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Me, my wife and her friend

Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
edited December 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
Suckers.

Anyway, last night my wife invited her friend (who had been out of state doing an internship) to stay at our house while she's finishing school. She'd probably stay in our basement and pay $200 or so a month. I really don't have a problem with her staying, but I wouldn't be surprised if some bad mojo developed. Does anyone else have experience with this sort of situation? How did it turn out? I'm not concerned with anything developing between her and I since, even if were feasable, an extra-marital relationship is just too much goddamned work.

Richard_Dastardly on

Posts

  • rfaliasrfalias Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Damn, I was fully expecting the obvious.

    You just gotta weigh the situation. There will be inconveniences for you and your wife and personal space. You have to decide if its worth it, and make sure to lay out some basic rules and stuff if you have any major no-no's in your house. Maybe list out pro's and cons and see if its something you can both deal with.

    rfalias on
  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    What kind of 'mojo' are we talking here? Was an affair the first thing that popped into your mind or something??

    Malkor on
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  • Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Pro:
    1) My wife can't complain any longer about how she never gets to have a conversation in her native tongue.
    2) More me-time (ie; gaming time)
    3) A little bit of income
    4) ???

    Con:
    1) Can't walk around the house in my long johns
    2) Strange dudes staying over (gonna be a rule against that, though)
    3) Her friend doesn't seem fond of my friends, and I have some late night drinking sessions. We'd totally have to keep the yelling down to a mild scream.
    4) ????
    Malkor wrote: »
    What kind of 'mojo' are we talking here? Was an affair the first thing that popped into your mind or something??

    Oh no, not that. Didn't mean to imply.

    Richard_Dastardly on
  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    If you want to avoid mojo, set up rules. Sharing laundry? Food? Dishes? TV time? What does the rent cover -- space, electricity, water?

    Treat it like a landlord situation. Say "hey, I want you to be our friend after you move out, so let's get this boring stuff out of the way now."

    EggyToast on
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  • rfaliasrfalias Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Pro:
    1) My wife can't complain any longer about how she never gets to have a conversation in her native tongue.
    2) More me-time (ie; gaming time)
    3) A little bit of income
    4) ???

    Con:
    1) Can't walk around the house in my long johns
    2) Strange dudes staying over (gonna be a rule against that, though)
    3) Her friend doesn't seem fond of my friends, and I have some late night drinking sessions. We'd totally have to keep the yelling down to a mild scream.
    4) ????
    Malkor wrote: »
    What kind of 'mojo' are we talking here? Was an affair the first thing that popped into your mind or something??

    Oh no, not that. Didn't mean to imply.


    Well, it does not matter if she does not like your friends honestly, she is in your house. You get any liberties you want. Also, unfriendly as it may seem, write up a contract. Get it notarized if you can. These kind of setups can easily go awry and having paper makes things 1000000% easier to deal with if it goes south.

    rfalias on
  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Oh no, not that. Didn't mean to imply.
    If you're claiming that at no point whatsoever did the "Dude, two chicks at the same time" thought cross your mind, I hereby fly the flag of bullshit. :P

    That said, nothing can ruin a friendship faster than living together. And if she's paying rent, you're also entering a landlord-tenant relationship, and those can get messy if things go south.

    PeregrineFalcon on
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  • ElJeffeElJeffe Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited December 2008
    This could be anywhere from awesome to a disaster, depending on the details. The more you spell out in advance, the less likely it is to be the latter. For any monetary requirements, spell them out exactly ahead of time, so there's no confusion. I would also talk to your wife privately and spell out the circumstances that would lead you to evict her friend, so if shit goes south you're not also fighting with her about it.

    As long as everything is clear ahead of time, there's no reason this can't work to everyone's favor.

    ElJeffe on
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  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Yeah, anything you agree to verbally needs to also be in writing. Frame it so she knows that it's for you and her.

    Malkor on
    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
  • DmanDman Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I'd just like to add that when you do up your little rent document you put a clear end date so the friend your wife and yourself are all clear exactly when she is moving out and can plan accordingly.

    just saying....

    Dman on
  • Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Oh no, not that. Didn't mean to imply.
    If you're claiming that at no point whatsoever did the "Dude, two chicks at the same time" thought cross your mind, I hereby fly the flag of bullshit.

    "Kurt, do you mind if ****** stays with us for a while? Hey... what's with the goofy smile? I asked you a question." That's pretty much how it went down. So, yeah. Doesn't hurt that her friend is hot.

    Anyway, my wife has already begun a list of rules and whatnot. She's pretty good about that. My only rule is: No strange dudes over unless I get to know them and approve of them first. I'd hate waking up, going down to the kitchen to make coffee and find some jackoff at the kitchen table eating my eggos.

    Richard_Dastardly on
  • Lord MaloryLord Malory Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Dman has a great point. And regarding this, Ive never had any problems with any roomates, even those i was paired with and didn't know, because im a pretty laid back guy. The one problem I had was a situation like this when my roomate/best friend had THEIR friend come stay in some extra space we had for a few months because they needed somewhere to stay ( they had the money to contribute- that wasnt the problem). If its you and your wife, and your house (or even apartment) you're having someone enter your private life.

    It may seem super-anal to your wife and friend (who are obviously closer than you + friend), but you need EVERY detail set out up front. I don't suggest being crazy hardcore about limitations, because she WOULD be giving you money to rent that space, (so why couldn't she have guests over within reason), but there need to be clear outlines, otherwise the risk is far greater that you will get burned. Its more important to protect yourself and be a bit annoying, than be too laid back and get really screwed. I say that from experience.

    Lord Malory on
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  • Lord MaloryLord Malory Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Richard, your insert post about jackoffs in the kitchen. That is more reasonable than i imagined your original stance. I would agree that that is totally reasonable since you dont want strange dudes in your house, while allowing her reasonable consideration for sexy fun time.

    Lord Malory on
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  • ElJeffeElJeffe Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited December 2008
    Malkor wrote: »
    Yeah, anything you agree to verbally needs to also be in writing. Frame it so she knows that it's for you and her.

    Out of curiosity, does creating a formal document open the OP up to specific responsibilities that could bite him in the ass? Say, an inability to say, "Okay, get the fuck out of my house" on a moments' notice if it turns out to be a disaster?

    ElJeffe on
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  • rfaliasrfalias Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Malkor wrote: »
    Yeah, anything you agree to verbally needs to also be in writing. Frame it so she knows that it's for you and her.

    Out of curiosity, does creating a formal document open the OP up to specific responsibilities that could bite him in the ass? Say, an inability to say, "Okay, get the fuck out of my house" on a moments' notice if it turns out to be a disaster?

    That is why God created the 'Clause'

    rfalias on
  • bowenbowen Sup? Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Malkor wrote: »
    Yeah, anything you agree to verbally needs to also be in writing. Frame it so she knows that it's for you and her.

    Out of curiosity, does creating a formal document open the OP up to specific responsibilities that could bite him in the ass? Say, an inability to say, "Okay, get the fuck out of my house" on a moments' notice if it turns out to be a disaster?

    I think so, yes. But I think only up to a maximum of 1 month.

    CoJo, where are you?

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • DmanDman Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I think if someone is staying in your place and paying rent they have a verbal contract and you won't be able to evict them at a moments notice, weather you do up a written contract or not they are probably entitled to 30 days notice.

    Dman on
  • bowenbowen Sup? Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Dman wrote: »
    I think if someone is staying in your place and paying rent they have a verbal contract and you won't be able to evict them at a moments notice, weather you do up a written contract or not they are probably entitled to 30 days notice.

    You can because there's no proof of contract and it's he said/she said. The person who owns the deed automagically wins.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • SixSix Caches Tweets in the mainframe cyberhex Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    bowen wrote: »
    Dman wrote: »
    I think if someone is staying in your place and paying rent they have a verbal contract and you won't be able to evict them at a moments notice, weather you do up a written contract or not they are probably entitled to 30 days notice.

    You can because there's no proof of contract and it's he said/she said. The person who owns the deed automagically wins.

    This very likely differs from state to state. There are many laws to protect tenants regardless of whether there's a contract in place or not. Many states will require you to give at least 30 days notice even without a lease.

    Six on
    can you feel the struggle within?
  • Lord MaloryLord Malory Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I suggest not getting into an argument about verbal contracts and proof therof in a court of law. I can easily see that being a point of contention, cause thats the type of stuff we do. But i would look into your liabilitiy, depending on how cool she is with your wife. Her character is really important in this situation. I'm assuming the worst to give you advice to protect you the most, which i think is what many people are doing. But maybe they've been friends for 15 years, and your liability may be less. Risk management, baby.

    Lord Malory on
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  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Malkor wrote: »
    Yeah, anything you agree to verbally needs to also be in writing. Frame it so she knows that it's for you and her.

    Out of curiosity, does creating a formal document open the OP up to specific responsibilities that could bite him in the ass? Say, an inability to say, "Okay, get the fuck out of my house" on a moments' notice if it turns out to be a disaster?

    Uh. Probably. I'm sure each state has different laws about tenants so maybe asking the local friendly licensed Realtor (tm) is the way to go.

    Malkor on
    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
  • SixSix Caches Tweets in the mainframe cyberhex Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    http://www.hud.gov is the place to go for information about this, specifically the Fair Housing Administration. Contact the HUD office in your city/state for more information on the specific laws regarding tenants' rights.

    Six on
    can you feel the struggle within?
  • Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    They've been friends since they met in school. So, it's been about two or three years.

    I'm not worried about myself here, except for the strange dudes situation (don't care if they're over, but they can't stay the night). I've had all kinds of roommates before and I'm really easy to adapt to different situations. My wife isn't, though. She's pretty rigid.

    I haven't thought about the legal issues... is it because she's paying us rent, basically? You know, even though we hadn't considered doing any formal legal documents, renters agreements, etc? Shit.

    Edit: Checking the HUD and I'll call my old realtor tonight. He just sent me a Christmas card, so I assume it's cool to bother him.

    Richard_Dastardly on
  • SixSix Caches Tweets in the mainframe cyberhex Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    They've been friends since they met in school. So, it's been about two or three years.

    I'm not worried about myself here, except for the strange dudes situation (don't care if they're over, but they can't stay the night). I've had all kinds of roommates before and I'm really easy to adapt to different situations. My wife isn't, though. She's pretty rigid.

    I haven't thought about the legal issues... is it because she's paying us rent, basically? You know, even though we hadn't considered doing any formal legal documents, renters agreements, etc? Shit.

    Even if she's not paying rent, you may legally not be able to toss her out without 30 days notice. It's worth knowing exactly what your (and her) rights are, just in case.

    Six on
    can you feel the struggle within?
  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I haven't thought about the legal issues... is it because she's paying us rent, basically? You know, even though we hadn't considered doing any formal legal documents, renters agreements, etc? Shit.

    Bingo; as soon as money changes hands you have implied tenancy. If she was staying with you for free, she would be a houseguest and not subject to all that legalese.

    PeregrineFalcon on
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