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Comics and cards

FloofyFloofy Registered User regular
edited January 2009 in Artist's Corner
Okay, so I'm highly nervous posting this, because I know there's issues with it. I'm a student on an illustration degree and I'm trying to make narrative art my speciality. I had to finish the last two pages in one day and I'm pretty sure it shows. However, I'd really appreciate some criticism, this is my first comic more than 2 pages long, and whilst it's taught me a lot, it's shown me a lot of my weaknesses at the same time. What I really want to know off you guys is:

a.Does the storytelling work?
b.if I printed this into a little 6-page mini book and sold it for $2 (£1) would you buy it?
c.what, overall are my weakest points right now?

page1.jpgpage2.jpg

page3.jpgpage4.jpg

page5.jpgpage6.jpg

Floofy on

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    MustangMustang Arbiter of Unpopular Opinions Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    I'm a little confused as what you're trying to say here? Is it a commentary on the delusiveness of upper class protocol, the facade of beauty, the fragility of social standing?

    I like the art, the crazyness of the final page really sells what 5 pages couldn't.

    Mustang on
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    JohnTWMJohnTWM Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    I like the story over all, although I hope in print the type is a little bigger... could be my monitor setting but I was having difficulty reading it. The art is good, but (this may be intentional, and I'm not saying it doesn't work as is) everything feels like a two dimensional object set in 3d space. By this I mean its like we are looking at a room which is 3d, but everything in it including people are actually cardboard cut outs. This isn't the case in pages 2 and 3 as much. The reason I think is this. You put very dark, thick outlines around everything while all the other details are done in lighter thinner lines. Pages two and 3 work better because the outlines are still thick and dark, but everything else is darkened up as well which makes it stand outless. But like I said it works as it is so you don't need to change it if that's what you were going for.

    JohnTWM on
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    NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Please post larger versions. This is hard to read.

    NibCrom on
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    Castle_BuilderCastle_Builder regular
    edited November 2008
    a.Does the storytelling work?

    Yes in that you tell the bare minimum of a story and provide the basic visuals needed to understand its progression, but all in all Id have to say no. Although that may be in part due to my not understanding your overall point or theme.

    The best page is the last one because it not only tells the story youre trying to tell but also conveys the emotions behind it. I think the last page is rather excellent. The previous pages though, while visually doing what is necessary to tell the story, pretty much fail to convey the characters emotions regarding this incident. The girl and her maid seem to be rather indifferent to the matter so the subsequent cover up when the guy comes and the panic and madness of the last page seem out of place.



    b.if I printed this into a little 6-page mini book and sold it for $2 (£1) would you buy it?

    I would say no. The artwork and writing are rather one dimensional.

    I will say though that I am very impressed with the amount of detail you put into wall papers and other background artwork. That made up a great deal visually for you lack of perspectives and facial expressions. If you maintain that same attention to detail and expand your use of perspectives and expressions I think youll find some amazingly compelling visuals that will help support a story that may be somewhat weak.

    c.what, overall are my weakest points right now?

    This kind of story begs for more then 5 pages in my opinion. As a reader Im interested in the following questions: Why her out of all the other women in similar positions? Why this time period as opposed to any other? Why is this fellows opinion so great shed care about his reaction ... meaning why not just send him away?

    Most interestingly in my opinion though is this ... She and her maid are almost completely unmoved by her situation so why is that? <---- I think this is a GREAT story in itself ... the LACK of reaction is an instant interest graber so it may be something youd want to explore more as a writer.



    All in all not bad but it feels more like a trailer as opposed to the actual movie.

    Castle_Builder on
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    FloofyFloofy Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Thanks for all the replies so far, they're really useful and they've given me a lot to think about. The more I look at it now I see the static-ness of a lot of the panels. I'm probably going to redo this entirely, so for the moment think of this as a rough for the final thing. Will post larger images later, but it does bring up a point- I think I've been trying to cram in too much, and haven't particularly considered the text as part of the layout, which will need a rethink.

    This was done to be part of an anthology that me and some other students were working on- it was only 6 pages because hat was the standard for entry.

    Need more expressions, definitely. You've given me a lot to think about.

    It was meant to be about repression and inner emotions sort of conflicting at pulling each other apart- but I'm not sure that's come across from people's comments.

    Floofy on
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    JohnTWMJohnTWM Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    It reads more like a moral tale about vanity.

    JohnTWM on
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    FloofyFloofy Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I've revisted this a bit, redrwaing the first and last pages as they seemed at least to me to be the weakest. Retouched a few bits and pieces on the other ones as well.

    Final1.jpgFinal2.jpg

    Final3.jpgFinal4.jpg

    Final5.jpgFinal6.jpg

    Then there's this, which is my entry to the Fumetto competition- the brief was 4 pages on the theme of "virus" with an emphasis on the social/alternative view. I was going to do zombies but decided against it.

    Fumetto1.jpgFumetto2.jpg

    Fumetto3.jpgFumetto4.jpg

    Edited to remove spoilers because nobody was looking

    Floofy on
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    FloofyFloofy Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Got rid of the spoiler tags, no feedback anyone?

    Part of my course at the moment is professional practise- basically creating self-promo materials like postcards, business cards, websites, the whole shebang. I'm playing with a few ideas but I don't know whether to go for straight up art snippets for my cards or this rather daft idea I've got about having short skits on alternative uses for the cards. First idea top, second bottom. Would love love LOVE any crits or advice!


    This kind of thing:

    cardtest.jpg

    Or this:


    cardtest2.jpg

    Floofy on
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    MagicToasterMagicToaster JapanRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    You could do both of them, I think the second one is very clever though! But... are you sure the comic side is going to be clear enough to be seen on a business card? As far as the text on the other side goes, you could play with the font size/weight a bit so that it looks more interesting.

    Edit: the sucky thing about making black business cards is that the paper will still be white around the thickness of the card.

    MagicToaster on
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    CrowlestonCrowleston Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Yeah black is awful, and when you print odds are it will be a yucky dark grey, or spotted, it never comes out how you want it to. Also your arrows are unnecessary, the comic reads that way any...way. Are those normal business card dimensions? I'm assuming thats what they are.

    Crowleston on
    useless but necessary objects of society.
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    FloofyFloofy Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    The dimensions are off moo.com for their business cards, 10 by 7- a few friends had stuff printed with them and it looked fairly decent, so I was thinking of going that way too.

    Fair point about the black, I hadn't really considered that if I'm being honest! I'm so used to working digitally I sometimes neglect print issues. So for now consider the borders and back side inverted! The back side layout is purely placeholder at the moment, as well.

    So, I'm thinking a variety of images, some with choice tasty bits of my art, others with the little comic skits (At the moment my other ideas are- trapping a very small but terrifying spider, and maybe a bookmark though that seems a little dull). Maybe 3 variations with my art, 3 with little comics.

    I'm going to trial printing them out at the correct size to make sure they're legible.

    Any feedback on the comics? My tutor bitches me out constantly for now paying enough attention to form and I sort of agree- the Hollow Men pages were done for a tight deadline, rushed out in 2 days working 9am-5am so they're a bit patchy in quality.

    Whilst I'm in a posting frame of mind here is my VERY VERY rough plan for a cover design- I'm running a student comic anthology called Ink Soup (we have a blog but I don't want to whore it, pm if you're interested in involvement or anything!) This issues all virus themed (tying in to my Hollow Man comic above)

    coveridea.jpg

    Edited to add: God I'm such a tard, I forgot that the blog site address is on the image. Hopefully that's not considered whoring.

    Floofy on
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    FloofyFloofy Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    This comic is about my long standing hatred, fear, and suspicion of butterflies. THEY'RE JUST DANDY-LOOKING MOTHS, PEOPLE.

    bitterflies1.jpgbitterflies2.jpg

    Floofy on
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    Mr Sgt SirMr Sgt Sir Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I really like it, its all so bleak. Reminds me of some nightmares i have had.

    The bitterfly saying "Hah! take that...." seems a little weird. Id just have it flying off laughing myself.

    Mr Sgt Sir on
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    beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    oh man i love that last one

    beavotron on
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    CrowlestonCrowleston Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Interesting split of panels 4-7. I'd like to see more of that.

    Crowleston on
    useless but necessary objects of society.
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