of defense. Malls have large glass windows.
C) Multiple lines of communication, as opposed to, say, just phones, not to mention links to other such military facilities.
D) Military bases are defended by soldiers that are highly trained, armed, and disciplined. Malls will be defended by security guards with tazers and overzealous shop owners with fearsome looking cell phones with which to call the security guards, fearing looters during a crisis. Or assuming they're already dead, their zombie replacements.
The only negative is that a number of people will head there as well, but that can be said of any well supplied and defended area, though in this case, the benefits far outweigh the risks. However, this may only be obvious to me, as I had to research it quite a bit for my novel, Riots of Suburbia.
What problem can science not, in the end, solve?
If my theory is correct, not only would heading to any laboratories probably take us into the heart of the zombies, given creatures' natural tendency to swarm, and when nothing is left, return to where everything began, but any highly evolved zombies would end up there as well. This is all covered in my Guide to Government Biological Warfare: Dangers and Repercussions.
Besides, I doubt there's enough of us here that are capable of doing anything useful in a science lab to combat the plague.
Still say y'all got no damn s'perience with guns, gimme that dang pistol an' Ah'll show y'how it's used. Ah'll pop sum zombehs.
'Less y'want those dang zombehs EATIN' YER DAMN MOMMAS?!
Y'all quotin' books, ah'm tellin' y'all we need t'avoid hand-t-'hand combat! A ZOMBEH THAT CAIN'T GRAB YA' IS A ZOMBEH THAT CAIN'T EATCHA!
Get me a damn bazooka, an' let God sort th'bastards out!
But that's because I prefer a firearm with a bit more punch, something along the lines of the Remington M870 or the Ithaca Model 37 M. 12 gauge, pump action, those babies are durable, dependable, and pack enough stopping force to drop a bull dead in its tracks.
On another note, funny you should mention bazookas, Krata. Another reason why we should focus primarily on hand weapons over guns is the significant decrease in friendly fire. You shoot off a bazooka at an approaching horde of zombies, not only are you alerting anything that's even remotely near us of our presence, but you run the risk of doing more damage to us than the zombies. Between the explosion and the impending shrapnel, I'm not sure which is worse.
Plus, in the heat of the moment, someone might get a little carried away, and mistake one of us for a zombie, resulting in more needless deaths.
AH say "Praise the Lord, and pass the amminishun".
Now me, I can handle cars. Let's head to the lot and get the fuck outta town! What's an escape without some sweet rides?
You can learn all about quotations, and their proper citation in my book, FreeAgent Presents: MLA for Retards.
They are pretty much guaranteed to be zombie free and can get us to anywhere we want.
i say we enter the sewers and move to the hardwarestore or whatever location we decide on from there.
The odds of one of us having the expert knowledge to properly navigate the sewers to the hardware store are extremely low, increasing the chances that we'll get lost, trapped, and ultimately, undead. For more information, I'd refer you to my report of these subterranean constructs, Sewers: Urban Bowels.
And i still believe that it would be very unlikely to come across zombies.
1. Entrances are protected. Their intelligence seems to be limited. They will not know how to open lids and they don't have acces to sewage systems.
2. They have no incentive to go a place that is probably completely devoid of brains.
3. If a zombie by pure chance would make it into the sewers, we can be sure it will only be that one zombie, because there are no humans to infect.
4. If we count on surviving multiple attacks, surely surviving one lonely zombie should be even more plausible.
Hey, you watcsh yer mouf pallie!
I'm gonna vote fer the !booze shop in Ridleybank!
As a gentle and calming smile started to take hold of his features, his visage began to disperse into the ether from which it came.
I know the way, i'm an Italian immigrant and i've worked around these sewers for years. I've gone so far down these pipes i've seen fucking goomba's.
also, sewers are the best because:
1. Entrances are protected. Their intelligence seems to be limited. They will not know how to open lids and they don't have acces to sewage systems.
2. They have no incentive to go a place that is probably completely devoid of brains.
3. If a zombie by pure chance would make it into the sewers, we can be sure it will only be that one zombie, because there are no humans to infect.
4. If we count on surviving multiple attacks, surely surviving one lonely zombie should be even more plausible.
Let's consider. Let's ignore the possibility of zombies wandering in from storm drains, and the fact that if one zombie made it in, there's probably a number of them since they travel in packs.
Just in terms of efficiency, if we go by the sewers, it takes us two days to reach the hardware store, with a possibility of two attacks. If we stay above ground, we get there in one day, risking only a single attack, at which point we are properly armed, supplied, and have an easily defensible base until we decide to move out.
You see, the sewers are the middleman, and if you read what I had to say in Efficient Business: Going Wholesale in a Global Economy, you'll see that cutting out the middleman is almost always the best option.
In conclusion, we should avoid the sewers for these, and the previously aforementioned reasons, and should head straight to the hardware warehouse.
Like going to a hospital. On first glance, it might sound pretty good. Trained medical professionals, probably some police and ambulances, they'll be able to cure whatever is going on, right? Wrong. The hospital is where all those infected initially are going to come back. No one there will be prepared, causing panic, more and more infections, and basically it's the worst place to be.
But if we never talked about it, we might never have realized the deathtrap we were walking into. Like I say in Topical Debate: Education, not Irritation, we can only find the best solution by comparing it to all those that are worse.
"Let's give him this one," said Darian.
Then he looked around once more, and saw the others arguing about where to go. Some said an office complex, one the sewers, but many seem convinced that a hardware store would be the best place to hole up and look for supplies. Darian nodded his assent to this latter group.
At the end of the day, the gun was picked up and aimed, but what happend? Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling results!