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The whole bar/club thing
Mace1370
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm going to try and not make this a really long post. Basically, I dated pretty infrequently throughout college (only two or three dates a quarter). The only girls I met were ones through class/clubs/dorms. I've never been into the whole bar or club thing. I feel like there is some instruction manual that explains the socially accepted steps to picking up women at these places that I never read. Also, I can't dance.
I'm curious if any of you use a particular strategy or plan of attack when going into a bar (or a club, but I'm more interested in bars than clubs). Do you just walk up to a girl standing there and offer to buy her a drink? Any general tips about conversing would also be helpful.
I'm curious if any of you use a particular strategy or plan of attack when going into a bar (or a club, but I'm more interested in bars than clubs). Do you just walk up to a girl standing there and offer to buy her a drink? Any general tips about conversing would also be helpful.
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More helpful advice, I guess, is to just talk to them as though you were talking to anyone. Don't think of yourself as 'on the attack', that's a sure-fire way to fail.
Edit; Oh I should say this because sometimes people don't understand that it's a given, but be fucking confident. Pay attention to her, but you're the important one in this relationship you've just started. When you ask a girl to dance, if you can open up with a joke, then golden. If you can find a smooth way to insult their dancing abilities before you start, most girls will jump on the chance to "prove you wrong." And shit son, let them.
If you're looking for one-night stands, then yeah, bars can be great for that, because the odds of finding someone else looking for a one-night stand are pretty high. If that's your thing, I'm sure other people here have some useful advice.
If you're looking for a relationship, honestly, there are better places to look. Online dating is pretty awesome, and it's absolutely not just for internet people anymore - my technologically-useless sister met her husband on Lavalife.
(But if the guys you talk to freak out and think you're gay, know that you've found the right lines and apply them accordingly.)
Kate, the whole reason I want to know what to do at bars/clubs is because I've basically stopped meeting women. All I do is sit around all day and study and I feel like this is sort of the time in my life when I should be meeting people. Bars seemed like the place to go to meet people, although I have been meaning to give online dating a try.
Practice at it. Get shot down, it happens and it teaches you things. Yes, you can, in fact, just walk up to a girl who is obviously sitting at the bar waiting to have someone buy her a drink and then buy her a drink.
However, I agree with the poster who stated that it's better to find someone who is dancing and get them to dance with you. Part of this is because they might not be the girl who sits at the bar all night being fed free drinks with no intention of actually getting to know you, and part of it is because dancing is physical. You're at a bar looking to meet people, and sex is a factor in this, whether it's the primary one or not. You will still generate more attraction dancing together. It also gets rid of the awkward conversation.
In addition, when I was a single bar-hopper, I found it really rewarding just to spend an hour dancing with a girl, even if I didn't intend for it to lead to anything at all. Dancing with pretty ladies is fun! ;P
Anyway, get out there, belt down some drinks and make a fool of yourself. If you find that you just don't enjoy yourself at all, stop. If you like it, keep doing it.
Oh, one last note. Age isn't totally important, but if you're almost 30 or something, don't go to the 18 and up bar, etc. Age isn't THAT important, but you should get a vibe pretty quickly if you're in the wrong bar.
Voila. You don't have to dance, you don't have to sleep with her, all you really have to do is be able to hold a conversation.
Also, it helps to go out with friends. Going by yourself can be a little sketchy.
I do kinda like the line "you make me feel good about myself." This says to me that the dancing isn't a contest of skill, just two people having a good time together. Which is also what I want out of sexy times too, so that bodes well.
You have a lot more options than bar/club or the internet and it's been said so many times in this forum it's starting to become a copy+pasting thing.
Volunteer work. Join a club of some kind. Join a sports team. If you have the time to go to a bar/club and put in the hours there, you have time to do these things, too.
Don't limit yourself to just one option. Meet people different ways and see what works best for you. For most people, it's a combination of methods.
I learned all I know about dancing from Pulp Fiction. Although, I always go home alone, so this may not be the best advice. But I've got a mate who gets by with a bit of the twist.
Also, strike up a conversation? I don't know about anyone else, but every club I've ever been to has been far to noisy for me to understand a thing anyone says (or shouts). Even in the sort of secluded looking drinking areas where people are meant to try and chat. Why does the music have to be so loud? Does it make it more fun?
Mr. Tsu over here has a point, but it's not that hard to get used to it.
Bars with pool/darts are good. It's easy to introduce yourself if all you have to do is ask if you can play winner.
Na you gettin it all wrong, it's playful. You joke around with the girl, and she jokes around back. It's a game!
Just because you don't like bars and clubs doesn't mean the people who do are morally bankrupt sluts.
A bar is a terrible place to start a meaningful relationship?
Well I guess humanity is kind of fucked because bars have been the hub for socializing for a long, long time. Significantly longer than the internet.
Mace you need other people to go to the bar with, as going by yourself will probably severely hurt your chances. Do you have any friends that like to go out? People whose company you enjoy preferably? Just go out with them, have a few drinks, and try to have fun. Watch what people do, see who picks up and how
https://medium.com/@alascii
Seriously. You might hate every single person you meet in a bar, but if you can talk to them, compliment them, etc. without coming off as creepy then you might not need the bar anymore. The cute girl in the coffee shop might actually be an option once you know how to strike up a conversation with her. And you'll know how to do that because you'll have experience and confidence.
Yeah, insulting them is a great first impression, and will never turn out poorly. All women will enjoy this and none will take it as face value and ignore you, insult you back, or throw a drink in your face. Ever.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Dude. Do you know what a joke is? Cause I've never been ignored doing this. Or insulted. Or a drink thrown in my face. Holy shit dude. Obviously you don't know how to use body language or tone of voice to portray a joke.
Be desireless. Be excellent. Be gone.
Telling a guy with next to no experience in bars/clubs to jokingly insult women as a first approach is likely going to end badly, especially if that's not his nature, since he'll faking it harder than a guido with a spray-on-tan.
It's one thing to come off as a smartass, or a jackass - it's another to come off as an asshole. And it's a very fine line that separates the two.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
- meet a girl at a bar, lose a girl at a bar -
then ask yourself if it's worth it. every worthwhile relationship i've ever had with a girl has been someone I have met outside of a club/bar.
if you still want to go that direction - house parties are much, MUCH better.
"What is the one thing you're excellent at?"
"I'm an excellent...camper."
"Great. Too bad you can't camp in front of a chick."
I'm really glad I'm not the only person who saw that movie. Please don't let girls know about it, though. The moment they become aware of it, they think you're just playing another game, and suddenly the fact you wait for a girl to come and kiss you "hello" at a party instead of rushing over to make a move isn't you being yourself, it's just another creative strategem that makes you look like an asshole, even if you're just trying to be friendly and have a good time.
And that's super annoying, right? The guy going on about how you should make fun of girls when you go up to them is basically telling you to be someone else, and he probably doesn't particularly care if a number of people think he's an asshole for trying that game. What I'm trying to endorse is being yourself and enjoying the moment instead of pursuing an agenda, and if people start thinking that being yourself is, in itself, a game, it's basically impossible to have fun.
Unfortunately half the people in this world being themself couldn't so much as get a smile from a girl at a club.
And in no way did I ever say anything to condone lying or putting on a fake personality. Giving lines or hints at what to say isn't changing who you are. Everyone is going to approach the situation differently, but in general, I'm giving advice that works for me, so why the fuck not let the OP know? Shit, he said he thought I gave good advice, so it seems it sounds plausible to fit his personality, no?
Whatever guys and girls, everything works differently for everybody, and if you think what I'm doing is completely wrong, then we're completely different.
I'm almost convinced that whole "go treat girls like an asshole and they'll climb over each other to get into your pants" crap is pure bullshit.
Don't act like someone you think a woman would want to see. You don't have any control over what she sees/thinks of you, so just be yourself. Women get pissed if you jerk them around- e.g., trying to be someone/something you're not.
If you go out and don't come home with someone- well, if that's the whole point of why you go out, maybe you should think it over again. Just go, have fun, and if you get lucky for a lifetime or a night, congrats. Just don't treat it as the ultimate reason for going to a bar/club.
I can has cheezburger, yes?
First, I reject the premise of the initial argument. I am not so remarkable that I should overperform "half the people in this world" at bars by just being myself. I'm not exceptional.
Second, I do admit that being a bit of a jerk works--some girls automatically fall into the trap of thinking, "gee, I must not be good enough for him if he thinks he can get away with making fun of me"--but you're thinking tactics, and I'm talking strategy. So let's say you make fun of the way this girl dances, or dresses, or talks, or what have you. Let's say this actually works and you get her digits. Let's say you call her. Let's say all of her friends tell her, "What the fuck are you doing talking to that jerk?" Yeah, that's where this happy train typically derails on its way to Finding-Yourself-A-Girlfriend-So-You-Don't-Die-Alonesville: from the very get go, all of her friends are going to think you're a jerk.
The notion has been posited here many times that no one ever meets his future wife in a bar so only go if you want trashy girls. That's bullshit; I'm having another date tomorrow night with an absolutely wonderful young woman I met a couple weeks back in a bar. But there's an obvious fundamental truth at play that people still seem to forget: if you want to find a trashy girl, treat girls like trash. If you want to find a nice girl, you have to try being a nice guy.
You can certainly meet people in a club. Decent people. I mean, you're there right?
There was some interesting one night stand advice. It was okay; I don't think it would pan out for long term success, but if all you want is one night, go hard I guess. I also agree with 'slightly jerky' for such a thing, it makes you more disposable, and its much clearer where things are going. People usually just follow down the best lit path, so a few neon signs- as glaring, harsh and unsubtle as they may be- will often have more success than a dimly lit question wavering unsteadily in the dark.
I think when it comes to pickups, the big question for me has always been: What are the risks involved when sleeping with someone who jumps into bed with a stranger after just a few hours?
There's nothing wrong with that per se, but being personally concerned with sexual safety, it sure freaks me the hell out. Other people are cool with it, hell, sometimes I'm cool with it, but in general terms it seems like bad planning. What I'm getting at, is that a club makes a good place to make a contact, get a number, go on some dates, etc, but isn't really all that awesome a place to have an entire relationship in.
I've found, the best nights have revolved around making new friends, and having a good enough time to get a bit lost in the moment, so when that time is over, there's still a desire on both sides to have it continue elsewhere.
Personally, I frequent the same club quite often, and I see those same people over again. I've made a point of getting to know anyone that pops out at me more than twice. Over time, you find the crowd shifts but the major players are the same. You can say your hellos, make your tours, give out hugs, and always have a place to be. A solid wingman is nice, no lies, but if you've worked a place well you can fly solo and still be surrounded by friends.
Those are the nods that let those new hotties know you're a good guy, those are the smiles and well-wishes that say you're solid. After that, getting a number is an easy, no pressure situation. You're just expanding the list of people that you know. Even if things don't pan out, by being a good joe during whatever time you do have, you'll have another person you can meet and greet, another person who will smile or dance with you, another open invitation to chat for a while. One door leading to another. Open enough doors, and sooner or later you're going to find the one that goes right where you want to be.
The regular place can be key, and this applies not only to bars and clubs. If you can have a conversation with a waiter at a restaurant or the guy behind the counter at your favorite deli, you're golden: it demonstrates that you're involved in your community and the people around you, which is a much better signal to women than being involved in yourself. (added: um, plus it's just nice and convenient to develop a rapport with people?)
And he's also right that the best nights are the ones that leave you and the other person wanting more. That moment at the end of the evening, when you're sharing a cab uptown and suddenly she stops midsentence as she completely loses her train of thought while staring into your eyes, and she gives you that look like she's waiting for something to happen? That's the moment where savor a brief moment of desire before simply saying "We should do this again sometime." Oh, sure, you could go the "my place or yours" route, but why? If you leave her to think for a few days about what she was willing to do to have you in that one moment, the tension will all still be there the next time you go out with her--and you will have one of the best first dates ever.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
This all really just sounds like a bunch of ASF stuff. I mean it is a bunch of ASF stuff.
As they said, it all comes down to going out and having a good time, not just looking for ass. But actually going out to enjoy yourself, regardless of the outcome in your pants. find a place you like, be it a bar, club, bookstore, coffee shop, or comic book store that hosts game weekends, if you hang out with people who share your interests, well, you will probably meet some people who you have a lot in common with. Some of these people will have boobs. If you make an attempt to be a decent person, and connect on a real level, one or two will even let you touch the aforementioned boobs.