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Want to date the girl across the hall.

bigpandabigpanda Registered User regular
edited January 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
So there's this girl that lives across the hall that I've been crushing on for like the last year. I only run into her every once in a while, but every time I see her I get all tongue tied and feel like I'm back in high school. Typically I wouldn't make a move because I'm afraid it would be like dating somebody from work and would get weird if we parted on bad circumstances. Hell, it's possible that she has a boyfriend but I've never seen her with a dude (or a chick for that matter).

If there's a general consensus to go for it, anyone have any ideas as to how to increase the probability of running into her without seeming like a complete freak or a stalker.

bigpanda on
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    devicesdevices Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    where do you usually run into her? just in the hall?

    have you ever formally introduced yourself?

    devices on
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    BlindZenDriverBlindZenDriver Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Go for it. There is a lot more upside than downside to the situation.

    I mean it could be the one and since you only run into her once in a while should it go bad it will not be much of an issue.

    As for the actual meet why not simply knock on her door? Don't bring flowers or stuff like that simply say "Hello" and tell her you have noticed her and ask her out for coffe, Ice cream or something like that as a quick informal way to meet. If she says no without slamming the door shut then ask if some other time might be better.

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    RUNN1NGMANRUNN1NGMAN Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    If you've never introduced yourself/haven't exchanged small talk in the year you've lived across the hall from her, that ship has probably sailed. I you have, just ask her if she'd like to grab coffee or something sometime.

    RUNN1NGMAN on
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    VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    If you live across the hall, you MUST run into her. As Devices is implying in his response, introduce yourself the next time this occurs, and ask her if she wants to get some coffee some time, or something to that effect.

    VThornheart on
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    bigpandabigpanda Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    We've done the small talk. Thing is that I can't recall if we traded names. There was one day where we kept running into each other over a period of 5 minutes because both of us kept forgetting things in our apartments before we left for work.

    That was maybe in October. The last time I saw her was before Christmas but she was pulling into the garage and I was pulling out. I've been out of state for the last 3 weeks and have only been back for two days so I haven't seen her recently.

    bigpanda on
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    RUNN1NGMANRUNN1NGMAN Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    bigpanda wrote: »
    We've done the small talk. Thing is that I can't recall if we traded names. There was one day where we kept running into each other over a period of 5 minutes because both of us kept forgetting things in our apartments before we left for work.

    That was maybe in October. The last time I saw her was before Christmas but she was pulling into the garage and I was pulling out. I've been out of state for the last 3 weeks and have only been back for two days so I haven't seen her recently.

    As long as you exchange pleasantries and you're not the "weird guy across the hall who has never spoken to me" you should be good.

    RUNN1NGMAN on
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    devicesdevices Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    i suppose what i was also getting at is that if you have already introduced yourself or have spoken more then just a few words to her then you could simply knock on her door one day and ask if she'd like to go <insert casual activity here>

    if knocking on her door seems iffy to you, then i would say that to me it would honestly seem a lot less creepy than hanging out around your hallway waiting for her. worst case she might think you're a bit direct, but that's better than creepy.

    example:

    "hey how's it going... i've been wondering if you'd like to go out for a couple drinks sometime... maybe we could finally get to know each other <big smile>."

    just be friendly, flesh things out and if she's already with someone it will come up eventually in your conversation. at the very least, you'll have a new friend across the hall to chill with.

    devices on
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    EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I assume by "across the hall" you mean "on the other side of the large building where many people live."

    Do you know her name? Her friends? That might be a good way to find out a bit more basic info before you just dive in.

    If by "across the hall" you literally mean she lives next door to you, you should just knock and say hey i've seen you around a few times do you have a boyfriend and if not would you like to get coffee not that it would be a date but so that such a boyfriend would not become jealous if one were to exist.

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    bigpandabigpanda Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Yeah, she's literally across the hall.

    bigpanda on
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    Monolithic_DomeMonolithic_Dome Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    In case you are having trouble finding a reason to talk to her:

    -Begin Making Cookies
    -"Whoops I have no eggs"
    -Ask cute neighbor to borrow eggs
    -Finish making cookies
    -Bring cute neighbor an offering of cookies for her trouble.
    -Continue talking to cute neighbor

    Monolithic_Dome on
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    SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    EggyToast wrote: »
    I assume by "across the hall" you mean "on the other side of the large building where many people live."

    Do you know her name? Her friends? That might be a good way to find out a bit more basic info before you just dive in.

    If by "across the hall" you literally mean she lives next door to you, you should just knock and say hey i've seen you around a few times do you have a boyfriend and if not would you like to get coffee not that it would be a date but so that such a boyfriend would not become jealous if one were to exist.

    Ah. This is an age thing, I guess. My automatic assumption was that the OP lived in an apartment building, and the girl's apartment was on the other side of the same hallway.

    Just as long as were not both wrong and the situation isn't you living at home and the girl in question isn't your little sister, the advice ought to be the same regardless. Be friendly, say hi, ask her to do something casual like go get coffee so you can get to know her better in a neutral, no-pressure environment.

    added: I normally don't like cheap tricks or things, but Monolithic_Dome is clearly a smooth criminal.

    SammyF on
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    bigpandabigpanda Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Your assumptions are correct sir. We're in an apartment building and she's directly across the hall from me.

    I do like Monolithic's suggestion. I was thinking of asking to borrow a cup of sugar, but yeah, kind of indirect and non-threatening. Hadn't thought of returning the favor with cookies though. Very nice sir, I like your style.

    bigpanda on
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    JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    In case you are having trouble finding a reason to talk to her:

    -Begin Making Cookies
    -"Whoops I have no eggs"
    -Ask cute neighbor to borrow eggs
    -Finish making cookies
    -Bring cute neighbor an offering of cookies for her trouble.
    -Continue talking to cute neighbor

    It's gold! Gold I say!

    Or have a small party and invite her over.

    JebusUD on
    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
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    meekermeeker Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    In case you are having trouble finding a reason to talk to her:

    -Begin Making Cookies
    -"Whoops I have no eggs"
    -Ask cute neighbor to borrow eggs
    -Finish making cookies
    -Bring cute neighbor an offering of cookies for her trouble.
    -Continue talking to cute neighbor


    I came here to say this but with cake.

    meeker on
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    i n c u b u si n c u b u s Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    As far as the possibility of thinking that your a stalker, I'd pretty much scratch that off because honestly even if she hadn't directly told you her name you guys are neighbors and it's not strange at all to know things like this. Plus just the fact that she engages with you every so often (however short they may be) it shows that she's open to the idea of you talking to her and what not which gives you that window of opportunity to pull off said move above (cookies) without you being creepy. It'd be a different story if you had never talked to this girl and you randomly show up for eggs, sugar, or flour. I'd say all systems are go for your cookies plan just try not to be too forward and leave her wondering and wanting more from you.

    i n c u b u s on
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    bigpandabigpanda Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    More cookies or more as in?

    I'll probably stick with the cookies over cake unless I run into her beforehand and something develops. I'm thinking they'll be easier to work with and I don't really have the cake pans I'd need. Although I suppose I could ask to borrow those, I'd have to return them so there would be a second conversation there.

    What sucks is that I'm all ready to do this now, but I'm sicker than a dog. Last thing I want is to be the jerk that gave her a cold.

    Sounds like I've got some baking plans for the weekend though.

    bigpanda on
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    SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    bigpanda wrote: »
    More cookies or more as in?

    I'll probably stick with the cookies over cake unless I run into her beforehand and something develops. I'm thinking they'll be easier to work with and I don't really have the cake pans I'd need. Although I suppose I could ask to borrow those, I'd have to return them so there would be a second conversation there.

    What sucks is that I'm all ready to do this now, but I'm sicker than a dog. Last thing I want is to be the jerk that gave her a cold.

    Sounds like I've got some baking plans for the weekend though.

    Dude. More as in "I should hang out with BigPanda more often."

    SammyF on
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    bigpandabigpanda Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Fucking word.

    bigpanda on
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    DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited January 2009
    Personally I like the "have a small party and invite her over" option.

    Unknown User on
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    i n c u b u si n c u b u s Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Nah I wouldn't ask her for more than just one item otherwise she might think something like "Damn I barely know the guy and he wants to borrow my whole kitchen?!?"

    i n c u b u s on
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    mooshoeporkmooshoepork Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    If you don't report back with the results of the cookie plan I won't be impressed.

    mooshoepork on
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    wasted pixelswasted pixels Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    In case you are having trouble finding a reason to talk to her:

    -Begin Making Cookies
    -"Whoops I have no eggs"
    -Ask cute neighbor to borrow eggs

    Then you find out she's a devout vegan. >_>

    Nah, seriously, this is pure gold, and it made my day. Kudos.

    wasted pixels on
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    BlackjackBlackjack Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    robothero wrote: »
    Personally I like the "have a small party and invite her over" option.
    Unless your name is Ted Mosby. Then it will backfire. :lol:

    But for real, something like this or the "You know, I just realized, we've been living next to each other all this time and I don't know much about you. You wanna get some coffee sometime?" Breaking the ice will be the hardest part. And if she says no, well...you said yourself you only see her once in a while so it's no big loss.

    Blackjack on
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    Joe ChemoJoe Chemo Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    In case you are having trouble finding a reason to talk to her:

    -Begin Making Cookies
    -"Whoops I have no eggs"
    -Ask cute neighbor to borrow eggs

    Then you find out she's a devout vegan. >_>

    Nah, seriously, this is pure gold, and it made my day. Kudos.

    Hehe, borrow a vegan ingredient and then use it to make a vegan batch and omni batch =)

    Joe Chemo on
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    Raiden333Raiden333 Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    The cookies plan is fucking genius.

    Raiden333 on
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    OskiOski Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    like no shit

    it is fucking gold

    arguably the best thing to come out of h/a in a long time

    ever, really

    Oski on
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    delphinusdelphinus Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    i think it needs to be said.

    make sure the cookies dont taste like shit.

    true story

    delphinus on
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    Joe ChemoJoe Chemo Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Also, avoid common allergens.

    Peanuts, for instance. Don't want to give the girl a hospital trip for her trouble.

    Joe Chemo on
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    mooshoeporkmooshoepork Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Joe Chemo wrote: »
    Also, avoid common allergens.

    Peanuts, for instance. Don't want to give the girl a hospital trip for her trouble.

    Or do you?

    Pretty hall girl, having passed out is thrown over OP guy's shoulder, and taken to the hospital. rescued if you will. She awakes to see him by her side, having saved her life
    do not do this

    mooshoepork on
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    SeldomSeldom Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    OP, don't do that ^^^.

    Seldom on
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    mooshoeporkmooshoepork Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I was kidding...just thought I'd clarify...just incase

    mooshoepork on
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    VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    To follow up on the cookies idea... if you decide to cook for her at all (cookies or whatever), make sure that you know what you're doing first. =)

    The only date I ever had in the dorms was on Valentine's Day, and I invited this girl I liked from one of the floors upstairs to come down and have dinner with me in my room. I got everything all fancy, made a little makeshift table in the dorm room, and cooked chicken in the stove that was in the lounge area's kitchen...

    ... but though it looked cooked on the outside, cutting into it it quickly became apparent that it was raw on the inside.

    There wasn't a second date. =) Days of preparation were thrown out the window by my naive notions of how to prepare food (that have, as a direct result of that unfortunate incident, been fixed =) ).

    Sorry, I got a bit lost in the narrative there. What I'm trying to say is, be sure if you make something for her that you have more than just best intentions to back it up... learn how to do whatever it is you intend to do for her. =)

    VThornheart on
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    SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I'd ask to borrow brown sugar instead of eggs. Or possibly butter. Ask for something you know she's likely to have but that you might assume you have before suddenly realizing you're out after turning the oven on to pre-heat.

    I mention this because I only buy eggs as I need them, so if someone came to my door asking for eggs, 90% of the time I'd have none to lend. But everyone has an extra couple tablespoons of butter if you realize you're short.

    SammyF on
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    VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    SammyF comes in with the wise advice as usual. =) Indeed, he's spot on about that.

    VThornheart on
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    bigpandabigpanda Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I'll post back with a post-cookie update as soon as I can. Right now I'm recovering from being sick so showing up coughing all over her will probably set me back.

    I'm thinking a Saturday or Sunday baking session might be in order though.

    bigpanda on
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    VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Awesome! I hope it turns out well! Yay! =)

    VThornheart on
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    TrentusTrentus Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    delphinus wrote: »
    make sure the cookies dont taste like shit.

    In the event that they do, it might be wise to pay your bakery a visit.

    Also, I think it would be awesome if we could get her in on the baking. For example: *knock* "Oh, hey, I made a small trial batch, what do you think? Pretty terrible aren't they... hey, you wouldn't like maybe to come over and give me some tips would you? Oh, you would! Coolio!" You guys go back to your place, bake and goof around, then have a good chat over coffee and cookies.

    The only thing is, I can't really conceive a way of doing it that doesn't seem a so forward. And the fact that it is purposely planned kinda seems a bit seedy to me. Perhaps it should just be left until you're a little more familiar with eachother. Anyway, was just an idea that I thought might be cool.

    Hope it all goes swimmingly OP, and get well soon.

    Trentus on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited January 2009
    Trentus wrote: »
    delphinus wrote: »
    make sure the cookies dont taste like shit.

    In the event that they do, it might be wise to pay your bakery a visit.

    Also, I think it would be awesome if we could get her in on the baking. For example: *knock* "Oh, hey, I made a small trial batch, what do you think? Pretty terrible aren't they... hey, you wouldn't like maybe to come over and give me some tips would you? Oh, you would! Coolio!" You guys go back to your place, bake and goof around, then have a good chat over coffee and cookies.

    The only thing is, I can't really conceive a way of doing it that doesn't seem a so forward. And the fact that it is purposely planned kinda seems a bit seedy to me. Perhaps it should just be left until you're a little more familiar with eachother. Anyway, was just an idea that I thought might be cool.

    Hope it all goes swimmingly OP, and get well soon.
    In saying this you are assuming that she knows anything at all about baking cookies, and furthermore could be taken in such a way that BECAUSE she's a girl you assume this. Probably better to stick with giving her cookies that don't suck. :)

    ceres on
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    SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    ceres wrote: »
    Trentus wrote: »
    delphinus wrote: »
    make sure the cookies dont taste like shit.

    In the event that they do, it might be wise to pay your bakery a visit.

    Also, I think it would be awesome if we could get her in on the baking. For example: *knock* "Oh, hey, I made a small trial batch, what do you think? Pretty terrible aren't they... hey, you wouldn't like maybe to come over and give me some tips would you? Oh, you would! Coolio!" You guys go back to your place, bake and goof around, then have a good chat over coffee and cookies.

    The only thing is, I can't really conceive a way of doing it that doesn't seem a so forward. And the fact that it is purposely planned kinda seems a bit seedy to me. Perhaps it should just be left until you're a little more familiar with eachother. Anyway, was just an idea that I thought might be cool.

    Hope it all goes swimmingly OP, and get well soon.
    In saying this you are assuming that she knows anything at all about baking cookies, and furthermore could be taken in such a way that BECAUSE she's a girl you assume this. Probably better to stick with giving her cookies that don't suck. :)

    Yeah be careful with inviting someone over to cook. A week ago I offered to make dinner for a girl I've been seeing, and she gushed about how impressed she was because she can't cook anything. Then I offered to push dinner back by an hour so she could get in on the cooking with me so we could make something together, and she suddenly felt intimidated. Long story short, we're going out for dinner tomorrow night instead.

    SammyF on
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    John MatrixJohn Matrix Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    If at any point in the conversation you could work in "what a crazy random happenstance" it would be icing on the cake.

    For example

    You: "I have these extra cookies, you don't happen to like oatmeal raisin do you?"

    Girl: "I love them."

    You: "You're kidding, what a crazy random happenstance."

    If she gets that, BUY A RING.

    John Matrix on
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