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On self esteem, and other things
Hastur42
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Using an alt as this is rather embarrassing.
-I've never been in a relationship, no ones ever asked me out on a date.
-I have issues about my height and weight (5'6, slender)
-People say I'm cute, but it's usually in the sort of tone you would use when talking to a puppy and it drives me fucking nuts.
-I grew up in a conservative suburb full of WASPS so I was closeted until I moved out. I met some wonderful people, got things on track, and came out. I was also the short kid, so I was often picked on, humiliated, and stepped on. My best friend, the first guy I came out too, is also gay. He's tall, tan, and strikingly handsome. I'm embarrassed to admit he's part of the reason I feel inadequate all the time. I'm honestly trying to feel good about myself but it's hard when a countless number of guys just use me to get to him. I feel like a petty asshole for even feeling this way about him, because he's a wonderful guy and doesn't necessarily do anything wrong.
-I loathe gay bars, clubs, ect.
-My school is fairly small, only a handful of openly gay guys and most of them are club hopping stereotypes. They aren't necessarily bad people, I just don't have anything in common with them.
-Being gay doesn't afford me as much of an opportunity to randomly meet someone. Every guy I have something in common with is usually straight (it's not because they're straight, theres just a lot more of them)
-Are people are shallow as I think they are, or am I seriously inflating the issue?
-I've never been in a relationship, no ones ever asked me out on a date.
-I have issues about my height and weight (5'6, slender)
-People say I'm cute, but it's usually in the sort of tone you would use when talking to a puppy and it drives me fucking nuts.
-I grew up in a conservative suburb full of WASPS so I was closeted until I moved out. I met some wonderful people, got things on track, and came out. I was also the short kid, so I was often picked on, humiliated, and stepped on. My best friend, the first guy I came out too, is also gay. He's tall, tan, and strikingly handsome. I'm embarrassed to admit he's part of the reason I feel inadequate all the time. I'm honestly trying to feel good about myself but it's hard when a countless number of guys just use me to get to him. I feel like a petty asshole for even feeling this way about him, because he's a wonderful guy and doesn't necessarily do anything wrong.
-I loathe gay bars, clubs, ect.
-My school is fairly small, only a handful of openly gay guys and most of them are club hopping stereotypes. They aren't necessarily bad people, I just don't have anything in common with them.
-Being gay doesn't afford me as much of an opportunity to randomly meet someone. Every guy I have something in common with is usually straight (it's not because they're straight, theres just a lot more of them)
-Are people are shallow as I think they are, or am I seriously inflating the issue?
Hastur42 on
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Fixable. Work out. As for the height, if someone's not interested in you because of how tall you are, that person is probably not worth dating anyway. Their loss, not yours.
When people (especially girls or gay males) say you are cute it is meant endearingly as well as a comment on your physical attributes. It depends on the situation. When we say "that dude's cute" we usually mean he's good-looking. When we say "you're so CUTE" we usually mean you just did something that makes our insides kinda go "awwwww!" Neither is bad. You are being overly sensitive.
Don't compare yourself to your friends. They can be people to look up to and people to respect, but you are an individual with your own strengths. Just because those strengths are not the same as someone else's doesn't mean they are better than you. Recognize what your strengths are by being honest with yourself, by choosing what YOU value in being a worthwhile person.
Quite frankly, on both the hetero and homo side, there are going to be people who hate the club/bar scene. You may be one such individual. Nothing unusual about it.
Nothing wrong with that. Find your own crowd. You don't have to solely hang around openly gay people, either. I know lots of gay dudes who spend most of their time around straight people and only hang out with gay dudes when they're on a manhunt.
This could be a problem with your environment rather than your personality or sexual preference. In many cases it's a lack of options and exposure owing to a small social pool. What kind of city do you live in and how old are you? If you're still in high school, don't fret. College is a whole other story.
This seems a bit embittered, and most of the time the answer to this question is no and then yes.
You seem to be worrying too much about the fact that you can't get a date and are using your sexuality as a crutch (an excuse, if you will). Take the emphasis off the fact that you are single and put it on the fact that you have to be happy with yourself before others will be happy with you. Work on improving yourself, build some confidence, and people (both gay and straight) will inevitably take notice.
I should clarify that most of my friends are straight, and admittedly, my social circle is small.
but for now don't sweat it too much. relationships can be hard to find, just keep being social and eventually you'll find someone. also don't be afraid to ASK a person you like for a date. the worst they can do is say no.
Buck up. All the guys I've really crushed on were d'awwww adorable in just this way.
And I totally sympathize re: the small dating pool. Be open to new things, and don't be too hesitant to ask a guy out even if you're not sure about his orientation, since not everyone who's out is also obvious. Keep in mind that this is less awkward when you do it early in the acquaintance.
Branch out to city and state orgs too. I'm in Boston so there are admittedly a lot of city and state orgs from MassEquality to HRC and Amnesty Intl here because of the area, but I'm sure there are some in yours.
Don't write bars off completely. You don't have to go every night but going once or twice a month with friends can expand your social scene.