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Coping with first break up, H/A please?
Casual
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Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Flap Flap Flap Registered User regular
I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here, advice on coping from people who have gone through this or maybe just a good vent.
I'm 21 and I've just finished my first proper relationship after a year. I don't want to sound emo or anything but it's left me feeling pretty empty and depressed. It wasn't smooth sailing a lot of the time perhaps even for most of it but for the past year my life has revolved around this girl and it's left a hell of a gap. Before her I had no real closeness in my life with anyone not even my family so again I'm at a loose end. The funny thing is the relationship just ran it's course I knew from the start she wasn't the sort that could commit for a long time and we both agreed to end it but I still feel down about this.
The logical side of me knows that its better to end the relationship when the spark dies than slog on pointlessly but that knowledge isnt making this feel better. H/A anyone?
I'm 21 and I've just finished my first proper relationship after a year. I don't want to sound emo or anything but it's left me feeling pretty empty and depressed. It wasn't smooth sailing a lot of the time perhaps even for most of it but for the past year my life has revolved around this girl and it's left a hell of a gap. Before her I had no real closeness in my life with anyone not even my family so again I'm at a loose end. The funny thing is the relationship just ran it's course I knew from the start she wasn't the sort that could commit for a long time and we both agreed to end it but I still feel down about this.
The logical side of me knows that its better to end the relationship when the spark dies than slog on pointlessly but that knowledge isnt making this feel better. H/A anyone?
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2. Take it as a learning experience. What did you like about her? What didn't you like about her? This will help you find a better girlfriend next time. How were you a bad boyfriend? Look at the situation as a positive time. Yes, all relationships have shitty moments but hopefully you had some good times. Remember those and realise that you'll have more with other girls.
3. Do something positive. Hit the gym. After a good hard workout you'll feel like a million bucks.
This is true, but, just for the future, you should note not to confuse this with the initial excitement dying out of a relationship- that's something that always happens.
Anyway, best strategy is to find something to occupy your mind, be it work, study, or hobbies.
Everyone goes through break ups. It is a part of life. The more you go through the stronger you get
Some things you can do to help get over this is focus on you for awhile. Hit the gym. Read some awesome comics (there is a great list in the comic forum) Play video games with your friends. Go out and get sloppy drunk and hit on the hotties tonight at a bar (IT'S SATURDAY!)
You are young and in the prime of your life man. Don't stress. You got the whole world in front of you! Go take it!
The first time is always rough. But trust us There are plenty of fish in the sea. And the ones that get away usually arn't worth keeping anyway. Go land yourself a marlin!
80s rock helped me alot my first time, G&R, Motley Crue... AC/DC! and of course Ultimate Sin/ Bark at the Moon era Ozzy (love the hair)
The curiosity is still there at the back of my mind, but emotional attachments remain that way, a piece of you is lost when a true emotional relationship is dissolved, and they are pieces that you cannot get back. Everytime you do something familiar you'll think of them, what was, what could've been, this is why cutting off contact is important, for if you remain friends, those little random reminders will make things harder on you...
Good luck to you though...
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A good weekend, with at least one day of each of the following. Video games with friends(old school). Drinking with friends(out, not in. especially if you lived together) And picking up/sleeping with a girl who you have no intention to get into a long erm relationship with.
I also see no point in cutting a girl out of your life just because you broke up. There are obviously situations where that will be neccissary, but if it was just a dud relationship, you might end up being better friends than significant others.
The big thing really, is to not let yourself dwell on it. Dont wallow in negetive feelings. Take it from a pro: sitting around in your boxers drinking and hating yourslef can only lead to bad(worse) places. Go out, have fun, and dont look at it as the end of your relationship, more like the begining of your freedom.
And if you really, really need to, go find a new girlfriend. Chicks love taking care of heartbroken guys, as long as you dont get drunk and keep talking about your ex.(thats a no-no)
I'm glad to hear this. I was wondering if cutting them out completely was a hard and fast rule. I mean I went to her place to get my stuff today and there was no animosity there at all. I gave her a ride to the shops and even hung out with her for a while and had dinner. Don't get me wrong we both know to give each other some space for a while but we both agree we want to be friends.
Now my feelings are that sure I find her sexually attractive but as for actually loving her in a relationship context thats kind of gone. Right now I don't see the problem with keeping some contact.
Don't watch a movie with her alone.
Don't get drunk and have sex with her.
Seems like stupid advice, but its surprising how fast things happen, how easy it is to fall into a weird pattern, and how shitty it feels.
He's been spending a lot of time with friends. We, his friends, are all looking out for him and trying to keep him busy and social.
Cut off or reduce contact with her greatly. Then surround yourself with your friends. My buddy had lost touch with friends as he spent the majority of time with this girl. We all had his back though. I'm sure you friends would too.
He's discussed her with us, he's talked through it all with us, getting it off his chest. I think it's helped him.
His brother took him out with friends and bought him drinks one night. Another few got him very impaired another. I'm not recommending getting impaired at all. But going out with friends or being with friends is what has helped my buddy and I hope you can do the same.
A solid social support is what times like this are for.
Think of who's back you'd have and assume they'd have yours. That's the people I'd be surrounding myself with.
Goodluck buddy.
This is pretty much exactly what you gotta do. Trust me. You do not wanna be "oh that guy? No we used to date but now we're just really good friends!" if you have this type of mindset. You'll just fuck yourself over multiple times.
Uh-oh I accidentally deleted my signature. Uh-oh!!