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Dealing with a pretty fucked up situation
Overlord's Son
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Okay, so I know some people who are in some shit, and I'm trying to decide what to do about it.
Two of my friends are dating, Randall and Vicky, who are planning on getting engaged soon. A couple weeks back, when Randall's brother was staying over, Vicky allegedly left Randall asleep and fucked Randall's brother in the basement. Randall's brother is married and has a kid, and, well, is Randall's brother.
I have this knowledge third hand. But the original source is Vicky's best friend, and my source is her boyfriend who wanted to know what he should do.
I am friends with all of these people more or less equally, and knowledge of this coming out could potentially fuck up a whole lot of people's lives.
So, do I tell Randall? Do I confront Vicky? Do I say something to his brother? Do I pretend I never heard such a thing since I'm not getting it first hand?
Two of my friends are dating, Randall and Vicky, who are planning on getting engaged soon. A couple weeks back, when Randall's brother was staying over, Vicky allegedly left Randall asleep and fucked Randall's brother in the basement. Randall's brother is married and has a kid, and, well, is Randall's brother.
I have this knowledge third hand. But the original source is Vicky's best friend, and my source is her boyfriend who wanted to know what he should do.
I am friends with all of these people more or less equally, and knowledge of this coming out could potentially fuck up a whole lot of people's lives.
So, do I tell Randall? Do I confront Vicky? Do I say something to his brother? Do I pretend I never heard such a thing since I'm not getting it first hand?
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In the absence of compelling, verifiable evidence and an important reason to share it (presence of STDs namely), there's no good reason to involve yourself. Assume everything is questionable and forget you heard any of it.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Also, Vicky's best friend's boyfriend needs to shut up about it as well
If anything Vicky's best friend is in charge here, whatever she does is honestly not your fucking problem
Therefore forget any of this ever happened
That's simply some kind of global advice, because while everyone's advice to "stay out of it" is pretty sound, I'd just like to say if this bothers you this much, don't just stay out of this one situation, you might want to make sure to put a decent amount of distance between you and these people in general.
If they ARE important to you and you DO trust some parties involved, well ... it's probably not so simple. If a girl cheated on my best friend, I would tell him. Period. If my best friend cheated on a girl ... well ... that's never really happened, because my close friends are pretty trustworthy.
In the general sense -- definitely don't get involved. It doesn't involve you and you'd just be feeding the rumor-mongering, and with or without your interference this situation is going to play itself out however it needs to. Trust in that. If you feel a particularly strong loyalty, my advice might be different, but these people don't exactly scream trustworthy.
DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT. If someone comes up to you and wants to talk about it, and isn't Randall or his girlfriend, change the subject. The more you say, the less likely it is that any of these people will want to talk to you later. If you're friends with all of them equally it's even more important to stay out of it, because chances are really good that they'll talk to each other, and any little thing you say can get blown up.
Just... trust me on this one. Be there to listen if Randall needs you, but otherwise try not to comment yourself. It's not worth it.
Anyone see a common theme yet? You there, in the back? That's right Jimmy, he needs to stay out of it, or things will get a lot worse.
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This would be my advice depending on whether or not you really like this person, whether he's an untrustworthy asshole, etc. If it were one of my friends, who are all stand up folk, I'd have told them as soon as I was pretty confident in the information.
I wouldn't be "confident enough" with third-hand information.
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Especially when no matter how close to the source he is, none of us are. I am not saying he should be calling the cops or nearest church or whatever, but I'd imagine he is asking us because the other folks are asking him. What advice should he be giving them if they ask? I swear I have seen similar threads on here in the past where everyone was like "they have to know!!!" Has this place just changed that much since then? (Not sure how long it has been. Nor am I trying to imply this would be a bad change. I'm not sure that is true.)
Well, one is "telling the truth" and the other is "furthering a rumour." There's no magical number for "how sure are you, in percent?" because everyone is different - but personally, if I heard from my friend's girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend that she was cheating on him, I wouldn't be investing a lot of money in it without some manner of investigation.
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Otherwise, I would say to stay the hell out of it.
The girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend is asking for advice? First of all, he shouldn't have told you, but that's water under the bridge. I would tell him to stay out of it too and not tell anyone else, maybe suggest he put a little pressure on via the best friend for Vicky to come clean....
Is this a case of drunken, one-time stupidity, a cowardly subconscious attempt to break up the relationship, or just an bad person acting immorally? My advice is still probably to stay out of it, but I think it kinda matters.
Is a lot of it suspect? Yes. Does most of it not make sense? Yes. But does it happen? Speaking from experience, yes.
I wouldn't blame you one bit for ignoring the problem, but if you do pursue it in any capacity, you better confront your informant about it, weight what he's saying against his personality, and go from there.
Corollary: My cynical, suspicious, assholish nature makes me think that another very real possibility is "Vicky's best friend is jealous of her, and is being a spiteful bitch by breaking her and her fiance up, wants to bang or is already banging Randall, and started this rumour herself."
Might seem a bit over the top - but you see how easily ugly rumours can start from nothingness?
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Sure do.
Thankfully, my group of friends tend to ostracize people like this.
Off topic, but not really.
Halloween party my friend C, who's all and all a generally likable guy, gets caught in bed with a guy I'm not friends with, but associate with because he's good friends with my brother. Guy and his wife came there together, and didn't notice his wife flirting with C. About an hour later he looks up to see them both gone, mutters "where's my wife", and a big, drunken, redneckified brawl starts.
Point is, this shitty shit happens.
DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES treat information you did not learn yourself or from a 100% reliable source as fact. Do not tell anyone that anyone cheated on anyone else, if you're going to say anything, then simply inform them of the rumor going around.
Off topic, but quoting before the ninja edit. :winky:
But back on topic. Yes, shit happens, but it depends on how trustworthy my friends are. And since I try not to associate with douchebags, I'd believe that my friends are above such behaviour and therefore want more proof than "he said she said she said" abstraction.
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Jailed. That tale of graphic homosecks will go unaltered!
That's what lead me and my friends to tell our friend V when we heard second hand that his wife was cheating on him, and everyone was better for it.
And if you do decide to tell him about it (which many others have said is probably not a good idea), then make sure you phrase as "Hey, I heard this rumor, so maybe you should confront (person who made the allegation)" and not "Hey bro, I think your fiancee is cheating on you"
This method would be the only one I would consider pursuing if you felt absolutely gung ho about saying something.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Critical Failures - Havenhold Campaign • August St. Cloud (Human Ranger)
do you follow the "no snitching" rule when it comes to crimes too? just in case shit may get complicated if you talk to someone about it?
a chick may have cheated on your best friend... it's your job as BEST FRIEND to share that info! preface this with "i heard it from..." so that he may investigate on his own, but you NEED to tell him
This is clearly evidence beyond all reasonable doubt and would be admitted in a court of law as it is neither hearsay nor conjecture.
</Sarcasm>
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As I recall, the OP never said this guy was his best friend. In fact, I believe he specifically stated that his friendship is on the same level with both of them.
Quit acting like the OP is betraying his 'Nam buddy. Telling could be seen as much as a betrayal of her as of him. Whatever she did is none of his business even without the ambiguity of whether or not it's even true.
If I heard from Jim-bob's girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend that Jim-bob might have stolen someone's wallet, I'd stay out of it, too. Grown-ups don't pass lurid rumors along, or at least, they shouldn't.
Wait. Really? Even if the OP had witnessed the act first-hand, it'd be wrong to betray Vicky by telling Randall? Wow. Just, just wow. Even the people who are saying he shouldn't tell are basing their opinions on the principle that it matters whether it's true or not.
Here's my general rule of thumb: all things being equal, worry more about whether you're betraying the party who isn't at fault instead of the party that is at fault.
Side note: the fact that the OP knows the people involved better than anyone else here, and apparently seriously believes that it's entirely plausible that Vicky would fuck Randall's brother and then tell her friend about it is probably not a very good statement in and of itself about Vicky's character.
I think it very much depends. Why is it any of his business one way or another? I suppose if I had witnessed it first hand, I would confront Vicky about it and give her an ultimatum, either she told Randal or I would.
But frankly, being so quick to wield family destroying information does not sit well with me. Chances are, the OP isn't walking out of this remaining friends with any of these people unless he plays this right.
The part I highlighted is bullshit. That the OP would believe it reflects nothing on the girl, the entire situation is fucking implausible. I mean how did someone else find out about this sex? How did the girl manage to fuck the other man while her own man is sleeping in the same house?
I'd say stay away from it because it seems like a lie to destroy a relationship.
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I hope it was clear that I was trying to emphasize how ridiculous it'd be if the OP took illig's (terrible) advice
If it happened the way I've seen this happen before? Vicky had to tell someone, so she told her friend. People overshare about questionable sexual escapades. We have entire threads about them here--go read the one from the 27 year old virgin who's trying to decide if he should have a three way, it's implausible and hilarious, and yet apparently true.
Oh yes, I wasn't directing my mocking sarcasm at you, but rather those who would think along the lines of illig's broken, wheezy, derailed steam locomotive of thought.
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Unless he posts pics of it at a later date I refuse to believe that is actually true.