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The Ring
sk600
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm thinking about buying and engagement ring to offer to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, the only jewelry I have ever bought, other than the stuff my girlfriend had picked out herself, is $20 crap for my Mom on mother's day. I have heard about the 4 C's but don't know that much about what that means. I have around 2 grand set aside for the ring and was hoping, based on the engagement rings that I have seen, for about half a carat.
I don't want to look like a total idiot when I go to the jeweler, so if anyone has and advise or any experience in this, I would greatly appreciate it.
thanks
I don't want to look like a total idiot when I go to the jeweler, so if anyone has and advise or any experience in this, I would greatly appreciate it.
thanks
sk600 on
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I got my wife's engagement ring and wedding band from them. They are really great and it cost way less than I would have paid in a jewelry store. They have a whole section on the "4 C's" and a huge inventory of loose diamonds that you can sort using the website. They'll even let you buy a few loose diamonds, get them independently appraised, and return the ones you don't want. They are seriously great. My wife still gets compliments on her ring, and not little polite ones...more like, "Oh my god, I noticed your ring sparkling across the room!"
Definitely buy a loose diamond and then have it set. You will save quite a bit, and loose diamonds are just better in general because it's easier to spot imperfections.
As far as the "4 Cs" go, think if them as min/maxing your RPG character. Assuming you have a target price, you're going to have a general range of each factor. As one goes up, the others have to go down, and they all affect price differently. I got my wife a 1-carat diamond, but I splurged a little on the quality of the cut, hence the compliments on how sparkly it is--the quality of the cut determines how much light the diamond reflects back. For clarity, you can get away with a few imperfections because unless the clarity is very low, the imperfections aren't really visible to the naked eye anyway. Color isn't that big a deal because is only noticeable if it is very bad, or when you have loose diamonds side by side. Once the diamond is set, differences of clarity and color become very hard to see. So I guess my recommendation is to pick a price, and find the best balance, keeping in mind that carat-weight and cut will make the biggest difference once it's set.
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This. Unless you've discussed getting married and the kind of ring she would like don't go shopping blindly.
bluenile unless they have prices as good where you were educated.
I agree, maybe propose to her with a little promise ring, and then take her shopping for what she wants. If she's gonna wear it forever, she's going to want to -like- it... Wouldn't you hate to blow 1k on something she thinks 'eh, pretty.
This too! I'm not all for huge diamonds myself. I want a peridot with tiny little diamonds around it too, on a white gold band.
Also important, does she like gold or silver rings? Which looks better on her?
I just know that personally I'm so, so picky with jewelry that even my mother who knows exactly what I like would have trouble picking out the ring.
1) Hit websites, ask about the 4 Cs, get a few flyers. That, combined with a talk with a small store that did custom jewelry, got me comfortable with what I wanted. (For me, it was, if I remember, 57 points, something nice on the cut and color, clarity that was "technically visible to the naked eye" but which the jeweler was able to make look better with good placement (hiding small flaws under the prongs). The numbers are honestly less important, though, then how it looks and, if you're sentimental or go for energy work, how it feels. I really liked the one I found. It ran, as I recall, around $1500 for the stone itself.)
2) Make the gut check about whether you feel comfortable buying (or designing) a ring without consulting her. It obviously depends on the relationship. Some people like being surprised and shown how much the person knows them (or interprets them). Some people want absolute control over what kind of ring they're going to be wearing on their finger every day for the foreseeable future. This is important, and it's not something we can help you with. It's all you.
2a) If you feel comfortable surprising her, talk to us. I can tell you how to scope out ring size and stuff without being obvious about it. (I surprised my wife with a ring I designed for her. She likes it.)
2b) If you don't feel comfortable surprising her, then talk to her about what she wants, go shopping, and make it a thing. Personally, I recommend proposing beforehand with some kind of token (something nice that isn't, you know, thousands of dollars) that isn't the ring, and then noting that you did this because you want her to pick out the perfect ring for her.
Let us know which way you want to go, and we can work from there.
I mean really, there is quite a lot of importance and memory in the 'surprise proposal', but it doesn't have to be with the ring Make it with a ring, and get her the ring of HER choice by going shopping!
If your girlfriend is extremely traditional, and would dump your ass if you didn't go down on one knee at a big family event after asking her dad's permission, well, good luck buddy. Jewelry stores love guys like you ;D But if that's the girl you've got, that's the girl you've got.
If you cannot discuss it with her at all without offending her (despite the warning bells that should sound), you'll have to rummage through her jewelry or try to drop hints about what kind of stuff she might like. Things like "oh so 'n so got engaged at work, she was showing off her ring. It was one of those boring settings with a big ol rock on a boring metal band." She'll probably jump in with "oh yeah I hate that, I like blah blah blah" or "omg I love those things! You think they're ugly? I think they're soooo precious!"
Or whatever.
Point is, you're really going to have to talk to her about this, and gauge what her expectations are. If you know she's cool with you just asking her and then you shop together, then great. Expect to have input, and have an opinion, but that makes it a lot easier. Otherwise, you're gonna drop a lot of dough on something you have no idea about.
1) Go to a wholesaler if you can buy a ring cash, I dropped a few grand on a ring and got about 3x as much for my money than going to any other shop in town. Also the guys there knew their shit. The guy dumped a huge fucking bag of stones on the table and showed me all the Cs and the price differences. I giggled a bit knowing this guy had a hundred thousand dollars of diamonds in front of me and no security in sight...which probably means he had a revolver in his desk.
2) Realize that a full caret is going to look almost identical to 3/4th caret from above, so I suggest you spend your money on the other Cs unless you got mad dollar bills. Don't get a small ring, but take some loose stones and see if you can tell the difference from the part of the visible ring and be like "wait that's 2 grand more?"
3) Give your father in law a heads up, don't ask for permission so much as respectfully tell him your intentions. I did this and got mad props, but if he disapproved I would've been like peace bitch Ima bang yo daughta!
4) do NOT propose at a restaurant. She is probably going to cry and you can have a much more intimate and meaningful moment if she isn't worried about being embarrassed. I am not by any means dating a "girly girl" but I'm pretty sure some of this shit is stamped on their DNA.
5) I think you should show up with the ring you think she'll wear. Ask her friends to do some snooping for you, maybe mom or sister. The whole promise ring and have her pick it out just seems kinda lazy and not romantic to me. There is a certain amount of gamble here, but if you do your homework you should be in good shape. I found out my wife likes princess cut diamonds like years ago and just used that with some other info (white gold, her being fucking tiny) to make a really good purchase.
6) Rings can be resized in about 2 days, for free. Jack one of her rings if you can, but we got my wife's ring resized (it was a bit traumatic for her to lose it, but she got over it). Not a huge deal if it doesn't fit exactly right...I think a little smaller is better than any bigger.
My wedding ring (which my mom picked out, ugh, oh god, ugh) was size 6 because she thought 'oh, her feet are size 6 (my feet are size 4 - 5), her ring finger must be too lolz!'.. I got it refitted to a 4 about a year later. In the meantime, it fell off my finger around a thousand times in 10 minutes.
Conclusion: definitely find out what size she is.
Does she want a ring (my wife hates jewelery, for example)?
What color metal does she like (gold, white gold, titanium, zirconium)?
What gem would she like (or at least her thoughts on gems)?
Does she really want you to spend $2000+ on a piece of jewelery instead of something at least mildly practical (my wife was fine getting a new computer out of the engagement)?
How traditional is she? Alternatively, what would be her perfect proposal situation?
Will she, you know, say yes?
Now, the answers to these are not exactly easy to get. If her mother and/or sister(s) are sly enough and you are close enough to her to get some help, do that... but take caution because they could ruin everything. However, each question answered will greatly help you out.
Murphy's Paradox: The more you plan, the more that can go wrong. The less you plan, the less likely your plan will succeed.
1) Note a ring she wears and already owns that has a band about as thick as you'll have on the ring you get her (different band widths can mean different sizes -- a thicker band usually requires a larger size to be comfortable). This must be a ring that she wears on the ring finger.
2) If you can get said ring, get it and take it to the jewelers. If you can't do so without being seen, see Step 3.
3) Play the "Your fingers are so big/small" game. "Wow, look at your fingers. I mean, this ring, which goes on your RING FINGER and fits just fine, right? I mean, on MY hand, it goes on the pinky, and I can just barely squeeze it over the second knuckle." Then go into the jewelers and try on bands until you get one that, for example, you can barely squeeze over the second knuckle of your pinky.
As a possible counterpoint to what people are saying here, even myself:
Nobody here can tell you whether the girl you want to ask wants a ring or wants to be surprised. Think about it carefully, going with what you know of her, and make a careful determination based on what you believe she is going to like. I don't know it. Other folks don't know it. You've got the best shot. Even if you make the wrong call one way or the other (she wanted a big surprise proposal and you went in carefully, she wanted a square-cut emerald in a solitaire setting and you went with a brilliant-cut diamond surrounded by rubies, she wanted to pick the ring out and you surprised her), if this really is the woman who is right for you, the fact that you put this much time, money, and effort into it is going to mean a lot to her.
For my wife, I knew she liked the gushy stuff, so I wanted to surprise her. I also knew from her taste in jewelry that I was going with something that wasn't yellow gold (she wears a lot of silver and very little gold in all of her jewelry). She likes rubies but is traditional enough that she wouldn't want just a ruby as the ring, and she likes Celtic jewelry (as in, has picked it out multiple times, has a lot). I ended up talking to the jeweler and designing a ring based on that -- a diamond flanked by a pair of small rubies. The rubies were nestled in between leaves of white gold whose stems formed a simple knot pattern that went all the way around the ring. (The ring was solid -- the knotwork is just inlay, which I knew she liked.)
It wasn't necessarily the ring she would have picked, but she both loves the ring (I would really know if she were lying) and she loves that it's something that I designed to be true to her. I gave her the big gushy proposal on New Years Eve at a symphony party. It went pretty well.
That doesn't mean I think you should do everything, or anything, that I did. It just means that the very fact that you're asking means that you're thinking about it, which is good -- but the best person to give you advice here is you (and possibly her a few of her friends and family, if they can be trusted to keep a secret).
This man speaks truth. I wish I had done this.
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He wanted to spend teh bucks, and was a bit put out that the ring (he bought the opal) cost a little more than $100. It's been sent out to be sized, and will be back for the Big Production when my family is in town for Christmas.
In response to his significant buy, I bought him Guitar Hero III, which he's been hinting at for a while.
Most of all, have fun with it!
When I bought her ring, I went with a .75c, but fairly high on clairy and cut. I can find the exact specs if you want, but I think it was SLI, and D? Like RUNNING, she gets compliments on how sparkly it is all the time.
EDIT: And please, don't go to one of those national chains. If you buy from a store, buy from a local place. While always exceptions, every chain we went to had no idea what they were talking about. Re: "Being certified means it's a quality diamond." No, it means whatever grade it was given has been certified, whether it's good or bad.
The sappy commercials from Kays Jewelers are heart touching and all, but this is a big enough deal that you don't want to risk getting something she's not going to like. It's not simply a matter of how many carots or how much money you spent or spotting clarity--the setting has to be right. You need to know whether she wants yellow gold, white gold or silver.
The downside to shopping together? If she wants a ring outside of what you budgeted, and it will take some of the surprise out of it.
Pro Tip: Gents, if you want to surprise your girlfriend when you pop the question, ask questions about her taste in jewelry early on in a relationship. DO NOT go to the store and simply pay for whatever she picks out. DO go to the store and browse through everything with her. Every damned thing. Be curious. If she goes "ooh!" over something, ask her what she likes about it. If she turns up her nose at something else, ask her why. Go through everything, necklaces, pendants, rings, earrings, and then pick out one of the things that she liked.
Later on when you're shopping for "the ring" you'll have a lot of experience to draw upon when trying to pick out something she'll like. Also, you should ask for her parents' permission before you propose...mainly so you can ask her mother to come with you and help you pick. That's right: be prepared to throw your mother-in-law under the bus with your fiance' if she doesn't like the ring.
Do this. Definitely do this.
I'd go so far as to say you should buy the diamond, put in in a simple setting, and propose with that. Afterwords the two of you can pick out the "real" engagement band together. Well, to be truthful, she'll pick it out and you'll pay for it, but you get the idea.
Just surf the site, check the literature they have, it is all very good. I got my wife's ring there and she loves it.
Also, come on. You should be able to get the information needed to make a good choice. Ask her vague questions about jewelry, pay attention to what she buys for herself, etc. She might get suspicious, but that is part of the fun. Besides, if she hates what you buy through blue nile you can just return it and get a new band or whatever, no money lost.
All this hippy crap about picking a ring out together is hogwash!
Women left the kitchen and started getting their own ideas and opinions. Crazy, I know. The idea that a woman might want some say in the ring she's going to wear every day for the rest of her life is just nuts.
Yea, but I see it as a token of your love for your spouse, not a fashion accessory. I picked her ring, then she picked mine. If she hates what he picks, they can always get something else.
(None of this really matters though, unless she is superficial)
Ended up proposing with no ring, since it was rather spur of the moment, which was a good thing.
she told me she wanted a square cut plantinum. after the proposal and the pretnending to ask her parents for permission before i asked (funny story, but i wont go into it) we ended up going to some stores to find a style she liked. turns out it was nothing at all what she thought she wanted. she actually prefered a round tiffanies style one.
after getting her input i went to a jewelry exchange. its basicaaly a huge collection of independent jewelers. my om had a guy she established a relationship wife so i was able to get a good deal.
basically, i picked a diamond and had it mounted.. i went witha smaller but really high quality stone so it was bright and sparkely. i bought the ring without letting her know, and surprised her with it. i like it it worked out, she got an amazing ring , i got to surprise her, andi didn't get ripped off.
Not to disagree with the mod, but some women would feel let down if the man ruined the moment by making her pick it out. (Note: Some women would also be pissed off at having the man pick the ring out himself. I'm not arguing that no woman ever wants to pick out the ring. I'm arguing that not all women always want to pick out the ring.)
It's a question of knowing the woman well enough to know a) which way she wants to do it, and b) whether you can in fact figure out what she would like if you do decide to surprise her.
Exactly. You should know her well enough to make that choice.
Or she doesn't want to wear something ghastly on her hand forever because the love of her life has no taste.
Hmm, very aggressive response there, mod-type.
I'm going to agree with the folks here who argue that a wedding ring, chosen by the opposite party, can be a romantic token. Just like sometimes you'd be happy with an article of clothing your SO purchased for you. It might not be the same thing you'd pick, but that's why you like it, it's a sign of their personality and the way they see you, that you proudly wear. It's another way of approaching this whole "partnership" concept.
My better half and I looked into bidz.com and it turns out they have the lowest possible rating from the BBB and the top suggestion from google is "bidz.com scam".
We used bidz and eBay mainly to look at as many different styles as possible without just seeing what happened to be in fashion at the current time. As it turns out, we put in a bid on a gorgeous ring for much less than it was worth (even by eBay standards) and by chance we won the auction. So we wound up with the most beautiful ring ever for a much lower price than a comparable ring at bluenile.
For the record, the proposal was done with a very large lump of coal hot glued to a worm clamp.
If you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to message me. Yes, that includes you.