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Oh, look, a topic about women.
GARlock Spiral
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm 18 and frustrated about the lack of someone to actually be interested in. It doesn't help at all that i've had this utter feeling that i'm going to die lonely. It might be the fact that my 35 year old brother has never gone on a date in his life, and unfortunately, i seem to be walking the same path no matter which way i choose. It might be the fact that i've never actually had anyone as well.
So, i'm trying to actually find someone, first. My first problem is the lack of locations. I go to a college where the amount of single people can be counted on one hand. A friend of mine at my old high school insists there's no one there whom i'd be compatible with, as is another friend who goes to a nearby university. I'm the eccentric type [For halloween i dressed up as the burger king and went to a large variety of fast food resturants], as well as a huge nerd/geek [anime and video games]. I work in a wal-mart electronics section, but finding anyone respectable there is a needle in an entire alternate universe comprised of haystacks.
Another thing is that i seem to be perpetually stuck in the friend zone with people. How would i come off as someone who wants them without being too fast? I'm a complete noob at this if you couldn't tell.
Go ahead, i'm fully expecting someone to respond by tearing into me.
So, i'm trying to actually find someone, first. My first problem is the lack of locations. I go to a college where the amount of single people can be counted on one hand. A friend of mine at my old high school insists there's no one there whom i'd be compatible with, as is another friend who goes to a nearby university. I'm the eccentric type [For halloween i dressed up as the burger king and went to a large variety of fast food resturants], as well as a huge nerd/geek [anime and video games]. I work in a wal-mart electronics section, but finding anyone respectable there is a needle in an entire alternate universe comprised of haystacks.
Another thing is that i seem to be perpetually stuck in the friend zone with people. How would i come off as someone who wants them without being too fast? I'm a complete noob at this if you couldn't tell.
Go ahead, i'm fully expecting someone to respond by tearing into me.
GARlock Spiral on
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(2) No one knows who you'll be compatible with except you --- and you're probably wrong too. (In other words, you won't know until you've tried).
(3) It's pretty easy: when you decide you're interested in them, ask them out. As long as you aren't confessing your undying adoration for the very ground they walk on, they probably aren't going to feel you're going too fast.
Two, the people i talk to know me well. Hell, most of the girls i used to go to school with are already taken.
Three, There's also the fact that i don't get to talk to people for large amounts of time. Right now, i'm at least trying to get someone. I don't really think five minutes is a good enough amount of time to get someone's number. Though i might be wrong.
Build some confidence with yourself, perhaps by joining a gym or some other athletic endeavor. Working muscles = endorphins & testosterone, both of which should add a spring to your step. I spent the summer getting myself into the best shape I've ever been in, and ended up having more prospective girlfriends in a 4 month span than in the past year and a half. It wasn't so much the change in my appearance, but the attitude brought on by it.
Friend zone is easy enough to avoid if you make your intentions fairly clear. If you click with someone, try some mild flirting and see what happens... if they respond well set up a date immediately. Also remember that being friend zoned also has its benefits - if you make a decent friend who is a girl, chances are she also has friends who are girls, who may be single, and who you now have an excuse to be introduced to. I recently had a girl who fell into the friend zone come back and wanted to date me because she liked me even more after she got to know me over a longer period of time.
Good luck.
On top of that, i don't have a car yet.
Not having a car is an excuse.
Ride a bike.
Get a job, buy a car.
Five minutes is not too short of a time to ask for someone's number, you are asking them for a cup of coffee not their kidney or their house, if they say no it's their loss.
Complain about your lack of options only stops you from seeing all the options staring at you in the face.
Satans..... hints.....
Not having a car is an excuse.
Ride a bike.
Get a job, buy a car.
Five minutes is not too short of a time to ask for someone's number, you are asking them for a cup of coffee not their kidney or their house, if they say no it's their loss.
Complain about your lack of options only stops you from seeing all the options staring at you in the face.
In order of reply:
1:Easier said than done.
2:My bike sucks and it's freezing. I walk places.
3:I AM trying to save up for a car.
4: Touche.
5:There's still a humongous lack of them.
Riding a bike will warm you up!
Regardless if you feet work fine don't complain about not being able to get around.
Satans..... hints.....
EDIT: I get that your town is small and dinky but there are ways around that, you're just so locked into what you perceive to be a good option that you're not actually making the effort to explore new ones. Getting a job will let you meet people. Doing volunteer work (wherever it may be) will get you to meet new people. Hell, get a job, save up, and move somewhere where you have more people around you and things to do. You're obviously not happy where you are otherwise you wouldn't whine or come up with a counter to almost everything that's been raised in this thread, so why don't you change where you are?
2. Don't limit yourself, honestly try to avoid being as shallow as possible. I just had a somewhat relationship with a girl who, well she isnt ugly by any means, but she isnt the skinniest girl in the patch. That didn't stop me from realizing i liked her alot more than the other 8 girls i've gone on dates with this semester and coming out of it still thinking she's alot more amazingly beautiful than i would have noticed if I hadn't gotten to know her.
3. When you go on a date with a girl, make sure its casual. Honestly, if you're looking for a relationship, telling the girl on the first date isn't always the smartest thing. Small fun dates where your just getting to know people are alot better than the ones where you have the alterior motive of wanting to date them imediately or just make out with them; it will be alot better for you at this point; and you'll enjoy the dates alot more and won't come out of them feeling disapointed.
4. If you do ask more girls on dates, and they see that the dates are more casual, they will be more likely to go on more dates with you. Seriously when I say i've been on dates with dates with 8 different girls this semester, its not that hard, all you have to do is open you're mouth and ask them. Just plan fun things, and especially group dates. Don't go to a movie, thats the worse 1st date you can ever do, just do stuff where you can have fun and especially talk, because thats what you should be doing.
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
Girls don't date nice guys
Girls don't date assholes
Girls date guys that ask them out
If you take one thing away from this thread, let it be this. Do not hang out with a girl for a little while to see if she is interested, you will wind up in the friend zone. If you really want to date a girl, ask her out as soon as possible. Like the day after you first meet her.
Edit: because I'm dumb.
I'll bite.
Performing at RenFest/RenFaire/etc. No, not garbing. Performing. Complete with Ye Olde Englishe Dialogue.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Are you listening?
Okay, here goes: Women. Are. People. You're focusing on "I need to meet women I want to date." That's not how it works. You need to meet people. You need to meet lots and lots of people. Some of those people are going to be women you'd like to date. Some of them are going to be people you want to be friends with. Not only is it going to be easier to meet women you want to date if you're meeting lots and lots of people, you're going to make new friends and be more interesting to everyone.
You don't like your hometown. Guess what? You're not supposed to like it. When you're 18, your hometown is the nest that you're supposed to be leaving. You'll probably like it better later when you've done some growing and changing; god knows I like mine a lot better now that I don't live there. Go live somewhere else. Fortunately, you have a system already in place that'll let you move somewhere else with a place to live and tons of other people your age around: transferring to a different college. Start visiting colleges, pick three or four with degree programs you like, campuses you can live on, a rich and varied set of activities available, and lots of other people around. Apply to those. When you get to your nice new school, join every club you feel remotely interested in, go to every campus activity you can, accept every invitation offered to you, and smile and say hello to anyone in your general proximity.
You may also want to broaden your standards some. Yeah, you're a big nerd. Join the crowd. The thing is, the world's not only full of big nerds, it's full of people who aren't big nerds but can be awesome friends and/or dates to big nerds anyway. Do you really need a potential date to be able to recite all the Pokemon, or do you just need her to be someone kind and fun to spend time with?
Does taking my college choir in full medieval regalia to sing outside of the jousting tournament and for the king count?
First of all, the problem with most guys is the lack of self confidence they have. If you feel like you're going to end up lonely and are sending out a bunch of lonely vibes, those vibes are going to get picked up by people. Take that mentality, shove it in a box along with the excuses you're using like "nobody is single" or "I'm a nerd". That's all garbage that's working against you.
The key to attracting women is to grow a spine so to speak. It's not about being yourself cause right now, yourself is the one holding you back with all of the excuses you're making. No. Be your best damn self. There are countless ways of achieving this but your primary goal is self confidence. Get it in your thick skull that you're awesome. Take some time looking at other girls. Make eye contact. Smile. Get some nice clothes you can go out with to feel better about yourself. Shine your shoes and most importantly, don't drink.
It takes 30 seconds before someone makes up their mind about another. Your posture, demeanor, clothing and speech are necessary tools in order to get into someone's favor. If you're hard up on ideas for clothing, park yourself down in a mall one day and play a little game I like to call: "Does this person look like he's getting laid". If you see someone and you answer to yourself "yes" then take note of what he's wearing and see if that's a look for you.
Other then that, get used to people telling you NO and when/if they do, think for a moment what you did to blow it. Once that you have that answer, try a different approach.
As for finding single women just ask yourself, what do single women tend to do in order to meet guys? Also, expanding your social circle is crucial. I've seen to many great relationships happen because people started expanding on the people they know.
Second: Don't assume you want a female version of you. You can have a totally good time with a girl from a different clique. They have emotions, vaginas, etc just like a "nerdy" girl would.
I host a podcast about movies.
Were you singing in said choir, or just "taking them there"?
Because if it's the latter, you owe me five bucks. :P
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
I was singing in the choir :P
All righty then, you win. And with that, we're back on topic.
If someone this nerdy can get several dates/girlfriends/etc, the OP has nothing to worry about.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
EDIT: To clarify - it's quite possible for a woman to make an initial assessment of 'I'm not immediately attracted to this person', however, to suggest that this necessarily leads to 'I'd never date this person' is just silly.
This. It's not a goddamn race.
I didn't get seriously involved with someone until I was 23. Life went on before then, life went on during our relationship, life is going on now that it's over and that I'm single again. I understand that fear of being alone, of not being able to create a connection with someone in the way that other people around you can. But seriously, even if you have a relationship, it's not going to magically complete your life.
I still see people around me frantically trying to get girlfriends/boyfriends as if it's the one thing missing in their life, and it's painful to watch sometimes. I've seen people ignore their work and friends, just for a random shot with some girl they barely know, because they figure if they can just get a girl, any girl, everything else will fall into place.
A relationship will not save you.
I'm not saying stop trying to date or anything like that, but stop worrying so much about it. Meet people, socialize, get out. As others have said, don't make excuses and explore your options. When you finally meet someone who interests you, speak up and see where it goes. But until you do, don't sweat it.
And christ, you're only 18! You're nowhere near a point where you can objectively say "I suck and I'll be alone forever."
You beat me to it.
There is no such thing as the myserious "Friend Zone."
The movie Just Friends is a movie. That's not how it works.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
Yeah friends wind up dating all the time, but sometimes you aren't willing to wait for the person to come around. Letting them know you mean business right off the bat is a whole hell of a lot better than being friends and secretly pining over them, hoping you wind up together someday.
Asking girls out is always the way to go.
As soon as you stop looking for something, you usually find it. haha, that sounds like such a load of tosh, but it's more true than it isn't.
Take the excellent advice you have received here (blaket, blackhunter, vivixenne, admanb, trwoizilla) and run with it. Or walk, in your case.