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Tales of Misadventure in the World of Dwarf Fortress (NSF56K)
Stealtharcadia
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
In the suicide provoking and masochistic universe of Dwarf Fortress, there are many dark stories. And I'm here to show you dudes some of them. Some of you know how cruel and ugly Dwarf Fortress can be, and others don't really understand what in the hell they are looking at. So I'll do my best to help everyone understand what is happening. So uh, here we go.
The Adventure of Gladius Drumtree
For this opening run, I made a Human Spearmaster who had some skill in armor and shield as well. I hope to incorporate you guys into the other stories. He hails from some podunk human civilization that occupies only one tile on the world map.
Well, one fine day, Gladius was fed up stabbing mountain goats and wild boar and decided to head to the Town Hall to see if he could do anything worthy of his skill.
Wait, are those symbols? Man! What the fuck am I looking at!?
:]
Ok, as you can tell. The adventurer is the really narrow '@' symbol. The mayor, and all humans are 'U's, Elves are 'E's, giants are 'G's, goblins are 'g's and so on and so forth. The rest of the symbols kind of make sense, as long as you realize ground tile is made up of different little symbols so it doesn't look stale.
Anyways, Gladius greets the mayor guy and makes some small talk about the world they live in.
Mayor Treesprays gives our hero some backstory to their nation and warns him of the toe-treachery of the Dunes of Insight. Gladius considers this, but he gets straight to the point.
Ah yes, the evil Tamol Calledmatches the Courageous Sports the giant. In the name of The Still League, Gladius shall avenge your homes and reclaim your treasure!
Off to Cave Pantedscarred!
O! It seems that a petty gathering of wolves have come to challenge the mighty Gladius! He will have a mighty wolf-dinner tonight!
Have at thee! Gladius rolls around on the ground with a bunch of hungry wolves and he stabs them in the legs. That's the only manly way to go about it. But shit! One of the fuckers bit him in the hand! Lucky critter.
Gladius don't take no shit and stabs the wolf that bit him. However the spear got stuck in the wolf's side...
No spear? Who cares, a real man kills his wolves with a shield. So again, Gladius rolls around in the dirt, beating wolves with a shield. He smacks one so hard, he bruises their motherfucking liver.
Gladius tries to stand up but a wolf jumps on him and rips a fucking chunk out of his leg. Dear god, these wolves don't play games. Gladius gets tired and tries to get the fucking wolf off of him.
To no avail. And what the fuck? One of the wolves starts strangling Gladius! Since when did wolves evolve the means to strangle somebody? Jesus Christ!
And our hero passes out. Leaving his fate to the will of these super wolves. However, the super wolves show no sign of mercy.
Dear god...
And thus our hero did fall, slain by 4 wild wolves. He never really did see any fame or glory, just the cold hand of death that is wolf-strangulation.
The End.
So, who's next?
The Adventure of Gladius Drumtree
For this opening run, I made a Human Spearmaster who had some skill in armor and shield as well. I hope to incorporate you guys into the other stories. He hails from some podunk human civilization that occupies only one tile on the world map.
Well, one fine day, Gladius was fed up stabbing mountain goats and wild boar and decided to head to the Town Hall to see if he could do anything worthy of his skill.
Wait, are those symbols? Man! What the fuck am I looking at!?
:]
Ok, as you can tell. The adventurer is the really narrow '@' symbol. The mayor, and all humans are 'U's, Elves are 'E's, giants are 'G's, goblins are 'g's and so on and so forth. The rest of the symbols kind of make sense, as long as you realize ground tile is made up of different little symbols so it doesn't look stale.
Anyways, Gladius greets the mayor guy and makes some small talk about the world they live in.
Mayor Treesprays gives our hero some backstory to their nation and warns him of the toe-treachery of the Dunes of Insight. Gladius considers this, but he gets straight to the point.
Ah yes, the evil Tamol Calledmatches the Courageous Sports the giant. In the name of The Still League, Gladius shall avenge your homes and reclaim your treasure!
Off to Cave Pantedscarred!
O! It seems that a petty gathering of wolves have come to challenge the mighty Gladius! He will have a mighty wolf-dinner tonight!
Have at thee! Gladius rolls around on the ground with a bunch of hungry wolves and he stabs them in the legs. That's the only manly way to go about it. But shit! One of the fuckers bit him in the hand! Lucky critter.
Gladius don't take no shit and stabs the wolf that bit him. However the spear got stuck in the wolf's side...
No spear? Who cares, a real man kills his wolves with a shield. So again, Gladius rolls around in the dirt, beating wolves with a shield. He smacks one so hard, he bruises their motherfucking liver.
Gladius tries to stand up but a wolf jumps on him and rips a fucking chunk out of his leg. Dear god, these wolves don't play games. Gladius gets tired and tries to get the fucking wolf off of him.
To no avail. And what the fuck? One of the wolves starts strangling Gladius! Since when did wolves evolve the means to strangle somebody? Jesus Christ!
And our hero passes out. Leaving his fate to the will of these super wolves. However, the super wolves show no sign of mercy.
Dear god...
And thus our hero did fall, slain by 4 wild wolves. He never really did see any fame or glory, just the cold hand of death that is wolf-strangulation.
The End.
So, who's next?
Stealtharcadia on
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It doesn't really have a "learning curve" so much as a "fuck you, memorize the entire goddamn manual before you even boot up"
I'll probably play some after updating my BG thread.
Anyways, tomorrow should bring The Tale of Moriveth the Dwarf
That is if I don't get too lazy.
Well hey, that's awesome.
Assuming you don't hate me and just kill me gruesomely because you can.
Perhaps I shall rectify that now...
and the roguelike bit is really simple and there's not a whole lot to do in it other than take quests
but man, the gore is just awesome
I will probably kill you gruesomely, but it isn't cause I'm hatin'. It's that crazy world you live in.
See how long he lasts before a guard with a bow shows up?
when Synth mentioned it I didn't believe him, until I looked it up!
my favourite tileset, makes figuring shit out far easier
also follow this the first time you make a fortress
yeah mori I also believe that toady has at the very least two diagnosable mental problems
kpop appreciation station i also like to tweet some
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
Jesus. That's amazing.
Another victory for me!
Warhammer's are my second favorite weapon, because of this.
My first? Unarmed. You tear people in two with that.
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
The only other game that has this amount of crazy attention to detail is FATAL.
Is... is Toady going to be implementing cock sizes, complete with ultra-detailed posts on how he's going to handle weight of testicles and realistic STD-spreading?
fuck, i hope so
we're civilized now
please start acting like it
kpop appreciation station i also like to tweet some
hold on, i think i have old screencaps
hueg
SE++ Map Steam
edit: Also damn, I really need to find the time to play this again because fortress mode is just fucking fantastic.
He dug too greedily and too deep.
SE++ Map Steam
Moriveth came from some dwarven civilization that absorbed a whole bunch of elves and their little forest retreats.
Mori is an expert hammerdorf, and not a bad wrestler also. Lets hope these skills at least prolong death a couple for at least a couple days. Now Moriveth leaves the comfort of the mountain halls to pursue fame and fortune in this terribly dark world.
And so it begins.
:winky:
Mori decides to leave his dwarven homeland towards maybe a human civilization. Mostly because finding the mayor of any dwarf city is pain in the ass.
Northward ho! All those forest retreats are full of dorfs and boring. Stupid tree huggin' hippie dorfs.
Still going...
Hey look! A human town way up north! It's amazing Mori hasn't run into anything yet.
Aw jeez, a pack of wolves. Will Moriveth suffer a fate of wolf-strangulation?
Have at thee!
Mori turns to the left and bashes one wolf into another wolf!
Then turns around to blow apart another! What a badass! I mean, damn.
Another wolf gets batted away! Scrubs!
Moriveth is just playing golf with these guys. Wolves don't got shit on this dwarf.
Thwack!
Ker-Smash!
Mori then continues to methodically execute the wolf with the broken neck. Mori is cold as ice.
Moriveth Passionswallows, slayer of wolves.
Mine ran into a guard armed with a crossbow in the third hut he went to loot. A couple shots from each side and they were slipping on the ground groping each other as they bled to death.
My adventurers never fare well.
No damage and everything around you exploding into gore.