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not attracted to people anymore?
HalberdBlue
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I've run into a rut that is starting to bug me: I haven't really felt attracted towards anyone since this past spring. I think that the main reason for this is that, out of the 3 girls I asked out over the past year, two of them ended up becoming some of my best friends. So, I think that my mind might now be substituting the feeling of attraction for the feeling of friendship, which obviously gets in the way of me pursuing any kind of relationship. Could this be it? Could it just be that my hormone levels are down for whatever reason? I've been kind of ignoring the problem until now, but it does occur to me that it is not normal to be completely unattracted to anybody.
I'm also bisexual (and I'm male), but I'm fairly certain I'd never date another guy. I've hooked up with guys before, but I've never felt attracted to a guy in the same manner I've felt attracted to a girl.
What can I do to fix this? Should I just force myself to go on some dates? I'm worried that I'll just end up with more close friends, while, not necessarily a bad thing, it may just reinforce this mental block. Should I get tested to see if my testosterone is low or something?
Some base level of physical attraction is still there, since I've hooked up with a couple guys and girls this semester, but all such instances except one involved alcohol, which obviously changes things. Though, I should mention that the time that didn't involve alcohol was with one of the girls who is one of my best friends, but we had what seemed like some good reasons for doing it at the time. I'm not still attracted to her and haven't been since several months before we hooked up. I'm also sure she isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with me (or anyone for that matter, which is why she initially rejected me).
I'm also bisexual (and I'm male), but I'm fairly certain I'd never date another guy. I've hooked up with guys before, but I've never felt attracted to a guy in the same manner I've felt attracted to a girl.
What can I do to fix this? Should I just force myself to go on some dates? I'm worried that I'll just end up with more close friends, while, not necessarily a bad thing, it may just reinforce this mental block. Should I get tested to see if my testosterone is low or something?
Some base level of physical attraction is still there, since I've hooked up with a couple guys and girls this semester, but all such instances except one involved alcohol, which obviously changes things. Though, I should mention that the time that didn't involve alcohol was with one of the girls who is one of my best friends, but we had what seemed like some good reasons for doing it at the time. I'm not still attracted to her and haven't been since several months before we hooked up. I'm also sure she isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with me (or anyone for that matter, which is why she initially rejected me).
HalberdBlue on
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My life is actually going pretty much perfectly besides this. It's kind of spooky. I am exactly where I want to be and I'm going exactly where I want to go. I have been putting myself under more stress to do well academically, but I really don't want to change that since I got a 4.0 this semester which is very difficult at my school.
Alright, thanks, I will take that to heart then.
Being independent and confident in that independence is an attractive quality. Enjoy being single and if you do feel attracted to someone, act on it then.
If it wasn't for my wife, I'd be surrounded by ugly people. Wouldn't be surprised if you're in a similar situation ;D
Also, like people have said, could just be a phase in your life. Nothing wrong with that.
As someone said, just enjoy being single for now. You have friends, so it's cool. Just hang out with them and enjoy life till the right person comes along.
I would say this is the best advice that can be given in this situation. Try finding other places to find enjoyment in your life aside from relationships and physical intimacy, and when you do this part of your life will come back when you're ready for it.
double quoted for ultra-truth
I find myself dating two guys and a girl...unfortunately I don't “love" any of them yet and its not clear to me quiet what I am doing...other then having some relaxed fun and I'm not a bad person they are all clear on the situation and they know of each other.
I found myself heartbroken and sad, refusing to allow myself to feel anything, so to distract myself I went out and started dating/meeting people. I'm out and having fun when I am with people, but I too wonder if I will ever feel "love" again or was it all a delusion the last few times anyway?
I found I was not attracted to anyone, as my head was messy. Now I am becoming more into dating and am finding the intellectual part of my relationships more important then initial attraction (if that makes sense.)
At any rate my advise is go and do your own thing as a single person and look for other people (regardless of sex) that make you happy for now (don’t put a purpose or future plan on it at this stage in your life), say yes to opportunities to party, meet people, be social, date etc
"So alternate, against the grain, anti establishment - so you're just a regular joe again, right?"
You’re probably gay.
I say this from experience, because I went through this, and I know plenty of other gay guys who went through this. It takes a long time to really accept yourself as a gay man, to learn how you react to men and women, and there’s a lot of emotional baggage and confusion that goes with it. The best advice I can give you is to not have sex to people you don’t have an emotional attraction to—this will keep you from having bad sex for the hell of it and feeling like crap afterward. And stop drinking before you have sex. If your emotional issues with sex are so powerful that you need to drink to have sex, you need to stop having sex and deal with the issues. Last, start going to some kind of support group/social group for young gay guys. And don’t have sex with the guys in the group. Eventually you’ll learn to deal with being gay, or maybe you’ll find out that you aren’t.
I don't know if I can say for sure that you're gay/bi/whatever, but the green'd part above is a fountain of truth. A fountain from which you ought to drink.
And I'd underline the underlined part twice if I could.
If the OP is saying this:
...I don't think you can justify the "probably" part. It's possible he is and is just in denial, but give the OP some credit about his level of honesty at introspection.
He may be right.
Maybe you should go for some counseling.
It may have just been that I had to type some stuff about this and talk to some people about this, because I met a girl this weekend that I quickly felt attracted to. So I think I may have gotten over whatever subconcious mental block I had before. Hoorah!
Enjoy life, do your own thing, be yourself, and see what opportunities and wonderful things come your way (who knows you might really click with the girl you met on the weekend...)
If you're gay, bi, or straight, in the end it will only matter to you and you alone!
Don't try and be a certain way for anyone and I have always said "I fall in love with people (regardless of their sex) and I'm attracted to strong, confident, beautiful individuals." This has severed me well.
Good Luck (above all, have fun!)
"So alternate, against the grain, anti establishment - so you're just a regular joe again, right?"