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Girl Thread

MagicManMagicMan Registered User regular
edited December 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
So I think I am starting to fall for my best friend (She is a girl haha). I guess I kind of always had a thing for her but never really thought about it because one of us was always in a relationship.

Little back round information: I met her about 2 years ago and we hit it off from the start. We talked on the phone for hours every night for several weeks straight about everything and anything. She would invite me to come to the beach with her and some friends on more then one occasion and I would politely decline (I was extremely busy that summer you see). Slowly we talked less and less and now we are at a point where we just text each other constantly and hang out about once every two weeks.

She has has some really bad boyfriends in the time that I have known her and just recently she started going out with this chap who is an alright guy( and she thinks hes the best boyfriend there could possibly be) but I think hes cheating on her and really just trying to get in her pants (Shes an 19 year old virgin).

To be blunt, I need some advice on what to do about this. Her boyfriend leaves for boot camp in a week and then I leave on the 5th of Jan for 6 months. I figured sometime around the end of Dec would be the best time to tell her (if at all)....I don't want to lose her as a friend but I really dont think its heathy to keep this from her. I have considered talking to her mum (She loves me so I dont think this would be all that weird) about it and going from there....Is this a good idea?

MagicMan on

Posts

  • VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    wait

    what are you trying to tell her exactly? that you might be falling for her or that you think her boyfriend might be cheating on her?

    one will make things a bit awkward between you two, especially since you are shooting to leave soon after the revelation

    the other should not be said unless you have evidence to back it up

    Vivixenne on
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  • MagicManMagicMan Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    That I might be falling for her. Sorry I was not more clear but I had a little to drink tonight.

    MagicMan on
  • ZeromusZeromus Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Probably shouldn't tell her, as it is likely to not be reciprocated if she has a boyfriend, or, if it is, you have a complicated situation that will take a toll on both of you and probably not end up being anything good

    In other words, two years ago? When you were talking on the phone all the time and really hitting it off? That was probably when something romantic could've started

    I recently hooked up with a really good friend of mine. We have both professed how much we care for one another, how into each other we are, but she has a boyfriend back home and the situation is simply torturous right now. Hard to say if it will end up in my favor, but in any case I'm not so sure I would've brought this upon myself, in retrospect

    It's hard to hold these things back, but there's a time and a place for things to be said and it may not be now. That said, if she really is as close of a friend as you think she is, explaining things respectfully and honestly probably wouldn't really be the end of the world, so do what you're comfortable with.

    Zeromus on
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  • VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    yeah telling her you might be falling for her when you're going to leave for 6 months is generally not going to be a good idea

    you may not even feel the same way at the end of the 6 months which means she will probably flip out over nothing in the meantime

    it's not even a question of reciprocation, it's more a question of you kinda missed your chance with her and she does have a boyfriend now and you have to respect that no matter how you may feel about her or him

    on top of the timing? telling her is overall going to hurt more than help

    Vivixenne on
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  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    If you say you like and respect this girl you should respect her enough to make her own choices when it comes to relationships too.

    She made her choice, at the moment it isn't you. When you come back who knows? Maybe. But it's a pretty dick move to try and steal her away from her currently boyfriend.

    Blake T on
  • MagicManMagicMan Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Blaket wrote: »
    If you say you like and respect this girl you should respect her enough to make her own choices when it comes to relationships too.

    She made her choice, at the moment it isn't you. When you come back who knows? Maybe. But it's a pretty dick move to try and steal her away from her currently boyfriend.

    Yeah I can understand that. Why not my intention I could certainly see where it may be taken like that...

    I am glad I swallowed my pride and took this to the internet, really good advice so far(and surprisingly fast). Thanks to everyone thus far!

    MagicMan on
  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Yeah, think of it this way -- spend the next 6 months when you're away from her to really think about it. Do you *really* feel that way? If so, then that's perfect -- you can come back, tell her that the last 6 months have shown you that you have feelings for her, and then get it out of the way.

    If you feel that it's not going to work out during those 6 months, then you'll come back and still be friends.

    EggyToast on
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  • i n c u b u si n c u b u s Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I def wouldn't bring up anything to her about her bf especially if you have no hard evidence because that can turn out to really screw you over in the end. Just be the friend you've been to her and be there for her. If this guy is a bad as you think he is and is cheating on her already then I'm sure it'll surface eventually. In the meantime just wait it out over the 6 month period that you'll be gone and continue to keep in touch with her. If and when she's available when you return then would be a pretty good time to let her know how you feel.

    i n c u b u s on
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  • oncelingonceling Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Wait until you are back. You may find that you want/need the unattached freedom during your time away. Neither of you want to go into a long distance relationship like a week after finding out you're into each other.

    And if she isn't interested, you will spend 6 awkward months away and that might ruin any chance of salvaging the friendship.

    If you find that she is the only one for you when you're back after the 6 months then go for it then. If she has found someone else by then, well, its not the end of the world. With her history it doesn't sound like he's going to be "the one".

    onceling on
  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    It's none of your business if she wants to date a guy who wants to get into her pants, and it doesn't sound like you have any evidence that he's cheating on her. Drop that line of thought.

    Don't talk to her mother. Just... argh, that's a horrible idea.

    Wait until you come back after six months and then, if you're still into her, talk to her about it. Be prepared for her to not reciprocate. After two years of friendship, if she was going to develop feelings for you, she'd probably have done it by now.

    Trowizilla on
  • JustinSane07JustinSane07 Really, stupid? Brockton__BANNED USERS regular
    edited December 2008
    If you know her boyfriend is fucking around and you consider her a good friend, you should absolutely tell her. If you're guessing and you can't prove it, the backlash could be catastrophic for your friendship.

    As for falling for her, eh, you're leaving for 6 months. Wait and see how things are after that.

    JustinSane07 on
  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    It's none of your business if she wants to date a guy who wants to get into her pants, and it doesn't sound like you have any evidence that he's cheating on her. Drop that line of thought.

    Don't talk to her mother. Just... argh, that's a horrible idea.

    Wait until you come back after six months and then, if you're still into her, talk to her about it. Be prepared for her to not reciprocate. After two years of friendship, if she was going to develop feelings for you, she'd probably have done it by now.

    Can't get anymore true then this post. Ignore this advice at your own risk.

    Sentry on
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  • DemerdarDemerdar Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    If you want to continue being friends with this girl:

    1. Don't tell her that her boyfriend may be cheating on her.
    2. Don't tell her you have feelings for her.

    Doing one or both of these things will most likely put your friendship on the rocks and most definitely change how you two relate.

    So think about this for a while.

    Demerdar on
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  • MagicManMagicMan Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Thanks to everyone who gave me advice. I have desided that it's for the best that I dont tell her anything until I get back and even then I may not say anything...

    Oddly enough, she found some texts on her boyfriends phone a few hours ago that pretty much tipped her off to him cheating. They are no longer together.
    Thanks again!

    MagicMan on
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