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The one that got away [Girl Thread]
Fiznit
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
So I thought I'd jump on the girl thread bandwagon, and get some crap off my chest.
Abbreviated history: I put off the whole dating thing for way too long, and then realized this year that if I kept waiting for fate to decide, I'd end up waiting forever. So I started the whole internet dating thing; mainly to meet people and build up my confidence. A few strike-outs later, and I ended up getting into contact with someone who I really clicked with. Due to miscellaneous reasons like being overseas, and getting sick; we didn't actually meet for about 3 months, so we really got to know each other via text. Now, at this stage I wasn't really banking on her being "the one", or anything like that. She was more just an internet buddy.
Anyhow, we finally met up for drinks, and ended up talking for like 3 hours; I'm not the most outgoing person, but she was so easy to talk to, and we really got along great. The next week we did the movie + dinner, and everything went swimmingly until the kiss. She initiated since I was pretty gutless, and then nerves, coupled with surprise, coupled with lack of experience resulted in a pretty awkward kiss. And that's basically where things blew up.
After that she avoided me for 5 days. I went from thinking "Wow she actually likes me, and yeah that could have been better but I will make things up to her!", to "Oh shit, I've fucked things up big time". I gave her space for a few days, then sent her an SMS, then tried ringing her the following day when there was no response (but just got voice mail). Eventually she came online again and told me that she realized she wasn't over her ex, and she didn't feel it was fair on me to pursue a relationship while still hung up. But she wanted to remain friends. I said I was cool with that, but unfortunately I wasn't.
I couldn't get my mind over things; I knew the kiss had been a big factor, and I highly suspected the "it's not you, it's me" speech was just to let me down gently, and keep the friendship. Eventually paranoia caused me to do some internet sleuthing (which I regret), and I confirmed that she thought the kiss was bad (but also that she liked me). So I panicked. I sent her some messages saying that I know I was awkward, and I'd really like to give things another shot because I like her, but I couldn't just sit by and do the friend thing because it'll make it harder to move on. And that was that. She never responded, and I had effectively locked myself out. I don't really blame her because I had put her on the spot, and I really wish I had talked things out face to face.
So here I am. It's been almost 3 months, and I've moved past it all. I've continued doing the dating thing, met a bunch of great girls, and I'm feeling more comfortable about everything. But for some reason, I can't completely get over her. Maybe it's because she's the one that got away, but I just feel really bad about how things ended, and I wish I hadn't thrown away the friendship. So I guess the point I'm getting at is what should I do (if anything)? I know I should probably just forget about it, move on, that bridge is burnt and there are plenty of fish in the sea. But there was just something about her. She's still on my MSN contact list, and she didn't block me; but it's like we're stuck in some eternal stalemate.
TLDR: I fucked things up a while ago with a chick who I still dig. Do I leave it dead and buried, or attempt to salvage?
Or as Whedon once said "At what point does this stop being CPR and start becoming necrophilia?"
Abbreviated history: I put off the whole dating thing for way too long, and then realized this year that if I kept waiting for fate to decide, I'd end up waiting forever. So I started the whole internet dating thing; mainly to meet people and build up my confidence. A few strike-outs later, and I ended up getting into contact with someone who I really clicked with. Due to miscellaneous reasons like being overseas, and getting sick; we didn't actually meet for about 3 months, so we really got to know each other via text. Now, at this stage I wasn't really banking on her being "the one", or anything like that. She was more just an internet buddy.
Anyhow, we finally met up for drinks, and ended up talking for like 3 hours; I'm not the most outgoing person, but she was so easy to talk to, and we really got along great. The next week we did the movie + dinner, and everything went swimmingly until the kiss. She initiated since I was pretty gutless, and then nerves, coupled with surprise, coupled with lack of experience resulted in a pretty awkward kiss. And that's basically where things blew up.
After that she avoided me for 5 days. I went from thinking "Wow she actually likes me, and yeah that could have been better but I will make things up to her!", to "Oh shit, I've fucked things up big time". I gave her space for a few days, then sent her an SMS, then tried ringing her the following day when there was no response (but just got voice mail). Eventually she came online again and told me that she realized she wasn't over her ex, and she didn't feel it was fair on me to pursue a relationship while still hung up. But she wanted to remain friends. I said I was cool with that, but unfortunately I wasn't.
I couldn't get my mind over things; I knew the kiss had been a big factor, and I highly suspected the "it's not you, it's me" speech was just to let me down gently, and keep the friendship. Eventually paranoia caused me to do some internet sleuthing (which I regret), and I confirmed that she thought the kiss was bad (but also that she liked me). So I panicked. I sent her some messages saying that I know I was awkward, and I'd really like to give things another shot because I like her, but I couldn't just sit by and do the friend thing because it'll make it harder to move on. And that was that. She never responded, and I had effectively locked myself out. I don't really blame her because I had put her on the spot, and I really wish I had talked things out face to face.
So here I am. It's been almost 3 months, and I've moved past it all. I've continued doing the dating thing, met a bunch of great girls, and I'm feeling more comfortable about everything. But for some reason, I can't completely get over her. Maybe it's because she's the one that got away, but I just feel really bad about how things ended, and I wish I hadn't thrown away the friendship. So I guess the point I'm getting at is what should I do (if anything)? I know I should probably just forget about it, move on, that bridge is burnt and there are plenty of fish in the sea. But there was just something about her. She's still on my MSN contact list, and she didn't block me; but it's like we're stuck in some eternal stalemate.
TLDR: I fucked things up a while ago with a chick who I still dig. Do I leave it dead and buried, or attempt to salvage?
Or as Whedon once said "At what point does this stop being CPR and start becoming necrophilia?"
Fiznit on
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Posts
So. Find another girl. There are plenty out there; it's the best way for you to get over this one. And so what if you blew the kiss? Practice makes better (and more comfortable), and next time hopefully things will be different.
This is a clue.
Just chalk it up as a lesson learned and keep trying to meet new people.
Satans..... hints.....
She may remain a good friend, but it's been 3 months. It's not going anywhere, the only thing you can salvage at this point is polite conversation.
Get over her. There is no "would've been great" or "one that got away." If nothing else, your brief connection with her helped you grow and mature into a person that you are happier with today, right? Consider that all that was to be gained from her, it was good that you learned from that experience, stop putting her on a pedestal because quite frankly she wasn't all that, and move on.
So, in answer to your question: do nothing.
Bonus question: why can't you get over her? You are projecting on her because you regret that things hadn't gone smoothly, it's not because she was this once-in-a-lifetime snowflake and you are now worse off for having screwed it up. It has nothing to do with her as a person and everything to do with your take on what YOU deem to be a huge cock-up. YOU just want it off the record that anything went wrong in the first place, that's why you can't seem to let go.
I guess I was more hoping to revive the friendship than anything else. Irrespective of whether she was telling the truth, or being petty; it was me who opted out of going the friends route and who distanced myself.
I *am* still meeting people, and I'm not just sitting around pining away (in fact, I'd rate this year as pretty damn epic for other reasons). But I just regret cutting her completely out of my life, because we did get along.
But yeah, pushing things will probably just exacerbate the situation, so I should just leave it be.